


hellbent

by fireangelnblw



Series: hoo au [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Angst, Arguing, BAMF Leo Valdez, BAMF Nico di Angelo, Blood Pacts, Blood and Violence, Body Horror, Coming Out, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Doors of Death (Percy Jackson), Drowning, Eating Disorders, Emotional Baggage, Falling In Love, Feral Behavior, Final Battle, First Kiss, Hate to Love, Hell Trauma, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Leo Valdez, Hurt Nico di Angelo, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mansion of Night, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Morse Code, Mutilation, Near Death Experiences, Nico di Angelo and Leo Valdez are Dumb, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Repressed Memories, Reunions, Sad Leo Valdez, Sad Nico di Angelo, Secrets, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tartarus AU, Tenderness, Tension, Triggers, Trust Issues, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-06-24 20:10:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 92,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19730914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireangelnblw/pseuds/fireangelnblw
Summary: nico and leo fall into tartarus.





	1. i. falling

**Author's Note:**

> some things i should clear up for you guys:  
> \- percy and annabeth are not a part of the seven, and nico and reyna take their place.  
> \- all of the seven look for the athena parthenos, not just one of them.  
> \- the quest takes place over five years in contrast to the canon of a single summer.  
> \- when monsters are killed, they don't turn to dust and then reform. instead, their bodies slowly starts assembling themselves back together, so it's incredibly gory and horrifying.
> 
> i made this entire au out of spite for rick riordan and the fandom's interpretation of valdangelo so... enjoy.

and leo was falling. 

****

now, leo had fallen nearly thousands of times before. the first was when he was coloring a drawing of a red dragon when he was only six and made a lunge at his red crayon, which rolled to the edge of the table and fell. leo fell with it. he didn’t cry, only rubbed his side in pain while his mother made a frantic rush to her son. more recent was the series of falls he had taken on his first quest to rescue hera, festus losing his functioning ability resulting in him, piper, and jason nearly plummeting to their deaths. falling was leo valdez’s achilles heel, something he was annoyed by as much as terrified. it mostly likely didn’t help that his father, hephaestus, had been thrown by hera off olympus; a tiny baby falling for several days and fracturing his leg in the process. the worst way to be treated by your own mother.

****

but falling to tartarus was different. 

****

when he was hanging off the edge of the pit, he had been holding onto nico di angelo’s hand for dear life, yet with every tug by an unseen force it sapped his strength along with his hold. he had felt the pull, like a humongous entity trying to get him to let go and fall to his impending death. then was the fall - having nothing to grab onto and no one to call for help besides the raven haired boy falling next to him. his tool belt was non-functioning, his body was rocketing at a speed he never knew a demigod, much less mortal, could go. he wasn’t even screaming - the fear of the ground so far under him had taken all words from his mouth. 

****

he remembered being lectured by tartarus by nico, whom he had asked about the demigod world - not because he wanted to talk with the guy, but because he had been bored. the fall to tartarus, as told by hesiod, was thought to take up to nine days. leo didn’t know if it was true, because it felt like time was passing either too fast or too slow. how long had he been falling? was it hours? weeks? months?

****

did time even exist here?

****

nico and leo were falling through the darkness, both still holding each other’s hand in case one of them started dropping faster to the point where they lost each other. because leo really didn’t know how to react to nico being the one to fall with him, or why he even volunteered in the first place when he had a chance to escape. but after hearing about the horrors of the pit, leo didn’t have any choice but to go through with this. at least he wasn’t going to die alone this time.

****

as they continued plummeting, nico pulled leo closer. “we need to stay together,” he said, and leo nodded because he really didn’t want to be responsible for nico’s murder by monster. it wouldn’t look good on the list of people he had accidentally fucked up. 

****

leo wrapped his arms around nico, the two now facing the darkness below with their feet pointed upwards. the first “hour” that they had fell, they were spinning rapidly before the drop seemed to feel less like a drop and more like a parachute fall. leo’s stomach stopped wanting to vomit, but all that what was left was dread. he didn’t know what he was going to face down there.

****

then the chute had opened up, and suddenly leo could see everything - a large, great cavern that was bigger than a stack of texases, almost like the entire of earth was now visible, this one cold and bare and unforgiving. leo was gaping, feeling the vomiting feeling in his gut once again and making him feel so small. he had felt that first when he visited new york for supplies for the argo ii and stood in the center of times square, realizing that in the sea of pedestrians he was but an ant waiting to be plucked off the ground and eaten by a predator. it was like that. 

****

below nico and leo was a massive river, stretching across the plain of barren wasteland with its white currents that started to come closer with every foot they fell. if they kept plummeting at this pace, the river would soon turn into concrete and kill them on impact. 

****

“shit!” leo cursed after he reached into his tool belt, which still came up empty. there was something in this pit, something that was interfering with its magic. “what do we do, di angelo?”

****

leo registered nico’s nails digging into his army jacket. “i- i think i have something.”

****

the river was getting larger with every mile. “well do it!”

****

nico glared daggers at him. “just wait! i never tried this before.”

****

leo prevented himself from insulting nico, knowing that the son of hades was the only reason he wasn’t alone in the first place. instead, he buried his face in nico’s shoulder, shutting his eyes tight as nico figured out how to do whatever he was planning. leo had never felt so useless, dropping to his death and not able to even help a guy he didn’t quite know how to feel about. he could only wait to see what would happen next, but in the meantime, fear was now choking him so hard that he couldn’t dare to breathe and he could hear the rapids now-

****

suddenly a noise, similar to one of shimmering sequins, reached his ears, and leo looked up to see a black force field enveloping them both. they both hit the bottom of it, quickening their fall and sending the bubble through the white waters until they were surrounded by nothing but the river. nico was next to him, closing his eyes in concentration, arms open and stretched out. 

****

“nico-”

****

leo couldn’t finish his sentence, barely finishing nico’s name before the bubble popped, the water suddenly filling through the missing barrier and hitting leo with a cold so alien to him he could’ve died from it alone. leo was immune to cool and cold temperatures, but this water - it was freezing, like being dumped on by a bucket of ice cubes, swimming in the middle of the arctic ocean. leo had realized that his fire could only do so much, that the cold was deadly to him if it was worse than his level of tolerance. 

****

leo was holding his breath, scrambling around with his eyes closed because he was pretty sure the cold would freeze his eyeballs off. but in all honesty, the cold was the least of his problems.

****

there were voices. the minute the waters had reached his skin, he heard them. some of them he didn’t know, the voices of thousands of strangers wailing and keening desperately, begging to be heard. others he recognized, others that filled him with so much despair that it hurt. there was frank, crying for help, asking leo why he would leave him. he could hear piper, heartbroken, wailing of the worthlessness of existing. he could register his cousin raphael, miss marina, he thought he could even make out…

****

wretched thoughts attacked his brain. leo had already gone through so much, so much that he could barely handle it anymore. for a second, he wondered what would happen if he just let the last bit of air in him leave, let himself sink to the bottom of the river and lose consciousness. his friends probably wouldn’t care. he had no other family members to mourn him. he’s pretty sure hephaestus wouldn’t give a shit, just like the deadbeat asshole he was. for a second, leo thought it was best to die.

****

then a hand grabbed onto leo’s wrist. leo didn’t dare open his eyes, for fear that the voices would manifest into real people and torture him more with their broken sobs and teary eyes, but he knew it was nico’s. leo felt a tug, and the thoughts slowly disappeared, replaced with the realization that nico was there and he had to help him.

****

he swam upwards, pulling nico along before he broke through the surface, gasping for breath, the cold now digging through his clothes and making him shiver violently. the air smelled like pure toxin, his nose clogged and his ears full of water, making the roaring of the river reduce to a low hum. nico surfaced next to him, dark raven hair plastered to his face and dripping. he was breathing irregularly, eyes droopy and dark and his head lolling as if it were to fall off.

****

“nico?” leo reached for him but nico pulled away before he could even lay a finger. “nico, what is this?”

****

“cocytus,” nico answered, his voice strained and painful, as if every syllable took all his strength to force out. “the river of lamentation.”

****

and suddenly everything made sense. leo wanted to get out, get away from all the pain and misery he was currently swimming in, but his mind told him it was better off if he just stopped resisting, letting his soul seep away through the currents-

****

“leo.” though his eyes were foggy, nico made direct eye contact with him, holding leo’s shoulders like the son of hephaestus was going to float away at any given moment. “leo, don’t give in. we need to get to shore, the river… it’s going to kill us.”

****

without meaning to, leo sobbed. when had he started crying?

****

“i- i can’t,” leo croaked, his throat tightening and his tears mixing with the water. “i just want to go home.”

****

“i know, i know.” nico’s voice was different. leo remembered him use that voice when speaking to hazel and reyna, soft as if he were talking to a frightened animal. the animal in this case being leo. leo noticed that nico was probably the only thing keeping him from drifting away. “we can get to shore. we can see our friends again when we get to shore. we can go home.”

****

leo heard the promise, the promise of hugs and comfort from his friends - piper letting him lay his head on her lap, jason enveloping him with his strong arms, and the pain was replaced with the desire for affection. 

****

so leo swam. nico was next to him, both of them pulling each other along until they had finally escaped the misery cocytus had been inflicting upon them. the feelings of unwantedness and depression subsided, though it was replaced by agony - leo looked down to see the beach they were now perched on after dragging themselves helplessly from the river was entirely consisted of small shards of black glass, digging into his palms and leaving cuts lightly bleeding. the air was filled with sulfur and poison, and though leo was immune to the pain due to invulnerability to smoke he felt uncomfortable, as if his breathing was not quite correct. 

****

he looked at nico, drenched beside him and kneeling, breathing heavily and staring at the ground. the lost look in his eyes was gone, replaced by those dark, sad orbs that had given leo the heebie jeebies the first time they met. leo felt guilty about it - barely trusting him at first glance. the son of hades looking so incredibly unhappy all the time that it set him on edge. he thought the guy hated his guts, wanted to kill him on sight and annoyed by his antics. he had thought that until nico reached for leo just as he was falling through the cavern, grabbing onto a ledge at the last minute before the both of them could drop.

****

_“no,” nico had replied, looking down at leo with a expression of determination. “we need you on this quest. you’re not going to die on us.”_

****

_he looked back up at hazel, who was sobbing, still trying to reach for nico. “we’ll find a way to the doors from tartarus. go to the house of hades. wait for us.”_

****

_“nico-” hazel started._

****

_“i love you hazel,” the son of hades said to his sister. “promise me you’ll wait for us.”_

****

_hazel’s expression exposed that she could barely speak, her mouth stretched downwards with big fat tears rolling down her cheeks. leo was filled with nothing but sorrow for her, wanting to climb back up and hug her until he couldn’t breathe. but he had no strength, no tools, nothing but nico’s hand keeping him from falling. so all he did was smile, a genuine “i’m sorry.”_

****

_hazel smiled back at both of them, though it was quick and replaced with a deep downturn of her lips, trembling. “i promise.”_

****

_nico gave a slight smile, craning his neck towards leo with hard eyes. leo wondered why so. was it that he was certain to keep them alive down there? it didn’t matter, because nico’s hand tightened as leo felt his weaken, starting to slip from his grasp._

****

_“i’m going to let go now,” nico said._

****

_leo could only say, “okay.”_

****

_and nico let go of the ledge._

****

after everything, he wished nico would’ve let go of him instead. 

****

but maybe it was the river talking.

****

“you okay, man?” leo asked, not daring to touch him after nico recoiled from him in the river. though he wondered why nico continued to hold him after that when leo was barely allowed a glance. then again, leo was probably doing this whole tartarus adventure worse than him.

****

“i’m fine.” nico looked up, revealing a paled freckled face, his mouth set in a permanent downward direction. the son of hades took a shaky breath. “it smells horrible.”

****

that was an understatement. the air here smelled like impending death, a disgusting corpse scent that was different than the comfort of gasoline of roasting beef. no, it smelled like a foster home. it was beyond horrible. leo could retch just from keeping his nostrils open.

****

“you can stand?” leo questioned, despite his voice sounding like another person’s, raspy and wretched. his own legs could probably work, but his entire body felt like lead.

****

“yeah,” nico said, but made no move to stand. “let’s rest for a minute.”

****

“okay.”

****

off to a great start. being thrown into the greek version of hell with a guy you can barely conversate with without arguing, falling into a literal river of misery which surfaced all your intrusive thoughts, and crawling to a glass shard beach with the air smelling like the definition of disgusting. this is the price he had to pay for opening that stupid cookie. 

****

no wonder nemesis was the goddess of revenge. leo could just feel himself planning a little retribution for that little tía rosa impersonator.

****

“what was that bubble you made?” leo asked after a few seconds of silence, knowing that he was unable to keep his mouth shut for long periods of time. “was it like a force field or something?”

****

“sort of,” nico replied. “my dad used it once, to protect me and my sister.”

****

“hades?” he never knew the god took trips out of the underworld, but this world could barely surprise him anymore. “that’s… cool.”

****

“yeah.” pondering. “i think we’re good. can _you_ stand?”

****

leo slowly got up, put his brain couldn’t even handle the slowest of movements, fuzzing his vision and making his limbs feel like extra weight he was burdened with. his feet stuttered under him but he kept himself upright for a good second before nico got up as well, grabbing to his forearm to balance them both. leo was still focused on why nico was being so touchy lately, but if he had to guess it’d be because they were one step away from getting brutally killed at any second. despite their differences, they needed each other to survive.

****

“okay,” nico muttered. “okay, we’re good.”

****

“yup.” leo felt his mind clear and hesitantly slipped his arm away from nico’s grip. “we should get a reward for that or something.”

****

“totally,” nico said sarcastically, though not with as much venom as it was many times before. “is your toolbelt working?”

****

leo reached into his toolbelt, digging around and searching for any tool, but it came up empty. nico suggested he tried for ambrosia or nectar, which yielded the same results. just amazing - the only redeemable thing about leo’s character and it wasn’t even functioning. he was weaponless, both of them were ambrosia-less, and if they continued to breathe in the poisonous air they’d be lifeless. 

****

“what do we do?” leo asked. “there’s got to be resources here somewhere. maybe some monsters have some loot on them?”

****

nico was in deep thought for a minute. “you remember phlegethon, right?”

****

“yeah, wasn’t that like the river of fire or something?”

****

“i think i saw it as we were falling. somewhere to the east. we need to get there before any monsters find us.”

****

“got it.” leo didn’t have time to ask nico why he thought a literal river of fire would solve their problems. they had a lead and he couldn’t say no to that. “lead the way.”

****

nico nodded, and the two began their trek across the plains of tartarus, the glass crunching under their shoes and they left the river cocytus. leo could still hear the wails. he wondered if it would be better if he just turned around and dived back in.

****

but nico was here. and maybe that raised his hopes a little bit.

****

* * *

on the way to phlegethon, they were attacked.

nico suspected they were halfway there, and they were doing pretty good exhaustion-wise. leo could feel his diminished strength still struggle in order to keep him alive, and nico, though worse for wear, kept on leading him, though their hands remained separated. it made leo’s palm feel empty, probably because he had been holding nico’s hand for the entirety of the fall to tartarus. 

across the stretching valley, leo could make out a gigantic crevice, vividly glowing in the darkness of hell. leo didn’t really expect for tartarus to be so empty - he imagined there were tiny imp-like demons running around with tridents and poking monster butts with their pointed tails. he expected gushers of fire and pteranodons of doom flying rampant. here, it was void, a hollow sound ringing through the cave and making leo shiver. the lack of action currently in hell meant that anything could happen and leo wouldn’t know how to react.

and he was weaponless! his tool belt was taking a fucking vacation, still refusing to have whatever leo needed whenever he dug his fingers back in the pockets. no screwdriver, no wrench, not even a toothpick. he was useless. all he had was his fire, but be damned if he would use it. leo had promised himself that he would only use it for emergencies, although tartarus itself probably should be labeled an emergency.

didn’t make him want to light stuff on fire any more.

“we’ll find you a weapon,” nico said, noticing leo’s constant mannerisms of delving into his tool belt. “do you know why it isn’t working?”

“no!” leo groaned. “this is probably nemesis or something. apparently she doesn’t just want to send me to hell. she wants to see me suffer in it.”

nico raised an eyebrow. “nemesis?”

“nemesis? goddess of retribution, fortune cookies, being a fucking asshole-”

“no, i know her. you met her?”

leo really didn’t want to talk about, but if it was anything to lighten the mood then so be it. besides, he’ll die if he didn’t talk for at least once an hour. “yeah, remember when me and hazel went to get that celestial bronze plate to repair the argo ii? we ran into her on the way and she gave me a fortune cookie that was supposed to solve a problem i couldn’t but it would come with a painful cost, blah blah blah, here we are.”

nico’s frown deepened. “we’re here because nemesis gave you a fortune cookie?”

leo sighed. “i know, i opened it, it’s my fault. we should really hurry up to get to the phlegethon.” he didn’t want to think about how he utterly doomed himself, nico, and the entire quest because his brain didn’t know how to solve an archimedes sphere.

“i never said-”

“okay, cool, c’mon.” leo started speedwalking, desperate to get away from the topic they were having.

they were nearing the crevice, the glowing now brighter as they got closer and filling the air with humidity until it burned. leo felt his body soothe - fire. he hated it, but it was his comfort zone, the feeling of flames on him and the warmth energizing him. though the benefits were purely physical. despite them being a good source of power, it made his mind swim with memories that he pushed back with any mental strength he had left.

nico was trailing behind him, keeping a distance from him as if he didn’t want to touch leo at all. leo guessed he was angry at him. he was the reason the two were here in the first place. 

the canyon was only several feet away when leo heard a screech. he jumped, reflexes kicking in as he turned his head to see a monster - a thin lady with black eyes and silky hair, her abdomen replaced with one of a spider, eight legs running towards him and rearing to attack. leo reached for his tool belt but remembered that it wasn’t working, and could barely register the woman lunging at him when he heard a slicing sound in the air.

leo was frozen as nico leapt towards the monster, slicing her body in half with his stygian iron sword. the woman wailed as her torso was cut off from her spider body, splaying out on the floor with a gaping, sharp teethed mouth and wide eyes. black intestines still attached to it. her bottom half laid a few feet away from her, tiny legs twitching before going still.

it took a few seconds for leo to breathe again. “holy- holy shit.”

nico looked back at him, brushing the blood off his sword with the sleeve of his aviator jacket. he always wore that thing, which was understandable considering that leo was still wearing his military jacket that he hasn’t taken off since he bought it at target. “are you okay?”

“yeah, i-” he huffed in relief. “thanks, man.”

nico didn’t reply, only looking down at the monster, whose body had started to melt before eventually returning to the elements, becoming a sludge pile of black bile and burying itself through the cracks in the ground. “she’s going to resurrect herself by the doors, i think. monsters never turned into bile before though.”

“i mean, the doors are kinda open,” leo reminded. “was that-?”

“arachne,” nico finished, tapping the hilt of his sword on the ground and returning it to its hidden state - a black memento mori ring that he kept on his middle finger. “you’ve met her, right?”

leo nodded solemnly. the seven had been tasked with searching for the athena parthenos in order to bring together the warring greeks and romans, but that resulted with leo and reyna coming face-to-face with the spider woman herself and convincing her to trap herself in a chinese handcuff. it wasn’t a nice encounter, especially afterwards when arachne had spun a web around his ankle and started dragging him to hell with her.

leo walked over to the canyon, overlooking the cliff side and nearly shitting his pants. the crevice was so much deeper than he thought. the cliff face stretched a hundred feet above the black sands by the phlegethon, with holes and spikes jutting out and uneven depressions in the rocks. in the middle was a massive river of lava, streaming through between the gaps of the canyon with occasional sparks and flying bits of fire. if they jumped, they would be hit by the force faster than the actual heat.

“we have to get down there?” leo was flabbergasted at how high they were.

nico appeared next to him, but leo was too shocked by the distance to be frightened from the guy suddenly manifesting beside him. “i can shadow travel us down there.”

leo looked at him. “and if you accidentally teleport us to a shadow in the air and we fall to our deaths?”

nico scoffed. “i’m not careless.”

“i’m not saying you are,” leo said. “i’m saying that you could be.”

nico sighed. “try checking your tool belt lately? do you have any other ideas?” there was sarcasm etched into his voice, almost comforting leo in the situation. at least there was some ounce of familiarity between them.

“listen,” nico crossed his arms, “unless you want to climb all the way down there despite our weakened state, our best hope is to shadow travel.” he held out his hand for leo to take. “just… trust me on this.”

leo doesn’t trust him, because he can’t even trust himself to be helpful in this situation. but he sighs, hesitantly grabbing nico’s hand as a way to shadow travel them both. leo had only shadow travelled once before, and it was the worst experience of his life - puking in the argo ii’s sink and not exiting the bathroom for four hours due to the jet lag feeling. but he guesses this is their only hope.

“hold on tight, okay?” nico said, before finding a small shadow to use in a small crack on the ground and stepping on it. leo immediately felt the tugging feeling he felt the first time, though not as unexpected and sudden, yet still as cold and swift. he felt the oxygen leave him for a second and tightened his hold on nico’s hand in order to keep himself from being lost in the darkness clouding his vision.

thankfully, when they made it to the bottom of the canyon, leo didn’t puke, though he felt dizzy and leaned on the cave wall for balance. nico, next to him, exhaled shakily, sweat starting to form either from the effort of the shadow travel or the heat emanating from the river of fire. otherwise he looked alive. 

their hands separated.

“huh,” leo muttered. “well that wasn’t as bad as i hoped.”

nico ignored him, crouching down next to the phlegethon. leo crouched down beside him, staring at the lava as if it would hold the answers to everything. so far all he could hear was spurning and sizzling, which was both a relief and a confusion.

“so, what the hell are we doing here?” leo asked.

“my father told me about the phlegethon,” nico answered. “it’s used to keep the wicked alive in order to continue their torment in the fields of punishment.”

“fun.”

“if i’m right, this river has healing properties.”

leo was silent in thought. “a fire river that heals? that’s not really a stretch but it’s used on people who are _dead_ , which we aren’t. yet.”

“it’s worth a shot,” nico said. “you’re fire resistant, so it wouldn’t hurt you regardless.”

leo’s brows furrowed. “what about you?”

nico didn’t answer. instead he dove his hands into the river, cupping them to hold a portion of the fiery liquid. leo didn’t even have time to react before nico sipped it from his palms. the son of hades’ body contorted, writhing in agony as he coughed violently and collapsed in on himself. 

“nico!” 

leo grabbed his face, seeing nico’s face dark with flush and wide eyes, his mouth open as he was gasping for air. leo didn’t think twice as he willed his hands to absorb the heat, feeling the pulsing sensation of the fire making its way to his fingertips. he had absorbed all of it until nico’s hoarse and rabid breathing found a balance.

“jesus christ, dude!” leo yelled. “i swear to gods, you can’t just do that!”

“h-how did you-?”

“i can absorb heat, remember?” leo thought that was basic knowledge around the seven. “you’re not gonna die, right?”

leo suddenly noticed a cut on nico’s nose started to fade away. the fucker was right, the river does have healing properties.

leo cupped his hands and placed them in the river. despite his invulnerability to fire, he felt a slight sting in replace of the usual tickling feeling. he was able to retrieve some shining liquid and held it up to nico’s lips. “drink it. i’ll absorb the heat.” nico stared at him for a few seconds, looking as if he was about to retort something like _i don’t need help, valdez_ but leo wasn’t having it and glared at him, silently edging him on to drink the river water. nico eventually complied, opening his mouth and letting leo pour the fire into his mouth, absorbing as much as he could as it left his fingertips into the cavity. he didn’t care that it was weird, at least in that moment.

nico drank all of it greedily. he looked healthier besides the bags under his eyes and his odd olive skin, the cuts he had received now fading into white scars. “thanks,” he mumbled. “you should drink some too.”

luckily, leo didn’t have the same horrible reaction as nico. he scooped up another portion and brought the liquid to his lips, drinking it. it tasted like water after a few seconds of boiling, leaving a burning taste on his tongue but otherwise not turning his mouth into a scalding metal coffee cup. leo didn’t know why this fire was able to make his eyes water a tiny bit, though he assumed that hades knew some immoral demigods were fireproof and made sure the phlegethon was nice and stingy. he drank some more before unbuckling a canteen from his belt, small yet still useful. maybe he could use it as a makeshift weapon. he unplugged the cap and filled it up with the fire water.

nico licked his lips, chapped despite the heat. “we should come up with a plan.”

leo closed the canteen and returned it to his belt, turning to nico with a confused expression. “plan? like shutting the doors of death and shit?”

nico nodded. “we need to get there as soon as possible and be there when the others arrive at the house of hades. and we need to find a way to close them. you know how they work, right?”

“yeah, someone needs to keep the doors closed on one side and someone else on the other. cut the chains to prevent the monsters from finding it for another century or something. how are we going to do the first part though?”

nico looked deep in thought, though leo noticed his eyes stared at the ground with an almost mortified look in them. it was subtle, but leo noticed his pupils had shrunk and worry lines started to etch under his eyes. and leo didn’t know how he knew what the son of hades was pondering, but he did.

_someone would have to stay behind._

“we can figure it out later,” nico suddenly interjected. “right now, we need to know which way to the doors.”

leo really wished he had something - anything - to help them in their situation. maybe a metal detector to sniff out black obsidian doors and lead them on their way, or a compass that could point them to their way of escape. but no - he had a canteen full of fiery liquid that for some reason was the only thing keeping them from collapsing in on themselves.

leo looked towards the west, noticing that the canyon’s walls grew increasingly apart, the phlegethon stretching out across the barren horizon as the cliff sides suddenly disappeared from view, revealing a dead valley of indigo and scarlet. a large rock was perched there, right by the river of fire with a noticeable shadow protruding from the opposite of the glowing on one side. leo turned to nico. “think you can shadow travel us over there?” he pointed towards the rock.

nico squinted to get a better look before nodding. he grabbed leo’s hand once more. now that the danger had passed, at least for a little while, leo felt and saw every detail of the ghost king’s hands. how they were calloused and decorated in white scars. fingernails chipped and dirty, his fingers long and delicate. it reminded leo of a skeleton hand, yet more fleshy with a higher saturation. it was freckled all over, some freckles making their way onto nico’s palm. his hand felt shockingly warm, as he had cupped them in the river of fire. nico’s hand as they fell through tartarus had been cold at first, yet now they presented a sort of comfy feeling to him.

it was a life-or-death situation however. leo didn’t have time to memorize every new thing about nico di angelo when they were stranded, helpless in the depths of hell. besides, he was probably just trying to lighten up the ordeal by thinking about nico’s soft yet scarred hands, desperately looking for a gateway to not think about how he nearly died twice. he felt jealous. nico was a fighter, with a weapon, and he seemed to know his way around the underworld. maybe he’ll deal with him until the entire situation was over, but when 90% of their conversations develop into fights about how leo was annoying or how nico was too serious, and how they only just started to get along on the quest, leo doubted he’d come out of tartarus intact.

“ready?” leo’s head snapped up, eyes locking with nico’s deadly irises. his face was unreadable, yet leo could read something in his eyes. something that he wasn’t being trusted with.

maybe he was fine with that.

“yeah,” leo replied. and nico shadow travelled them out of there.


	2. ii. treading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> following a trio of demon girls isn't always the best idea but be damned if it isn't the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more things will be clarified in the next chapter. just continue reading about nico and leo being absolute dipshits in hell.

darkness.

it’s always been nico’s prime source of power - the blackest darkness, the shadows under your feet and the shapes on the walls that never seemed to leave no matter how far you ran. the darkness was nico’s territory, basically his home that he sought for whenever things would be too much, when things weren’t the way they were supposed to be. he would always be in the shade of a tree at camp, or cooped up in his room on the argo; even being in the underworld made his skin feel light and his mind clear. nico did whatever he could to keep away from the light, from the wretched sun that seemed to blare on him every time he stepped a foot outside.

but here, nico found himself to be missing the sun.

the bright blue sky with golden, iridescent clouds and flocks of v-shaped birds were missing, replaced by a gloomy ceiling of stalactites and endless cracks. nico didn’t even know which hole he and leo fell from. it was almost black, a deep indigo that shifted to devilish red as they continued walking. there was no sun, only fluorescent white worms crawling above and endless darkness. but this darkness didn’t sit right with nico. it wasn’t the soothing, comfortable cool that gave him satisfaction, a blanket of water that empowered his soul. no, this darkness was evil. the darkness nico dabbled with was neutral, not any alignment unless you used it for that purpose. tartarus’ darkness? it made nico feel unwelcome, made his skin crawl with invisible spiders and plagued his senses until he could only smell the stench of blood and rotten meat.

after nico and leo shadow-travelled to the rock, they confirmed that no other monsters were in sight after a lengthy check. they didn’t want to have to walk through this greek hell, but there were no other boulders in sight and… he didn’t want to tell leo lest he make fun of him, but nico’s shadow travel didn’t feel right either. the twice times he performed it, the familiar tug in his stomach from the pull was stronger, sharper, nearly making him gag. it didn’t make him merely exhausted, but he felt a seething agony. he felt as if he was on fire, sweating and breathing rapidly as the burning feeling died down. nico thought he could handle tartarus after being in the underworld for so long but this place was alive, breathing, and nico was in the belly of a beast that interfered with nico’s consciousness, bringing up his worst thoughts and making him suffer from his own domain. it must be why leo’s tool belt wasn’t working either.

so they continued walking, hands still separated. leo was walking next to nico, but he never seemed so far away. finally accepting that his only weapon was useless, the boy had resorted to fiddling with his army jacket and crossing, uncrossing his arms. nico kept on glancing at him tapping on his biceps frequently, yet leo always caught him before he could stare further, and stopped abruptly. the cycle would continue as they walked. it wouldn’t be much later when nico realized that leo was speaking in morse code.

they were silent, leaving much room for nico to think. he tried to formulate some plan to get them to the doors quickly and be rescued by their friends, but all his thoughts were drawn back to leo. he seriously didn’t understand the guy. he didn’t know if leo wanted to punch him so hard his skeleton breaks or if leo was frightened by his mere appearance. it seemed like the latter wasn’t true anymore as leo talked with nico sometimes but the former… there was still debate. and he remembered leo reaching for him after nico had drank the scorching waters of the river phlegethon, feeling the agonizing fire drain from him through leo’s fingertips on his cheeks. leo didn’t even leave room for protest when offering nico to drink from his hands.

now, nico didn’t like physical touch. he was okay with fleeting touches, high-fives or hair ruffles to an extent. he only hugged people he could trust. and it still applied here, when leo tried to reach for nico but he shot back on instinct. but then nico had held leo’s hand for nine days, laid his hands on his shoulders, and even allowed him to absorb the phlegethon heat.

nico came to the conclusion that it was because he knew they needed to stick together. whether they liked it or not, they needed to maintain some kind of contact or else they would lose each other. they had no communication, no help, nothing. just each other.

yet he still couldn’t get over how they were even laying a finger on each other after…

nico looked down at his right arm. lucky it wasn’t his sword arm, since he was a leftie, but after arriving to the med bay he cringed at the sight. his arm was scorched from the shoulder blade to the elbow, creating a purple and scarlet wound that was healing, thankfully, as the burn faded and faded more each day. still, it burned when he touched it. it was currently wrapped in bandages and hidden beneath his jacket, but until the two could get safe shelter, he would have to wait and check to see if it disappeared.

“how did you do that?”

nico glanced at leo. the boy was doing worse than him in the situation, the bags under his eyes surprisingly more prominent that nico’s. he was less drenched than after they had pulled themselves up to the glass beach, tiny steam trains raising from his body, but still wet nonetheless. he appeared troubled, which was understandable given the current circumstances.

“do what?” nico questioned, wondering what the hell leo was talking about.

“cocytus,” leo answered. he was refusing to look at him. “you helped me even though the river was the homeboy of misery. how?”

nico couldn’t answer. maybe it was his drive, his fighting will that pressured his mind to forget about the sorrow he held and forced him to keep them both alive. that made nico push through the deafening, intrusive voices berating his brain and remind himself that the prophecy needed them to survive, that he had made a promise. it wasn’t easy. the thoughts of giving up were still plaguing him - the vision of hazel crying and screaming, the touches of thousands of hands pulling him deeper and deeper, hearing percy… hearing percy offer him a lifetime of peace and acceptance, telling nico he should just give up and coaxing nico into closing his eyes and letting the water consume him. nico almost followed him.

then he remembered leo.

“i told you,” nico replied after a millennia of silence. “we need you on this quest. no one is going to die. not you or me.”

true, nico wanted to kill him sometimes. he thought he was annoying when they first met. he could barely believe such an _asshole_ could be a part of the prophecy of seven. he was too loud, too comedic, too incredibly _fake_ until the fire incident. and after the fire incident he couldn’t see leo like he used to anymore.

they might be friends. they might not. they might want to kill each other every day. but nico wasn’t going to let leo die; because he would never forgive himself if he allowed one more death.

leo didn’t respond to his answer. no joke, no retort, no insult, nothing. nico had never heard him be so quiet. 

“... thanks.” 

nico was about to say that he already thanked him but he decided against it. because it felt genuine despite leo’s fucked-up and monotone voice. so all he replied with was:

“you’re welcome.”

they kept walking. it felt like a day passed as they continued on, occasionally becoming thirsty or hungry and having to drink the phlegethon liquid. leo absorbed the heat when nico was drinking sips from the canteen, hand on his cheek and letting go when he was finished. his hands were calloused, rough, and dirty with glass chips and smog. nico couldn’t believe that those small hands were able to build a ship in only months and fend of monsters. but then again, leo was full of surprises.

just when their legs began to feel tired, their bodies heavy and ready to collapse, they heard voices. not the voices from the river of lamentation or intrusive thoughts caused by just breathing in the chemicals of tartarus - no, it sounded like teenagers.

“how much farther?” a pippy, high voice whined, reminding nico of those vain, popular girls from movies he had glimpsed at whenever they played a movie at camp. he remembered _mean girls_ on a large projector, sitting a few feet away from percy and annabeth and watching only halfway before his father called to him. nico would’ve honestly watched it to the very end.

“traci, quit bitching around!” another voice, less pippy and more venomous, spoke out, laced with annoyance. the voices were getting closer.

nico scanned his surroundings. the two were perched on a jutting flat top hill a few feet from the ground that descended as it got farther and farther to the east. below them, on the lower level ground, was a group of three girls in cheerleader uniforms, holding violet pompoms and walking as if they were taking a morning stroll, albeit mirroring a centaur attempting to pass as human. from afar they looked like normal, teenage mortals, but as they got closer, nico’s gut felt frozen. the ladies had vampire red eyes and lips, the color of blood and gleaming angrily. their hair was literally made of flames, blazing brightly against the darkness of the pit. their fingers elongated into needle-shaped claws, their bone structure was spindly and skeleton-like, and their fangs glinted whenever they talked. what really stuck out was their legs - one of a brown donkey, the other of copper prosthetic. 

“ _empousai_ ,” nico muttered. “i remember them.”

leo looked as if he was going to vomit. “they look like dracula banged a fireproof ass,” he muttered. “are they heading for the doors?”

“but we’ve been walking for eons!” traci groaned down bellow, shaking her pom-poms with her exasperation. her skin was the color of bleach, her fiery locks tied up by a metal band. “i want to kill those stupid demigods already! it’s been so _boring_ since i got killed!”

“you think you have it bad?” the one that had called her out before questioned. her skin was dark oak and golden hoops hung from her ear lobes. “i had to be killed by that creepy-ass son of hades. he trapped in his sword and everything!”

_what?_

“yeah but i got diced by that bitch clarisse! she doesn’t even look pretty!”

“well you deserve it since you’re too weak of a monster to even fight a rat!”

a gasp. “you take that back, becki!”

“no, you!”

the two would’ve had a screaming match if the one leading them, one that nico clearly recognized, and one whose face become more and more pissed as they argued, turned around, her flames rising the highest and angriest out of all of them. she bared her fangs, still dripping with blood. “will you two just **_shut up?_** ”

the other two immediately flinched, faces contorting with fear at the sight of the girl frothing with rage. “w-we’re sorry kelli-” becki started.

“i said **quiet!** ” kelli screeched, swiping at them with her claws and cutting through the air like a knife. “i knew i should’ve brought tammi with me instead of you two incoherent brats! you think you had things hard? i had to get backstabbed by the daughter of athena herself! there is nothing more that i want than to see the life drain from her eyes but unlike you hoes, i’m patient! we’ll get to the doors when we get to them, but if you two don’t shut the hell up, i will personally throw you both in the phlegethon vagina first. am i clear?”

“yes!” the two answered with squeaky voices. satisfied, kelli spun back around and the trio of _empousai_ continued on, completely unaware of the two eavesdropping demigods on top of the small elevation just above to them.

“wow,” leo whispered. the two were so silent that they almost forgot to speak. “keeping up the kardashian’s is getting hot and heavy.”

“at least we know they’re heading for the doors.” nico turned to leo. “we have to follow them.”

surprisingly, leo didn’t argue. “following three demon cheerleaders was never on my to-do list but okay. let’s go.”

* * *

as the three girls continued treading through the hellish wasteland, nico and leo kept a safe distance from them. luckily there were some masses like jutting rocks and hollow craters embedded into the ground which made it easier to follow them. though nico’s body ached for rest, exhaustion piling on him and his life force gradually being sapped away, he put in effort to shadow travel themselves to open dark spots and keep cover. they couldn’t risk following from behind where there weren’t any places to hide if one of the girls happened to turn around and spot them.

but the pain from jumping over and over was taking a toll on him. with every shift, tartarus inflicted him with nausea and dizziness. the gut pain started to resemble a giant eagle feasting on his intestines. he noticed his hands were starting to smoke, but leo most likely didn’t notice because they had begun to hold hands again. due to the guy’s fireproof abilities, he absorbed the scorching feeling without even realizing it, too busy with being the lookout. nico wanted to thank him for making the experience a little more tolerable, but then he would have to explain the situation and gods forbid that he show weakness. he was a son of the big three. he could handle a little pain.

“you killed one of those  _ empousai _ ?” leo asked after an agonizing jump, pulling nico from being distracted by the pain. 

“yeah, becki.” the two were now ahead of them under the shade of a jutting stalagmite, hidden from view as the vampires made their way across an inky surface. “i killed her during the battle of the labyrinth. there was an army of monsters infiltrating the camp’s borders. she was one of the ones i killed.” nico remembered being only eleven, yelling in effort as he sliced through becki’s face, creating a deep gash from her right eyebrow to her left cheek. she was the first monster he had killed in the battle. her life force was supposedly destroyed and absorbed into nico’s sword, but since the doors had opened, everything was wrong. the souls he collected were gone. becki had somehow wormed her way out of her entrapment and reformed.

_ now you’re in tartarus _ , nico revelized. it was the home of monsters, the belly of the beast where anything living and breathing was out to kill you. nico had fallen right in the trap and believed he could win this game. he was ten again, hit by the news that he was a demigod and thinking it was the coolest thing in the entire world, believing that life would be akin to one of a mythical hero in that stupid,  _ stupid  _ cardgame. he wanted to scream at his younger self, for being so naive and optimistic, actually imagining that things were going to be better now that he was a half-blood.

his hand tightened around leo’s, nico noticing the boy flinching and filling himself with guilt. leo turned to him, eyebrows knit in confusion. “di angelo, are you okay? you’re holding pretty tight there.”

_ di angelo _ . for once, nico was glad to hear something familiar. leo called everyone on the crew nicknames, one of the most prominent being their own last names. “mclean! zhang! grace!” the one that he used the most was nico’s, yelling at him when he needed his attention or when he was about to unleash a series of tauntings. it was annoying; nico rolled his eyes whenever the four syllables would exit the boy’s mouth but now… it seemed like a tether, ensuring that he wasn’t going to slip away. but he couldn’t say that. leo would ignore it, or use it as a way to blackmail him. and despite both of them being on the same quest and knowing each other for years, they had no idea if they could believe in one another.

_ “listen,” nico crossed his arms, “unless you want to climb all the way down there despite our weakened state, our best hope is to shadow travel.” he held out his hand for leo to take. “just… trust me on this.” _

nico couldn’t even trust himself. what a hypocrite.

“i’m fine,” nico muttered. he looked ahead and managed a glance of the vampire girls. they walked irregularly, their inferior limbs creating the image of a drunk elder stumbling through the cities of new york. becki and traci had begun talking again, though in whispers, kept their distance from kelli. the girls had just passed a large rock with a noticeably huge shadow, a good site for jumping if nico’s organs felt intact. but the two couldn’t be in plain sight - they would be as good as dead. “i’m going to shadow travel to that boulder.”

“... okay.” leo didn’t seem convinced, but allowed nico nonetheless. nico exhaled to relieve the heaviness in his chest and felt the shadows swallow him and leo up. a piercing feeling in his stomach occurred, worst than all the other jumps and turning his blood to boiling water. when the darkness deposited the two of them behind the boulder, nico collapsed. he was gasping in agony, his skin seething as if he was on fire. he felt like his skeleton was melting and his lungs were freezing, such a contrast in his internal structure that hypothermia could have set in. smoke curled away from his body. his throat felt so dry and parched that he swore he could feel insects crawling in it. a ringing sounded in his ears, blocking nearly all sounds and turning his dissolving brain into nothing but scattered particles. he could vaguely register leo jolting at the sight of him crumpling in on himself, kneeling down next to him.

“nico, jesus christ!” leo’s voice sounded underwater, echoing and mumblish. nico registered a warm hand on his cheek for a second before it recoiled. that wasn’t right, nico thought weakly. leo was invulnerable to heat.

he heard something pop, and something pressed to his lips. he opened his mouth, too weak to shake his head in refusal and allowing the supposed liquid to go down his throat. the hand was back on his cheek, tingling as if it were taking something from nico. the water on his tongue was stingy, tasteless and rotten. he could hardly drink it but it was being forced down until every last drop was finished with. then the object on his lips disappeared. 

slowly nico could come back to his senses. his gut throbbed as if it had been speared by a javelin and stitched together by a searing metal, his weak limbs starting to adjust again. his ears stopped ringing, and his vision slowly started to unblur, starting with the boy in front of him; leo, looking down at him with an unreadable expression that almost conveyed worry. he was holding the tiny canteen, the cap between his teeth and a tiny drop of illuminated liquid growing fat on the rim before it fell to the ground, splatting and sizzling as it quickly died out. there was nothing left for them to drink.

when nico finally came to, the buzzing in his foggy mind after the jump now reduced to a dull humming, he found himself to have trouble speaking coherently. his mouth felt like it was sour, his throat crawling with ants. it took several seconds for him to form a sentence in his ripped vocal chords.

“nico?” leo whispered. despite the vampire ladies being far ahead, the two couldn’t be too careless. if one of them made a noise higher than the desired frequency, they were dead. “nico, are you in pain?”

“n… no.” his voice sounded wretched, his rib cage feeling as if it were to implode. the memories were now coming back again - the shadow travel, the  _ empousai _ chase, everything. nico started panicking, swiping at the canteen and checking inside and unfortunately, yes, they were out of fire water. “l-leo, why the hell-?”

leo looked at him flabbergasted. “what, am i just supposed to let you die? if i wanted you to get killed, i would’ve thrown you in the phlegethon by now.”

“that was our only source of healing!” nico croaked, irate. “we’re going to have to go back to the phlegethon! you should’ve stopped me from drinking all of it.”

leo didn’t answer, and stuck out his hand for nico to see. “look.” 

nico did, and felt his entire body churn as it did when he had exited the shadowy abyss. the tips of leo’s fingers were red, smoking - burnt. leo was burned because of nico’s skin. but that couldn’t be possible. leo could handle the heat of a flaming river and a blowtorch to his face. leo could handle a barrage of dragon spew and a wildfire. but leo’s tips smelled like charred flesh and swelled up angrily, something so unakin to leo that nico couldn’t even register the sight at first.

“w- what happened?” nico breathed, the air knocked out of him by just the sight.

“you were a fucking smokestack, dude,” leo snapped. “i lay a single hand on you and… you know stygian iron? if someone other than a hades kid tries to wield it, they’d start burning up? you were like that; i could barely touch you without disintegrating. it was the only way.”

nico couldn’t speak. he only looked down at his own slender hands. he still felt bugs crawling under his skin and the reminiscent of fire ants scorching him from the inside out, but he was still corporeal. nico revisited the battle of the labyrinth, abusing so much power to summon the undead and send souls back to the pits of hell that he wasted all his energy. he was weak and almost untouchable in the aftermath, nearly dissolving into nothing but black particles. now nico was sixteen, but it felt like five years ago when he had first conjured up the dead to kill rogue demigods and monsters alike, his life force sapping away with every use of the shadows’ will.

his hands were long and calloused from gripping his sword all his life, an unnatural olive tone that seemed to be paler than how he last remembered, freckles dotting his skin but not like stars - no, they were mites. crawling on bone marrow and feasting on the life they contained within them. nico wanted to rip his hands off, punch the glass sands, literally anything because he felt so alone; because  _ he was eleven again.  _

leo reached for him, but nico flinched just like in cocytus. “i’m okay,” he muttered. he tried not to see a look of dejectedness of leo’s face, instead forcing himself to stand up. “ _ i’m fine _ ,” he spat when leo made a move to help him. he hated how he was treating the guy who saved him, but right now his bones were feeling like heavy weights under his skin. “where are the  _ empousai _ ?”

leo made a choking noise. “shit!” 

the boy ran to the other side of the boulder, scanning the area before letting out a sigh of relief. “they stopped walking. i think they’re looking for something.”

nico felt his inner fears be quenched by the new information. the  _ empousai _ possibly found a dead animal carcass or something of the nature. he recalled traversing the labyrinth with minos by his side, catching sight of two fire-haired, bloody-eyed women digging into the flesh of some type of monster. nico couldn’t make out what it was, only staring in horror as the girls ripped the beast skin by skin until it had an exposed rib cage, feasting on the intestines and laughing gleefully as the scarlet blood drooped from their claws, their reddened lips, and over their cheerleading uniforms. it was the first time nico had seen the horrors of being alive in a world of monsters, one of gore and endless corpses that he vomited into the nearest room. minos ‘comforted’ him, saying that he would get used to the stench of death someday.

even if nico hated the man, he wished he was right. something still makes his heart twist when he hears the gut wrenching scream of a demigod being slaughtered right next to him. he wants nothing more than to cry whenever he envisions a past camper he slaughtered, the life draining from their eyes and being absorbed into his weapon. nico had seen blood, innards, scattered limbs and melted skin and that wouldn’t have fazed him if he wasn’t aware that the ones dying were  _ human _ , feeling nothing but an ache whenever he felt their souls descend into the underworld to face judgement with the council. the people at camp considered nico to be unbothered by the sight of people dying, but in reality that wasn’t the case. the thought of the dead hurt him just as much as anyone else.

he was pulled from his meditative inward study when leo suddenly reared back. “oh no, oh gods.”

“what?” nico inquired. “what’s wrong?”

leo turned to look at him, his face brimming of immense panic that nico thought he’d have an anxiety attack. and the next few words that leo muttered had never sounded so dreadful to nico’s ears.

“there’s only two of them.”

then they heard it. a cackle, above them, freezing nico and leo in place. nico’s demigod senses were blaring alarms at him, causing nico’s heart to pound loud enough to reach his head and his veins turn to ice. nico and leo were staring at each other, unmoving, like statues in a cemetery, stuck with mortified expressions as a dawning realization dawned on them. it could’ve been the smell of nico’s burning flesh. it could’ve been the sound of the two bickering about the phlegethon canteen. it could’ve just been a stroke of bad luck. but it didn’t matter anymore, nico thought despairingly as he craned his neck upwards, face hardening as he was eye-to-eye with becki once more.

“oh, you two are so adorable!” she sneered. she grinned with teeth so sharp they could be medicinal syringes. she brought a hand up to her head, playing with her dangling earrings as her pupiless eyes bore into nico’s head. she remembered him, nico noticing her face twitch at the mere sight of him. “son of hades! what a nice surprise to see you here, ya know, after trapping me in your lameass sword for years!” to showcase that she wouldn’t let nico forget, she took a claw and dragged it diagonally across her face. the gash.

“nico…” leo began, slowly backing away. “hand me the canteen…” nico offered it to him wordlessly, glaring daggers at the teenager on top of the boulder.

“aw, cute; your little boyfriend thinks he can kill me with a canteen!” she hopped off the rock, mismatched feet hitting the ground with a loud thud. she got up from her crouch, fixing an almost predatory look on leo. “too bad i have to rip him to shreds.”

nico drew his sword, taking off his memento mori ring and feeling the weapon return to its true form, a gleaming longsword with a crooked curve at the end, black as a nightmare and gleaming in the heat of becki’s blazing locks. he spun it around to get a good grip, pointing the tip at the demon with gritted teeth. “i’ve killed you before. i can do it again.”

a chorusing hiss of laughter was heard from behind. nico spun around, staring directly at the leader kelli, maniacal smirk showcasing her garnet lipstick that was smudged and dark. she seemed to recognize him, her eyebrows shooting up in delight. “it’s you! the kid that was shadowing minos!” she neared him, forcing nico to step back. “you’re friends with that bitch of athena, right? hasn’t it ever occurred to you she might be  _ a stab in the back _ ?” 

“finally!” nico head swiveled towards the last girl, traci, with her drained skin and single pom pom, differing from the other two, who had a pair. “some fresh, demigod meat!”

“slow down, girls!” kelli commanded, noticing the two were far too eager to feast on the poor innards of two teenage boys. “you two were looking for the doors, weren't cha? you were so desperate to escape from here that you followed us?”

“stalkers!” traci screeched, laughing when leo was jarred from the sudden noise. “we don’t like creepy stalkers!”

“especially ones like  _ him _ !” becki bellowed, pointing her purple pom poms at nico with his weapon drawn, anticipating their next move. leo was next to him, searching the three  _ empousai  _ for signs of weakness. though leo had told nico that he wasn’t much of a fighter, the boy was a spoken genius. piper had told the seven about him constructing a weapon in nearly a second and firing it at a barrage of monsters. jason had added that leo was able to disarm cyclopes, dracaena, and monsters alike with his fast wit. there was also the matter that leo was born with pyrokinesis, a rare ability. nico would try his best to keep him safe; he only hoped leo would still be resourceful if the cheerleaders got the best of nico.

“you will never leave, demigods!” kelli jabbed. “an army of monsters gather at the doors as we speak. they will stop at nothing to kill your sorry asses.” a pause. “i mean, if we don’t kill you first!”

that was the queue, nico and leo’s instincts kicking in as the demon women pounced, leaping to the side and narrowly avoiding their swiping nails and teeth. nico rolled over his shoulder, facing towards the three girls. leo was right next to him, having ducked and rolled as well and holding the canteen in his hand. it was then that traci was the first to charge, hollering in sadistic glee as she dived. nico grunted in effort as he swung his sword, decapitating her with ease. her head hit the ground, rolling over by while her lower half hit the space next to nico. nico expected her to return to black bile like arachne as traci’s body started melting when her arms shot out, grabbing her cut head and placing it back on the rightful place of her neck. the skin melded together, closing the space between the two body parts and erasing any trace of her being decapitated in the first place. she looked up at the two demigods, who had stood up while she was reassembling and gaping at her with boggled expressions, and grinned.

“w- what the  **fuck** ?” leo blurted, staring in mortification as traci stood back up, her body back to solid and lanky. a shriek was heard to nico’s left, so he readied his sword and glanced to see becki charging at him. he slashed through her body, determined to finish her off. becki landed on the ground, her intestines falling out of her slashed stomach but she was cackling, as if it was the funniest thing to her. the innards quickly retreated, sliding back into her body as she got to her unstable feet. there was a rip in her uniform, but her dark skin underneath the clothing was relatively unharmed.

“you ruined my outfit!” becki screeched.

nico’s chest was deafening, eyes ticking to the three girls and anticipating their next moves. they attacked in unison, keening whenever nico landed a slash or a stab, but eventually healing themselves by grabbing their parts before they could be far from reach. they slashed nico’s jacket, leaving rips in the shape of the beast, one even landing on the burnt section of nico’s right arm and causing him to cry out in anguish. nico tried to defend leo whenever he could, cutting off kelli’s fingers when she attempted to claw leo’s heart out. leo was weaponless and frightened out of his mind, yet somehow he managed a blow when traci snuck behind nico, bludgeoning her in the face with the canteen. she wailed in distaste, teeth sinking into the small object and casting it aside to gods-know-where.

at one point becki had the upper hand, kicking her donkey foot and knocking nico’s stygian iron sword out of his hand. he barely managed to widen his eyes before becki pounced, knocking him to the ground and drooling over him, her teeth growing wider with a forked tongue hanging out like a slobbering dog. she bit at him, chomping at the air and nico used all of his power to hold her back, hands on her narrow wrists and pushing as hard as he could. but it was hardly any use, because the demon woman was getting closer and closer with every snap of her jaw, smiling at her opportunity to finally achieve retribution in killing her captor for so many years.

nico closed his eyes in frustration, hoping to the gods of olympus that she didn’t make a final chomp that would find its way on nico’s frontal lobe-

a sound like a pig being cleaved by a butcher’s knife was created, and nico opened his eyes with a gasp to see his black sword lodged halfway between becki’s face, horizontally cutting her head from above her ear and through her left eye. she wailed in pain, and nico could register a grunt of effort as the sword finished the job, slicing through and throwing the top half of her head to the ground. a work boot came up and curb stomped it to nothing but melted black bile. becki’s body went limp, claws retracting and hanging lifelessly in front of nico’s face, having almost reached his eyeballs. he quickly threw her corpse off, relishing in the way it returned to black inky sludge and escaped through the cracks in the ground.

his gaze shot upwards as he heard a sharp  _ clang! _ , eye-to-eye with leo valdez, his hand smoking with nico’s sword at his feet. nico felt fear grasp him by the neck, eminently terrified that in any second, leo would be reduced to nothing but ash, but it didn’t happen. the boy just stood there, heaving and wincing in pain, before a scream cried out, alerting the two boys and craning their necks to see a charging traci once more.

“you killed my bff!” she hollered. “i’m going to slice you in half!”

nico stood in a split second, grabbing his sword off the ground and reared back, traci mistakenly continuing to run until nico pierced her chest, the tip of the blade sticking out from her back. nico then went crazy, slicing through her body until it was nothing but portions of shoulder and spine on the ground, decapitating her in the process. nico saw her mouth twitching, still trying to taunt him despite it being cut from her vocal chords on her neck two feet away, and lodged his sword into her mouth. he threw her at the large boulder becki had been standing upon, her head splatting like a paint ball against the wall. her body began melting, just as it should’ve been, and the two demigods watched as it returned to the elements from which it came.

the two were breathing heavily. nico felt the adrenaline starting to seep away by the the death of two of their three attackers. his hands were clutching his weightless sword, sweating profusely as his torrent of traci’s body was taking a toll on him. nico expected to be energized, gaining power with every stab and slash he made, but all that was left was a aching in his stomach, his knees trembling and nearly giving out, his mind unclear and scattered like puzzle pieces scattered on a table. was it because his shadow travelling nearly killed him, turning him into an impermeable smokestack? was it because he and leo had been went without food for a near theoretical ten days? nico was not certain those were the answers, just the details.

leo was pale, holding his side in pain, blood dripping from his army jacket and reaching the obsidian, wasteland ground, sizzling with steam before evaporating. how had he gotten hurt? who was it? nico didn’t know why at the time, but the idea that leo was injured under his watch turned his heart steel.

nico turned to kelli, her pom poms discarded next to her, one of her hands consisting of only raw nubs while her other was bloody, scarlet liquid draining from the tips of her claws. nico let the tip of his sword fall, hitting the ground sharp and feeling the air around him cool to such levels that he would’ve shivered himself if he wasn’t shaking with rage. through his veins was poison, ready to end this because nico was starving, exhausted, and  _ wanting to kill. _

“you fucking  _ brats _ !” kelly sneered, her breathing so hoarse and uneven like a rabid dog. “you killed my generals!”

“you tried to kill us!” leo screamed, his voice cracking but loud and clear. he grunted, tightening his hold on his wound to stop the bleeding. nico started stepping forward, eyes trained on the woman who tried to wrong them so. she would pay. just like her brethren, she would pay.

“you… you two will die down here,” she chuckled darkly, her claws growing longer and her mouth wider, a body horror of a toothy grin ruining her seductive facade. “tartarus will break you, break your body and your spirit. you will be reduced to nothing but whiny, tiny  _ suckers  _ just begging for mercy.” the flames atop her scalp sputtered before reaching over her own height. “but don’t worry. i’ll make sure you two don’t have to go through that.”

nico pointed his blade at her. he remembered feeling anger course through him when percy had told him about bianca’s death, breaking his promise to nico. the grass at his feet wilted, a crevice opened up and disrupted the entire ecosystem, the air became chilled to the bone and made you feel as if you were at death’s doorstep, waiting for thanatos to collect your soul. if nico was back in the world overhead, he would’ve killed every single organism in his vicinity. he didn’t say anything, only challenging kelli with a stone cold stare.  _ come and get us. _

kelli looked as if she was about to fly towards him and attempt to dice him to pieces when her face went slack. there was no sun in tartarus, nico knew, but there was a general light source from all around - glowing veins and gas bubbles on both the ceiling and the ground of the cave, acting as temporary and weak stars. it seemed as if they were blotted out, kelli suddenly covered by a circle of darkness. and the shadow on her started growing, larger and larger and nico hallucinated a booming warcry overhead until-

a massive foot came down on kelli, squashing her flat like a fly.

nico and leo were knocked onto the ground, which shook like an earthquake with the force of the landing figure. nico stared up, shock coursing through his veins. and whom he saw immediately filled him with a sliver of hope. 

looming over the two demigods was a twenty foot-tall man wearing a ripped, navy custodian jumpsuit and gigantic work boots. he was pale and littered with scars, his silver eyes filled with pride and purity, einstein hair sticking out from his head as if he had been electrocuted. he was holding a large broom with both of his calloused hands, looking down at nico and leo with a joyful expression. from a nametag hanging from the titan’s chest pocket, read a name of one nico never expected to be in this shithole.

“nico!” iapetus - no, bob - cheered excitedly. “bob is here to help!”


	3. iii. dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rest. rest is good. dreaming is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a special thank you to poisontown on tumblr for being my beta reader for this chapter! i'm really happy you want to edit my shitty stuff lmao. 
> 
> little notes:  
> \- after bob had crushed kelli (and swept her remains), he heals nico and leo and takes them to a safe place in order to help them get to the doors. bob knows nico since nico had visited him at hades' palace frequently, which is canon.  
> \- if you are triggered by rape mention, even if it is not explicitly stated, you can skip the paragraph regarding leo's first dream.  
> \- small bob is cute.

the minute leo had seen the food at the shrine, his body felt revitalized.

****

bob the titan had been walking for a near hour, leo suspects, humming a work tune quietly as he traversed the dark and pitiful wasteland. occasionally sweeping some monsters to the side with his gigantic broom whenever they noticed the two scented demigods riding his shoulders. nico was silent for the entire trip, and leo couldn’t get a good look at him without falling to the ground that seemed to be beckoning to him, but he suspected the son of hades was in thought. of course, having no one else to turn to besides the looming giant, whom leo did not want to talk to in the slightest, leo was in thought on his own.

****

leo had been fighting to keep his eyes open, thinking back to his friends on the argo ii. he wondered how they were holding up. he hoped they were doing better than him, because leo didn’t want them to be suffering like he was, here in this dead cavern of nothing but monstrosities in all shapes and sizes. this place was designed to kill. leo knew that since he had first stepped foot on the glass shards of that beach. he couldn’t imagine frank having to run away from demon women trying to claw their way through his body, or hazel struggling to chug the waters of the phlegethon in order to survive. he felt homesick, wanting to hug all of them and protect them, but he couldn’t do that. he was going to die in this hell, and he doomed nico with him.

****

for the entirety of their wandering, nico had been protecting leo, even risking death when he had shadow-traveled to that damn rock. leo had been struck with a fear far worse than when bob had tried to touch him in that moment. his mind went into overdrive as he searched desperately for a way to save nico. he had burnt his fingertips in order to serve him the healing fire waters they had left and take away the scorching of nico’s skin. he hardly gave a shit about the agony from the action, and taking nico’s sword? leo wasn’t even thinking when he scooped it from the ground and bludgeoned becki’s face. his only mission had been to save nico before it would be too late. because just… the image of nico dying from leo being careless, or nico dying from ensuring leo would stay alive, or just the image of nico dying… it sent shivers down his spine. leo hated having time to himself, needing some way to work his hands or else the thoughts would come up, like water in his lungs, choking him until he couldn’t breathe-

****

he nervously began tapping against the giant’s shoulders, silently spelling out _i’m sorry_ in morse code as they continued on. his body was healed well. the titan’s touch against his side cured the aching wound that had throbbed agonizingly against leo’s intestines. “owie,” bob had said, and he made a reach for leo, but leo was suddenly hit by an intensive panic, fear crawling through his veins and making him shake violently. all that was running through the boy’s mind was _get away, get away, get the fuck away_. leo had no control over his reaction, he hadn’t had that reaction for years until now.

****

after near eternities of non-discussion, bob spoke up. “bob almost to rest stop! nico and leo can eat!”

****

“eat?” leo breathed, confused by the mere word _eat_ before his stomach growled angrily. usually, leo can survive days without food. it was a habit he picked up from being homeless and on the run most of his life, plus pulling all-nighters with projects whenever he had a spark of ideas. he often neglected himself of food either because of forgetfulness or out of pure spite, believing that he could survive without food for just a while longer until someone else intervened.

****

however, at this moment, he felt nothing but raging hunger after being exhausted for days on end and being hunted down left and right by beasts of the pit. he felt himself perk up at just the idea of salsa and chips going down his dry throat, eating a bag of fonzies and a milkshake by the pierside as he waited for his friends to return from their quest, chomping on a single chicken mcnugget because literally anything sounded better than stingy water that made his guts grumble in an offensive manner.

****

then the altar came to view. leo swore to the heavens, he almost jumped down from bob’s shoulders just to crash to the earth below, ready to take a few bites of the food placed on the table.

****

the shrine was a series of worn down black columns, gleaming like the glint of nico’s stygian iron blade. they were organized into a rectangle formation with a small altar in the center. on the altar laid an assortment of fruits and meats, even a few junk foods placed along the edges. leo could barely spot a package of caprisun to one corner of the table. leo could just taste the reminiscent of orange juice on his tongue and fuck, he was thirsty.

****

“we’re here!” bob proclaimed excitedly. “hermes’ shrine.”

****

leo frowned. “why would hermes place a shrine in tartarus? demigods don’t exactly take vacations here.”

****

“it probably fell from a long time ago,” nico finally spoke from the other side of bob’s head. it made leo feel as if some disembodied, invisible guide was speaking to him. if the guide was a sixteen-year-old 2010 bedhead emo. “from the mortal world or olympus.”

****

“monsters steer clear,” bob supplied. he held up his free hand for both of them to climb on, crouching down to place them at the foot of the stairs leading up to the open shrine, the table of food just in sight. as much as leo wanted to eat every single thing on that table, his legs were shaking from barely standing up. after sitting on bob’s shoulder for such a long time and experiencing relief from finding a safe haven, he was reminded of how tired and weak he was. nico, though, reacted worse than him. he took only a single step before slipping and crashing onto the soil below. leo jolted at nico’s tumble, jumping away from bob’s hand and helping the boy back up from his knees.

****

“i- i’m fine, i just-” nico started, but leo interjected.

****

“yeah, and we’re not in hell,” he huffed, forcing nico’s arm around his shoulders and placing his left hand under the son of hades’ armpit, lifting him up with as little strength as he had. “you can walk, right?”

****

nico nodded. “good,” leo muttered. “good. come on. you can go to sleep when we get up those steps.” he realized his voice was soft just like nico’s, stone eyes like pebbles and voice hoarse and pleading. he continued on, dragging nico up the steps with him and gritting his teeth with the effort. he was probably overexaggerating the journey - it was literally only three steps. 

****

leo laid nico down on the black marble by the altar gently. he lightly tugged at nico’s jacket. “take off your jacket.” he told him. nico’s eyes were closed, but after a minute of leo stubbornly tugging on the sleeves of his aviator, the raven grumbled and took it off. leo bit back a gasp when he saw that, through the torn bandages, the burn nico had received from leo that fateful day was completely healed. as if there was nothing that ever scarred his skin besides the ancient monsters they had encountered. was this supposed to make him feel better? it really didn’t, he confirmed as he tugged off the bandages around nico’s arm, stuffing the wrappings into his tool belt, now useless to them. leo didn’t have the heart to throw it away.

****

leo covered nico’s torso with the jacket. “night, dumbass.” 

****

he thought he saw a small twinge in nico’s features. probably from annoyance.

****

leo himself took off his military jacket, and grimaced at the sight of the fabric destroyed on the side where kelli’s claw marks met skin, bloody remnants all over. leo really didn’t want to fall asleep covered in his own blood, but he would make do. he looked up at bob, who had perched himself into a criss-cross-applesauce with his broom in his hands, clutching it like a bodyguard protecting their clients. 

****

“bob keep watch,” bob smiled. “leo sleep like nico.”

****

“thanks, big guy,” leo muttered, feeling his tense shoulders fall and his eyebrows droop. he let his body rest on the cold marble, turning on his side away from nico’s resting form and covering himself with his camo jacket. the jacket had been with him since he visited that target nearby when he lost his original during the quest for hera (thanks aphrodite!). the dark green a comfort to him and resistant to his fire abilities. he tugged the collar of his coat closer to his chest as the events since falling played out in his mind. his eyelids began to fall lower and lower until there was nothing but darkness.

****

sleeping in tartarus was one of the worst things leo had ever done in his lifetime. leo hated dreams, especially demigod dreams. the visions and tellings becoming all what leo feared because the dreams always start with _memories_. and if there is anything that leo would want to incinerate on the spot, it would be memories. 

****

in the first dream, he was sitting on the floor, around ten, quietly scribbling words on a piece of notebook paper he had stolen from the appliance store nearby the house. then the bedroom door opened, and all he could see was the silhouette of a tall man. his hair wild and his stature rigid. leo could almost see the aching smile on the man’s face. it was almost heartwarming if it weren’t for the dead look in the man’s eyes. full of nothing but… but… the man lifted out his hand from his pinstripe pants, reaching out towards leo and _leo was suddenly hit by an intensive panic, fear crawling through his veins and making him shake violently. all that was running through the boy’s mind was get away, get away, get the fuck away._

****

then it changed. changed to the perspective of someone watching a young boy, a boy that wasn’t leo. this tiny child was olive-skinned and freckled all over. his hair was a disaster and an oversized aviator jacket hung around his shoulders. there were tears streaming down the boy’s face, sobs retching from his throat as he poked at the bottom of a sandbox with a stick, making shapes mindlessly. leo could see him drawing the image of a girl in the sands, a boy looking away from her, and a massive humanoid taller than both of the figures standing next to the girl as she didn’t notice his arms ready to strike. _i hate him, i hate him, i hate him_ , thoughts that weren’t leo’s hung in the air, _i hate him, i hate him, i wish he was the one that was dead._

****

then the dream changed yet again, this one different from the memories leo had - no, this was a vision. leo had a history of visions since the hera quest. it was the reason he knew nico di angelo in the first place. ever since jason grace entered the picture of leo’s life and a prophecy threw him and his friends on a wild goose-chase for hera’s captured ass, leo started having dreams - visions of a certain baby bat winged-haired boy, lost in the forest and streets of somewhere familiar but out of reach. the locations behind nico shifted rapidly with every dream. it wasn’t until leo had fallen asleep after medea’s attack on festus that he found that he could actually interact with nico. before, he could only spectate as the son of hades wandered around, sword heavy in his left hand as he searched for something, anything. then he dreamt of nico as he rested upon festus’ neck, sitting on a rock and staring down at his blade.

****

“you look stupid when you brood,” leo muttered, his first words to him that made nico jolt upwards to nearly decapitate him. good times. the two had a lengthy conversation about who the hell nico was and where the hell he was. both of which nico couldn’t answer to leo’s dismay. leo thinks the dreams were hera-induced, one of the many ways she had fucked over leo in order to allude to the existence of another demigod camp. as if using the mist on him to make him believe that he was friends with jason grace, someone who he had a major crush on until he found out it was a rouse, wasn’t enough.

****

this new vision in tartarus showed the athena parthenos in the stables, sitting diagonally against the walls as a girl stood in front of it, pondering. leo automatically recognized her - her dark curly hair in a braid, her purple shirt sleeves wrinkling with tightened knuckles on the fabric, her obsidian irises staring at the statue with a frown. reyna. leo tried calling out, but she couldn’t hear him like nico could. leo wanted to hug her, like how she had to him when they defeated arachne, but his feet were glued to the floor under him. then a voice was heard, echoing through leo’s thoughts.

****

_you have done well_ , the voice spoke, coming straight from the parthenos itself though the statue’s mouth remained still. _call my spawn and her love. they must bring me back._

****

_wow, specific!_ leo wanted to yell, but he didn’t get the chance. in the next second his eyes flung open.

****

he was awake now. 

****

it felt like time had not passed at all since he closed his eyes. the world he was trapped in was still an inverse of the sky. the shining blue surrounding the sun replaced by a desaturated, powerful darkness with golden bubbles hanging from the ceiling, housing growing entities that they did not want to meet once they left their cocoons. the grass beneath him was replaced by ashes and the winding rivers he usually swam in to soothe his nerves were concocted of either misery or hatred. bob was still sitting by the shrine, snacking on a tiny pack of m&ms. 

****

“good morning!” bob greeted, despite time not existing in this realm. he made rips in the packaging as he fished out some green and blue candies from the m&m bag. “leo slept well?”

****

leo shrugged, feeling better now that he was fully rested despite the dreams, rubbing fists into his aching eyes. he was starting to get up when he realized there were two arms wrapped around his torso and gripping tight, a body pressing against his back. he craned his neck, catching sight of a gentle-faced nico di angelo, mirroring the expression of a cherub, sleeping peacefully as he held onto leo’s stomach.

****

leo blinked. “um-”

****

leo poked him in the forehead when nico showed so signs of wake. nico eyes slowly fluttered open, frowning as he was awakening from his slumber when his pupils constricted in surprise at their position. the son of hades quickly retreated from his spooning of leo, immediately shooting up to a sit with his aviator jacket falling to his lap. “sorry.” 

****

“it’s chill,” leo remarked, lifting to a sitting position as well, looking to the side in embarrassment. he brushed a strand of dark ringlets from his face, not knowing what to say until he heard nico’s stomach grumble next to him. leo’s stomach copied the noise. leo raised an eyebrow at nico, the latter’s eyes avoiding the boy next to him. “you hungry?” leo asked.

****

the answer was yes, and leo couldn’t blame him because he was starving as well. leo stood up and went over to the altar, a lot of the food still not expired. leo picked up a cold piece of steak, two oranges and two capri suns, and retrieving a convenient pile of sticks laying on the ground. he was about to head back when he caught sight of something hanging near the edge of the altar - a celestial bronze dagger the size of his forearm. leo grabbed it and buckled it into his tool belt. it could be handy.

****

he returned to nico, handing him an orange to eat while leo set up the main course. he took out the old bandages and ripped off some portions of it to use as rubber bands. he stabbed the raw steak with one of the sticks, constructing a small roast - two y’s with the steak on a bar set between the bifurcations. he placed the smallest group of the sticks under the steak and worked himself up to will his hand to catch fire, touching the sticks to ignite a small flame. leo quickly extinguished the fire in his fingers. he began to roast the cow over the fire.

****

“have you done this before?” nico now felt more comfortable sitting closer to leo, staring at the makeshift roast. he was already finished with the orange, having eaten the fruit in a mere minute. leo would’ve scolded him if he wasn’t focused on the fire.

****

“a lot,” leo answered, carefully spinning the steak over the smoke being produced. “i was on the run all the time. needed to survive.” he didn’t want to reveal his life story to nico. not because he didn’t trust nico (okay, he didn’t trust nico much), but because it would always be such a hard topic for him. eager to change the conversation, leo suddenly remembered the question he was dying to ask before he had fallen asleep. “so, who is…” he made a nod towards bob, who had upgraded from a single pack of m&ms to an entire box. the two knew that if they even mentioned his name, the titan would instantly hear.

****

nico sighed, as if he was dreading this question. he spoke in a gravelly whisper to ensure that bob wouldn’t eavesdrop. “his name was iapetus. he was one of the titans in the war with kronos. he was released from tartarus by a son of nemesis on kronos’ side. percy, thalia, and i fought to stop him. percy threw him into the river lethe and he lost all his memories, so we used it to our advantage.”

****

leo took a few seconds to register the new information, swiveling his head to find the former titan shoveling m&ms in his mouth. “wow.”

****

nico was silent for a few moments. leo continued to poke at the steak to a medium cooking, occasionally glancing at the guy next to him. he couldn’t stop envisioning nico’s eyes becoming feral as he fought the _empousai_ , gritting his teeth and effortlessly cutting through their bodies as the scent of death encapsulated the battlefield. leo had watched nico dice traci into nothing but demon bits, panting like a beast and sweating. his black blade rested on the ground, smothered with blood. when nico had caught sight of leo, the air suddenly felt so chilled to the core that even leo shivered. leo felt a twinge of guilt when he remembers how terrified he was of him. the son of hades looked as if he would murder everything in his path.

****

“how’s your arm?” leo blurted out.

****

nico lifted his right sleeve, eyes widening at the sight of clear freckled skin. he ran a thumb along the white scars. there was no trace of scorching. “better,” he muttered. “it was already healing. bob sped up the process.”

****

“mm.”

****

they were quiet.

****

“so… what are we gonna do now?” leo asked.

****

nico fumbled with his _memento mori_ ring, something leo had noticed he did whenever he was nervous or in thought. the son of hades leaned back, letting his head rest on the rim of the altar as he took a swig of his capri sun. “well, we have a lead towards the doors. we just have to go through the journey and hope we don’t run into any monsters on the way there.” he suddenly noticed the celestial bronze dagger strapped to leo’s waist. “where did you get that?”

****

“this?” leo unsheathed the knife. it was pretty old with a thick scar running through one of its reflective surfaces but relatively unharmed. the blade was sharpened well. it was most likely used for animal sacrifices, leo guessed when he ran the tip of the dagger against his finger, noticing the intricacies of the metalwork. “i found it on the altar. think i can use this.”

****

“do you know how?” nico questioned with a raised eyebrow. leo scoffed.

****

“of course i can!” he twirled the knife between his fingers. course, they weren’t his weapon of choice. leo had a heart for traps and perhaps some bludgeoning weapons like clubs or baseball bats, but he had a history with knives. he used to carry one on the streets with him at all times, a hand on the hilt in case someone would try to rob him or a police man would attempt to bring him into custody. piper had even given him some helpful tips, as she was a deadly beast with katoptris, along with her twin swords she had sheathed for most of the days they have been on the stupid prophecy quest. he returned the blade to his belt. “what about you? sword and all?”

****

“fine,” nico grumbled. leo knew he was pretty bummed out. nico had told him once that his sword was not working properly since the doors of death had opened. stygian iron was supposed to collect the souls of monsters it had killed, but for some reason it ceased to do its duty - and managed to release all of the beasts trapped inside of it. leo thinks that the weakening of the blade was the only reason leo hadn’t been dissolved on the spot when he took up nico’s sword to kill becki. only children of hades could wield weapons dipped within the styx.

****

leo prodded the fire before nico spoke up. “you need to use your fire powers here. you know that.”

****

leo’s eyebrows furrowed at the comment. of course he knew that. that didn’t mean that leo wanted to go flame crazy and destroy everything in his path. that was the last thing both of them desired - for leo to lose control and scorch nico’s arm like he did those nights ago. the two were having the worst argument out of all of their past ones. leo could barely remember what they had been fighting about, but it ended with leo suddenly releasing the torrent of raging flames inside of him, grazing nico’s arm and making the boy cry out. leo felt so guilty he wouldn’t come out of his room for days, overworking himself in order to distract himself from the mental agony he was in over hurting someone. despite that person being nico di angelo, someone who leo wanted to punch at least once a day. 

****

“you do remember what happened, right?” leo asked with a wary tone, wondering if he heard nico correctly.

****

“of course i do.” nico lifted up his arm, now unwounded with three identical scar slashes diagonal across the bare skin. “it’s healed now though. the only reason you lost control was because you’ve been trying to push down your powers. that isn’t healthy for a demigod.”

****

“well, trying to push yourself to the limits isn’t going to help either,” leo grumbled, glaring at nothing by just the reminder of nico’s ghost-like state. his body was starting to fall to ashes after he had teleported them. his throat croaking as he tried to form complete sentences. leo looked down at the fingertips of his hand, the sweltering skin almost making his nails look like claws escaping hellish grounds.

****

nico frowned. “it was one jump. i’m fine now-”

****

“you’re lying, and we both know it,” leo hissed. “tartarus has been fucking with us since we fell down here. my tool belt isn’t working. your shadow travel is obviously too hazardous. magic can’t solve our problems down here. how the hell is _my_ fire supposed to get us a clear ticket out of this shithole?”

****

“we are going to get killed if you don’t use your powers,” nico shot back. he gestured to the fire leo had started. “your powers should be fine. if you try to chain them down, it could have bad consequences. you need to utilize all your resources.”

****

“nico, i’m not trained with them,” leo explained. 

****

“i’ve seen you take down a gigantic shrimp with just some greek fire and yourself.” nico took a sip of his capri sun. “you’re just scared.”

****

“i’m not scared.” leo tried to ignore his shaking fists that were clutching his military jacket, starting to smoulder with every remark nico had to offer. how did nico di angelo always manage to get under his skin, expose leo to the real world and make him realize just how weak he was? leo was fucking terrified. leo was terrified of the monsters lurking in the dark, leo was terrified of losing his friends to those monsters, and leo was terrified of the idea that he could be the monster if he ever had the opportunity. leo just wanted to curl up next to festus’s warm skin and stim with the dragon’s wires, like he did in order to brainstorm ideas instead of stress about armageddon, but all that leo received was a ticket to hell with an amnesiac titan and a moody sword fighter who knew more about leo than he knew himself. the thought of that could have been enough to make him blow. “maybe i’m just not strong like you.”

****

nico reared back. “i didn’t-”

****

“i heard what you said!” leo exploded, his hands accidentally igniting due to his out-of-control emotions. he looked down at them and cursed, before sighing in defeat. he shifted the flame from his right hand to his left, staring at the dancing fire as he felt his tightened nerves loosen up like screws. he saw out of his peripheral how nico scooted back in case leo would burn him again - he had a good reason. leo might not forgive himself if he did that again. “look, i get it. i do. we might die here. but i have a dagger! i’m good at throwing them. and you can fight so much better than me, we’ll be fine. i’m just the ship’s repair boy. you’re the ghost king. i’ll be okay.”

****

nico opened his mouth to protest, but closed it and crossed his arms in a huff, turning his head to the side to indicate that their conversation was over. leo honestly couldn’t believe that the minute they were safe, they would start arguing again. but then again he could never put a finger on nico di angelo, and just who he was to leo.

****

leo put out his flame.

****

after a minute of the two rinsing in nothing but awkward silence, leo spoke up. “food’s ready.”

****

luckily, there were some plates on the table for reasons leo didn’t bother to figure out. nico retrieved two. leo slid the cooked steak onto one of them and unsheathed his dagger once more, cutting the meat in half and placing one of the two portions onto a plate reserved for nico. he saw the son of hades make a reach for it, but leo stopped him before he could even lay a finger. “wait.” nico narrowed his eyes in confusion before leo touched the steak, absorbing a tiny bit of the heat so nico wouldn’t be burnt… again. 

****

nico muttered a small thanks before digging into the steak with his hands.

****

leo was about to take a bite when he noticed bob the titan staring at the steak, quickly drifting his eyes away when leo caught him looking on with a hungry look. the guy had a bigger stomach than the two of them. leo held up the plate in quiet offering, and a smile immediately grew on the titan’s face, adorable if one could call it that. he was a monster that nearly brought the end of olympus. he happily took the steak and ate it in one bite, moaning at the taste. “leo’s cooking good!”

****

“thanks, big guy.” leo was about to get up to see if there was anything else to snack on laying on the altar when nico held up his own plate of steak, already halfway eaten. leo blinked in confusion when nico rolled his eyes.

****

“you’re not going to starve,” nico mumbled. “eat.”

****

leo would have refused if they were in any other situation. it was best to let the guy offer the food to him, and he hesitantly received the paper plate. his mouth hovered over it, eyes darting back to the boy next to him to check for any signs of nico changing his mind, and when he saw none (along with a glare from nico that dared to oppose him), leo felt a smile crawl it’s way onto his face. and holy shit, did the feeling feel so foreign to him. leo really hadn’t smiled in days. all he had done that was close enough to one was crinkle his eyes and downturn his eyebrows, yet he had a genuine smile the minute nico decided to grace him with a gram of kindness. leo’s past smiles were either forced grins or maniacal laughs. very few times were they like the one he just had before he started chewing his own cooked meal.

****

he finished it in a few bites before extinguishing the flames of the makeshift fire, scattering the burnt sticks into ash and placing the unscorched ones inside his tool belt. leo felt the weight of every single item he had placed into the leather pockets, so uncharacteristic for his normally light-weight belt. save for the time nemesis had given him that stupid fortune cookie. he finished cleaning up while chugging on his fruit juice when he caught nico staring at him.

****

“something on my face?” leo asked, jokingly with a raised eyebrow.

****

nico blinked as if remembering where he was. “sorry.” and then a quiet, “you should smile more often.”

****

leo felt his face flush with the comment. “thanks, man.”

* * *

“is that a cat?”

leo squinted in the distance, wondering if his eyes were working properly. out in the open plains of tartarus, he thought he was hallucinating a small orange and white kitten, a few feet away, pawing at the ground like it was searching for something and its purrs louder than normal. he didn’t know if he was lucky that the feline was visible to nico as well, a familiar scowl setting on the boy’s face.

“yeah, but… something’s wrong with it,” he mumbled, advancing slowly towards the cat, still distracted by the brittle remains sticking out from the soiled ground. behind leo, bob the titan frowned in worry, stepping backwards and clutching his spear-broom to prepare for a feline attack. leo would have laughed at that but nico was right. something was off about this cat.

as nico got closer, the aura around the cat shimmered, and leo realized that the mist had been shifting to disguise the true creature when the trio had first seen it. the soft-looking fur around the kitten seemingly melted away; pink, white, and orange pooling into the ground before slipping into some small cracks, leaving only the white marrow of skeleton behind. the skeleton kitten was a horrific mesh of adorable and scary, with razor sharp sabertooth teeth peeking out of its skull and claws as sharp as the blade leo had salvaged retracted from its bony feet. its hollow eyes latched onto nico, freezing the son of hades in place.

“it’s a _spartus_ ,” nico breathed out, thumbing his ring in preparation for an attack, yet he held his ground. he didn’t seem scared of it, merely wary.

“hurt us?” bob the titan asked timidly. “it going to hurt nico?”

“i don’t think so,” nico muttered, yet he remained vigilant. the cat tilted its head cutely, either confused by nico’s words or sizing him up ready to eat him whole. 

leo’s brain stopped functioning for a clear second when the kitten suddenly swiveled its head towards him. His feet started moving on their own, picking up step by step, walking towards the cat without a second thought, as if he and the kitten were good friends. “leo, what are you-?” nico started bewildered, but his face faltered when leo was face-to-face with the _spartus_. the kitten purred as it rubbed its face against leo’s leg. something soft bubbled in leo’s chest. this was probably the first time he ever had a collision with an animal that wasn’t trying to kill him - albeit the animal in question being a literal corpse.

nico scooped down and picked up the spartus, who meowed and nuzzled its snout against nico’s fingers, pawing at his fingers with tiny hands. “he’s from the tooth of a sabertooth tiger,” he said after a few moments of observation. he narrowed his eyes and brought the kitten close enough to scratch his eyes out. “he must have gotten killed and reformed here.” the kitten seemed to agree as it slapped a paw onto nico’s face.

leo couldn’t help it. he laughed. “oh my gods, that is perfect.” he turned his head to look at bob. “yo, man, you got to see this sucker.”

bob shifted on his feet, unsure if it was a good idea. “bob good up here. bob not good with pets. get crushed by bob.”

leo stole the kitten from nico’s arms, which earned a childish pout from the son of hades that nearly made the boy seem younger. despite being in hell and facing off against monsters dropping like dead flies, nico almost had the appearance of a twelve-year-old that had lost his favorite toy. leo ignored the sudden epiphany, bringing the kitten up to bob’s range of view. “come on! i think he likes you!” the kitten pawed at the air, trying its best to touch bob’s face.

the janitor had an internal debate, a range of facial expressions showing up on his face while leo continued to hold up the _spartus_ , but eventually leo won out when bob crouched lower, opening his palm to let the kitten climb on. bob brought the kitten closer to his face, and the cat immediately latched onto his nose, resting under top of the upturn and curling into a small ball. bob giggled, lightly scratching the kitten’s skeletal back. nico and leo craned their heads up as bob started playing with the kitty.

“man, i wish my tool belt was working,” leo hummed, thumbing the pockets with a heartsick look on his face. “i could’ve used a laser pointer right now.”

“yeah, and alert monsters of our presence,” nico countered.

“we already smell horrible.”

“you smell worse.”

“shut up, i haven’t seen you brush your teeth for the entire quest.” leo grinned evilly when he saw nico’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. “you also don’t eat vegetables. don’t think i didn’t notice.”

“i don’t need to. i get energy from darkness.”

leo chortled. “oh my gods, you sound so fucking emo.” he noticed nico staring at him as he laughed, but he couldn’t help it as he continued to giggle. “what are you, a reverse plant?”

“i mean… i got turned into a plant twice.”

leo stopped laughing. “excuse me?”

“small bob!” bob suddenly chimed, causing nico and leo to turn towards him. he let the small kitten dangle from his finger. “bob and small bob.”

_fitting name_ , leo thought. leo realized that this was probably the first time he had ever laughed in tartarus, and the first time it was genuine laughter. but he couldn’t help it. small bob was the cutest motherfucker he had seen, and the first creature leo saw that actually made him feel safe. his laugh felt so new to his vocal chords, a wheezing choke that rang out yet soft-voiced and out of breath. bob returned the small kitten to nico, and leo ran his fingers through the kitten’s sickly white finish.

he looked up, noticing nico di angelo smiling lightly at the tiny cat in his arm. his eyes soft as he stared down the little sucker. a small smile, and nico’s first actual one in tartarus. seeing it somehow restored leo’s hopes in the situation.

too bad leo had to ruin it.

“do you think they got it?” leo asked nico as he continued to caress the cat’s maw. he had told nico about his dream just before they left the altar. leo had written a note using a napkin and a pen that he for some reason had in his tool belt, burning it and hoping the smoke it created would travel to the hermes cabin so it could be forwarded to percy and annabeth. hopefully connor would receive it, because he was the tamest one between the stolls. his pranks a lot weaker than travis’ ingenious ones. leo had added a small warning that if they tried any funny stuff he would spoil their prank on the ares cabin for july fourth. it seemed fool-proof, but leo knew that the stolls were as unpredictable as he was.

when leo had mentioned the parthenos talking about percy jackson, the spawn of wisdom’s love, nico’s eyes suddenly cast down to the ground, a darkness filling them that seemed akin to regret or resent. nico’s teeth grinded at the sudden infliction of memories. leo wondered what it was, but the look on nico’s face was replaced by the usual no-smile, no-shit expression as quickly as it had cascaded over him. leo knew that percy jackson was a hard topic for nico. he decided against questioning the boy about him, just as he had so many times before.

the two of them liked annabeth though. hopefully the letter would forward to her first.

“we can only see,” nico muttered, letting the cat latch onto his back. “you think you’re ready to go?”

leo nodded, noticing how the group’s new pet already felt right at home. small bob was officially added to the troupe.

the three of them continued to trek through the plains of tartarus. the effects of finding the small spartus were now fading away and leaving leo alone to his own thoughts. the silence was deafening to his ears and brought up thoughts that leo desperately pushed down with each stomp of his work boots. leo could hear a breathing, a hollow and deadly inhale, then a poisonous, unforgiving exhale echoing throughout the cavern. loud but camouflaged with the shrieks of stymphalian birds flying overhead, and the wails of the dead that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. across the black and tarred fields were golden encasements, literal zits across tartarus’ face, housing embryos of monsters that made leo gag. they passed a sleeping drakon, a bile-like hellhound, and leo nearly tripped over one of the demon cheerleaders. her eyes were closed, but her needle-like teeth grinned as she slowly reformed from a black sludge-like substance. leo could hear the heartbeat. a chorus of a thousand heart pumps throughout the cave with veins crawling over mountains and to the tips of spires and… leo already wanted to get to the doors.

what would they see when they got to the doors? bob mentioned that there were too many monsters, especially in the dark lands nico and leo needed to head to. an army was gathering at the door of death, preparing to invade the mortal world and bring about the end of olympus. _such fun_ , leo had said when he heard the news. _i’m so ready for this adventure._

at one point, bob the titan had stumbled over another titan. one with golden eyes staring at the sky in anger. blonde locks fell over his face with a radiance so bright it nearly blinded leo. like apollo’s chariot, he seemed scorching just to stand near, causing nico to back up due to the intense heat. leo could handle this heat though, almost energizing him and contrasting the phlegethon and nico’s shadow travel ailment. he closed in on the zit-bubble - the monster looked just like iapetus. nico ushered him away before he could gaze any longer, but bob stopped mid-stroll, opting to look at the titan in thought. the custodian narrowed his eyes as he crouched to get a better look at the reforming beast within the capsule.

“come on, bob,” leo muttered, tugging the titan’s large jean cuff. the titan continued to stare at the glowing man.

“looks like bob,” bob mumbled thoughtlessly.

“well bob looks better,” nico supplied, keeping a safe distance with small bob on his shoulders. “come on.”

“bob don’t know where he came from,” bob explained. “bob was just there. why does he look like bob?”

“big guy, i know how you feel,” leo soothed, placing a hand on the heel of bob’s shoe. “but we need to go. come on. you can hold small bob if you want.”

for a few seconds, leo was terrified that iapetus would remember who he was, and betray nico and leo by killing them on the spot. but the looming titan decided against it, snapping out of his daze and leading the duo on. small bob leapt off of nico’s shoulders in favor of bob’s taller figure, skillfully crawling up his jumpsuit in order to nest itself by his ear. bob reached up to nuzzle against the _spartus_ ’ head. leo sighed in relief as the titan faced away from them. “you know, he’s going to realize who he is soon.”

nico knew that. it was obvious by the way his eyebrows were knit together as he glared up at the titan. not in hatred but in worry if leo had anything to say about it. his black bangs hung over his eyes as they continued walking again, thumbing his black ring in contemplation. 

“let’s keep walking.”

nico sped up to catch up to bob. leo didn’t know how to react to the sudden action, looking on as nico drifted by bob’s side, facing forward in a silent drive. leo wondered how the guy could do this. all of… _this_. how he could stay so strong despite all the things that have been happening. how he could stay strong after everything he had suffered from? he could still hear nico’s soft voice as he spoke to leo, urging him with an open hand that bob was not going to hurt him. that the titan could heal a person with a single touch. 

leo lifted up his jacket to see the ripped through shirt he was wearing, soiled and bloody underneath. his open wound was gone, but he thumbed it as if he missed the feeling of bleeding out on his side. he missed the feeling of accepting and being at peace, watching the sky get farther and farther away as he sunk through the ground as his blood had, pooling around his sprawled out body from bob’s earthquake-inducing fall. if nico hadn’t stopped leo in time, he would’ve run away at the sight of bob’s hand, coming closer and closer like he has all those times before. because that’s what leo was good at - running away.

nico had told leo once that tartarus was an inverse of the sky. the blue surrounding the sun was an endless darkness housing creatures of unknown evils. the grassy ground replaced by shards of glass and ashes of the deceased. winding crystal rivers drained and filled with nothing but misery and hatred. although leo saw this now, he didn’t think that was true. tartarus wasn’t an inverse of the sky. it was an inverse of one’s self. it was an inverse of everything a person believed in, put their trust in, and it knows what makes them tick. it knows how to unwind every single fortified gate a person puts around themselves. it made them want things that they try so hard to stop wanting.

and leo really wanted to run.

“okay,” the demigod muttered, picking up his pace.


	4. iv. burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past catches up quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nico: i've only had leo for a day and a half.  
> nico: but if anything happened to him, i would kill everyone in tartarus and then myself.
> 
> trigger warnings for people who hate body horror or mutilation because... this chapter is stock full of blood. be warned. also, this part is actually the thing that inspired the entire fic. probably my favorite chapter of the whole story... despite the hellstorm that goes down.
> 
> beta read by poisontown on tumblr! go check her out!

after the third monster attack, things had become predictable.

****

that’s what nico thought as he kept his iron sword unsheathed from its ring form and attached to his belt, placing his hand on the hilt in preparation for any skirmish that would come their way. the first attackers were a group of laestrygonians that caught sight of him and leo, yelling a battle cry as they ran towards the half-bloods holding clubs and bludgeons above their one-eyed heads. nico unsheathed his stygian iron sword just in time to cut through them, slashing through their large hunks one by one until they lay in disassembled heaps around his feet. leo assisted him in scattering the remainder of their vessels so they couldn’t reassemble in time. their raging howls were reduced to gurgled gasps as they returned to a bile-like state.

****

the second attempt was actually fended off by leo. he had been trailing behind nico in silence, thumbing the celestial bronze knife he had discovered on the altar and running his finger across the edge of the blade. despite claiming it was a weapon good enough for use, leo stared at it as if it was an omen for the worst  —  perfect for when a scarlet-red harpy spotted and dove towards them. nico didn’t have any time to react when he heard a whiz in the air; in the next second, the harpy was dead on the ground with a knife lodged into her forehead. leo went over and plucked it out, nodding over for nico to decapitate the monster and dispose of the head.

****

by the third assault, they were already suspecting it. hands itched towards their weapons as they observed the looming mass of a gargantuan hellhound. its fur was the color of black tar, and its eyes glowed like the fiery pits of hell itself. the hound was minding its own business until its attention swiveled to nico and leo, letting out an echoing bark before charging. nico and leo were about to defend themselves when bob lifted his broom above his head and brought it down on the monster, slamming and crushing the hellhound’s head against the wasteland soil. he then swept the remains, using the broom as a lever to hoist the hound into the air and out of their path. nico and leo gaped at the titan’s sudden attack. all bob did was grin and pet small bob’s furless coat.

****

nico and leo mindlessly followed the colossal titan, hands grasping weapons and separated from each other. they’ve had a few small assaults since the hellhound. most were lower-class monsters of  _ dracaena  _ and even a giant crab. nico was slowly starting to gain confidence in his swings; his blade, though light from the loss of the souls he had acquired from the titan war, grew powerful with every stab or slash he gave as if it still had its tether to the undead that nico feared it lost. next to him, leo was fiddling with his fingers in an uncharacteristic quiet. his gaze was held forward as if trying to ignore him. nico debated whether or not he should start a conversation. 

****

leo was right  — he was good with knives. he could throw it with ease and hit a target for yards. he could quickly stab a monster behind the back and flee without being noticed, targeting the next one in their way. hell, he could throw the dagger in the air, kick it, and be able to hit a siren right between the eyes. it clearly displayed that leo had experience with the use of knives, and it wasn’t just from piper’s input. 

****

even so, nico still held onto the belief that without leo using his powers, it would only serve to make things more difficult. he had little knowledge as to why leo was so avoidant of his fire. leo had an accident and scorched his arm, but even before that, nico rarely saw him conjure a flame in his palm. he only used it for emergencies, but this was  _ tartarus _ , and they needed to utilize all of their resources. leo barely had any with his toolbelt out of condition and his only weapon being a dagger that could easily be broken or lost. nico didn’t want him to use his powers so that their chances of survival were greater; nico wanted him to use his powers because he remembers the blood dripping from leo’s clawed side. his eyes weak and his legs stumbling, about to collapse any second. and he didn’t want to remember that.

****

he scowled as he stared at the boy beside him, whose finger was tapping that familiar rhythm on his arm. nico knew that tapping, out of the corner of his memory. he couldn’t place it at the moment, but he’s seen that type of communication before. the taps either quick or prolonged and spaced between a set. if he could watch a little longer the memory would come back to him...

****

suddenly, leo caught his eye. nico quickly turned his head away from leo, directing his attention to a drakon nesting inside golden cocoon, reforming disgustingly. nico’s stomach tightened.

****

“do you think they miss us?” leo suddenly inquired.

****

“who?” nico questioned, although he already had an idea of what the answer was. he directed his gaze back to leo, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

****

“the seven,” leo answered, nodding his head towards the cavern ceiling plagued by stalactites and beating veins. tartarus’ bubbling, acidic blood coursed through them like soda. “you think they miss us?”

****

“of course.”  _ they’re going to miss you _ . nico wanted the seven to care about him. he begrudgingly loves jason’s brotherly attitude and his pure faith in nico despite the warnings on his packaging. he loves hazel’s unwavering kindness, how much she reminds him of bianca but is her own entity in his reality, someone he wanted to protect. he loves reyna and how she snakes her arm around his shoulders when he allows her, telling him everything will be okay. he can’t get his hopes up about having a happy life with them. nico was destined to be an outcast. as the argo crew sat around the dinner table, laughing at each other and telling jokes and stories, he never felt so left out because he knew he could never be apart of that. to others, from camp to the ancient lands, he would be the outcast. the villain.

****

nico had dreamed of becoming a hero since he was a child. that card game he used to play set up his life goal to be a savior to others. but he was a spawn of hades, and others refused to see anything past that. he would forever be the antagonist of the story, the villain to the hero. a villain to percy jackson.

****

nico felt a tap on his shoulder, bringing him out of his self-loathing fazed state. leo was there, right next to him and frowning at him.

****

“you didn’t hear me, did you?” leo asked with eyes narrowed. nico didn’t, too caught up in his own emotions to notice. “i asked if you missed them too.”

****

“of course i do,” nico answered truthfully, yet his voice wavered even if his response was honest. there was nothing he wanted more than to be a part of their world; be considered both ally and friend to them. he wanted to be beside them as they fought against creatures of the pit and listen to the aches of their hearts, but he can’t wish for that. it was a hopeless dream.

****

“... do you think we’ll ever see them again?” leo asked, snapping nico from his trail of thoughts once more. leo was often the one who brought nico back from the oceans of his own mind, returning him to reality with just a few words. nico thought that if he had fallen into tartarus alone, he would have been consumed by his own brain. here in tartarus, leo’s voice was not its usual loud and boastful manner. it was soft, cracked and withdrawn. nico figured that this was leo’s true voice.

****

he had no idea if they would survive this hellish landscape, even with the help of bob the titan and their new skeleton pet, but he persisted, offering leo an answer of neutrality. “we’ll see.”

****

leo nodded, both of them sharing the knowledge that though the response lacked closure, they knew that it was the only one that truly encompassed their situation. leo started to pick up his steps, passing bob and spinning towards him to start a conversation. nico ignored the feeling of rejection he felt, opting to quicken his pace to catch up with him. he kept a short distance from the boy though, as leo seemed like he didn’t want to speak with him at the moment.

****

“we getting closer, bob?” leo questioned the custodian giant. “we should take a rest somewhere.”

****

“not there yet,” bob supplied sympathetically. he looked the same way he did when nico had last visited him at hades’ palace. his navy blue janitor jumpsuit was dirty with grease, and his silver eyes were full of kindness and joy that was lacking here in the underworld. no one would ever suspect that he was originally one of the titans birthed by mother earth herself and held one of the four corners of the world in the palm of his hand. “we almost to sideways though! we can rest there,” he piped cheerfully.

****

leo blinked in confusion. “i’m sorry. sideways?”

****

bob nodded, oblivious to leo’s hints of judgement in his facade. “bob take you to lady of death mist. lady in the dark lands. where it’s dark. goes sideways.”

****

“ _ lady of the death mist _ ?” leo asked. “who’s that?”

****

bob was overcome with nervousness, gripping his broom with shaking hands, contrasting the confident grasp he had when battling hellhounds and  _ dracanae _ . small bob sat on his shoulder and sensed his nervousness, nuzzling the titan’s chin. “can’t name lady. bad name.”

****

“names have power,” nico muttered enough to let leo hear him, arm crossing in contemplation. despite the anonymity presented by bob regarding the lady, nico was certain he had heard the term  _ death mist  _ from persephone once, his motherly step-mother. he attempted to recall the information, but tartarus was playing its trick again, turning his mind to pudding and causing him to forget all the details from a conversation nico wasn’t even sure he had. all of a sudden, he was back in the forests of california, navigating through branches and tree roots. he was an amnesiac to his parentage and his life before hera decided to trade him with jason. everything was lost on him.

****

“okay, okay,” leo mumbled under his breath, unsheathing his celestial bronze knife to twirl around his fingers in boredom. “how far is this  _ sideways  _ part?”

****

“we here now!” bob exclaimed, pointing to a portion of tartarus up ahead. the sideways was a depression in the landscape with small rock spires and a discolor to its surface, causing a typhoon of memories to surface in nico’s head.  _ forests of california _ , he called to mind as he caught sight of the woods farther into the depression. the trees were like animal spines with jutting dead branches.

****

“huh,” leo bitterly hummed. “least it’s not sideways.”

****

nico ignored the comment, choosing instead to approach near the edge of the hill that lead down to the forest. it was not sideways or darker for the armpit of tartarus; it was cold. no, it wasn’t just cold  —  it was freezing. an antarctica so chilling it caused him to shiver a bit. nico was adaptable to the temperature, letting the coolness of the air hit his body. he’s had experience in the coldest depths of the underworld. leo next to him, however, was trembling in his army jacket, clutching his shoulders as he quivered in his work boots. nico thought the boy was resistant to cold, but he figured that would only do so much for regular conditions. hell knew how to turn you against yourself.

****

“you okay?” nico asked, about to lay a hand on leo’s shoulder when the other reacted unexpectedly  — he recoiled from his touch. it was almost like when bob had attempted to heal the son of hephaestus. the boy stumbled back with wide eyes and pouring sweat.

****

“i- i’m good,” leo replied, managing to force a smile that nico could see right through. leo noticed nico peeking through the mask he had set up, and the grin was quickly replaced with a grimace. “something feels wrong here.”

****

“dark and sideways,” bob called out. he was already making his descent towards the outstretch of trees at the end of the plains, glancing back up at his two demigods with a worried expression. “leo okay?”

****

“he’s fine,” nico answered, though not so sure of that himself. he eyed leo, making sure he wouldn’t drop dead right next to him. eventually, leo’s shivers died down and he gave a thumbs up. nico kept a close eye on him as they both started their own trail towards the uncanny valley of trees below.

****

they were able to descend the small hill, reaching the cracked surface of the depression. it was akin to the environment around a volcano, although lacking the heat that they usually maintained. the steam piling through the small cracks was bone chilling, filling nico with a sense of dread. leo was right. something wasn’t right here.

****

paranoia started to settle in as they made their way through the entrance to the dark lands. nico constantly spun his head around to survey the area in fear of being watched. he felt the pair  — no, pairs  — of a thousand eyes boring into his skull. he was fighting the urge to whip out his blade from his belt loop and call out to whoever was staring, the feeling starting to kill him. leo was doing better, but his eyes darted side to side, up and down, searching for an invisible force as his hand made its way back to the knife in his belt. bob was the only one unaffected, appearing like he was taking a stroll in a park in contrast to the prison of the damned. he was whistling a work tune as he nuzzled the sleeping  _ spartus  _ sitting on his shoulder.

****

they were just at the edge of the forest line when leo stopped walking. he seemed frozen in time, pupils constricted and fists growing tight. he was a statue until nico caught eye of his trembling hands.

****

“what is it?” nico asked him. 

****

bob turned towards them with a frown, noticing leo in his motionless state. “why we stop?” he questioned confused.

****

“leo,” nico called, trying to snap leo out of his daze, “leo, what is it-?”

****

leo shushed him. “shut up for a sec.” he glared at the bony trees, picking out something resting atop of the branches. “i think there’s something above us.”

****

nico knitted his eyebrows together at the statement, about to question what leo knew that he didn’t, when he heard a shake to his right. he spun and directed his gaze upwards to the top of the tree he was in front of. the tall dead sequoia was rustling, and a shadow was perched atop one of the branches. its glaring, scarlet eyes stared at him with a piercing duo of lights. the sight stirred a feeling of guilt inside him. a guilt so tremendous that nico stumbled back, holding his arm out to shield leo from whatever was on that forsaken branch. then he looked skyward, the feeling of paranoia now more sensible as his heart beat against the cage it was within. 

****

there was a circling patch of shadows flying through the air, surrounding the group and making horrific shrieks as they began diving from the high ground, slowly descending upon their prey. the hag in the tree crawled down from its perch, along with many others, showcasing its shadowy figure with wings resembling the furies’ but in the absence of a whip in their claws. it donned rags that cascaded across the ground like streams of blood with talons long and brass, glinting with hunger. despite the creature’s face shifting so much that he could barely make out an expression, he knew it was grinning.

****

_ a son of hades!  _ a voice shrieked, echoing from everywhere and nowhere at all. it was a collective voice of the monsters above and below. all of the demons’ pupiless eyes trained on nico and leo with starvation and bloodlust. a chorus of wails formed a single mind and spoke to them like whispers in the back of their heads.  _ how delightful! and you brought a fire wielder with you! such opportunity! _

****

nico unsheathed the stygian iron sword from his belt, pointing it at the hag in front of him, biting down how he felt himself shrinking beneath their craving gazes and filling his voice with enough power as he could. “state who you are. now.”

****

a blood curdling choir of laughter rang through his head, unavoidable from all directions. he wanted to shake the voices from out there, like beating a glass vase against the hardwood floor.  _ we are the arai, the curses, spawns of nyx… we know who you are, demigods. we will curse you thousands in the name of tartarus! _

****

“hooray,” leo grumbled, gripping his knife in a protective stance. his voice was laced with hints of nervousness, his limbs trying to remain still.

****

bob carefully plucked the sleeping form of small bob on his shoulder and placed him inside his pocket, gripping his spear-broom with confident hands, ready to protect the demigods that had called for his help. “bob don’t like curses. bob protect nico and leo.”

****

the demon women formed a tight circle around the half-bloods, snapping at them with fangs from their misty facades. nico was unable to count the amount of  _ arai  _ surrounding them. thousands as they had implied, if he could guess. their talons grew sharper as they neared, and their smiles became more prominent. nico kept his sword hand steady on the first demon that they had crossed, locking eyes with her red irises. she advanced a step and nico barely brushed her chest with the blade. all she did was sneer.

****

_ you cannot destroy us _ , the voice spoke all around, deafening to nico’s ears.  _ you know who we are, son of hades. you know what we do to those who kill us. _

****

nico did, unfortunately. the recollection of information granted to him by his father was popping back from the depths it had lay dormant until now. kill an  _ arai _ , then be inflicted by a curse someone or something had wished for, your dying breath on their own tongue, killed or not. nico did not want to be inflicted by such tragedies, having killed more monsters than other demigods had ever attempted, yet by the sheer mass of the curses, he knew it was their only option. nico settled upon them the wolvish glare he had learned from lupa herself, teeth baring and the darkness around him sizzling with power as he quietly challenged any of the demons to move.

****

one did. 

****

nico immediately countered, cutting through the body of the spirit as she leapt forward, causing her to dissipate into mist. it would have been an easy kill, a small victory that would’ve filled nico with adrenaline and power, but then he experienced the feeling of a rock slamming against his nose. he stuttered back with a cry. he held his nose with his hand, eyes widening when he witnessed blood drooling from between his fingers.

****

_ the curse of polybotes, bane of poseidon _ , the spirits hummed in unison. voices compiled of the millions of monsters nico has killed in the past, all begging for revenge. nico could taste the salt water on his tongue and the rage of the children of gaea directed towards him as he cradled his bloody nose, already numbed by terminus’ head smashing against it.  _ so many curses, son of hades. so many slain by your hand. which will you choose? _

****

“nico!” leo screamed, about to reach for him when a demon lunged to leo’s left. leo reacted in time, spinning out of the way and lodging his knife in the demon’s backside between the shoulder blades. he took the dagger, dragging it down to create a massive gash through the  _ ara _ ’s spine. nico, under normal circumstances, would have been impressed by the proficiency if panic hadn’t set in when leo’s knees buckled. the boy crumpled to the ground. it was as if leo had been crushed by a massive weight, his body writhing on the ground in anguish.

****

_ ma gasket, the hyperborean, lady of the cyclopes _ , the  _ arai _ cackled in sadistic glee.  _ feel the pain and anger she felt when you reduced her sons to smithereens, the agony she felt as she was crushed by your fire. little lion, do you ever feel the way she felt? _

****

“do you ever  **shut the fuck up** ?” leo yelled, arms trembling as he pushed himself from the ground, grinding his teeth with the effort. nico was next to him in an instant, assisting him from the ground and gripping him tightly with his right arm. desperately, his sword darted between the curses, anticipating the ones who would move next.

****

he was caught off guard when this time a group of  _ arai _ began the assault, too many for nico to incapacitate while he tried to keep leo from collapsing. then they screamed as they were suddenly swept away by a gigantic broom, dissolving into puddled mist. that earned a blushing pride from bob the titan, already adrenalized by the kill he had successfully completed. “no curses for bob!” he cried out in glee as he swiped through the hordes of vengeful spirits, effortlessly cutting through their bodies with his spear-broom and “sweeping” them back to the sky. nico silently thanked him as he steadied leo on him.

****

“are you good now?” nico asked, keeping an eye on bob as he swept through the  _ arai _ . the infliction of curses suddenly ceased whenever he tore them to pieces. nico was reminded suddenly of bob’s fall in the lethe, wiping away all his memories and creating a whole new being. iapetus was gone. bob had no recollection of his previous life, and therefore had no knowledge of anyone who had wanted to end his life. with bob on their side, nico and leo were unstoppable.

****

… almost.

****

leo groaned as he regained his footing. he was now able to stand up on his own despite his hissing as he cradled his head. “i’m good, i’m good dude.” his eyes widened when he caught sight of nico’s broken nose, the bridge of it out of place and throbbing with numbness. “what about-?”

****

_ you! _

****

the two froze as they stood, heads spinning towards a small group of  _ arai  _ who had escaped the assault of bob the titan, the janitor busy with his own horde. now their attention was directed towards the weaker, potentially heavily cursed demigods. they held up their silver talons, dripping of blood and poison as they licked their barely visible lips with snake-like tongues.  _ you can’t escape your own curses, demigods! feel the pain of those who you have wronged! _

****

resentment rose through nico’s body. for once since the closing of the doors of death, he wished these demons wouldn’t dissolve into dust. he could envision their screams as he plunged his sword through their guts, choking on their own blood and dripping bile from open wounds. their screeches would be in agony as nico cut through their bodies with no pause until they were crawling for mercy, begging for the gods above to hear their pleas before nico would finish them off with a painful swipe. for once, the dark thoughts tartarus brought to light in nico’s mind were met with roaring glee. the desire to cause pain to the monsters have plagued his nightmares for years.

****

leo’s eyes were steady with a sharp, calculated look, searching for weaknesses in the curses just like the  _ empousa _ , finding weak points in their armor. “there’s really no escaping, is there?”

****

“no,” nico answered. 

****

leo sighed in exasperation, but his face was more stoic as he held his knife directed towards the demons. he looked different, with the aura of not a comedic teenager but an experienced warrior, ready to cut through hides. “let’s get this over with.”

****

the demon women leapt forward.

****

he and leo were able to kill the majority of  _ arai  _ that had tried to mess with them, and they were inflicted with the curses of monsters that they could hardly recognize. nico was burdened by the torrent of blade slices from the shades up in alaska, listening to every single one’s last dying wish that revolved around nico di angelo being dead. he was coated in stabs and cuts, rips through his skin and clothes worsened by the poison in the atmosphere. one of the  _ arai _ he had beheaded created a slice down his back, reducing his aviator jacket into halved tatters. the sleeves hung from both arms uselessly. the sight was enough to destroy nico’s fears, rage coursing through his body at the sight of his beloved aviator jacket now beyond repair. it had been with him since he was eleven, through thick and thin. it brought him warmth in cold nights, and now it was gone. he discarded it and bared his teeth as he quickly decapitated an  _ ara  _ nearing bob.

****

leo was inflicted by his share of curses as well. majority of the ones he received were from forgotten, low-rank monsters: earthborns,  _ venti _ , cyclopes. at one point, leo cursed as he jabbed a knife through a monster’s hide. beast claws tore bloodily through his clothes, ruining his military jacket to shreds and leaving him in his shirt. dirtied with nothing but talons, blood, and grease. leo became so angered at the destruction of his coat that his blade began to glow with heat, a blinding orange light, as he cut through the curses surrounding him. he willingly received arrows and knives to his body as his dagger sizzled with the smoking of his body.

****

some  _ arai _ contained curses that were mild, often only sword slices or arrow pierces. others contained curses purely emotional, filling nico with intense fear by one but immense rage by another. nico and leo were kept alive, barely surviving because of bob by their side, grinning in self-satisfaction as he quickly discarded the  _ arai  _ into the “trash.” he was about to smash his broom into a group of shadows and go in for the kill, when the voices ran through the air once more. directed straight at the titan himself.

****

_ why must you prevent your friends from being cursed when you are cursed yourself?  _ the women jeered.  _ we cannot torture you, for you lost the memories because of the son of hades himself! _

****

bob froze. his eyes widened, the spearhead of his broom dipping as he registered what the  _ arai  _ had spoken towards him. his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “what did hag say?”

****

“bob!” nico called out towards him, falling on deaf ears. the titan was motionless, cogs whirring in his head with muscles as still as a statue. “don’t listen to them!” he cried, swiping through an assaulting hag and cursing quietly as he felt a voltage shock through his stomach. “they’re trying to trick you!”

****

_ why must you lie, nico di angelo?  _ the spirits taunted. the usage of his full name stirred up feelings of mortification and frustration within him, boiling the blood in his veins.  _ why must you torture the titan further? _

****

“bob’s… my memory…” bob choked on his next few words, dropping his broom with a  _ clang!  _ against the obsidian ground. “that was you?” tears started to well up in the titan’s silver eyes as he pointed at nico with an accusatory finger. he didn’t look angry, but there was a clear sight of something nico despised being the cause of  —  betrayal. there was betrayal in those watering, gray eyes, and nico felt his sword droop from its stance in front of him. he already knew this would happen eventually. leo warned him. hyperion’s appearance warned him. now that this was actually happening, now that bob had discovered who he was and knew who nico was to him, it served nothing but guilt. weighted guilt.

****

“bob, i’m sorry!” nico apologized with a cracking voice, blinking and wiping away tears that threatened to pour from his eyes. he desperately tried to reason with the titan, knowing that his voice was not enough because his mind thought differently. “i didn’t steal your memory, you fell in the river lethe. i visited you in hades. you remember that!”

****

bob’s face was uncertain by his pleas. the  _ arai  _ circling him made matters worse.  _ yet you kept him in the dark. you left him to scrub floors and do dishes and never bothered to think of how he felt. how does it feel, son of hades? to know that all you did for him was just to use him. _

****

“nico… nico lied to bob,” bob stuttered out, stumbling backwards into the spine-like trees as if he wanted to fade through them. nico thought he could handle the situation if bob had been angry, but this… the overwhelming misery in bob’s silver irises, staring at nico as if he had stolen his entire life away, sickened him. it cut deep into his heart. “nico used bob.”

****

“no, bob, they’re lying!” nico forced out, and he knew he was lying because, for once, the  _ arai  _ were right. maybe there was a reason why people considered nico the villain of the story. nico believed he embraced the thought long ago, accustomed with the idea that he would never find a place within others, but when bob retreated through the forest and out of sight, he screamed. screamed for bob to return to the demigods he had left vulnerable, wanting to apologize for all the mistakes he had ever made. nico was begging, begging for a sign that he wasn’t the villain. “bob, come back!”

****

“nico!”

****

the  _ arai _ had started closing in once more after eliminating the obstacle in their way, clacking tongues and stifling giggles as they circled around the son of hades. he felt helpless. his sword was an extra weight on his imbalanced body, eyes darting towards each of the _ arai _ as they sharpened their claws. nico felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle now that they had found him at his weakest, the hide between the armor, and hopes destroyed. he was so focused on the utter grief he felt at losing bob, the titan now hating him to shreds, that he barely registered a hand wrapping around his own.

****

“nico, come on!” leo yelled, tugging forcefully on nico’s wrist. nico was frozen on the spot, a single tear escaping from its cell in his eye. bob was right, leo was right, everyone was right  — nico was weak. he was so weak. he thought that everything was at his disposal, willing to take chances and forget the consequences. he thought he could use bob as a way to get out of being cursed. he thought he could take advantage of leo’s fire to survive. he thought he could be accepted into camp half-blood as a hero after he took a quest to defeat mother nature. none of that was ever going to be true. somehow fate found a way back. somehow fate would always be there to remind nico of just how alone he was in the world.

****

“nico!” leo screamed. he spun nico around and pressed their foreheads together to gain nico’s full attention. “we need to go!”

****

leo didn’t leave room for protest when nico opened his mouth to retort, dashing into the eerie forest and pulling nico with him. nico was stumbling by the sudden velocity. the son of hephaestus was moving so fast, nico would have been left in the dust if it weren’t for the boy’s iron grip on his wrist, not even panting as his legs carried both of them at blinding speed. he was a fast runner, nico remembered, since they had first met. but in the life-or-death situation they found themselves trapped in, leo could have been mistaken for a hermes spawn.

****

leo kept his pull on him, jumping over logs and stumps and winding through branches of tall forgotten trees, gray and ashy and devoid of any life. their trunks began growing faces of mortified souls. each whistle of the branches by their makeshift wind as they flew past sounded like desperate shrieks for help. nico ignored them as the two passed between leaning spirals of wood and over mazes of branches scattered on the ground. few minutes after they had begun the chase, nico snapped out of the stupor he was in and pushed himself to run faster, albeit slower than leo’s speed, and he held his sword in ready for when any  _ ara  _ caught up with them.

****

one of them did. a spiny hag jumped from the canopy of trees, startling them in their tracks. nico quickly drove his sword into her chest, relishing in her cries of agony as she melted into fog. then occurred a searing pain in his face, and he screeched at the feeling of a steaming sword slicing diagonally across his head and cutting it into half. the pain blinded him for several moments. he touched his facade with his sword hand. it came up bloody.

****

leo tugged his hand, frantic as the cries of the women sounded closer with every second they lost. “come on, we have to lose them!”

****

nico craned his neck behind him, his gaze wandering through the blackness beyond spiraling branches and twisting snake-like vines. he could still hear their cackling, see their sadistic smirks, taste the metal in his mouth after each kill he succeeded. he could still feel the misery and despair fill him as the ones he had cut down finally achieved their wish. he felt his hold on leo’s hand tighten, the excruciating experience of his face splitting open taking its toll the more he stood still.

****

leo squeezed back. “come on, neeks.”

****

_ neeks? _

****

“... okay.” and they ran.

* * *

“jesus christ, hold still will you?”

nico flinched as leo pressed the bandages to his face again, applying pressure on the wound in order to cease the bleeding. every single strip that leo had cut up from nico’s burn swath with his knife to press on nico’s cut came up bloody. soaked from top to bottom in nothing but red. they sat at a small open enclosure of the forest so disclosed by the trees looming above them that it formed a temporary roof, preventing air view of them as they tried to clean their bruises. nico kept his blade in his lap. his gaze persistent on the surroundings in case one of the  _ arai  _ jumped them from the sides.

he was perched on a rock, silent as the wound stung, though not as torturous as before. the instant his face was cut into halves, he knew who had inflicted the curse without the aid of the  _ arai _ , recalling the memory of a demonic cheerleader with fiery hair and a scarlet smile dragging her sharp nail diagonally across her face from her right eyebrow to left cheek. she had achieved vengeance upon her killer. the pain was worse than the pain from nico’s broken nose, which could barely smell anything at all in the moment.

leo was kneeled next to him, trying to keep nico still as he pressed the bandage cloth over nico’s burden. he was not doing well either. claw marks were present over his skin, attempting to rip him open the shirt. his bare arms bled onto his wrists. there were holes embedded through his clothes that were flushed red, a thousand invisible arrows piercing him through the torso. leo had swiped at them when he received them, as if trying to pull the unseen weapons out of himself  — to no avail.

“how bad?” nico asked.

“the wound?” leo pulled back, scanning nico’s face and wincing at the sight. “not great. they got you good. shouldn’t be too much of a problem though since the bleeding’s starting to die down.”

nico nodded slightly, letting the boy continue his work as his mind wandered off to bob. he wondered where he was and how much turmoil he was facing now that he knew who he was and knew how much nico had hidden from him since they met. he used the titan as an advantage in the depths of hell, bending him to his will just like the skeletons beneath their feet. as he watched leo clean the blood dripping from his nostrils and forehead, he wondered if leo ever felt the same way. was nico using leo too? he had tried to force him to use his powers and gotten him injured in several instances because nico wasn’t attentive or being self-destructive. 

he didn’t want leo to look at him the way bob did. he was the closest thing nico had to a friend here.

leo’s eyes were empty, soulless shells pierced into his face as he focused on the task at hand. eventually, the bleeding died down a significant amount, so leo took up a long strip of bandage and pressed it to the gash between nico’s nose and eyebrows, ordering him to hold it for a few minutes at least.

then the boy collapsed, back leaning on the rock nico was sitting on, too exhausted to tend to his own wounds. nico knew that that was unacceptable.

“hand me one,” nico said, pointing to the pile of bandages laying on the ashy ground. leo frowned at him.

“dude, you need to-”

“i said, hand me one.”

leo sighed, grabbing a single one from the pile and handing it to nico. nico immediately set to work, wrapping the bandage around leo’s forearm. he tied it around one of the triads of beast claws while leo watched, face contorting into surprise before melting into acknowledgement, not bothering to protest nico from his work. leo ended up with only three wrappings due to the lack of enough supplies, with no ointment to stop infection and hardly enough clean bandages to cover them any more. leo stuffed the extras in his tool belt, throwing the bloody ones used for nico’s face somewhere unseen in the forest.

“where did bob go?” leo inquired out of nowhere after seconds of silence, resting his head on nico’s hip unconsciously. nico’s hand moved on its own, resting on the boy’s soft curls filled with ash and grease and caressing it softly, quietly acknowledging the sort of comfort he felt as he ran his fingers through it. 

“he’s gone.” he tried to keep his voice monotone. a sort of boulder for them to rest their hopes on despite how weak nico felt. nico despised feeling weak. “his memory’s back. he’s probably going up to hades’ palace or… somewhere.”

“so, we’re stuck,” leo mumbled. “we’re going to get killed by evil hags and if not, we’re going to die while trying to look for that lady or whatever.”

“we’re not going to die,” nico responded.

“how can you think that when we’re literally in hell?” leo waved off nico’s fingers that were starting to knead through his ringlets, his hand slapping against nico’s thin wrist though not with enough force to actively hurt him. “gods, if we make it out of here, it’ll be a miracle. are we even sure we lost those chicks?”

nico scanned the area. there was nothing worthy of looking at. only the trees, with their narrow waists and gloomy height, that grew so far over their heads that they were barely trees anymore, acting like spires shooting from the ground and releasing suffering instead of the air nico missed breathing. this was the armpit, the entrance to the dark lands. cold and unforgiving and so unbelievably  **dark** . the two could barely see through the blackness between the trees. their vision reduced tremendously due to tartarus’ power. darkness was supposed to be nico’s territory. leo was supposed to vanquish darkness with just a light from his hand, but nothing was right here. nothing could ever fix this belly of the beast.

it was quiet, an eerie silence that permeated through the vicinity, like the atmosphere was holding its breath for the worst to come. were the  _ arai  _ even gone? were they waiting for nico and leo to believe that everything would be fine, that they had escaped, only to grab for them at the last minute? nico didn’t want to take that chance.

“i don’t know.” nico let go of his hold on the bandage on his face. the regular scarlet lessened to a salmon pink against the white fabric. he proceeded to use it to clean his obsidian blade, using the clean side to wipe away the blue and indigo dust resting on the sword that refused to be absorbed. before, the blade would be clean of any monster remnants  — now it served reminders to him of all that he has caused through the blood dripping from the tip.

leo curled in on himself and unsheathed his knife, staring at his reflection in the knife. his eyes had dark circles, his hair was a mess, and his expression contained nothing but exhaustion. “we can’t stay here, can we?”

“no,” nico answered honestly. he stared at the bleeding cuts over his arms, now magenta and light red as he ran his fingers over them, wincing by the stinging of invisible bees. “but we should lay low for a while. get our bearings.”

“and when the _ arai _ come?”

nico let out a breath through his nose. “we run like hell.”

the two sat in silence, listening to the devoid echoing through tartarus. the longer nico sat in this wretched forest, the more on edge he felt. he was paranoid, eyes bouncing from dead sequoia to dead sequoia in the case of a curse detecting them. he buried down the tiny sliver of hope he had of bob returning to them with open arms, willing to forgive. he knew that would never happen.

he remembered leo’s question back during their tread to the dark lands.  _ do you think they miss us?  _ and nico hoped so. he misses them, misses them so much it made his chest physically hurt. not just from the wounds it had sustained. he wanted to hug his sister with as much strength as he could muster, hold frank’s large frame as he buried his face in his chest, and listen to piper’s soothing humming as he fell asleep. he missed them. silently, he begged the gods to close the doors on their own and bring nico back from tartarus, just so he could hear their laughter one last time before he dies.

he found himself staring at leo valdez. he was forcing his eyes to keep open, tapping against his knees as he stared off into the distance of the canopy. nico’s promise to him echoed in his mind.  _ they weren’t going to die. _

then a rustle sounded overhead. nico was immediately drawn to it, an almost relief washing over him at his vigilance to everything around them. he quickly shot up from his spot and threw away the bandage cleaning his sword, staring up at the branches and searching for the familiar red-eyed, demon-winged shadow. leo stood at the same time, wielding his knife in one hand and gripping nico’s in the other. both were glaring upwards, ready for a spirit to strike.

nothing came.

“is there something up there?” leo whispered.

nico was still, as if medusa set her gaze upon him, yet uncertainty grew like roots within his skin. “stay close,” nico told him in a whisper, both staring up at the sky in preparation for an attack. leo’s back was pressed against his own, facing opposite of his line of sight yet just as vigilant. nico held his sword so tightly his knuckles turned white. warnings were blaring within him and alerting him of the presence of the monster, with the familiar tightening of his gut and the air pressure growing heavy.

then it happened.

an  _ ara _ jumped not from the trees but from the side, lunging at leo with such speed the son of hephaestus would have been cut in half if he weren’t trained on her direction. leo reacted swiftly, slicing her neck open with a ferocious strike of his knife, reducing her back to the elements to reform far away. then leo let out a blood-curdling scream from the top of his lungs, dropping his knife and stumbling backwards in horror and torment. nico was startled by the sudden reaction, attempting to observe the curse leo had been afflicted with. he was frozen in place, his eyes widening and tongue going dry. leo’s left arm was burned. not a red burn from touching a piping hot kettle  — no, it was a cremation of his entire arm from the tips of his fingers to his elbow. burnt to the blackest coal. leo was crying, tears streaming down his face as he leaned against the nearest tree, clutching the unburnt portion of his arm and fighting down screams.

“my arm!” he shrieked, pain coursing through his voice as he writhed. “my fucking arm!”

leo’s cries brought nico from his stunned state, and he pulled the boy close to him as he waited for the  _ arai _ to appear through the maze of trees, letting the boy clutch onto his skull t-shirt. they found them, he knew immediately with a bitter thought. nico reached into leo’s tool belt, bringing out the remaining bandages. the boy whimpered, sobs wracking through his throat as the nails of his intact arm created painful imprints on nico’s shoulder, whispering “it burns, it fucking  _ burns _ .” nico tried to place a bandage on the burnt skin, but it only increased the searing of leo’s burnt flesh, smoking and bolstering leo’s agonizing screeches. the burning was gradually growing over his elbow, creating the sound of sizzling meat.

_ the curse of khione, goddess of snow _ , a chorus of voices sang as one, and the  _ arai _ revealed themselves with their narrow talons and harrowing wings, feasting upon nico and leo with vengeful eyes as they perched on the thin branches of the tree tops with predatory gazes.  _ the woman’s ice was no match for your fire, little lion. so she has cursed you to endure the torture she did. _

nico kept an arm around leo’s shoulders. “we need to run,” he ordered, and leo nodded weakly, biting his lip so hard that blood trailed from his chapped mouth. the two backed up around two steps as they faced the  _ arai _ who grinned in pure joy in the torment they were in. then they spun around, the two sprinting through the forest line.

_ you cannot run from your own fates, demigods!  _ the curses screeched, their voices ringing through nico’s skull until he couldn’t filter it out anymore, a bee in a jar in his head. he kept his hold on leo with as much strength as he could muster, a pull in his gut leaning him towards a direction he didn’t know as east or west, north or south, only trusting his instinct as he held leo with his free arm. leo was grunting in anguish, yet his feet continued to sprint with as much swiftness as he had when they had first tried to escape the demonic spirits. the two ran as the tug in nico’s stomach grew stronger. only too late that the desperate trail nico was following on instinct was realized to be their demise as they escaped the forest’s wretched grasp, ending up in a clearing.

they were at the edge of a cliff. the gray-ashed, cracked surface ran for a few yards before dropping at a ninety degree angle, mist gathering in the open space that stretched for miles on all sides. neither of them knew how far the drop was, but they could hear cries and growls from beneath the ledge down in the mist of the pit. nico had lead him and leo to a dead end.

nico cursed, hoping leo was in stable condition to continue fighting. he wasn’t. the boy was gasping for breath, holding onto his blackened arm which seemed thinner, as if it was disintegrating in every passing second. it smelled like sulfur. leo’s knife was lost somewhere in the woods, too far to return to. nico kept his glare on the line of white, phantom-like trees opposite of the cliff drop, his guard up as he waited for the  _ arai  _ to burst through to the clearing. he readied his blade to protect them both.

then a chorus of demonic chants echoed from the heavens. nico directed his attention upwards to find the  _ arai _ , hundreds above them in the formation of a river of angry souls, descending towards them with outstretched wings and talons, ready to satisfy their hunger, but nico was ready. he sliced through them as they came one by one, receiving curses with each kill, yet he kept persistent. the darkness around him writhed in his presence. he had killed three, then four, then five, but missed one as she swerved to his left instead of towards him, causing him to miscalculate and swing at open air.

he spun around, trying to locate the last one when leo screamed his name. nico caught the slight scent of sulfur and the sound of a fire bursting to life in the poisonous air as he spun around in time to see leo ignite his hand and slam it through the  _ ara _ that had tried to sneak up on him, killing her with a single torrent of flame. 

leo extinguished the flame quickly, bringing back his good hand to his scorched arm and panting from the effort, hunched over. he tilted his head back up, and nico’s breath hitched. leo’s eyes were gray. not just the irises but the pupils as well, glazed over that nico thought he was blind for a second if leo’s eyes weren’t darting around. a frown settled on his features, “nico?”

“leo,” nico called out, “are you hurt?”

“nico?” leo didn’t seem to hear him, stumbling around and trying to locate the son of hades. he swiveled his head in all directions. “nico, where are you?”

nico was stunned for a second, calling leo’s name again, but his words fell on deaf ears. the  _ arai _ crowded around them, cackling as if they were in the front row seats for a show nico didn’t understand. leo continued to call out nico, his voice starting to become cracked and frantic as he searched for him. “nico!” leo yelled out, his facade slowly contorting into nothing but utter grief, breaking into porcelain pieces right in front of nico. “nico, this isn’t fucking funny, where are you?”

“leo-” nico tried to reach for him, but his hand passed through leo’s wrist. the sight caused nico’s entire body to shudder in mortification. for a second, nico thought leo was a ghost. dead. like a wailing banshee screaming for those they knew before being lost to thanatos’ touch, stuck between planes of existence. nico attempted to grab him again, more desperate than the first try, but leo never registered it. nico’s outstretched hand created ripples in his visage like water.

“what did you do?” nico screamed at the  _ arai _ , whose stifled giggles became laughter so loud it caused a rattle in nico’s skull,

_ we did nothing _ , the  _ arai _ chuckled at the son of hephaestus, helpless and forgotten as he called out for nico.  _ your companion merely is inflicted with a curse that is nothing like the others. only a human would cause such an infliction on a poor boy. now he is lost with no one to hear his pleas. he will die alone here, as he was meant to be. _

“nico!” leo was blinking tears out of his eyes, knees buckling under him as he screamed at the pain of his arm. the burns were advancing towards his shoulder slowly. the rips in his jeans forced his knees to meet the sharp rocks jutting out from beneath him, but leo didn’t care, only crying out for nico. “you said we wouldn’t die here. you fucking  _ promised _ . why did you lie to me?  _ where did you go? _ ” he sobbed, oblivious to the  _ arai _ already creeping towards him, placing their wrinkled hands on his shaking shoulders, ready to dig their claws into his poor vessel.

nico thought tartarus had already broken him. that it already brought the worst out of him, made him see red and forced him to kill with nothing but glee.  —  but then he saw the heartbroken look on leo’s face, and suddenly, he couldn’t hear anything. he couldn’t taste anything but the stingy blood in his mouth. he couldn’t think. but he could feel. and nico felt his heart steel once more. the metaphorical plants around his feet withered at the stench of his deathly power, his eyes focusing and his back straightening and his breathing calming. he felt the  _ arai _ start to back up at the sudden surge of power nico was exhibiting, watching him warily as the ground started shaking with his anger. nico could feel no blood in the veins between his wrists. all that was flowing in them was

pure

unbridled

**hate.**

and nico went crazy, his body moving on its own accord with the flood of bitterness and resentment and loathing within him, and he fought. he fought like fucking hell, twisting his sword through necks and limbs and mouths and reducing the demons to puddles, letting every curse course through him and make him stronger. he ignored the pain of a thousand arrows piercing his skin or the torment of chains of hot fire slapping against him because all he could think of was leo. how leo depended on him to survive, how leo depended on him to keep him safe, how nico depended on him as well, and how leo had the look of utter sorrow as he knelt on the ground, clutching his arm that was slowly growing with agony that could never be healed. nico knew he had to keep him safe. he knew he had to get them out of this hellstorm alive.

nico felt as if he was winning. his primal instinct as a greek fighter and swordsman took over his mind and body, leaving his only actions to killing and killing more. the  _ arai _ were screeching in mortification as nico reduced them to mist just by being in their vicinity, watching their souls flicker and die out by every flood of power nico let out. the underworld bent to his mere will, and nico was powerful. he wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t a villain  — he  was powerful, and anyone who tried to kill those he swore to protect by blood and bone would meet their end by his blade.

the curses stacked up on him, but nico ignored it. he forced the exhaustion down in order to continue fighting. he had claw marks through his spine, water forced into his lungs, vines impaled through his stomach, and a flea in his eye, yet he still went strong.

soon there was only few  _ arai _ left, around a dozen still standing. nico was heaving, weights of a thousand monsters killed by his own hand embedded onto his skin. smoke piled from his body, the feeling of torches in his head caused it to feel aflame, but he didn’t care, and still in his adrenaline rush, he beheaded an  _ ara _ . a mistake now that he looks back upon it.

nico started choking, doubling back and collapsing as a poisonous taste threatened to suffocate him. burning as it seethed through his throat. the tip of his sword fell to the ground. he watched as dark green gorgon blood dribbled down his chin and hit the ground, creating steam as it corroded through the surface. he leaned on his blade, barely hearing the curses around him laughing at how even after all he had done, all of their ranks he had killed, he was finally beginning to lose his grip on reality.  _ ah, the curse of phineas, what a fantastic way to die!  _ they shrieked.  _ taste the pain he had felt when you had unwisely tricked him, demigod. you will reach your end by the blind man’s poison. _

“no…” he rasped out, struggling to his feet despite his trembling knees, panting as the poison dug deeper and choked him with the smoke piling in his throat. the women grinned, as if in awe by how resilient he was, desperate to survive with every ounce of his body. he advanced slowly towards them with heaving breaths, his sword dragging and causing sparks to fly as it screeched like metal against the ground. he glared at them. “what are you fucking waiting for?”

_ so desperate to meet your end _ , the voice in the air spoke.  _ very well. _

they attacked. nico killed them all. 

his chest was doused in gasoline and set on fire. his hands were pierced by nails as if on a crucifix. but he killed them all, single swings effectively finishing them off. nico would have relished in the victory, basked in the defeat of enemies who thought they could destroy him. but he didn’t. the last one he killed had the worst curse of them all. his soul was being pulled from him. a chain around it, as if it was being forced out of his body. he gasped, the pain of a thousand curses taking its toll on him, and he collapsed, facing upwards as the agony was so strong he was almost numb. the final curse was as if the underworld was forcibly stealing the soul between his rib cage, causing him to convulse with the poison drooling out of his lips and his face to slice open once more. even without the  _ arai _ ’s voices swirling around him, he could hear the man. the man telling him that he would one day get used to the stench of death.

as nico felt his soul being ripped from the vessel of his body, he felt his sanity drip away as he stared up at the roof of tartarus. in his dying moments, he saw everything. he could see the numerous monsters flowing through tartarus’ blood stream with bared fangs and harrowing silhouettes. he could hear every voice in the wasteland screech in celebration of mother earth’s unavoidable rise to wake. for once, he saw the rift between life and death, a limbo of existence, and the power nico had left was gone. his sword discarded by his side, looking up at the inverse of sky and wondering… wondering…

_ will  _ **_he_ ** _ be okay? _

and then there was darkness.


	5. v. healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe we'll be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i keep on forgetting to mention! but I got the inspo for nico getting his arm burnt by leo from an adorable fic called embers in the dark, which is on orphan_account. you guys should check it out!  
> \- the blood pact is not an actual greek ritual! just an idea i had and wanted to play around with.  
> \- damasen canonically had a lot of mortal friends, so it would make sense that he would bring gifts and belongings from them down to the underworld. and damasen is here! and bob! and small bob!  
> \- nico and leo's exchange is more exposition for each other than comfort and emotion, as that will be the premise for the next chapter. more information will be shed as well in the next update!
> 
> please go check out my beta-reader poisontown on tumblr. do it right now. :/

_phantom limb syndrome_.

****

a term that leo had heard once or twice in the past from the infirmary back at camp. after the amputation of a limb, from a finger to an entire leg, a person can feel pain as if it was still attached to them, as if what was lost still existed and begged to come back. leo never really understood why that happened, or even understood any of the effects of losing a part of oneself — yet now he sat on damasen’s bed that was ten times his size, thumbing the nub that was now his arm; it felt as if his eyes were opened, and he did not like what he was seeing.

****

the kindly giant, bob’s friend damasen, had to amputate it while he was asleep, administering some milk-like substance to leo to keep him from waking up. he had said that the burning was incurable, hardly reacting to any of his ointments and growing closer and closer to his heart. it would have killed him. _it was the only way_ , damasen had told him with sympathetic eyes. his irises were not full of pity. they were full of understanding. leo continued to trace the empty air, his arm ending abruptly underneath the shoulder blade in a clean cut. and he felt pain. not enough to make him shriek like he had first done when he had received the curse of khione, but enough to make him feel uncomfortable. not… right.

****

leo was staring at nico di angelo. every time he turned away, he found his eyes trailing back towards the raven-haired boy. he felt a wrenching ache in his chest, but he could not stop looking at the guy’s state. nico had gone against the _arai_ alone while leo was incapacitated. he had received thousands upon thousands of curses, his body smoking and barely visible by the time leo had been cured by bob with a touch to the forehead, snapping him out of his infliction of loneliness. leo didn’t register it as he was trying to wake nico up, his almost lifeless form sprawled out on the ground, but now he realized that he had been crying. he was so scared of losing nico, screaming for him to wake up, ignoring the aching pain all over him, and begging bob to take them to a safe place as the titan could not cure the stacks of curses on him. bob did, without any hesitance, and brought them to damasen, the bane of ares.

****

nico’s head was comforted by a large white pillow, his olive-skin a little more healthy and colorful than its stark paleness after killing all the _arai_ at the cliff. his body, however, was littered with scars. his arms were decorated with slashes and claw marks, his face was bludgeoned by a cut diagonal across the nose, and on his shirtless chest leo could see a large, dark veined spot. a wound as if his soul had been forcefully removed from his ribcage. leo hoped that wasn’t the case. without meaning to, he moved a little closer and brushed a long strand of black hair from nico’s face.

****

nico didn’t react.

****

“he’ll come to,” damasen spoke, stirring a bubbling liquid inside a metal pot. leo knew it was from the drakon he had killed outside. damasen said he’ll reveal his story to both of them when nico awakens, though he had spilled that the drakon in this swampy habitat was a curse placed on him by the earth mother herself, and needed to be killed every day. as if tartarus couldn’t get enough of curses. the giant, being the prime adversary to the war god, had a nurturing and gentle aura, not hosting a want to kill for pleasure unlike ares. “for now, we just have to be patient. how’s the arm?”

****

leo stared down at the phantom of a limb he had. “great.” the pain was still mildly uncomfortable. leo thought it would’ve been better to just let the fire consume him.

****

“bob sorry,” bob remarked, solemnly. he sat in a chair that was surprisingly a bit larger than him. the other giant was twice bob’s size. he had been sniffling since he had heard leo’s cries, his screams calling for nico eventually developed into cries for others that he knew, including bob. it brought the titan to where leo was sobbing on the ground while nico was near death. now the custodian was playing with small bob, who had awoken and pawed at the fabric on his shoulders, holding his broom as if it was a burden to him. “bob shouldn’t have left.”

****

leo wasn’t mad. he couldn’t be, even after bob had decided to retreat and left them to the mercy of the curses. leo would have done the same in his position, run away the second he realized he was being used, a tool for staying alive. during the quest for hera, nico had lost his memories and depended on leo to help him bring them back through his dreams. bob had no one to do that for him, only following what they said and never knowing his true origins. he never questioned their true intentions. it made guilt swell up inside of leo. he had been so wary to trust the titan at first, especially the first time bob tried to heal him, but now he realized that the giant had put all his trust into him… and he broke it.

****

“it’s not your fault bob,” leo soothed. small bob was climbing down from his perch on bob’s shoulder and onto leo’s lap. leo mindlessly ran his fingers over the smooth white bone. his left shoulder moved as well, but without the arm leo had possessed. it was a useless maneuver. “we should have told you.”

****

“bob remembers now,” bob sniffled, blinking away tears starting to form in his sad silver eyes. “bob knows what he did. bob doesn’t like what he did. knows nico and leo tried to protect him.”

****

leo did not feel as if he had protected him. their original plan was to keep bob from regaining his memories as the titan of the west, so that he would not become who he was before and murder nico and leo before they even had a chance to get to the doors of death. bob was right — they had been using him. leo knew what it felt like to be used and then discarded. the hypocrisy came into effect and made the empty limb feel like a void in him, a realization that leo was turning into something because of tartarus. nico was in a comatose state, bob felt like a failure, and leo _just wants to go home._

****

“you’re better than that,” leo choked out, trying to keep his voice steady. the air was like hundreds of miles of water on top of him, gallons upon gallons slowly crushing him until his ribs imploded and his skull was flat. “you brought us here, remember. you saved us from kelli. you’re more than what you were in the past.”

****

“what was leo’s past like?” bob suddenly inquired. the question was so simple yet enough to make the muscles under leo’s skin crawl like cockroaches. leo hated cockroaches.

****

“not that great, _señor_ ,” leo answered, his hand going still on small bob’s furless coat. something in him told him to answer truthfully, say every single thing about leo’s history that he tried so hard to bundle down and keep tightened on a leash, yet he couldn’t. it wasn’t the feeling of vulnerability towards another person, much less a titan, that scared him. no, it wasn’t even the spilling of his inner workings and mechanisms to a person who might see him as the monster he truly was either. it was the struggle to stay sane as he recounted his life, realizing things as he rambled on about his mother’s death, or his foster parents’ abuse, or his time as a homeless runaway on the streets. it was realizing that he had been weak. that even after all the struggle he had been through, he was still weak. he killed his mother, he let them hurt and chase him, he was a child of the _diablo_ and nothing could change that. everything was his fault.

****

leo _hated_ his past. he hated the way his hands lit up in flames, hated how terrified he could be just by a door opening or a hand reaching out for him, hated how tartarus somehow brought all the things leo had tried to stuff down for years up to the surface, buoyant above the waters of leo’s soul. leo hated his past because the past reminds him of just how _worthless_ he was.

****

his father had told him once that his fatal flaw was _inferiority_ , feeling as if you were inferior to others around you. as leo continued to glance at nico, the truth was so vivid that it could’ve blinded him.

****

“but leo is good,” bob thought out loud. “you think bob is better than his past?”

****

leo forced a smile, genuine in terms of believing that bob deserves a second chance, false in terms of how much of a hypocrite leo was. “a hundred percent.”

****

bob smiled back, a sunny grin that seemed to melt away the uncomfortable sensations in the absence of leo’s left arm and softening up his features. he let the titan glow with happiness. it was something that leo needed but didn’t feel as if he deserved. leo continued to pet small bob’s tiny head, listening to the quiet purrs and trying to mentally run away from everything that has happened so far.

****

then, leo suddenly felt the bed shift next to him. his head snapped to nico di angelo, groaning throatily as he tried to sit up. his eyes were shut tight as if it was painful to move even a single muscle. leo’s remaining arm shot out, pushing him back down gently in order to save the son of hades more torment. he already looked like he was in agony, although it seemed to be from the sudden awareness of being alive and not the countless wounds all over his physique.

****

“dude, take a breather,” leo instructed, keeping his hand on the boy’s chest to stop nico from making any more moves that would have hurt himself. nico’s eyes fluttered open, blinking in the glare of the makeshift lights scattered around the interior beams on the ceiling of the hut, taking in everything and resting his gaze on leo, who was watching in hopes that nico wouldn’t suddenly black out once more. “you’re an idiot, you know that?”

****

“leo?” nico rasped out. the gorgon poison, one of the strongest curses that refused to be cured simply by bob’s touch, made his voice so gravelly it was like nails on a chalkboard. it was as if nico had hit puberty once more, his voice becoming deeper and scratchy. leo tried to ignore it, focusing his mind away from the misery brought to him by the sight of nico being reduced to such a weakened state. because of _him_. 

****

“yeah, i’m here,” leo replied, then gestured to bob next to the bed on the tall white drakon bone chair. “and so is bob.”

****

“bob?” nico craned his neck towards the titan, who looked as if he were about to burst into tears once more. “i thought you were gone.”

****

“bob came back,” bob choked out, leaning closer to be eye to eye with nico. “bob sorry. bob shouldn’t have left.”

****

nico was quiet for a few beats. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have done that to you. you had the right to leave.”

****

bob sniffled. “no, nico almost died. bob should have stayed. bob is happy you’re okay.”

****

leo was silent during the exchange, yet he reached out to lay a gentle hand on nico’s sword arm. “can you sit up now?” he asked, trying for a comforting whisper. he was careful not to touch any of the thousands of cuts on nico’s arm, worried that if he did they would simply reopen again. nico nodded after a few seconds of pondering, sitting upwards with leo’s help. nico grimaced, touching over his deeply-scarred face and taking in his surroundings.

****

“where are we?” he asked, after observing the comfortable living space he had woken to. damasen’s hut was warm, a comfortable temperature unlike the scorching heat of the phlegethon or the bitter cold of the forest of the dark lands. a roaring fireplace was opposite the giant’s small kitchen. there were drakon furnishings everywhere they looked, from the gaping mouth of a rug nesting on the floor, to the skins that acted as bed sheets neatly folded on the edge of the bedding. skulls, each identical with their narrow teeth and long noses, were placed on the walls as decoration. despite the eerie mortem design, it was down-right cozy compared to whatever lurked outside the swampy location.

****

“my cabin,” damasen responded for leo and bob, adding a few more ingredients to the drakon soup that made the air smell like delicious strewing chicken, filling leo’s nostrils with warmth. “i’m damasen, giant bane of ares. your friend bob brought you here. you had so many curses stacked upon you that you would have died by the time he had cured all of them. you’ve been resting since.”

****

“you’re not one of the giants?” nico questioned, turning towards the scarlet-skinned, long haired giant who had small bones placed neatly within his sunset dreads. damasen shook his head in answer.

****

“no, i rebelled long ago. the giants were created as the antithesis to the olympians, their prime adversaries whose differences acted as an advantage. i was created in opposition, the god of war, and as a result…”

****

he let his sentence cease, but leo already knew what he was implying. ares was a war-hungry, power lusting god. meanwhile, damasen was created as a kind and loving giant, going against gaea’s wishes to live in a life of peace after war. he was in tartarus, cursed to live in this place of torment and anguish, for a single misconduct that he would not name. another soul on a blacklist of those who have earned cruel fates in the name of goodness for being but a decent person.

****

“oh.” nico was silent, resting his croaky voice and appearing as if he were about to take another rest when he froze, eyes widening at the sight of leo’s amputated limb. “your arm.”

****

emotions leo was trying to regulate came back again in full force. he remembered the pure and utter anguish he felt at the hands of khione’s wrath. his arm burnt to a crisp by her rage and causing him to scream at the heavens from the agony. the bundle of nerves had been scorched to nothing, numbed by the growing fire from the tips of his fingers. khione did not merely curse him with flames. no, that would have been too easy to cure — she went as far to turn his own fire against him, burning him from the inside out. the heat consumed his arm until all that was left was cinders, barely attached to the bones that were left intact. he hated her, he wanted to hurt her, but she was a goddess, wielder of winter - and leo wasn’t a fighter.

****

yet even that curse didn’t amount to the last one he had received, the one that was so powerful _y tan doloroso_ that leo couldn’t even recall it without his heart pumping faster and sweat smothering his skin. leo thought that although there were monsters in the world, monsters that have tried to kill him countless times and bleed him over the stones of their strength, humans were truly the ones that could hurt him. the ones he should fear. monsters were more machine-like than humans, predictable with weaknesses that he could memorize with ease. humans were volatile, fragile yet power-hungry, so unbelievably ruthless that they could be added to gaea’s army and fit right in. _she_ was a human. _she_ had to curse him. _she_ cursed him to be alone.

****

leo was so caught up with his inner turmoil that he suddenly remembered that nico desired an answer to his statement. “oh, yeah!” leo exclaimed, forcing a smile to ensure nico that everything was okay. “yeah, we had to cut off my arm. understandable, i mean i’m way too gorgeous to be in one piece.”

****

nico was frowning, clearly seeing past leo’s facade. there was something in his eyes, a dread or a regret that made him seem like his actual age, older as if he had seen the world for what it is and already lost hope of it ever getting better. then nico suddenly reached out, about to touch the nub of leo’s arm. leo automatically recoiled, stomach twisting with acid and his mouth moving on its own. “don’t _fucking touch me_.”

****

he knew he had fucked up when he saw nico’s eyes flash with hurt, his arm immediately retreating, albeit slowly, as leo’s reaction was registered into his system. leo was ashamed, ashamed of letting his fears slip and his tongue with it, trying to form coherent words as an apology. “oh, wait- no, i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have-”

****

“it’s fine,” nico rasped, crossing his arms and looking anywhere but leo. he didn’t look mad, or if he was, he wasn’t showing it. guilt etched across his face and a little bit of something else that leo couldn’t read. leo was an observant person, trying to make sense of other people as they never said what he needed them to say, and nico was no exception, quiet as small bob leapt off leo’s lap and into his own, nuzzling the cat’s jaw with his slender yet incredibly scarred fingertips. nico di angelo was an ungraspable piece of information that leo could never understand.

****

bob seemed to sense the tension in the air, slowly standing up, uncomfortable due to the heaviness overhead. “bob go help damasen.”

****

he left to his giant friend, leaving nico and leo alone with their thoughts. no matter how many times it had happened, leo hated being alone with his thoughts. the mild discomfort was now blaring due to lack of distraction. he touched where his shoulder blade was originally connected to the bone within the rest of his forsaken arm, wincing not from pain, but from how unreal yet vivid everything felt. leo wanted nothing more than to scream, break down and let everything spill out. he reminisced how he had screamed nico’s name, abandoned in tartarus and left to the claws of enemies he couldn’t see, and he feels shame. leo wanted to be strong, wanted to be a boulder to the both of them, but a single curse was enough to reduce him to that young little boy on the street, running away from the first foster home he ever went to, hiding beneath a cardboard box he salvaged from a dumpster, and forcing himself to hold back the tears. he wasn’t a boulder. he was a pebble.

****

“does it hurt?” nico stated after minutes of them dancing around the words they tried to form within their mindscapes. leo slowly swiveled his head to him, nico’s eyes carefully observing the ghost of leo’s left. leo shook his head.

****

“just feels weird,” he answered, not the whole story but not a lie either. “your face?”

****

nico traced the diagonal scar that leo had stopped from bleeding out, dark and violet against his cheekbones. he grimaced from the feeling, quickly bringing down his arm and resting his fingers back on the _spartus_ sitting on him, a sort of comfort. “it’s okay.”

****

leo nodded. then he let out the burning question, one that he had been pleading to ask the comatose boy once he had awakened from his rest with a single arm and not a single weapon on his body. “why?”

****

nico blinked, befuddled by the sudden question. “why what?”

****

“why did you do it?” leo forced out, his right hand shaking as he gripped onto the bed sheets. the memory of finding nico near dead on the ground was so haunting he needed something to tether him from slipping away into an unforgiving ocean. “fight the _arai_. you almost died.”

****

nico understood the question, but that didn’t mean he knew the answer to it based on the third goddamn period of silence the two found themselves in. then he spoke words that leo never thought would ever come out of his mouth. “i was scared.”

****

leo narrowed his eyes, confusion dawning on him because nico di angelo _was never scared_. “what?”

****

“i was scared, okay?” nico hissed, but it didn’t contain the familiar venom that leo heard whenever nico had to repeat himself. “you were… you were cursed because i wasn’t looking and your eyes… they were gray, as if you were blind. and you kept on calling out to me. i tried to call back but, you never answered, and i tried to touch you but… my hand. it went right through you. i kept trying to grab for you but you never responded. and for a second i thought you were a ghost. that scared me. i thought you were dead. and i… i don’t know, i just started attacking them. one by one. because i was scared.”

****

leo felt frozen, his inner gears ceasing to function by the new information. nico had been trying to protect him. even when leo was left so incredibly fragile from the _arai_ , cursed by one after the other until he barely stood a chance of saving them both or even keeping his legs upright, nico had protected him. protected someone like _him_ , and nearly got himself killed for it. the idea that nico would ever, ever risk his life for him… something bubbled in within leo. something so weird and unfathomable that it formed frustration within him. leo’s hand began to smoke in the turmoil his brain was rolling through and short-circuiting any binds to his common sense. he was angry.

****

“leo?” nico called out. leo realized that his eyes were starting to tear up, feelings starting to swell inside of his body and threaten to pop. the unbridled emotions that leo had contained since falling into the pit unlocked themselves from their cages, and this time leo didn’t stop them because all he had was ire. “are you okay?”

****

leo hated that phrase. he was undeserving of it. nico never directed that phrase towards himself. nico had never even thought about his own well-being and was willing to save leo’s sorry ass when _he_ needed it the most. and that made him lash out.

****

“i don’t even know anymore!” leo cried out. small bob, startled by his outburst, leapt down to the foot of the drakon bone bed, quickly rushing for cover behind bob from a sudden increase in the temperature around leo. “i don’t fucking know. i…” the words he tried to form were not coming up, so he sputtered like a complete idiot while nico was staring at him with widened eyes. “how… how can you be so stupid?”

****

nico’s gaze darkened. “what?”

****

“why do you want to protect me so much?” leo asked, hand fisting the sheets enough to scorch the material. “after all i did to you, after how much i treated you. i fucking burnt your arm, nico! i could have murdered you! yet you’re here, trying to keep us alive when we’re obviously going to _die_ here - and you… you nearly got yourself killed! do you have any idea how fucking important you are? why waste it on me? how are you going to stay alive when you keep on doing this? how are you so fucking _stupid_?”

****

nico’s face was full of disbelief before it settled into a hard glare, one filled with so many piercing daggers that young past leo would have run away at the sight at — but present leo was filled with nothing but unbridled fury and frustration. “you think it’s stupid that i care about you?”

****

“yes!” leo bellowed, his voice cracking. “you matter to the prophecy so much more than me! you can fight, you’re a son of the big three, you can summon a dead army with just a flick of the wrist. meanwhile, i can’t fix a dragon, i have no weapons, and i can’t even be fucking useful when we’re in the center of hell. you’re going to get yourself hurt because of how useless i am. it’s not worth it! they need you up there!”

****

“they?” nico hissed out, his expression enraged. “who’s _they_ ? i’ll never be accepted, no matter where i go. you see how camp half-blood treats me. they’ll fear me for who i am, no matter how much i _try_ to earn their approval. even the seven were terrified of me at first. monsters, mortals - no matter what, i’ll never be enough for them. i’ll always be the monster while you… _di immortales_ , you have kept me sane in this batshit hell. you built a ship with your bare hands, you sailed us to the ancient lands, _you found the athena parthenos and survived tartarus for this long_. if the world is in need of anyone, they fucking need you!”

****

“well, what fucking good am i? i can’t do anything! i lost a fucking arm in our second day here. i keep on endangering my friends and… and i can’t let that happen to you! i can’t let you die. you’re all i have left. if you die - jesus fucking christ, i can’t lose you okay?”

****

“well i can’t lose you!”

****

suddenly, they understood what they were screaming about. all the energy, all the walls, every single fortification leo had set up around him fell to pieces, and the tears he had been forcing behind slipped out. he let every single fucking bitter and self-loathing thought inside of him seep away as he sobbed, not even bothering to hold back tears. in a single moment his arm wrapped around nico’s torso, burying his face in the crook of his neck like the comforting hold they had on each other as they fell through the hole to tartarus, holding so tight he couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t care because nico had lunged forward at the same time he did, arms wrapping around the other’s thinner form and hiding his face in leo’s shoulders. a wetness of tears gathered on his shirt that leo couldn’t give a shit about. the two held each other so tightly, digging their nails into each other’s backs, that neither of them desired to let go. they let every single frustration fall from their souls and into each other’s. 

****

_he didn’t hate nico di angelo_. leo now realized as he allowed himself to be comforted by nico’s embrace, forgetting the emptiness of his lost limb and feeling almost whole again. no, leo didn’t hate nico — he never did. ever since their first meeting, ever since nico had appeared in his dreams, leo didn’t hate him. not even after their arguments, not even after showing distrust towards one another, not even after leo fell apart to his rage and scalded nico’s shoulder. leo now found heaven in nico’s arms, wanting to lay in them and forget about the pain of being alive. he remembered times where he was happy; remembered his mother’s smiling face as she listened to his ramblings; remembered him and his friends on the quest for hera, huddling inside a cave and finding warmth within one another. he remembered nico grabbing his hand as a self-sacrificial effort to keep the boy from tumbling into the darkness alone.

****

nico cares about him, leo’s epiphany rose to the surface, and he cares about him just as much.

****

leo thought that was the hardest he had ever cried in his life. the bundle of emotions in him were now gone and replaced with a melancholic yet fulfilling contentment. he was taking in nico’s scent. it was like a cool winter breeze after damasen had washed the grime and blood off his skin, reminding leo of a home. one that leo had never been to, but one that leo found solace in. he let his eyes close, his cheek resting on the juncture between nico’s neck and shoulder blade as his breathing slowed down to a normal pace. his hands loosened their death grip, but kept the two of them from falling away, back into the abyss of nothingness.

****

“we’re okay,” nico whispered after hours of quiet, the two not even bothering to speak because words became poison in their mouths. “we’re okay.” 

****

and for a second, leo believed that. leo thought that everything was going to be okay.

****

* * *

damasen’s soup was the best thing leo had eaten in a while.

eventually, after the two had calmed down from their argument, he had poured the drakon meat stew into two small bowls that found themselves within the kitchen cupboard, offering them to the demigods in his home along with bony spoons. leo wondered if he ever got tired of the decor, and if damasen was, he wondered if he just didn’t say anything, only giving nico and leo a soft smile and watching them eat. nico had finished it quickly, albeit less rapid as he had with the oranges back at the hermes shrine due to leo’s narrow glares, silent messages for him to not choke on the meat.

leo, on the other hand, was utilizing his legs to keep the bowl in place as he chowed down, trying not to moan from the delicious taste. it was not too sweet, since leo didn’t like eating sweets all that much, the flavor a more settled and warm taste washing over his tongue and filling him with satisfaction. he tried desperately to eat as much as he could to gain energy, but his stomach wasn’t cooperating. it already felt full from the years he spent malnutritioned in both the streets and in foster care. nico noticed (leo doesn’t mind it when nico noticed) and tried to coax him into eating a few more bites. eventually, seeing that leo could barely eat more meat, he told him to finish the liquid portion of the soup at least, even offering the little remnants of his own soup’s broth in case leo was still parched.

the two ate silently, only communicating in occasional glances as they sat next to each other on the bed. leo let his head rest on nico’s shoulder, now clothed by nico’s recently washed skull t-shirt. it wasn’t as bloody as it was from the past few days. leo had no desire to talk at the moment, letting the silence wash over the two of them. in the background, damasen chatted with the sunshine of a titan that was bob. nico was petting small bob on his lap, the _spartus_ finding them in an understanding with each other and happily trailing back to the two, falling asleep and letting the two’s hands comb over his coat. it seemed all the little kitten did was nap and purr, which was not unwelcome at all.

there was something unspoken between nico and leo, and leo was content with that. there was something in the air that told him that what was needed to be said was already told. the two were already aware of the intricalities of a conversation they’ve never had. leo liked this, he admitted within himself. for once, he didn’t feel so alone.

“who cursed you?” nico suddenly inquired, digging his fingers into small bob’s neck and making the cat writhe with pleasure at the gesture, purring happily. 

for some reason, leo didn’t hold back. he was tired of being pushed down by hell and tired of keeping his problems from his friends. he wanted desperately to be a part of things, to be acknowledged, noticed and loved, and never abandoned when they realized who he was. in tartarus, leo saw just how much his body, mind, and soul was broken apart because of his fatal flaw. how it hindered him and forced him to put on a happy face for fear that others would deem him useless. he was tired of it — if he wanted to never be alone, then he would have to open up, so he told nico.

“my aunt rosa.” he saw nico’s eyes widen at the gruesome fact that he had been cursed not by a monster or deity, but one of his mortal family. “i was, uh, born out of wedlock. my mom met hephaestus and gave birth to me, told my family that she had an affair and gotten pregnant. my _tía_ was furious. she thought that i was a child of the devil because of it. not only that, but her family time with my mom was cut short since she was so busy taking care of me.”

nico scowled, looking as if he were about to shadow travel out of tartarus just to slap his aunt in the face. “she cursed you because of _that_?”

leo shook his head, taking in a shaky breath. “no, i think it was more of a grudge back then instead of overbearing hatred. no, she cursed me because… i killed my mom.”

leo let the silence roll, not bothering to look up at nico’s expression for fear of judgement. then the tension started to kill him, and he couldn’t help but dart his eyes back up to the boy’s face. he didn’t look angry, not even after leo had shed light on the entire event that had spent his life spiraling downwards into a pit of despair, and his startled expression was quickly replaced with something unreadable, though it wasn’t judgement. “how did she die?” nico asked. not _why did you kill her?_ or _how could you do such a thing?_ just a simple question that held no side of the argument.

leo’s right and remaining hand went still on the middle of small bob’s bony spine. “gaea had been fucking with me even before the war. i was only eight. my mom forgot her keys and went back inside of the machine shop she worked in. she got locked inside. i tried to reach her, but gaea showed up and… i tried to protect her. but i… i caused a fire. my mom was still stuck inside.” for once, leo couldn’t cry from the retelling of his mother’s tragic death, already having used up all of his tear ducts since he had landed in the river of lamentation. his heart did the crying for him, wrenching painfully. the vivid replay of that night was still strong within his mind.

nico’s eyes were filled with a realization, a sudden understanding for leo’s past behavior. “that’s why you don’t like using your powers. you blame yourself for her death.”

leo nodded. however, blame seemed like a toned-down version of the story — leo knew that his mother’s death was his fault. he had let the fire consume him until there was nothing but ashes. he let his mother choke on the smoke and become scorched by the flames of his rage. leo’s fire was a curse, and the memory of nico nearly suffering the same fate as his mom had been too emotionally wracking for him. he had several panic attacks spanning from it, locking himself in the engine room to prevent anyone from coming in while he sulked. it had taken him days to come out, and even more to face nico di angelo again, apologizing and even bandaging his arm up for him. leo doesn’t think he’s ever had such a big breakdown since his mother’s death.

“i wasn’t the only one to think that,” leo said. “my aunt blamed me for it too. she kicked me out of the family and sent me to foster care. i’ve been weaving through foster homes and sewers and alleyways since then. now…” leo made a vague gesture towards the entire situation. “i’m here. aunt rosa cursed me to be abandoned, alone. because she thought i took her sister away from her.”

leo’s hand released from its hold on small bob’s back, going back to the severed portion of his left arm. it was starting to become a habit. suddenly, leo felt an arm wrap around his waist, not with any forceful pull but a silent embrace that expressed acknowledgment. leo hated it when people say “i’m sorry about x” when they receive knowledge of the death of a loved one, the phrase so fucking fake to his ears that he was immediately filled with bitter thoughts. nico was not doing that, merely placing an arm around him in understanding. leo didn’t want to receive a talk about how his mother’s death was not his fault. he knew no matter how much other evidence was provided, he would forever blame himself for the trauma he had endured, and nico noticed that. 

leo let his hand drop, crawling over his stomach to reach nico’s hand on his waist, intertwining their fingers together.

“i had a sister before hazel,” nico spoke out of nowhere. leo looked at him in befuddlement, to which nico responded with a gaze that said he’d explain. he did. “her name was bianca. we both had the same mom and we were both children of hades. zeus… killed my mom during world war ii in washington d.c. hades protected us and we were dipped in the river lethe, sent to the lotus hotel for seventy years. then we were taken out and got sent to a boarding school. when i was ten, percy jackson found us.”

“that long ago?” leo asked, feeling guilty that he’d interrupted nico’s story when nico didn’t for him, yet the son of hades held no malice in his eyes and merely nodded before continuing.

“we were rescued by the hunters of artemis. my sister decided to join them. at first i was angry — i thought she left me for some people she literally just met, since she had been taking care of me since i could remember. i held a grudge over it for a while, but ultimately i wanted her to be happy. then we were taken to camp, and she had to go on a quest and…” he stopped for a minute, hand tightening until his knuckles turned pale as they gripped leo’s hand. he let out a breath. “percy was going to follow them and i made him promise to keep my sister safe.”

he didn’t speak. leo finished the rest for him. “she didn’t survive, did she?”

nico shook his head. “she died disabling a prototype of talos in hephaestus’ junkyard. that was what percy told me. and i… i couldn’t think straight. he broke our promise. i think if i was any older than i was back then, i would have sent him to the underworld on the spot. i hated him. it wasn’t like the past grudges i held. i genuinely hated him. so i ran away.”

_so i ran away_. leo’s life could have been summed up by that mere phrase. ran away. ran away from all the torment, all the strife, all the pain, and all the hatred from his problems, his past, his everything. stuck in the plane between past and future, left in the present where he wandered mindlessly without a clue for what to do but survive out of necessity. and nico had been there. nico had run away from everything too. “so what happened?”

“the last curse i had received from the _arai_ was from king minos, one of the judges of the dead in hades’ court. the original ghost king. he manipulated me, trying to get me to kill daedalus, the creator of the labyrinth, but eventually i realized who he was and banished him back to the underworld. he cursed me to have my soul banished from my body. i think…” he paused. “i think it would have happened if it weren’t for you.”

leo’s eyes went soft, comforting nico by placing his head back on nico’s shoulder, rubbing small circles on the boy’s thumb. nico didn’t deserve that. nico didn’t deserve to have his promise broken by percy jackson, didn’t deserve to be war-prepped by a ghost from the afterlife, didn’t deserve to fight a war when he was just a ten-year-old with no sense of direction, losing his sister to a hero he thought he could trust. nico di angelo deserved so much better than that, but leo felt as if he tried to form any words as a meaning of comfort towards the boy, they would fall flat. so he didn’t speak of it at all, letting his actions speak the empathy for him.

“wow,” leo mumbled. “we are fucked up.”

nico gave a small laugh. it was so out of place in this shitstorm, yet it made leo’s chest feel light. “yup.”

leo smiled a little. genuine.

they started trading more stories. leo talked about his time running away from law enforcement and the situations he had to deal with in foster care, causing nico’s gaze to darken in anger by how much shit leo had to live with. in turn, leo fought down the urge to strangle camp half-blood with his bare hands when nico spoke about how he had been treated after the titan war, an outcast in one of the only safe havens for greek demigods even though he was a hero. nico had even mentioned his fatal flaw, _rancor_ , bitterness and resent towards others and how it nearly got him killed — how it could have turned him into a weapon for evil, and how it nearly sent him careening to the underworld after fighting the curses. leo told him his own. not out of sympathy or retaliation, but out of a comfort being found within talking with nico. fatal flaws were a serious thing, only told to those you trusted with your life.

as he sat on the white sheets of a giant’s bed and rambled on about his inner thoughts to nico di angelo, he felt at peace. more at home in the belly of the beast. 

damasen had to interrupt, though hesitantly as the two were still whispering to each other. he retrieved nico’s finished bowl and leo’s barely touched one with all the stew drained from it and the meat still in tact. he offered leo a new canteen, a little larger than the one leo had lost to the _empousai_. inside of it was a golden liquid that tasted like warm honey. he also offered them a few snacks and a roll of bandages. leo didn’t want to leave, wanting to live in the confines of the fortified home around him and remain in the comfort of damasen and bob. but where they were going was far more dangerous for both of them to tread along, and the only way out of this hellscape. damasen was confined to the swamp and too damaged to fight, while bob, though hesitant in staying, couldn’t follow as where the lady of the death mist resided was too… “scary.”

damasen’s eyes trailed over to leo’s amputated arm. he let out a mournful sigh. “i wish i had something to remedy your missing limb, son of hephaestus, but… i don’t even have another replacement for it. i’m afraid you’ll have to journey with a single arm.”

leo nodded solemnly, already dreading the truth that he was even more weaponless than when he had first entered the underground. he was without tools, and he could only summon flames in a single arm. he was about to sigh in defeat at the weighing news when something was caught in the corner of his eye. at the opposite edge of damasen’s mighty bed rested a pile of extra drakon bones, smaller than the others that damasen had excavated from the corpse of the monster. most were of teeth and others were of junctures of bone or broken marrow. then his eyes trailed upwards to the makeshift lights above, and how the ropes holding them up against the rafters were all just thin lines laced around each other to create braids. “hold up a sec,” he said to no one in particular, narrowing his eyes at the lights. he pointed towards one of the lines that drooped lower than the others. “you think you can get that?”

damasen brought it down from its high perch, removing the light and placing it on the floor. he handed the rope to leo. it was pretty big, but the individual strands of it were around the same size as a regular rope. he experimented by unraveling one of the strands from the main body, noticing that it came apart with ease. “help me with this, will you?”

nico frowned in confusion. “leo, what are you doing?” 

“utilizing my resources,” leo answered, noticing how nico’s stony eyes melted into puddles at the phrase. he held up the long strand. “now help me.”

the two set to work with bob and damasen’s help, albeit their befuddlement in leo’s unspoken plan. nico and leo unraveled the thick ropes until they had a long, narrow strand to work with while damasen and bob picked out some of the bones from the pile of discarded drakon, breaking off pieces based on leo’s requirements and handing them to him. leo then started executing his idea, the internal blueprints already forming in his mind as he instructed nico to place parts together and hold them together with rope. 

leo asked if damasen had anything that was adhesive, which he did — an amber-colored substance that stuck to a small pail like glue. leo applied it to the bones with nico’s help, connecting parts together and even grabbing hold of a small knife to smooth out rough edges. soon, with the help of the giant, titan, and nico, leo had created a clean-cut, gleaming white prosthetic arm, held together perfectly and with the appearance of a limb made professionally by machines and not from salvaged materials in the den of a war bane. nico stared at it, eyes widened in awe. “leo… you’re a genius.”

“i know!” leo exclaimed, trying to fight down a flush of embarrassment and even pride. leo felt accomplished, a rare occurrence when it came to his inventions. nico placed the limb on the nub of his arm, fitting tight and snug so that it wouldn’t fall off at random. he turned to damasen and bob, both of them gaping at the new mechanism. “you think you can enchant this to function with my internal systems?” 

bob blinked before a grin settled on his gigantic face, nodding as he placed a finger on leo’s arm. leo winced in pain, the discomfort coming back in full force but not enough to be as painful as everything leo has already endured. it was gone quickly. bob retreated his hand, waiting for anything to happen. the bone prosthetic suddenly felt less fake and more… human, an attachment of what was lost, now interlocked with his soul. he tried to lift it. his arm moved upwards, closed and opened his fists, testing out the new limb. it worked perfectly. and leo laughed, overwhelming joy and astonishment overflowing within him. “holy shit!” 

his head snapped towards nico, who was staring at him with a fond smile. “that’s why you’re meant to be on this quest.”

leo smiled back. “you still on about that?”

“course.”

“amazing,” damasen breathed out, inspecting leo’s newly functioning limb. “you truly are a spawn of the blacksmith. wait right here.” he went off to a corner of the single-roomed cabin stocked with spoils of war, picking at a few weapons that he had spoken to leo about. ones that he had salvaged from friends he had lost. leo tapped against his knees with his new arm, smiling at how well it responded to his nervous system. soon damasen had returned, and bob gasped in amazement. 

“you give him the smith weapon?” bob asked. damasen nodded, smiling kindly as he kneeled in front of the bed once more. he held out a small object in his hand that, as it reached leo, became larger and larger until it reached the height of leo’s waist. he felt his eyes widen at the sight.

it was a mace, a rod of celestial bronze mixed with rust and wrapped around the holding area with tight cloth. a thick chain hung onto a small hook at the bottom end. the head of it was the size of leo’s head, a long block of gleaming metal flanged on two sides, sharpened to needle points, designs sketched all over the casting in the appearance of flames and spires. leo feared that it would be too heavy for him to hold, but when damasen placed it within his hands, it felt as light as a feather. he reared back when the head started emanating a sizzling golden amber glow, shimmering by the glare of the makeshift lights. a war hammer.

leo shifted it from hand to hand, staring in awe as he caressed the intricate carvings of the metals over the hammer’s head and the beam supporting it. it was one of the most beautiful weapons he had ever seen.

“it was from an old friend,” damasen explained. “he was a blacksmith in the mortal world who often visited me, allowing me the honor to watch him metalwork in his workshop.” he had an almost faraway look in his eyes, as if reminiscing a long lost love from centuries ago. “when he died, he allowed me to take whatever i desired from the armory he had built up over the years. i took some weapons down here with me when i was banished to tartarus. he named that hammer _hellbringer_. he designed it only for those who could withstand its flames.”

leo ran his hands over the coat. he barely noticed it at first, having been too in awe of the craftsmanship, but he sensed the familiar tingling under his organic hand. the weapon radiated with an intense heat that made even bob rear back a little. the _spartus_ , now awoken in his throne on nico’s lap, hissed by the simmering fire the weapon was exerting, crawling back to his perch on bob’s shoulder. holding _hellbringer_ within his grasp, leo felt almost unstoppable.

“you look good with it,” nico muttered. he looked as if he wanted to touch the mace as well, but he stopped himself short, afraid of being burnt just by laying a finger on the fine metal. “i told you we would find you a weapon.”

leo grinned. “i fucking _love_ this.” he looked up at damasen, who stared at leo with the eyes of a man who had finally reunited with a long lost friend and not a stranger brought into his home, smiling with leo’s jitterness. “thanks,” leo said, with as much gratitude as he could voice out. the giant spoke a “you’re welcome,” a tender look in his eyes as he took in the two demigods.

damasen told them more about the doors of death and how the journey back up to the surface will not be easy. he also shared more about the lady of the death mist and how she will lead them towards the mansion of night, hosting an unnamed occupant that made the two gargantuan men shiver in their spots. the two shared a look of nervousness that told leo that the trek through tartarus would only become harder. damasen even took nico to the side for a private chat, out of range for bob and leo. bob looked at leo with an apologetic gaze.

“bob wish he could come along,” he mumbled. “but bob too weak. bob will find another way to doors.”

“it’s okay, buddy.” leo tried for a comforting hand on the titan’s hand that dipped the bed tremendously, not feeling any sort of resentment towards the large man. “you’ve done enough. you already helped us a ton.”

nico returned, dropping back on the bed. there was something in his eyes. something off. he looked up at bob with an apologetic face. “can you let us talk for a second?” bob nodded patiently, sauntering back over to damasen who was organizing more supplies with small bob on his shoulder cap.

“what’s the matter?” leo asked, noticing nico toying with something that damasen had given him. the son of hades turned to look at him, worry lines that turned his face older than what it truly was when they had begun the quest to the ancient lands. the deep scar running across his face was like a warning to passerby, and his eyes were dark. full of a drive that leo wondered ever faltered after everything they’ve been through. the freckles dusting his cheeks were like galaxies, and the white lines across them like spoils of war. nico exhaled a breath of air he was holding in.

“damasen spoke to me,” nico explained. “he said that… tartarus isn’t going to get any easier. there’s danger in every path, and no matter what, it won’t stop until it breaks our spirits. the lady of the death mist will torture us. and the mansion of night… no one has ever been through it and come out sane. we could die.”

“knew that,” leo muttered bitterly. “so what’d he say?”

nico suddenly took out a knife. it was not at all like the dagger leo had found at the altar of hermes. this blade curved almost like that of a scythe. the white drakon bone was decorated with a glimmering hilt of golden material. there was a range of emotions exhibiting on nico’s scarred yet pondering features. he weighed the knife with his hands, searching for any imbalance. “there’s a way to heighten our chances of getting out of tartarus alive. but there’s a price.”

leo narrowed his eyes, and nico unsheathed a second knife. leo had no idea how many he had acquired from damasen, though nico assured him that there were only two knives. he handed the second blade to leo. light and dreadful, it weighed like a feather but was sharpened to a needle’s edge. “he told me of this ritual. it would be our best bet in making it out of here but the consequences are... deadly.” he took leo’s right hand. “it’s… like a blood pact.”

“a blood pact,” leo repeated, following nico’s gaze downward to the lines within his light palm. leo’s left arm had endured immense torture from nearly dissolving into nothing by holding nico’s sword to having to be amputated due to the curse of khione. leo’s right hand had not suffered any direct injuries minus slashes upon it from the curses of maenads and earthborn. yet leo saw the way the knife glinted in a lust for blood. his hand was left unharmed and empty, and leo already knew what was happening. fun. “okay, how does it work?”

“it’s a swear on the river styx,” nico answered, thumbing the inside of leo’s organic hand as if he were having second thoughts of bringing up the topic. “you know how that works. swearing on the sacred river of the underworld, the promise being broken meaning a fate worse than death. but this swear… it’s fueled by blood, ensures a promise that can never be broken. a regular swear’s consequences are severe, but if you break this oath…” nico let the sentence drag, but leo caught the gist and felt nerves wrack up in his body. if either of them break the oath, somehow their fate would be strikingly _worse_ than a fate worse than death. leo had no idea what could be more deadly than that. not wanting to dwell on the subject, he nodded his head with a gulp for nico to continue.

“two people slit the palms of their most vulnerable hand,” nico explained. “the lost blood will create an agreement and bond, and with the swearing of the river styx, it will only strengthen. the oath that is made is forged by both blood and bone, meaning that if we swear to keep each other alive, the scales could turn to our side. if we fail… it could mean that neither of us return from here.”

leo let out a shaky breath. he’s seen monsters feasting on demigod flesh, been chased by rampaging ogres, tricked the kerkopes, and been turned into gold. the looming warning that their fate would be so intertwined that if one dies, the other suffers consequences worse than a life of pain and suffering. it made him feel endangered, trapped. nico had the same expression, barely visible, but leo could read his eyes, dark and grim. he was seeing so many possibilities within his obsidian pupils, and out of habit he brushed a hair from nico’s face. the latter blinked in surprise before he began to speak again.

“it’s risky,” he said. “but damasen said that if we want to close those doors and get out of here intact… we need to. or else we’ll never go back home.”

leo knew that as well. he knew the consequences, and for once he was willing to fight against the odds. he wanted to see his friends again, see them laugh or roll their eyes at his comedic humor and feel their comforting embraces. he wants them to never cry for his sake and enjoy life while the world was in fear of ending. and nico… nico was here, risking his entire life just for leo to stay safe, and leo knew that he needed to do the same for him. despite how oblivious he was to the realization before, he cares about him. nico is his friend. and leo wasn’t going to let his friend die prematurely at the hands of monsters that roamed around the heart of the underworld. leo wasn’t going to let anything take him away again.

“let’s do it.” he saw nico’s eyes widen at his almost stoic voice, determined for once in his miserable life. “what do we do?”

nico brought leo’s hand closer to him, causing leo to scoot forward with the sudden movement. his face was only a few inches from nico’s own. he took up leo’s prosthetic hand holding the knife and placed it over his undamaged right palm. “since your most vulnerable hand is the one you have left, you cut your own with the knife.” he then took up his own, placing it over his sword hand. “we swear on the styx, and then cut them at the same time. that should work.”

leo frowned. “but… that’s the hand you use for your sword. that’s gonna hurt.”

“damasen said the cut heals on its own,” nico replied, taking in a shaky breath as he positioned the knife steadily across the horizontal of his hand. he closed it in a fist and twisted his wrist so his hand was vertical and the blood would trail downward. leo did the same. he could feel a radiant power from within the ceremonial knife, the edge already starting to dig into his skin, and willed himself not to open his hand on accident. he looked up at nico to see what he would say next. the boy only brought his hand up higher, leo copying his movements.

“are you ready?” nico asked him. leo nodded, tightening his bone grip on the knife as he steeled his nerves, reminding himself this would be the only way. “okay.” nico exhaled painfully before speaking in ancient greek.

“ _i will protect you and get us out of tartarus._ ”

leo followed up, smoothly switching to the old tongue when he opened his mouth. “ _and i will keep you safe while you do_.”

“ _we swear on the river styx_ ,” and they slit their hands. leo felt a harsh sting. it was not painful like any other agony he had sustained in the past, but it still made him wince a tiny bit. the blood from their collective hands hit the white sheets beneath them, the scarlet gradually becoming a golden color before disappearing entirely, the stain now gone. thunder sounded from no source at all, shaking the hut like a quake in the ground. the knives in both nico and leo’s hands shattered, exploding into gorgeous dust that shimmered out of existence, leaving them back with their original tools. leo looked at his palm. the cut was not bleeding, merely a dark amber line that was horizontal across his hand and almost glowing. a permanent tattoo in reminder of their now forged promise. he glanced up at nico’s hand as well, his own cut black and clean. 

they found their heads pressed against each other, their foreheads touching like it had when nico was so caught up in the misery of losing bob to his memories. when leo called out nico’s name and pulled him into the forest. he felt something in his chest, but he ignored it, only returning nico’s stare in a conversation where neither of them spoke aloud. both knew that they could never go back to where they used to be. there was something in the air, the weight of their oath against their shoulders.

_an oath to keep with final breaths._

the giant and the titan came back, staring at their palms with solemn expressions. “ready to go?” bob asked.

damasen took both of them up within his massive palms and carried them outside, _hellbringer_ strapped to leo’s waist and nico’s stygian iron sword in ring form back on the son of hades’ hand. damasen placed them outside of his hut, the poisonous green waters surrounding the small enclosure that was shielded from the gods and monsters inhabiting tartarus. the drakon’s discarded head was nearly melted away on the side of the swamp. the tearful goodbyes were hard for all of them. leo wanted to cry again, but he held himself back as he hugged bob’s shoulder as much as he could and nuzzled small bob’s white form one last time. the hug with damasen made leo never want to let go of the giant’s facade, feeling at home with the humongous drakon slayer.

“i know you demigods will not fail,” the bane of ares remarked, his soft voice like crystal rivers filled with a sliver of hopefulness for the two’s journey. “i have lost hope centuries ago, of a time when i can finally earn peace. but now, you seem to have given me something to look forward to.” he pointed to the hammer by leo’s hip, glinting in the glow of the winding veins on the ceiling of the abyss. “use _hellbringer_. bring tartarus to its knees.”

leo blinked the tears from his eyes. “okay.” he hugged the giant one last time.

nico and leo were placed on the ground. leo forced himself to keep his pieces together, now back in the cold and unforgiving wasteland. leo wanted desperately for bob and damasen to come along, to be protected by their watchful gazes and their sincere smiles and listen to their cheerful voices in the hellish home they had found themselves trapped within, but they couldn’t. being in tartarus so long could frighten a person, could break them, could make them believe that no one will ever hear their cries for help. bob was scared of wherever they were heading to, too afraid to even say the name of the woman they needed to contact. damasen had lost everything he had because of a single mistake he had made, and as such lost his drive to strive for a better future. 

leo already believed that tartarus had turned him into something else entirely. brought his deepest fears and regrets to assault the ignorance he held as a blanket over him, hiding from the monsters that lurked in the dark. he had already lost hope so many, many times, been brought to his most vulnerable by just breathing in the treachery looming in the atmosphere. but here he was. _hellbringer_ hung from his toolbelt, attached to one of the loops and light against his waist, holding so much raw fire in it meant to destroy anything that found itself at the other end of the bludgeon. he had a new arm carved from the bones of a beast with enough power to kill a mortal with a single jaw snap. leo was dreading the future. he pushed on nonetheless.

he felt nico’s hand clasp his own, nico’s left with leo’s right. they fit snugly together, their scars not inflicting any true pain but the recollection of an oath, and leo knew he would keep his promise to nico. they had gotten this far — nico had kept him alive, and leo had done the same for him. and gods forbid that he would ever break a promise, no matter how little it seemed. their fingers were intertwined tightly, both terrified of what awaited them when they met with the lady of the death mist.

but nico di angelo was here with him. and maybe that raised leo’s hopes a bit.

“let’s go?” nico asked, squeezing leo’s hand in reassurance — though for leo or himself, he didn’t know.

leo nodded. “yeah.”

the two waved a final goodbye to the titan, giant, and _spartus_ standing at the doorway of the hut, watching the two wander away from the haven they had little time to enjoy. they continued to walk, the hut becoming farther and farther away until it was just a spot in the distance, and soon the dark and cold plains were all that surrounded the two demigods. looming spires of oozing blood and cries of dreadful pain echoed throughout the cavern of tartarus. leo still held nico’s hand, long and slender, freckled and scarred with their oath to the styx, with no intention of ever letting go.

they would make it out of here.

they were **hellbent** on it.


	6. vi. drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a misery that never ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit! i am so sorry this chapter is so late! there was like a bunch of stuff going on and my mental health declined kind of? but the fic's back! so that's pretty cool.
> 
> some notes:  
> \- you'll notice that nico's description of percy is super negative but percy isn't a villain, nor am i trying to make him seem like one! it's just a part of nico's bad habits and self-loathing, holding grudges and intense emotions against other people. also percy has showed anger towards nico in the books, and though percy does genuinely care about him, nico takes the reactions to the heart more than others would.  
> \- also i didn't mention this in the last chapter, but nico's fatal flaw is rancor. the reason why i changed it is because it's more specific than holding grudges, which sounds pretty downplayed to me. it's basically the same thing. also it sounds cooler.  
> \- i made the death mist the total opposite of the regular mist, where it hurts when it takes effect while the regular mist isn't lethal, though tricking. also i made akhlys better.  
> \- subtext.
> 
> go check out my beta-reader, poisontown on tumblr. i will not stop telling you guys this until you do.

nico opened his mouth, yet he didn’t know why.

****

it could have been out of emotional necessity. he’s been holding in the secret for so long that it’s his own personal treasure, a weighing burden of memories and thoughts that has been locked in its black box for far too long. it could have been out of retaliation, a compensation for leo valdez trusting him with stories of his own history and personal vendettas. however, if nico was honest, he thinks it’s just because he wants to. inside of him, he believes that leo won’t mind.

****

they hiked beneath a large expanse of rock lower than the rest of the cave ceiling, onyx slabs forming a roof that echoed whenever yelled at, monsters hidden but never moving. nico strided through the territory, eating some of the small wheat crackers packed by damasen, though he never got to ask where they came from. beside him, leo was fiddling with his new weapon, a hammer of gleaming celestial bronze that never seemed to dim no matter how much the darkness tried to extinguish its flame, _hellbringer_ encarved into the base of the handle in ancient greek. leo traced his fingers over the intricate carvings of hellfire and a thousand suns, coffee brown eyes scanning it with the same awe he held when he first received it. leo didn’t need any practice at all. when a cannibalistic ogre began a charge at them, leo swung the bludgeon into the monster’s left, knocking the monster into a rock and reducing it to nothing but tar. the hammer’s massive size did not hinder leo’s performance at all, the boy able to wield it as if he’d been using it his entire life.

****

nico was staring at him. it was a habit for him — watching people. when he wished to keep a far distance from conversation or they wished to keep a far distance from him. just watching. leo’s prosthetic arm, already grimy but persistently ghostly white, was bound well and its appearance was near of an arm, as if his limb was never lost in the first place. leo furrowed his eyebrows as he observed the hammer, the chain dangling over his scraped knees visible through ripped beige jeans, work boots barely holding themselves together. scars plagued every single cavity of his body. an x-mark on his left cheek, claw marks on his forearms, a small nick in the eyebrow. nico had noticed he often lifted his hand to the back of his head, a throbbing ache from an engine block crushing his skull through the curse of ma gasket.

****

nico suffered from the same effects. every once or so he would stop in his tracks, standing perfectly still to cease the occasional harsh tug in his ribcage, his soul howling to be freed from its cage and escape to king minos’ court. his throat felt corroded, rotten vegetables forced down his esophagus and turning anything he consumed into stingy flesh. his vocal chords were forever impaired, the nails against a chalkboard exiting his mouth. there was still a tingling sensation on his face, the sounds of demonic laughter echoing through the air.

****

every time he felt the aftermath, they’d stop dead. after each time, leo took his hand to keep nico from falling apart limb by limb, palm scarred from the blood pact and squeezing softly like a tether to nico’s body. “ _you good?_ ” leo would ask. his eyes would be laced with a worry that nico had seen thousands of times, but with each instance nico felt a blossom of flowers in his chest.

****

“ _i’m okay_ ,” nico would respond, the pain dulling down gradually until it was but a simmer beneath his skin. lead them on in the direction to the lady of the death mist directed by the bane of ares, keeping him buoyant above the surface and out of the waters of agony just by his calloused hand around his own.

****

he was brought back from his long daze by leo’s long yawn, the boy squeezing the handle of the hammer and transforming it into a foot long cylinder of bronze, taking up the ends and watching it narrow until it took the form of a simple necklace, a chain of thin bronze, a small charm hanging from the center. he placed it around his neck, the jewelry hanging beneath the colorful beads of his camp half-blood necklace. leo had learned that the weapon could sheathe itself halfway through their trek, falling in love with it even more than he already has. “gods, how long had we been walking?”

****

“i don’t know,” nico answered. “time doesn’t work here. we could have been walking for only a few minutes or days.”

****

“right.” leo walked with leisured steps, though he held an awareness with his eyes, anticipating any attacks that had lessened the closer they got to the lady. out of fear, nico assumed. leo let his hands fall back down to his thighs after he had clicked the necklace in place, one fiddling with the pockets of his broken toolbelt with the other lacing with nico’s hand. “are you tired? i’m like tired but not tired at the same time.”

****

nico shrugged, tossing the wrappers of the crackers behind his shoulder without a second thought. he didn’t care for recycling here. there was no environment to keep safe. “let’s walk a few more paces. we need to cover as much distance before we rest.” he glanced at leo, tracing over every single beauty mark and freckle dusting his cheeks with his eyes. after the argument and everything else that followed back at their temporary haven, nico felt as if he was seeing leo for the first time. from the first time they met, they kept impenetrable boundaries between each other, but after the fire incident, after falling, after _everything_ , things began to change. they had put their lives at stake for each other more constant than before, shared secrets they had struggled with for years, and now, walking beneath a massive roof of rubble, he was seeing leo in color.

****

now nico is sure that he trusts leo with his fate. since leo had muttered those first words to him — _you look stupid when you brood_ — he felt something. something that told him leo was someone he could trust, could confide with. he had doubts. percy jackson had erupted those same feelings from him ages ago, and here he was. an outcast in one of the only places that could accept people like him. nico rejected the offer to trust leo, and leo had the same motivation, forming a complicated relationship from the two parties, wanting to love but being afraid to lose. an issue they didn’t want a part in.

****

now they protected each other. they fought with each other, got hurt for each other, nearly died for each other. they couldn’t go back to times of ignorance, a time when they weren’t sure of themselves and much less of each other. maybe tartarus was messing with their minds to force them to become this way, but nico doesn’t think so. he refuses to.

****

nico clutches leo’s hand as a grip of reality in the end of times, and suddenly he feels a need. a need that tells him to let out the secret that he had been holding in since the beginning of his long life of a demigod. a secret he’d driven to keep hidden for fear of the increase of stares and whispers that never seemed to go away, a horse fly biting the back of his neck. he doesn’t even think when he asks the question.

****

“can i tell you something?”

****

“yeah, sure,” leo said. before, leo would make false comments for his own entertainment or retaliate with another question, leading the conversation to nowhere and forcing nico to find another person who would listen. except now he answers truthfully, not bothering for what comes before.

****

“you can’t tell anyone,” nico added with a firm gravelled voice. “and i mean _anyone_. not your dad, not the camp, not even the seven. no one.”

****

leo nodded. “i promise.”

****

nico, hearing leo’s determined oath, fell silent for some beats. the seeds of doubt were planted, and instantly his heart was racing and his pulse was quickening like a deer pursued, resisting squeezing leo’s hand too hard for fear that he would break it. he stopped in his tracks and took in a deep sigh, looking at leo’s expecting eyes. they stared at him in wait, lips drawn into a thin line, not in impatience but a gradual nervousness. there was no going back now, no going back to their moments of silence. if leo hated him after this, nico… nico doesn’t actually know how he’ll react. he opens his mouth regardless.

****

“i… i had a crush on percy jackson.”

****

he expected leo to reel back in horror at the news like so many others that would hear the same from their own friends or family, or to whisper promises of acceptance that felt like false oaths swimming in the river styx. to nico’s genuine surprise, leo only blinked, and uttered a string of words nico never thought could be a response to a coming out.

****

“oh fuck, same.”

****

the two jolted at leo’s remark. leo held up his hands to his mouth in shock by his own words, cursing under his breath while nico gaped at him, not knowing how to process anything that happened. “oh wow, that is the worst possible thing i could say in this situation.” leo seemed to come to a realization of the weight in nico’s words, unclamping his hands around his mouth that frowned greatly. “wait, didn’t he break your promise? you said you hated him.”

****

they started walking again. nico exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, the most dreadful part of the conversation dealt with. everything after that was leaning towards a comfortable standpoint. “it’s more complicated than that. i… i grew up in a time where people like me were considered to be inferior. combined with the fact that percy had broken my promise led to…”

****

leo nodded. “well, you don’t have to worry about that with me. is that all? how long you’ve been holding this in?” 

****

“since percy rescued me at that boarding school,” nico answered. “i used to play this dumb card game when i was little called _mythomagic_. percy looked like one of the cards. a hero. i couldn’t help it. he was loyal, he was thoughtful, and he genuinely cared for the people around him. he was everything i looked up to and admired.” he turned his head to leo. “you… have a crush on him too?”

****

leo’s face flushed deeply, fingers reached up to pluck away a small flame that popped up on one the curls dangling in front of his face. he went to fiddling with some elastic ties around his wrist, averting his gaze away in embarrassment. “it was just like a… _wow, he’s hot_ , sorta thing, y'know? i never really told anyone about this besides pipes. aesthetically pleasing, that sort of stuff.”

****

“a kiddie crush.”

****

“yeah, that.”

****

“the thing about my crush on percy… i don’t think i wanted to stop liking him just because he was a boy. he hardly trusted me at first; he still doesn't. he thought i was annoying since we met. i don’t think he even noticed that camp started to avoid me. he didn’t even bother to try to find me until word got out that i was missing.” nico’s fists began shaking. “that’s why i hated him. why i hated myself for liking him too.”

****

nico knew it was unfair. he desperately wanted percy jackson’s approval, an approval he has been seeking all his life. nico wanted percy to treat him like annabeth, or grover, or tyson. anyone. he wanted to be treated not like some kid he met but someone he could trust. percy had other people, others of his age and of his mentality. nico wanted to hope that percy loved him at least like a friend. however, percy believed nico had gotten everything he ever wanted after the war, too occupied with his true family. nico hated him, hated him with every ounce of his being, the sheer anger towards him clouding his decisions and blinding him to think straight. he depended on percy jackson for most of his childhood, yet he never seemed to do the same.

****

“nico.” leo’s voice cutting through nico’s negative barrage of thoughts like a knife through silk, taking up nico’s hand once more and pulling it close to his chest, softly thumbing it. “you’re okay. you’re okay.”

****

“i— i know.” nico was lying, and he knew leo could see that. was this how his father hades felt, pulling rigged straws to be sent down to the deepest pits of earth and forsaken for centuries, forced to work labor while his brothers held egotistic festivals up in the skies? to feel different, feel wrong, as if he was born impaired from the start? it must have been.

****

nico was alone. he had pulled the shortest straw, and he blamed everyone else for the consequences. if he was out of people to blame, the last one in line would always be himself. nico would be alone in the world, holding vicious words and poisonous tongues up to another’s chest, unknowing that it’s his own.

****

“i know that percy is a good person. he saved the world countless times but… nevermind. i know it’s stupid. he’s already done enough for me, and i owe him for it. i just don’t know what i’m doing wrong.”

****

nico’s hands were still shaking with fervor, but gradually, the sensations began to die down until they only hummed through leo’s soft pets on his sword hand. his most vulnerable hand. nico never wanted to make the blood pact. nico didn’t want to damn him and leo to an eternity of suffering, remembering damasen’s kind yet solemn eyes as he whispered the horrific words of the ritual that meant their life or death. leo intertwined their fingers together, and the turbulence within nico’s soul started to stabilize.

****

“nico, percy has no idea what he’s missing out on.” there was a rare expression in place on leo’s face, eyes flaming with a subtle rage with his eyebrows creased in resent. it would have been more at home on nico’s own face. leo was never this angry with someone before. “you are one of the strongest demigods i have ever met. i’ve met gods weaker than you. not only that, but you were able to survive a thousand curses and swim through a river of sorrows. you don’t owe yourself to him. you don’t owe him _shit_. he’s the one that needs to realize what he’s doing wrong.”

****

nico gawked at him in disbelief. “leo—”

****

“percy might be a hero, but he’s also a dumbass,” leo intervened, past fluster with the son of the sea god already behind him, irises determined with his own statement. “if he doesn’t realize how powerful or loyal you are... there’s no point trying to prove your worth. there’s no point when other people already know that.”

****

nico was staring again. it was hard to believe that this was the same young boy that screamed in shock when nico had rounded on him with his falcata sword, timid and so new to the world of monsters — yet nico noticed his eyes had held some sort of familiarity with the concept of beasts. nico thinks back to leo’s talk about his aunt rosa and her manipulation of his family to turn against him, few relatives trying desperately to save him from the claws of foster care. how it was to no avail, and leo had endured genuine torture and hunger from both inside and outside the six homes he had went to. he only told nico of two or three, the others so harrowing to him that when nico asked him about it, he could only try to change the topic. leo had seen monsters not in the form of minotaurs or cyclopes, but in the form of the own people he thought he could trust.

****

leo knew what it was like. leo knew what it was like to be left in the dust. he was older now, his eyes holding a wiseness no matter how many smiles he strained or how many big talk of himself he bellowed. another soul on the list of kids who had grown up too fast, thrown into a world with nothing to latch onto besides the salvaged clothes on his back. maybe that was why nico put his trust into him, or why he was so keen on protecting him. of all the people he has met, he thinks leo is the most deserving of a happy ending. he would try his best to convince him so.

****

“i don’t think you killed your mother, you know that,” nico suddenly stated, speaking directly from the heart. leo gave him a sad, melancholy smile, as if he had heard the phrase countless times, but it still flew wingless, never reaching its desired bullseye. nico wasn’t angry about his reaction; knowing leo, nothing would change his mind. his mother’s death in the workshop would be ingrained into his brain for the rest of his life.

****

“i know you don’t, nico.”

****

“you were just a kid,” nico continued. “even if your fire did kill her, gaea had manipulated you the entire time. tried to break your spirit. i’m not saying that you should only depend on your fire. you have other talents and i’m sorry for sounding like i forced you to use it. but it isn’t good to hold that in. not just your fire but your emotions as well. if you keep all the blame inside of you and run away from who you are…”

****

“i could blow,” leo finished. 

****

nico nodded. “you could blow.”

****

there was a stark difference between how nico and leo coped with loss. nico would direct nothing but frustration towards the sadness and push it away, aim it at other people or wallow in it until he was drowning in self-loathing. leo would try to run away from it, surround himself with distractions in order to forget it poking in the back of his mind. maybe nico was a hypocrite for telling leo this when he was not any closer to recovery as he was before. he genuinely believed that leo could change, not become a new person but a better one.

****

“look at you,” nico told him. “you defeated hundreds of enemies, rescued the athena parthenos, and you’re still walking through the pit of the damned with one arm. you deserve to think that you’re a good person.”

****

leo’s smile came back, though this time it was not with melancholy. it was something else in its entirety. there was a layer of darkness dusting leo’s cheeks and a spark in his eyes. nico decided that he liked it when leo smiled. “you really think that, man?”

****

“have been.” their hands felt like puzzle pieces. nico thinks that they both needed this. “you’re here for a reason.”

****

leo snorted, averting his eyes with the smile never leaving his face. he pondered nico’s words, not too convinced but not too scornful of the idea. nico was patient with him. “i’m serious too, di angelo. don’t try to impress a bunch of people who won’t give a shit about you. they always look on the bad side of things. and sure, maybe percy jackson _does_ care about you, but he’s not the only person you need in your life. you have us…” _you have me_ , leo seemed to add, though it was from within nico’s mind and not the words that came out. nico stopped, his legs wobbly from a millennia of strides and leaning against a nearby mound. he’s tired, he recognizes as he notices the familiar struggle to keep his eyes open.

****

“we should sleep,” nico suggested, voice a drowsy whisper that couldn’t reach high volume on its own accord.

****

leo sighed in relief. “good, i needed that.”

****

they rest on their backs, heads a few inches from the mound and facing the ceiling of the mini-cavern. damasen had told them that the lady of the death mist would be a few more distances away from where they were. they might as well get more sleep. nico still searched for the memory of the woman’s name in his mind, to no avail. tartarus was back to its old tricks. all of the knowledge he had obtained over the years were out of reach in his mind, lost in a labyrinth once more. he and leo had no blankets. he felt exposed, the creatures lurking around them and hiding within the shadows that nico couldn’t penetrate. he hated it, hated not having the upper hand in a situation he couldn’t control.

****

“so, what’s going to happen next?” leo asked. “the mansion of night isn’t far from where the lady of the death mist is. no one has ever come out sane, right?”

****

“yeah…” nico muttered in reply, fighting down a torrent of trepidation from the thought. although he disliked to admit it, he was afraid to even think about the mansion of night. hades was the king of fear, able to bring mortals and monsters to their knees by a glance at his helm of darkness — nico shouldn’t be scared. “monsters avoid every door. it’s in khaos’ abyss, and it’s guarded by…” he felt the blood flowing through his veins run thin, the woman in question the most terrifying creature they would ever face, next to the earth mother herself. “damasen never told me her name. but i know who it is. the goddess of night.”

****

leo furrowed his eyebrows. “the goddess of night? her name has a lot of power, doesn’t it?”

****

nico nodded. he’s heard the stories. one who would invoke her name would summon a deity beyond their control, a force of darkness that has birthed thousands of beasts and immortals with her own blood and bone. the two of them were straying right into her territory, and they would meet an end if they allowed her to mess with their minds.

****

“well, how far does our blood pact go?” leo questioned. “does it give us a blessing or is it like a luck-based thing?”

****

“it’s both. we have a higher chance at coming through the mansion of night with our minds unscathed, getting the doors closed, all of that. the longer we keep each other alive, the oath will reinforce itself and give us more power.”

****

“so it makes us stronger? and we have over a 50/50 chance of completing the quest?”

****

“basically.” though nico had some doubts that it worked. there was a looming weight wherever they went. the burden of their oath weighed across each of their shoulders and whispered in their ears. nico did not feel any stronger or luckier at the moment. tartarus’ magic was strong, stronger than even the gods themselves — it could potentially find a way through the oath and kill them both. _no_ , nico shook his head internally. he couldn’t let that happen. they’ve gotten this far. leo was _not_ going to die, and nico was _not_ going to let him be cursed for the rest of eternity.

****

“you miss bob and damasen?” leo inquired, turning to look at nico. his black curls have grown so tall and long that they fell over the nape of his neck, almost bat-wing like over his scalp. nico nodded, refusing to speak for fear his voice would not work. ever since his limited time with damasen and his occasional visits with bob, along with the care of the tiny _spartus_ they had befriended, nico wished they were here with them. being guardians, tall and kindly as they shielded nico and leo from the world’s inevitable end. he knew it wasn’t that simple. he couldn’t help feeling a little resentful about it. about how bob and damasen were too scared to face off evil, and how nico was the same way.

****

nico didn’t run from these things. he fought back against it or used it as his own weapon. he desired to hurt those who hurt him, to protect those who wanted to protect him. there was no point in running away. pain would be a fuel for him. he allowed it to consume him until there was nothing left but a ghost, blackened with bitterness and resent. _rancor_. such a great fatal flaw for a son of hades.

****

leo turned on his side, away from nico. “i’mma go to sleep. night, neeks.”

****

nico was instantly hit by the recollection of leo’s nickname for him back at the forest, gripping nico’s hand like a vice when nico felt nothing but a searing pain in the flesh of his face, splitting his skull open and leaving a scar that would never heal. nico opened his mouth to ask him where he had gotten it, but leo was already facing away, his back to nico’s face and his breathing quieting yet hitching from occasional chronic pain. nico leaned over the boy’s shoulder to observe his arm, the drakon bone prosthetic discarded by his side and still twitching, connected to leo’s soul. he ignored the ache in his chest from the nub of leo’s arm. _his fault._

****

nico knew better than to wallow in his own pity, though. he exhaled, falling back on his backside and shivering a little in the frosting air. outside the darkness of the roof they laid under, it was searing hot. a volcanic aura all around made him and leo sweat, their shirts damp and hanging off their shoulders helplessly. in the shadows of the abyss, there was a stark contrast of cold. a glacier laid in the middle of the hot spring, infecting him down to the bone. he got used to it after a few minutes, but occasionally shivers would wrack his body out of nowhere.

****

leo looked small as he curled up on himself, trembling from an alien chill that he couldn’t fight no matter how hot his fire burned. he locked himself in a fetal position as he exhaled shakily. nico didn’t know why he felt a sudden need to reach out, but asudden he found himself with his arms wrapped around leo’s torso, a mirror of what happened at the hermes shrine. he felt his face flush when leo jolted a little, opening his eyes with irises of confusion directed towards the son of hades.

****

“uh, sorry—” nico tried to apologize, about to release his hold on leo when the boy turned to face him, tucking his head beneath nico’s chin and burying his face in nico’s chest. compared to the many times they found themselves hugging, leo never looked so tiny. they were around the same height, with nico being barely a centimeter over, yet leo was miniscule in his arms. leo nested into a comfortable position, face hidden from view, letting nico wrap his arms around him in astonishment.

****

“it’s okay,” leo said. “go to sleep.”

****

nico was an idiot for not doing what was told, mesmerized by the way leo’s breathing moved up and down and his snores were barely audible, quiet. his body was warm. nico craved warmth, no matter that the cold was the thing that sent him on an adrenaline rush. the heat soothed all of his troubles and made his eyes hang low until they closed. leo was warm. so nico held him, a light feeling inside of himself as he drifted off, wasting away and away until there was nothing but darkness. a darkness that nico welcomed.

****

he had no nightmares that night.

****

* * *

“i don’t like this.”

“me neither,” nico agreed, staring with leo upon a hag in the center of a barren field, mist gathering at their ankles and feeling like a thousand tiny insects biting at their skin. the hag was a sobbing ghoul, leaning upon a slab of rock with a large object upon it, weeping tears darker than the blackest night. her wails echoed across the entire plain as if she was mourning the deaths of thousands, many of whom died right in front of her fat, gloomy eyes. her wrists were thinner than pin needles. her fingers were but wrinkling talons that hung to the base of the slab like a lifeline. tattered robes gathered around her scrawny legs like pools of sorrow. there was a familiar wrenching of nico’s chest upon the sight of her. _misery_. a misery he had felt countless and countless times before, choking him up and making his body tremble. he heard leo’s hitch next to him, and their hands found each other’s once more, quaking by the influx of memories berating their brains.

“are we going to talk to her?” leo asked, clutching his necklace with a hand in case the lady did something out of their expectations. nico was sure that she was the lady they were meant to meet, but her mere appearance made him recoil at the thought of speaking with her. they had no choice, however.

“yeah,” nico answered after a short pause, shoving the intense thoughts to the back of his mind. “come on.” he tread forwards to the sobbing ghoul, legs shaking from how the misery still fought to the surface. it was ignoring nico’s internal struggle, refusing to be chained back down as it had been for all these years.

as they neared, the woman looked up, and nico reeled back by the hideousness of her features. sags and wrinkles hung onto her skeleton loosely, clawed like she tried to scratch out her skin. her dark locks were greasy, drenched, and hung down to her folded knees. her face was gray and ashy, her eyes the color of dull obsidian and filled to the brim with tinted green tears streaming down her face even though she had already stopped sobbing, a fountain of grief that never ceased to flow. her body was scarred, thin and resembling one suffering from famine. she had a permanent face of desolation. the face of someone nico remembered and didn’t want to see through the woman’s horrific appearance. 

“demigods!” she wailed, clutching the mass object on the gray slab. it was a familiar weapon — the shield of heracles, with the decoration of the lady of the death mist herself holding up the circular shield with the same image, a never-ending painting. a never-ending misery. immediately, everything came flooding back. nico finally recalled what persephone had told him that day they had talked in her garden, the lady’s shield in her outstretched arms bringing about the horrific name previously forgotten and filling nico with both grief and indignation.

“akhlys…” he growled, stepping back and with a hand to his ring, gritting his teeth towards the woman. _akhlys._ the lady of the death mist. protogenoi of misery. 

akhlys scanned their faces for a small moment before she suddenly laughed, a cackle of utter hopelessness and grief, shooting up from her kneeling position on the ground to near towards the demigods in her own territory. “now, don’t be afraid!” she cried out, watching as nico and leo stumbled back on instinct, the radars going off in their heads and screaming at them to run. nico forced himself to keep strong, a boulder for both of them to lean on as they readied a fighting stance. “i just want to get a good look at you.”

nico planted his feet as steady as he could muster on the ground, his breath hitching from the wave of sorrow as the lady’s bony claws caressed his face. leo, beside him, was seething, ready to bludgeon the woman to death. nico stopped him with a glance, warning him not to start a fight despite how much his heart twisted harshly, akhlys’ face a starvation for all that was inside of him. his stomach dumped to the ground. akhlys continued to stare into his soul with those dead, dead eyes.

“such misery!” akhlys laughed, turning to leo and placing her talons on his face. leo’s eyes teared up by just her elongated nails tracing below his cheekbones, refusing to allow them to trail like akhlys’. nico secretly wanted her to try something, anything, to have the opportunity to gut her until she bled, inflicting upon her a taste of her own power. she retreated her hands, staring upon them in awe as if she had touched the heavens for even a second. “such pain and suffering! it’s unlike anything i’ve seen before. i cannot add more to your despair. it is a miracle you still stand in front of me!”

“feeling’s mutual,” leo mumbled, his grip on nico’s hand tighter with nico squeezing back just as hard. “you’re the lady of the death mist, right? akhlys?”

akhlys made a coughing fit so violent that it physically hurt, tremors in nico’s ribcage. then she giggled mournfully once more. “i am spawn of khaos himself, one of the protogenoi. keeper of the death mist and goddess of poisons.” she leaned forward, her legs wires and barely holding her slouching form up, still so entranced by the amount of hatred and shame within their souls. nico did not want a goddess telling him that he had already been through enough, that she could not add more to their suffering. “you are looking for the doors of death in tartarus, aren’t you little demigods?”

“we need the death mist,” nico said, keeping his voice stable with every fiber of his soul. “we need a way to get to the doors and close them.”

akhlys sneered at the statement, black bile dripping from her lips and landing to the ground with a sizzling noise. it corroded through the surface almost in the manner of gorgon’s blood. “you’ll never make it there. you might have enough resilience to come this far, but the mansion of night will destroy you. it will break your minds, turn you to nothing but vessels for my mother’s children.”

“your mother?” leo asked. “the goddess of night?”

“of course!” she screeched. “she is stronger… deadlier than any other living being created from khaos. she can cause terror as massive as tartarus. she brings fear upon zeus himself! it would take a blessing from the fates themselves to look her in the eye without being consumed by the darkness.” she slowly took up a lock of leo’s hair. “though, _my little boy_ , you look as if you can handle such a burden, with everything you keep hidden—”

leo suddenly grabbed her wrist, hands starting to glow with anger, eyes piercing straight through the sulfurous goddess. “ _don’t_.”

the goddess cackled once more, drawing her hand back. “ah, mortals. so sensitive.” 

“that’s enough,” nico commanded, stepping towards her and releasing an aura of fear around him, shutting the goddess from speaking. his powers, though, were not strong enough to erase the sadistic, anguished grin that spread from ear to ear on her soiled face. “whether or not you believe that we can handle the mansion, we need the death mist. and we won’t stop asking.”

“don’t you understand?” akhlys snarled. “the death mist is not simply a shroud. it’s the very breath of tartarus, the inhale and exhale of the god of the abyss, a shield of one’s inner misery. and you, son of hades, have a fountain of it inside of you. you might as well die by the hands of peaceful poisons instead of your plan. you will never reach the doors of death!”

“we’re standing in front of you, aren’t we?” nico questioned. 

nico and leo had a silent stand-off with the goddess, determined to acquire whatever would shield them from the beasts of the pit. they needed it, and they were getting it no matter how heavy her words fell. nico didn’t care that it would envelop him until all he felt was certain death. until all that he could hear were the whispers of the deceased because he could handle it. leo’s hands were intertwined with his, holding strong with no sign of letting go. _they could handle it_.

“bah!” the goddess croaked, annoyed with their unwavering resistance. “such foolishness. even with all your suffering, you’re still as stubborn as all children of the gods. no matter. i will lead you to your doom, but you must heed my warning. though the pain will be brief, it will not be pleasant. you _must_ let it consume you.” she looked at nico. “do not try to fight it.” she looked at leo. “do not try to run from it.” the air around them thickened with her speech, acids flaring up in nico’s nose, permanently crooked from polybotes’ curse. “let the pain settle. and you will survive. if you don’t…” she turned away with a laugh, empty and despairing. “you will never see the sun again.”

she waited for them to speak and allowed her words to sink in, awaiting their final decision. nico had been quiet during her warnings, heeding every single one she placed out. he knew that the goddess’ first command was directed at him, recognizing nico’s inner turmoil as if it was written on the back of her hand. nico resisted the urge to decapitate her as she faced away from him, unbeknownst for when a sword would lodge into her neck. nico and leo looked at each other, dread in the pits of their stomachs but coming to an understanding. they needed to do this. get the death mist. go through the mansion of night. close the doors. leave tartarus.

they turned back to the goddess. “okay,” they responded with unison. she craned her neck towards them, smiling crookedly. for once, her eyes filled with self-pity and utter sorrow were sparkling, the eyes of a pick-pocket who stole the world from a man’s pocket. it was a trap. and nico knew it. yet he refused to attack. if she thought she could trick them like so many before, then she was sorely mistaken.

“good,” she gasped, voice reminding nico of his own. husky and croaking, her throat enveloped in nothing but her own poisons. she began walking. nico and leo trailed behind her.

“she’s leading us to a trap, ain’t she?” leo didn’t look worried, unfazed by the goddesses true intentions and more so annoyed. nico nodded.

“when she betrays us, we fight,” nico instructed. “hopefully it’ll be after she gives us the death mist. let’s just let her lead.”

leo’s eyes narrowed at the hag. “okay.” he seemed at unease. something was off about their situation, and it was not the fact that akhlys was bound to betray them. after a few minutes of trekking through the empty plains, nico felt at unease as well. this was too easy for a trap. she wasn’t merely tricking them — she was leading them to their deaths. nico refused to let that thought come into effect, allowing his stygian iron ring to sit comfortably on his hand until the time came to make the goddess of suffering suffer.

soon the barren wasteland, gray and cracked, descended in a small downhill slope, leading towards a stretching garden of flowers. billows of mist trailed from their petals and covered the valley in a cape of whiteness. there was a song in the air, a wailing chorus of breaths, the inhale and exhale of thousands of living, breathing beings. the flowers were withered, drooping low with their petals barely grazing the ground, weeping the death mist until it enshrouded whatever was beyond the flower bed, spreading for miles and miles until it disappeared over the horizon. up above, the stalagmites collected with green poison, gathering in fat droplets that never fell. the entire cavern glowed with dread and anticipation, but akhlys kept on walking, struggling with raspy huffs as she made her way down the hill to the garden.

nico wondered what sort of pain awaited them as they descended towards the flower bed, the warnings of the goddess echoing in his mind. his black converse shoes, already so tattered and beaten, with soles that barely stayed attached, made no noise in the rubble as they entered the home of the death mist. nico’s arms, littered with a hundred scars of all sizes, seemed to sizzle the farther he went down, as if the real poison — not the droplets of vomit green that gleamed up above, but the poison in the air, in the dirt, in _tartarus_ — was slowly dissolving him like water.

“here it is!” akhlys screeched, grinning with teeth so yellow they were a disgusting brown stuffed to the gums with black saliva and crookedly chipped. her drool hung low, barely interchangeable with the tears that flowed for eternity, dripping to the ground and becoming one with the mist that was a few yards ahead. “the death mist. the blanket that shields you from the eyes of monsters. that is… if you survive the process.”

she looked at them as if she awaited for them to scream in horror, to change their minds quicker than an apple falling from a tree. they just stood there, hand in hand, glaring at the mist gathering at their shoes. nico could feel the breath, the very oxygen in tartarus’ lungs that stuck to his legs in condensation. akhlys came to the conclusion that neither of them were going to back down, and laughed a pathetic chuckle. “well, i’ll leave you to it. walk to the very end, to the edge of the cliff. there you can proceed on your little… quest.”

“thanks…” leo said without any gratitude, actively glaring daggers at the goddess in case she tried to assault them with a barrage of poisons. she only stepped back, watching them from a safe distance. the wretched smile still plastered onto her withering face.

leo heaved a sigh. “well, you ready for this?”

nico nodded. “don’t run from it.”

“don’t fight it.”

_or we’ll never see the sun again._

nico thinks back to the first days he had walked in tartarus, where the endless blue sky above was traded for a desolate, unforgiving ceiling of rock spires and reformation bubbles, zits across the roof of tartarus’ jagged mouth. nico had hated the sun before, craving the darkness that fueled him. it brought him comfort in his times of need and saved him from the scorching heat of the sun’s rays. now he missed the sun, has been since he had fallen. he missed the way the white apollo gave him solace whenever winter set in, the way it brought everything to life and made the air fresh. anew. alive. here, everything was supposed to be dead, a rotten corpse, yet they still breathed.

nico knew he would let a thousand agonies strike him in the heart to have one last chance for him and leo to see the sun again.

“let’s go,” nico said.

the two paraded into the mist, the vapor slowly growing up to their knees, to their elbows, and finally over their heads, clouding their sight and whispering as they walked through. they stepped on withering, poisonous flora, constantly treading to stop the plants from corroding through their shoes. the first few minutes, nico was introduced to the stimulation of insects crawling over his skin, but he refused to itch. refused to cry out in alarm when the bugs bit his skin and made him leave imprints in his own palm from his nails digging into the center of his hand. he allowed each and every single one to try their best to bring out the worst in him. he allowed the grief and misery to exit from the pores and become one with the mist.

“you doing fine?” leo asked, and nico realized there was nothing hindering them from talking. 

nico nodded. “i’m fine.”

they continued walking, hands intertwined, hearing the crunch of deceased daffodils and tulips beneath them and the hiss of poison hitting the soil it was planted in. there was no heartrending pain, no growing stigma that turned nico’s tongue dry. nothing that would cause him to scream in nothing but anguish. only the mist. the mist that reminded nico of waves in a pool, overhead as nico began sinking lower and lower, the white abyss hiding the sharks that weaved through the currents.

akhlys had been correct. the pain was brief. it had lasted only for a moment. 

and it hurt.

it hurt as if every single memory, every single dreadful and harrowing memory flashed before his eyes in a split second. there were tiny memories, tiny memories of tiny issues that he held a grudge against despite how miniscule they were compared to tartarus — nico losing one of his mythomagic cards and never finding it again, nico seeing a dog on the street barking at him as if he was but a terrifying ghost, him and bianca getting into an argument and the aftermath of it. it had been combined with the worst ones that nico could ever experienced — bianca leaving him for the hunters and letting him roam aimlessly around a summer camp, percy jackson, his own personal hero, telling nico that bianca had died on the quest, his desperate search to retrieve his long lost sister from the grips of the dead, nico seeking for his father’s approval but being told that he should have died, and more recently his epiphany that camp half-blood would never welcome him with open arms, barely glancing when he is missing. he envisioned drowning in muskeg, being manipulated by minos, scorning his unrequited love for percy jackson, burning by someone he never knew he liked, turning into nothing but a warrior for the gods only to be forgotten to the dust. it was brief, and it hurt.

nico couldn’t even describe the sensation. his body went rigid. the emotions and memories were not only in his mind but in his limbs, and _he could feel every wound in him opening up in that split second_ , his heart wringing and his mind with it. before the tsunami of misery had hit him, he recalled the words akhlys had spoken to him.

_don’t fight it._

so he didn’t fight it.

no matter how much he wanted to push the intrusive thoughts and scorned feelings from his consciousness, no matter how much he wanted to yell and scream and cry for them to go away, to enact a scene of hatred and ire in order to let it all out and aim it towards everything around him, he didn’t fight it. he let all of the thoughts enter his brain, let his skin feel the ache of something he never had. he let it pass over. he let his walls fall, and he let the pain settle.

then it was gone. 

he shuddered a breath held in for so long that exhaling was like letting flies flee from his rotten throat. he could breathe. he wasn’t drowning. he was on the surface and far from the ocean. his death grip on leo’s hand loosened until they were only grazing against each other’s, but they never let go. there were tears flowing down nico’s cheeks, and he let them flow. he let them cascade across his face until there was nothing left. he had conquered the misery; he let it conquer him, accepting the pain. in the end, he was the one that came out winning.

he felt a small tug on his sleeve. he swiveled his head to look at leo. the boy’s bronze cheeks had streams flowing over them. his eyes filled with heartache and his breath shaky. otherwise, he was still radiant in the whiteness, a hope in the bleakness. nico wiped away his own tears on the sleeve of an aviator jacket long gone, and he thumbed away the rivers cascading down leo’s face. leo sniffled, letting nico erase the tears until his skin was clear of them. warm.

“thanks,” leo whispered. 

nico nodded. “we’re almost to the cliff. come on.”

they continued to tread through the blooming flora, green and purple and itching against nico’s barren ankles. the mist started to weaken as they got closer and closer to the clearing, and then all the white precipitation hanging in the air was gone. the humid stuffiness of his nose was cleared, breathing in the scent of fresh air despite its actual form as a rotten stench of hell. nico closed his eyes, letting everything settle in now that the agony was over. maybe there was worse to come, but he felt the need to relish in the victory.

then beside him, leo suddenly screamed, “holy fucking shit!”

nico’s eyes shot open, and he whirled his gaze towards leo to see the issue when his eyes widened. nico stumbled backwards, mouth gaping open as he took in leo’s appearance. for a dreadful second, nico thought that leo was dead. his skin had lost its saturation. the almost glowing appearance of his face from before was reduced to one of gloomy dark gray. the dark circles beneath his eyes were more pronounced, green veins visible from the tips of his eyelids and the line of his wrists. every wound he had sustained appeared to be open, bleeding over his sickly complexion. a walking corpse. the death mist had worked, but in a way neither of them saw coming.

nico looked at his own hands. they looked perfectly fine — olive-skinned and covered in freckles all over, though there was mist trailing from the soles of his feet, erupting from himself. leo’s sunken eyes were wide, as if nico had revealed his true force as a phantom.

leo brought his hands to his face, then stared back at nico. “guessing it worked.”

“yeah. you look…” nico couldn’t finish the sentence, too in shock to even speak.

“dead. i figured.” 

the two looked beyond them to find that the small clearing they had exited to was a cliff ledge, resembling the one they had found through the forest of tartarus’ armpit. yet this cliff, unlike that or even the one hosting the glowing waters of the phlegethon, was dark. a darkness impenetrable by even the keenest of eyes, enshrouding whatever was beyond the ledge the two stood upon. there was no noise, only a deafening silence that permeated throughout the vicinity. pure, pure darkness. the night. the two of them kept as far away from the ledge as possible.

“the mansion is down there?” leo frowned. he was too afraid to even get close enough to peek down into the abyss below, clutching his necklace as he attached to nico by the hip. the abyss was so black if put nico’s stygian iron blade to shame.

“yeah,” nico supplied, forcing his eyes to become used to leo’s new form. gradually, through several blips, leo’s appearance shifted from zombie to human. eventually, after moments of adjusting, leo looked normal, his desaturated skin tone warming up and his cold, pale eyes becoming whiter and whiter until his irises were an amber brown. like nico, mist was gathering at his feet, proof that the death mist was continuing to work its magic.

“how do we—?”

suddenly, a flower sprouted from the ground between them. it was a lilac, beautiful violet with petals dripping with green poison, releasing a stream of toxins that smelled like the stench of burnt corpses. nico coughed violently when the wave of the scent hit his nostrils, forcing him and leo to stutter backwards once more. as they did, more flowers emerged — belladonna, chrysanthemums, lilies — and all of them gleamed with an overcoat of toxicity, causing the air to smell like rats beneath the floorboards and decomposition of dead wildlife. in the mist behind them, they heard cackling, old and devastating laughter that grew louder as a woman stepped out into the clearing.

akhlys, with her raven black and molten hair, her eye bags of wretched tears, smiled at them. grinning from ear to ear with drool hanging from the edge of her bottom lip, horrific as she set upon them a predatory gaze. she hissed fits of despondent laughter. “you actually survived! just how dead you look!”

the air was slowly suffocating nico as more blossoms formed by their feet. the smell corroded his nose until all he could sniff was the stench of rotten bodies and garbage upon garbage piles. he fumbled for his ring, twisting the head to unsheathe the blade. he pointed it towards akhlys, trying not to drop the sword from the lack of the sulfurous air that had become his form of oxygen. she only laughed, crawling towards him like a rabid animal, teeth like tombstones and drooling with blackness.

“you little demigods…” she hummed. “falling into my trap! how foolish of you to think i do not want to bring the ends of the olympians! you should have taken my offer for peaceful death, son of hades! you think i would not betray you?”

nico and leo made faces at her. “no,” they mumbled in unison.

she pointed towards the darkness, impermeable as a drywall. nico was meant to see through the darkness, to tear through the black and see things for what they were, but the night beyond was so vast, so ancient that it hurt as if was directly staring towards the glaring sun. “you see that? my mother lives in that darkness. she is the shadows upon the wall, the spaces between the bed and the floor, the very circles beneath your eyes! she will destroy you one by one.” she made a crooked noise so inhumane, so dreadful the plants shook with it. “if i don’t destroy you first.”

leo ripped the necklace from his neck, the chain growing stiff as he twirled it around to unsheathe it as _hellbringer_ , a war hammer that exceeded the length of his own two legs. he hung it over his shoulder, the head glowing brightly yet not enough to push the darkness away. nico ignored the toxins consuming his very life force, continuing to aim his blade at akhlys.

the lady of the death mist gave a dreary sigh. “such misery. wasted on a hopeless cause.” she opened her claws, blood and poison dripping like candle wax. “i will spill your blood for gaea, and once again mortals will know the true meaning of suffering!”

nico charged forward on instinct, his falcata blade light against his side. akhlys’ shaking toothpick legs were grounded, her eyes looking upon nico like she had a secret only she knew, and nico struck — the blade passed right through her. nico stared at akhlys in alarm before he tried twice more, his sword becoming nothing but mist as it cut through her torso. leo ran forward and rammed his hammer into her face, yet it too became nothing but fog, not even landing a scratch on her. there _was_ something wrong with akhlys’ betrayal. the trap had been too easy, too visible. they had not just been shielded by the death mist — they had become a part of it.

akhlys swiped at leo, who barely got away, his leg caught by her claws as he rolled away. the side of his jeans was ripped clean in a few inches, bleeding with an ooze of emerald mixed with scarlet red. he gasped in pain, using his hammer as a cane to force himself to his feet. nico tried to kick or swipe at akhlys, hoping that the death mist had only affected his sword, even trying to pick up nearby rocks, but it was faulty. his hand became nothing but vapor on her skin and the ground beneath him. she retaliated by digging a claw into nico’s side, throwing him afar and nearly sending him careening into the abyss. he grabbed his sword before it could tumble into the pit, sighing in relief before wincing from the acidic pain infecting his organs.

“you think you can stop me?” akhlys sneered. “you thought you could see past my facade? misery is never what it seems, nico di angelo! it will never be stopped, no matter how much you try to peel from it!”

she began to advance towards him, the air around her shimmering with the aura of misery beyond nico’s control. nico struggled to his feet, heaving as the agony of the goddess’ poison sunk deeper. then leo suddenly called out, “hey, sunshine!”

akhlys’ attention swiveled to leo, who had sheathed _hellbringer_ on the loops of his toolbelt, the fiery hammer dangling merely inches off the ground. “what did you call me?” she snarled.

“sunshine!” he yelled with a face as grim as a statue, arms and legs spread like a target waiting to be shot at. “you look down-right happy compared to everything here! you can light up the world with just a smile!”

akhlys screeched in annoyance. “you fool! i am a protogenoi of anguish! a goddess of all things evil. i am not _sunshine_!”

“are you sure?” leo yelled. “because you seem so cheerful! it fills me with joy!”

she screamed in frustration as if she were physically impaired from leo’s positive words, lunging at him and nearly swiping his head off if leo didn’t evade her in time, landing on one hand and somersaulting away, distancing himself from the murder protogenoi. he gave nico a look, a silent nod that told him to think of something fast while leo distracted her. nico wanted to fight, wanted to teach the goddess a lesson but for now, he forced himself to stand upright, sheathing his falcata sword in his belt as he thought of a plan to hinder the goddess.

meanwhile, leo screamed taunts of “you’re gorgeous and beautiful!” and “you look lovely this fine day!” the goddess becoming more enraged and violent as she snapped at him, throwing poisons from her feet while leo avoided her every assault. he rolled and ducked and flipped every attack, only communicating with nico in glances before focusing his attention on the lady of the death mist. he was fast, an agile runner, his form shifting from dead to alive with as much swiftness as his legs could take.

nico gritted his teet, forcing his dumb brain to work for once. nico was always the distraction in these types of fights. fend off the enemies while his allies tried to accomplish the task that needed to be completed. now he was on the other side of the line, searching desperately for ideas while leo was risking his life for him, throwing insults and evading traps. then nico’s head whirled to stare at the darkness. no, he couldn’t possibly… it was far too ancient, far too advanced for him to control. it was dangerous. it could kill him if he wasn’t too careful. he opened up his hand, and the darkness became tendrils, traveling up his arm like vipers ready to strike. cold, unforgiving night that weakened his body just by summoning it.

out of the corner of his eye, he caught leo tripping over a break in the ground, sprawling into a nest of flora that made him screech in pain. he tried to crawl away from akhlys, but the poison ivy forced him to move slower than she stumbled forward, her eyes shining wetly with sadistic glee. she raised a wrinkled hand, and suddenly all the poisons, including from the wounds nico and leo sustained, hovered in the air all around her, thickening to form needles of pure toxin, green and lavender and smelling like a graveyard of dead warriors. 

leo breathed heavily on the ground, the plants crawling over his arms and twisting until his skin was burning of friction. they shackled him down as akhlys got closer, and something inside nico snapped. the only thought in his mind was _save him, save him, save him—_

“ **akhlys!** ” he bellowed with every single ounce of his soul, forcing the goddess to turn her attention to him. the minute his eyes met her soulless, dark ones, he knew what he had to do. he threw his arm forward, and a tendril of black shot from the darkness and spiraled into her open mouth.

“ack!” she cried out as the shadow began slowly digging its way inside of her, choking her out and digging through her throat to wrench her gut sharply. nico felt the burn of a thousand agonies, but he ignored it, forcing the darkness around him to perform his bidding. the temperature dropped below zero, and his skin tingled with power as he sent two more waves of darkness into her nose, clogging the cavity. she made gurgled screams, but nico wasn’t finished.

he gradually advanced towards the goddess of misery, letting every single insufferable, arduous thought cloud his mind until all he saw was hellfire gleaming in his dark irises. he forced darkness to stream towards the goddess, burrowing through her ears and entering through her eyes until she was having a seizure, her spazzing body sizzling with black steam. the poison in the air fell uselessly around her, hitting the ground around her feet. nico saw the shadows, the shadows beneath her body, and glared at them, and they too came to life, traveling up her wretched gray skin until she was drowning in her own darkness.

nico wanted to hurt. nico did hurt her, weakness forgotten as he choked the goddess to death with her own mother’s creation, watching her tears fall as the blackness destroyed her from the inside out. her tears were black — they were darkness — nico didn’t even bother to look at them, using akhlys’ own charcoal fluids to invade her insides. her golden ichor, the blood of the gods, flowed from the cavities of her body, and nico only forced them back in through her tear ducts and nose. her crying and whimpering muffled as she screamed for mercy. nico never intended on that, didn’t want the goddess to have an easy death like so many others he had been willing to give mercy upon, like so many times before. after facing challenge upon challenge, forced to take up the role of a warrior when he was but an orphan in a world of monsters, forgotten and despised and exiled to live the life of a pariah. nico didn't hold back. he wanted to see the goddess bleed, scream, and beg for forgiveness when nico wouldn’t even allow her a glance at peace. he felt satisfaction, getting closer to her kneeling, convulsing form as he let all the darkness around him tear her apart, limb from limb. she was drowning. drowning in a sea of hatred and loathing, an ocean nico was forced to swim in for years, and he had harnessed the ocean. he had harnessed it, and now—

“nico!”

he felt arms wrap around his torso, causing him to cease his steps, yet he kept his chilling glare on the goddess of poison. he watched her writhe in anguish, her tears becoming her own worst enemy. drowning, drowning, choking on black water… the arms around nico’s chest were warm, sending him to a time when bianca held nico’s small, shivering form in their dorm at westover hall, not yet used to the cold world he would find himself trapped in one day.

nico’s hand remained outstretched. 

the arms tightened around him, a tether. a voice spoke out, bringing him from the ringing of death around his ears, slowly lulling him down from the adrenaline he was experiencing though he kept the rivers of black pooling into the goddess’ soul. “nico, c’mon. she’s had enough.”

“i need to hurt her,” nico’s voice was not his. it was a sound of absolute dread and anguish. poisoned beyond repair. “i need to hurt…”

“i know, i know.”

“i need to make her pay… she needs to pay…”

“she’s not worth it, nico,” the voice said. a head was resting upon his backside, between his shoulder blades. a face buried in the line of his spine and desperately pulling nico out from the waters of resent he was swimming in. “look. look at your hand.”

nico did, and felt the tingle of unstoppable power become overshadowed by the screeching agony of being burnt alive. gray smoke trailed from him in heaps, and his skin sizzled right before his eyes. nico wasn’t even breathing, steam exiting from his mouth as if it were his very life force, his soul growing weaker while his mind kept running on a train track to a dead end. his blood was scorching, but his lungs were impaled by ice, and his teeth were silver forks on platters of metal. if he had kept up the torrent of flood into akhlys’ body, he would have killed himself by now. 

“come on, neeks,” the voice behind him whispered, honey to an open wound. the pain reduced to a dull hum by the arms encasing him. so, so warm. it filled his body with a light feeling in his chest, his beating heart pumping slower until it steadied across the road.. “you’re safe now. we’re going to be okay.”

nico was quiet. it felt as if a hand had reached out for him while he floated beneath the currents of the river styx, ripping him from drowning in the painstaking souls. _that_ had snapped nico out of his daze.

he dropped his hand.

the darkness retreated back into the gloom, exiting akhlys’ mouth and eyes and sinuses until she could breathe properly, coughing so violent that it shook the earth while tears flowed in waves down her face. she wailed miserably, from the pain of millions of wounded innocents, and nico fixed a wolvish glare on her. 

“leave,” he whispered, his voice unwelcoming. deadly. she stared at him with wide eyes, looking upon nico with mortification that shouldn’t have pierced his heart, yet it did. the protogenoi had become all the demigods, monsters, and mortals he had come across in a lifetime in that second, staring upon him with expressions of horror, never truly knowing what it was like to receive them. the goddess got up on his command and ran away into the mist. her terrified screams permeated throughout the air until everything was silent once more.

nico felt arms spin him around. his pupils became fixed on ones of warm brown on a shifting yet human face. irises filled with relief and clear as the sky above tartarus. seeing them, seeing eyes that didn’t stare at him with hatred or dread, eyes that belonged to a person he trusted with his life, nico let the dam loose. he choked on tears that he never knew were streaming down his cheeks and cascading to his chin. leo let him bury his face into his neck, stroking his back while nico cried; and nico held tight, held tight onto the son of hephaestus, trying to find a grip on something that prevented him from tumbling into the waters. 

he felt like a monster. tartarus had twisted his mind, undone all the ties he set for himself and sent him spiraling down. he had lost control. he had finally conquered his misery only to relapse and go back to who he was and always will be: a monster. his body was shaking tremendously, his knees were to the point of collapsing, and his poisoned throat constricted until he could barely breathe. yet leo never let go, no matter how far nico strayed from himself. he never let go despite the creature he had become. he smelled like home. a home nico never wanted to leave.

when nico’s sobs had died down to quiet sniffles, leo gently placed his hands on the sides of his face, bringing the son of hades’ gaze up and to him, his corpse-like face finally settling to one with bronze skin and soft eyes. “you’re okay, nico,” he whispered, caressing nico’s cheek with a touch so light it was of a feather. “don’t do that again, okay? it’s not healthy. don’t hurt yourself.”

nico nodded, his ears still clogged with water. he let leo’s calloused hands wipe away the tears still spilling from his ducts. “i thought… i wanted to make her suffer… i thought she was going to…”

“i know, nico,” leo said. “but there’s nothing to gain if anyone — if you — got hurt. there’s always a setback when it comes to revenge. some things happen for a reason and i know it hurts. but you can’t let it control you. you need to control it.”

nico nodded again. “you… you’re not afraid of me?”

leo smiled — _nico decided that he liked it when leo smiled_ — and he pressed their foreheads together. “why would i be?”

they just stood there, nico’s arms around leo’s thin frame while leo held nico’s face between his hands, the silence resting easily around them. the steam had stopped drifting from nico’s skin, leo absorbing the fire on his skin, leaving behind the death mist that hung around his legs. nico forgot they were in tartarus for a moment. he felt safe, loved, like how he felt when frank and hazel wrapped their arms around his shoulders on their way back from alaska. like how he felt when reyna enveloped him in a sisterly hug, her strong hold filling him with a sense of unity. like how he felt when jason squeezed him so tight he couldn’t breath, or like how he felt when piper threw her arms around him and laughed at his off-handed comments. leo’s arms felt like all that, but they had an entirely different feeling. it was his own kind of hug, and they made nico feel as if everything was alright.

eventually, the tears stopped streaming. staring into leo’s honey irises, nico felt safe.

until the voice bellowed out from the darkness.

_“who awakens me?”_


	7. vii. flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my child, what scares you the most?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow the chapter is up. and this one is fucking... woah...
> 
> notes:  
> \- warning: this chapter has triggers involving physical, sexual, and mental abuse to children. there are also instances of misgendering. if these types of triggers offend you, i advise you to read at your own risk and skip any portion you want.  
> \- i changed nyx's character since in actual greek mythology, she was a neutral and benevolent goddess. i pictured her as more of a powerful motherly figure instead of whatever the fuck rick did. also she adopts valdangelo.  
> \- i also got super creative with the mansion of night and how it works. nyx's palace forces those who enter to open their eyes and ears, which means you cannot enter with your eyes closed or your ears blocked. well, unless a goddess has anything to say about it.  
> \- more subtext and parallels, bitch.
> 
> beta-reader is poisontown on tumblr! check out her cool ass art!

the woman was beautiful.

****

the colossal goddess towered over nico and leo from beyond forty feet. long dark wispy hair as black as nightmares framed her serene midnight face glittered with stars. her locks curled like smoke, never-ending in their fall past her hips. her sleeveless dress flowed around her body, embellished with artworks of shimmering gold in the forms of stories leo was not familiar with, tapestries of forgotten tales from ancient times. her iridescent nails were doused to the knuckles in stardust. earrings dangled from the sides of her façade, silver and glimmering in the impermeable darkness of the night. her hair was accessorized by constellations, her arms and neck were stocked full of perfect jewelry. ebony ghostly wings sprouted from her back, casting a powerful shadow over the land. her face was the more ethereal part, soft and sentimental pupiless eyes staring upon them. the woman was beautiful.

****

_mama?_ leo nearly called out, yet he stood with his weapon drawn, eyeing the looming lady of darkness warily despite her kind eyes and curious expression. somehow she could see past the death mist.

****

“you aren’t supposed to be here, my children,” she cooed, voice gentle. rivers of ichor flowed from her vocal chords. the sound could have knocked leo out, sending him into a slumber he could never wake from. her muse-like voice brought him back to the memory of the comforting embrace of his mother, when he was only a baby, his mom whispering spanish lullabies until leo’s eyes shut. she leaned closer to inspect them, and the two of them backed up on instinct. “do not be afraid. i will not hurt you. i swear on the darkest twilight.”

****

“mother night,” nico rasped out, stygian iron sword unsheathed from his belt and held in a protective yet hesitant stance.

****

“please,” the goddess said with a benevolent smile, serene and bringing leo back to houston, “call me nyx.”

****

nyx. primordial goddess of night. able to make the king of olympus quiver by the sight of her. she had the power to demolish the gods with the flick of a wrist, turn half-bloods mad by the piercing look of her eyes through their fragile soul. as she towered over them with a motherly gaze, so akin to his own mother’s, leo felt nothing but warmth. he did not know if this was intentional, if nyx was just fiddling with their minds like tartarus had done, but he felt like he could be vulnerable to her. he let the head of his fiery hammer drop, and let himself step forward.

****

“you’re the owner of the mansion of night, right?” leo questioned.

****

nyx nodded. “i have resided in this home for millennia. i return here during the day and ride my chariot towards the sky when night falls. who might you be, my children?”

****

leo had been called _my child_ a thousand times, all of them coming from gods who desired to use him for their bidding and social workers who passed him from house to house. for once it felt genuine, with nyx’s expression of pure gentleness as she leaned over the cliff edge on rested elbows. she was curious for their well-being unlike any other god leo has met besides his own father. she was something that leo had been deprived of for most of his life — a maternal figure, having been lost since that dreaded fire and left him an orphan in the mortal world. he could have told her his entire life story and not think twice, but he refrained from the urge. besides, she was a goddess — she probably already knew everything about him.

****

“i’m leo, son of hephaestus,” leo introduced. nyx nodded appreciatively and turned her gaze towards nico.

****

“nico, son of hades.” nico looked uncomfortable by the sudden attention on him, prompting leo to place a hand on his arm and give a gentle squeeze. leo felt nyx would not do them harm. it was a mere gut feeling, out of place for his intellectual persona that was shitty at emotions, but he knew it was true.

****

“ah, a son of hades, that makes sense,” nyx laughed like the chime of bells. “i was taking a rest when i felt a pull in the darkness. someone was trying to harness the power of night. and a lot as well.”

****

_how could i forget?_ leo thought as he glanced at nico, who was averting his eyes. leo could only watch from the weeds, clenching his arms, as nico snapped, directing a tendril of darkness into the lady of the death mist and carving her from the inside out like a pumpkin. she was so overcome with agony that the flowers around their feet died instantly, freeing leo. he quickly made a run for nico. the boy’s body had been smoking, corpse-like skin visibly simmering in the freezing air, his veins popping with the effort, and his eyes totally devoid of color, a black void on his sickly face. leo wasn’t thinking as he wrapped his arms around nico’s torso, pleading for him to stop or he would be lost to his own rage. leo didn’t care that nico looked absolutely terrifying — leo was not scared of him. he was scared of the thought of losing nico, the image of nico dying more horrifying than tartarus shattering his mind. leo couldn’t bear it.

****

“sorry,” nico mumbled, hand tightening on his falcata blade. leo squeezed his shoulder again, and nico’s eyes darted towards him. the guilt-ridden expression on his face fell a bit.

****

“it is all right, my daughter had it coming,” nyx said. “i love her so, but she becomes too wrapped up in her ambitions to think wisely. she wants to bring misery out in the world and does not know of the consequences. i am sorry for her behavior.”

****

“it’s okay,” nico responded. “we’re still alive.”

****

“few are after they have travelled through her domain,” nyx sighed melancholily. she noticed the wounds on leo’s pants leg and nico’s side, and frowned. “you would not mind if i healed that up?”

****

“go ahead,” leo responded. she placed a compassionate finger to leo’s wound, the open breach of his skin quickly being reduced to nothing but a scar. his jeans were still ripped, but the sting was now gone, and the goddess was pressing her hand gentle on nico’s side. the claws of akhly’s fury now diminished. 

****

when nyx had finished, she placed her hand over the other, fingers clutching each other’s. “i love my children to death, despite our differences and realms. however, i’m nothing like them. i do not take a side between giants or gods, man vs monster. i am the night — the night is the in-between, the space between good and evil. because of my neutrality, stories were made. that i was a fearful force of nature capable of destroying the olympians. it is true but… i’d much rather care for my spawn than take part in a war. even if they do not visit much.”

****

leo felt the same way. he never wanted to be a part of a war, much less a war that defined whether or not the earth would fall and humanity would be damned to hades. he had been forced to go on quest after quest, build a trireme that nearly killed him to create, sailed to the ancient lands, and fallen into the depths of khaos. nyx was a lonely woman, wanting to care for her children who were on both sides of an everlasting war, wanting to wade through peaceful nights than bring an end to life. 

****

“same,” leo muttered. 

****

“so, tell me my children, what has brought you here?” nyx asked.

****

“we are looking for the doors of death,” nico explained. “we need to close them to prevent monsters from reforming back on the surface. we were hoping you could allow us passage through the mansion of night to get there.”

****

nyx’s abyssal eyes were suddenly overcome with sadness, the stars dusting her cheekbones like freckles dimming. “oh, my children, you will not survive if you traverse its halls. the mansion is not for mortal eyes or ears. even monsters steer clear of it, too afraid to fall into it lest they turn to madness. no one has ever survived its grasp and come out the same. no, you must have another route to arrive at the doors.”

****

“we don’t,” leo replied, feeling his empty stomach gurgle in horror at the thought of treading through nyx’s obsidian palace. every single person they had met here in tartarus — bob, damasen, akhlys — had told them that the mansion of night was beyond anything they would ever encounter, so terrifying that it could destroy the minds of gods. now the owner, the literal embodiment of night who had resided in its walls for centuries, repeats the same phrase. a faulty plan destined to fail. the universe looked upon them with disappointment and sorrow as they continued to believe that they would be able to break the cycle, come out swinging, and close the doors of death. “we… we know it’s bad, but it’s the only way.”

****

nyx stared at them pleadingly. “son of hephaestus. wielder of _hellbringer_ , a weapon capable of mass destruction. your fire is unlike any other spawn of your father, a force of nature that can bring giants to their knees. but my daughter was right about the misery you have endured in your heart. the mansion is not just a place — it is a memory. i know what you have experienced, and so does the mansion — it will not be kind to you. it will open your eyes and force your ears to listen. it will not stop until it swallows you in its darkness.”

****

termites were burrowing their way through leo’s skin. memories were leo’s true weakness. a wound to his psyche that he had tried to ignore for years and years. memories were the thing that he ran away from, and despite having gone through the death mist and experiencing all his most dreadful memories in just a split second, he feared that the mansion would be ten times worse. it would not be a recollection of memories this time, images flashing behind his head and in his mind — this would be real, a house of horrors specifically designed to break him until he was an empty husk.

****

“and you, son of hades. wielder of the bane of souls-”

****

“the bane of souls?” nico interrupted, staring down at his blade with furrowed brows.

****

nyx nodded. “stygian iron collects both the souls of monsters and men, trapping them within its icy walls and preventing them from returning back to tartarus’ pit. yet your sword is more powerful than any other weapon forged in the deathly waters of the river styx. even despite the doors of death limiting its use, it is as strong as the keys of hades. a _soulbane_.”

****

nico blinked. “ _soulbane_.” he held up his falcata sword with a newer gaze. 

****

“yes — but your sword will not be able to protect you in the mansion of night,” nyx warned. “you are driven by so much, son of hades, but the mansion will break that drive. it will force you to retreat, to feel helpless in its black walls. your only weapon will be what my home knows how to break past. the two of you are some of the most powerful godspawn i have ever encountered in my centuries of immortality, but you are held down by chains. the mansion will pull at them until your minds are ripped apart, until you are just…”

****

she held up her hand in front of them, stars spinning around her long and slender digits. “... stardust.”

****

leo sheathed his weapon into necklace form, placing it around his neck whose hairs were on edge. his fingers were shaking as he clicked together the ends of the chain at his nape. the charm of _hellbringer_ hung low beneath his camp beads, a tiny golden cross with flames carved into it, intricate designs thin and beautiful. he fiddled with it, wanting to flee after hearing of all the torture they would have to endure if they continued with their quest. leo had too much on his shoulders, too many phobias and fears that the mansion could use, but he couldn’t run. if he did, they would never see the sun. they’d waste away here until their minds became stardust on their own. leo supposed that confinement to the hell of greek mythology couldn’t be worse than having to trek through a house of horrors despite how terrified he felt.

****

“mother n- i mean, nyx,” nico started, “we appreciate the concern, but we have a quest. the world hangs in the balance. gaea is rising. we need to stop her before she wipes out all life.”

****

nyx fumbled with her fingers as she pondered, something so human for a protogenoi of night — so human for an all-knowing goddess. “i dearly love my sister, mother earth. she was always such a gentle woman, wanting nothing more than a life of tranquility and the security of her family. but she had it all wrong from the beginning. she easily turned against her own grandchildren in favor of her own spawn. she does not realize the conflict she creates, or how she will destroy the earth in her hopes for a better one. even i do not know how to cease her rage. i do not hold hatred towards her, but i do agree that she has strayed far from what she wanted to become.”

****

she leaned a little closer and reached up a gentle hand, stroking leo’s curls with a nostalgic tenderness that made his mouth feel dry. her caresses were soft, such a contrast to the hiss that spat out her mouth in her next few words. “i despise the olympians. sending their own children to war against their will, too cowardly to face their own adversaries. for that alone, my children, i think i have a way to help you traverse my mansion. an opportunity to come out alive.”

****

nico looked up at her, the dullness of his corpse features suddenly shifting to his healthier olive-toned skin. he was beautiful in the glow of nyx’s skin of galaxies. his face freckled all over like her own constellations that plagued her shifting locks and gargantuan wings. his ebony eyes sparkled with a resurgence, a sight that brought leo’s hopes up. “you’ll help us?”

****

nyx nodded. “i can make arrangements, a gateway for you both to be protected from the full power of the mansion. it will still be painful despite so, but you will have each other — i am sure you have worked together well before. i need your full trust, however. i have never tried this with any soul, yet i am certain it will work.”

****

“uh, can you give us a minute to think it through?” leo questioned. he didn’t feel as if he were fully prepared until he and nico came to an agreement. the primordial of night nodded patiently, straightening back to her full height in order to allow them full privacy. nico and leo turned around. nico sheathed his sword back into its _memento mori_ ring, and he twisted it as he and leo discussed the barrage of information nyx had offered them.

****

“i think we can trust her,” nico said. “she doesn’t seem like she wants to hurt us. but the offer is tricky.”

****

leo nodded. “she said it would hurt, but it could shield us from whatever is down there. don’t think we got any other choice.”

****

“unless we want to go through the mansion head-on. i feel like we should do it, but its up to you.”

****

for some reason, this felt like the last time leo would have a chance to see nico. not in life, but for some time, as if they were about to part for a pain-staking journey that could end with bloodshed. it wasn’t from his knowledge or wisdom, just a gut feeling. leo took up nico’s scarred hand, and felt a surge of power as their cuts brushed against one another — the oath was working. his heart was racing and trepidation was growing inside of him, yet his bones had grown stronger with each passing day they had spent here since the blood pact. the mansion of night was the quickest route to the surface. the only way they would be able to ascend from the depths of hells in time for when their friends up above reach the house of hades. their oath to keep with final breaths.

****

“yeah,” leo responded steadily, afraid his voice would cease to function. he felt like reyna or annabeth, pushing down his own fears in order to maintain a strong complexure. nico’s eyes were almost hidden by the long locks of his raven hair, grown so long they cascaded to his collarbone. leo resisted the urge to push the strands away from his face, his fingers twitching in place against his side. “let’s do it.”

****

“okay.” the two of them faced back to the benevolent goddess, hands still intertwined with one another. it was a habit that leo never wanted them to let go. he felt a warmth in his chest whenever they did that. leo trusted nico with his life, and he knew that nico did the same for him. he knew that this hellscape they have travelled for days would have to break every single bone in leo’s body to even lay a hand on his companion. their fingers laced with each other, the oath of blood and bone coursing through their bodies, not like acid but gasoline. leo had grown older since he had first spiraled head-first into the underworld, ready to face his deepest fears despite the coiling of his stomach and the constriction of his throat. “we trust you,” nico finally answered to the goddess of night. “do what you must.”

****

nyx’s smoky ebony wings fluttered happily with her hair smoking to incredible proportions, her galaxy cheeks illuminating as they were when she had set her gaze upon them the first time. “thank you, my sweet children. come here, and i will set down the rules.”

****

nico and leo trudged forward towards the edge of the cliff, face to face with the pitch black void, darker than even the sword nico wielded with ease. nyx backed away to allow them room to gaze down at the emptiness below. far beyond, there was a small light, a miniscule star glowing dimly in the confines of its onyx cell. 

****

“that,” nyx started, “is the mansion of night. it is surrounded by khaos, my father and the first god to have ever formed in the cosmos. falling into my father’s embrace will be the total destruction of your souls — true death by the hands of the first primordial. my palace, down there, is the house of darkness, the culmination of your deepest fears — but i have a way that will reduce the effects in order for you to continue on with your quest for the doors. it will be something you have never experienced before, however. are you sure you want to proceed?”

****

nico and leo nodded instantly, stuffing their nerves in the wells within their souls by the sight of the small blip bounded by a demise that would kill them instantly, reduce them to void. it was at this moment that leo had a sudden epiphany. his knees started to tremble and his fingers fumbled at his shirt, not from khaos surrounding the mansion but from how far the drop was. his vision felt as if it were tunneling, heartbeat loud against his hears. he had seen the same behavior on thalia grace, whom jason shared with him was afraid of heights. leo was afraid of heights. maybe it was a new phobia, or perhaps a hidden fear leo had no idea he was hiding, but now he realizes that the thought of spiraling through the air with nothing to grab onto was downright terrifying. 

****

nyx blocked the entrance to the palace once more, descending from her stand above dozens of feet until she was face to face with the two demigods. she narrowed her eyelids, eyelashes dark and curling with the small lights dusting them. her mouth pulled into a grimace, concentrated as she brought up a hand once more like how she had done to heal them, placing it this time on nico’s mouth. nico winced at the feeling. nyx pulled away her finger. nico’s face was the exact same.

****

that was until nico tried to speak. he looked as if he were trying to say something, ask a question to the goddess, when his mouth produced no sound. hands flailed to his lips as he tried to form even a single word in his vocal cords. 

****

“nico? what’s—?” leo reached up to nico’s mouth and felt his eyes widen when he noticed that nico’s lips were cold, colder than the freezing winter of new york city. they were adorned with tiny little stars, a sign of nyx’s touch. leo became panicked, trying to find a way to fix this besides the obvious incurable affliction being necessary for survival. nico placed a hand over leo’s, telling him there was no use. nico couldn’t speak.

****

“i really am sorry,” nyx sighed sadly as she stared depressedly at the son of hades, now mute. “in order for this to work, i need to cut off your ability to speak and hear. you will be the eyes of your collective vessel. it will only be temporary, and once you leave the mansion you will be able to regain your senses.”

****

“eyes?” leo whispered, having second thoughts about letting nyx meddle with them in order to allow them to go through the palace. he knew they had asked for this, that if anything went wrong they could only blame themselves for the consequences. like akhlys, they had it coming for them.

****

nyx began to explain. “nico, you will be protected from the whispers of the mansion, from the cries of all your truest fears. however, your eyes will not be the same. they will be forced open to the very horrors you dread, and you will not be able to communicate with each other due to your voice and hearing. i am dearly sorry. will this be alright?”

****

nico nodded, albeit hesitant. 

****

“alright,” nyx muttered, not trusting herself as well. “you are the eyes for you both. the protector. the very thing that keeps you from falling into danger and becoming another soul in its walls. anything that attempts to attack or anything that blocks the path you tread, you will stop completely. anything that turns your blood cold, anything that will resurface all of the regrets and grievances you hold within you, you will run towards. never turn back. never go back the way you came. it will be but an endless loop of suffering. do you understand?”

****

nico exhaled shakily, the weight of gods on his fragile shoulders. he looked at leo, and leo gave a nod. nico did the same, the only form of communication that he would ever have. nyx pressed her fingers to his ears, and as she pulled them away, his ears were as cold as ice and covered by faint planets and suns. nico’s reaction was just as painful and leo winced along with him, comforting the now deaf boy with a tighter hold on their hands. then the realization kicked in. his stomach recoiled when he put the gears together — if nico was the eyes, that meant that leo was— 

****

nyx knew the moment that leo had suddenly realized what was to happen, and she allowed him a pained expression. “son of hephaestus, it will be difficult being the ears. you will have to listen to what the son of hades cannot even hear. cry for help but receive no answer back. however, you are shielded from the sight of the horrors within the depths. you will be the force. the one who will lead you both on towards the end without fail, keeping the son of hades on his feet. but be warned — you will hear your deepest regrets, deepest secrets, everything you’ve been trying to run from all your life. and when you do, you must stop running. when you hear nothing, you will pull nico with you. are you ready, leo?”

****

leo sucked in a breath. he thought that if he would ever be asked which sense he would want to lose, sight would be the most unlikely answer. sight was something leo knew he should have treasured before. his eyes granted him the ability to stare up at the sky and watch how his skin turned gold in the light of the sun. leo loved light — the way it glowed against the paralyzing darkness, allowed him to see equation after equation and allowed him to have the upper hand against his enemies. now he would be deprived of the very thing he depended on, and he would have to listen. listen to whatever was inside. but it was only fair. and he would not let nico suffer alone.

****

so leo nodded, and nyx placed her fingers on his eyelids, shutting them until leo’s vision was doused in pitch black and creating a discomfort in his features. when her hand left, leo was still swimming in the darkness — his eyes were open, yet he couldn’t see. there was no light, no night goddess and no nico. only the feeling of the ground beneath his feet, the presence of nico’s hand around his own, and the whispers of monsters in the deepest depths of tartarus, reminding him that he was not dreaming. that all he had faced before and will face now was and is real.

****

he felt slender and calloused hands run across his eyelids. leo automatically identified the touch, gently laying a hand on nico’s wrist and allowing him to softly trace the lashes of his bottom eyelid. leo’s hearing was heightened due to his lack of visibility, all the strength in his primary sense traveling towards the drums within his head. he listened to the way nico’s breath was pained by just the sight of him. he wanted to tell him it was okay, but he knew his words would fall on deaf ears.

****

“are you ready?” nyx’s disembodied voice called out in the pitch black. “remember — keep running forward. only stop when you truly must, and stop completely. and never — _ever_ — lose touch of each other. or you will both be sucked dry by the mansion of night.”

****

leo heard the whisk of nyx’s form backing up once more, and the pull of khaos as nico led them inches closer to the edge, leo’s toes already hanging above the empty space. in all his life, he never imagined himself to be blind at the precipice of a cliff that led to one of the most feared locations in greek mythology, steeling himself for a fall he never wanted to experience again. he felt a large hand rest on his shoulder, tender and lulling his nerves for but a moment. “i believe you will make it, my children,” nyx whispered. “be strong. i will see you on the other side.” then there was the sound of fog rolling away, an indicator that nyx had faded back into the night she had resided in for centuries.

****

nico squeezed leo’s hand twice. all leo could see was the ever-present darkness, but he could feel the boy’s rapid pulse beneath his fingertips, hand having become warm and sweaty, but leo didn’t give a shit. nico was silently asking him if he was ready for what was to come, another trial and tribulation that leo would have to add to the list. he’s scared, scared to death, but he squeezes back twice like nico did. he lets the fear settle into his soul like the misery of the death mist and gives nico permission to lead them on to their untimely end, readying himself and keeping his feet planted until nico leaps into the pit. besides — their friends were counting on him. nico was counting on him. and damn if leo didn’t count on himself as well.

****

and they were falling.

* * *

the thing about falling was the feeling. 

it was the wind, beating against you as you rocketed towards the ground below, plummeting at a dangerous velocity that would kill you on impact, no matter the substance beneath. it was the total lack of control as you spiraled in the air, lacking anything that would give you a semblance of reality, nothing tethering you to anything that would give you a false sense of hope. it was the knowledge that there is nothing to catch you, but the wish, the wish that something _will_ , and the reality that there is nothing that will shield you from the death at your doorstep. 

the fall to the mansion of night was worse than that. it was a cold piercing against leo’s chest as he tunneled through the abyss, the wind was not present and he felt everything pass by in slow-motion, the darkness of his vision clouding him from seeing a glimmer of hope — the only thing keeping him from going insane was the hand of someone he loved.

leo wasn’t even screaming. the cry was caught in his throat, and his oxygen grew thinner the longer he was suspended within the air. he felt lost, uselessly hanging between timelines and left in an empty and timeless universe, unaware of the true beasts hidden within his impaired sight. he closed his eyes to prevent the tears of the speed they were falling in from taking full effect, though his eyes were already blinded by nyx’s touch. the familiar breeze was gone and replaced by the whispers of khaos, ancient tongues speaking into his ear, so inhumane it sounded like the crackling of fireworks and the hiss of vipers. leo wasn’t even breathing.

he did not know how long they fell. it could have been mere seconds, an hour, weeks even, until the whoosh of a door was heard, and he prepared his legs just before they hit solid ground underneath, allowed only a split second to brace for the impact of his feet onto the ground below. his knees shuddered as they landed with a crouch, the tremor of nico and leo’s bodies hitting the floor with a blatant force it nearly knocked them apart if their fingers weren’t grasped onto each other’s at the last second. leo took a heavy exhale, a relieving breath he had been holding in for so long his face must have been blue. he coughed violently from the lack of oxygen he had endured, the sulfurous air escaping his lungs. nico’s hand, luckily, was keeping him from fading away. he wasn’t alone in the darkness.

the first thing leo noticed was that it was cold. no, it was _cold_. a freezing cold even worse than the one at the sequoia skeleton forest at tartarus’ armpit, or beneath the overhead slab of rock that blocked all light from drifting into the cave they had slept in for hours or days before they had met akhlys. it was so cold that leo could have died on the spot when the wave of chills washed over him, the cocytus waters an ice cube compared to the winter storm he was residing in. he shivered violently. this was a cold he could not become used to, his skin tingling with frostbite.

the next thing was how… calm it seemed. unlike what nyx had told him, he couldn’t hear any horrific whispers or recollect the memories he desired not to face. the air around him was holding in a breath, waiting for him to grab his bearings before reaching out with clawed hands, desperate to tear him apart with talons sharper than leo’s own tongue. the calm before the storm, one he didn’t know he was prepared for, adding onto his violent shivers from the palace’s cold embrace. it made him uneasy. the palace was waiting for him.

he was about to call out to nico, ask how his state was, but then he remembered that nico’s ears were currently dysfunctional — no matter how loud leo was, nico would not hear. leo would be met with an eerie silence, the only comfort that nico was in his presence being their intertwined hands. leo started to hear whispering in the air the longer they stood still, too afraid to start running. the whispers were meaningless, speaking in other languages as if trying to find the right one to speak to them. they seemed harmless, basically the same as the silence before, and leo let his guard down as the uneasiness in his stomach faded away. his shoulders fell, his empty hand had relaxed. they could get through this. all they had to do was run towards the end, and they’ll be able to find the doors of death and— 

suddenly a voice — crooning and soft, milk against china bowl that hummed through leo’s ears as if the speaker was whispering right into his ear — cut through the air. 

“ _little boy, won’t you be good for me?_ ”

and everything stopped. leo was frozen in place, his breath cut short by a dagger and his lungs ceasing to function within the tightness of his ribcage that felt flooded by greek fire, drowning him. his stomach dropped to the depths of khaos, his hands going slack as his throat constricts with the intensity of an anaconda, slowly suffocating him until he can’t even think of the word oxygen. he wanted to vomit, bile bubbling in his organs, and his heart was suddenly an extra weight, gripping his veins tight enough to stop the blood flow in them. his body was a statue, turning gold as king midas places his bony fingers on his arm and reduces him to nothing but precious metal. leo can still hear it. hear the laugh, dreadful and wicked that rattles his cushioned bones, and despite his vision lost, leo can see it.

_he was sitting on the floor, around ten, quietly scribbling words on a piece of notebook paper he had stolen from the appliance store nearby the house. then the bedroom door opened, and all he could see was the silhouette of a tall man. his hair wild and his stature rigid. leo could almost see the aching smile on the man’s face. it was almost heartwarming if it weren’t for the dead look in the man’s eyes. full of nothing but… but… the man lifted out his hand from his pinstripe pants, reaching out towards leo and_ **_leo was suddenly hit by an intensive panic, fear crawling through his veins and making him shake violently. all that was running through the boy’s mind was get away, get away, get the fuck away._**

leo abandons every single piece of information nyx’s motherly voice had lectured him upon; abandons every single hope he had towards the future and every refound muscle of strength he thought he had within him in facing the true horrors of his past memories that are now right in front of him; abandons every single goddamn restraint in his mind because he can already feel them, feel them crawling across his body. he abandons everything.

and he starts running.

he runs so fast, legs straining as he forces them to work as fast as he’s ever taken them, the wind that was not in the present beating against his body until his throat was dry. he can feel flies being thrown against the back of his mouth. he barely registers the tight hold on his hand, trying to remain within his grasp, because all he can hear is his own breathing, heaving and desperate and trying not to cry out from the _absolute mortification he was holding within himself_. he runs so fast that if he could open his eyes, his eyeballs would have been left at the back of his head by now. he’s suddenly not tired anymore, days gone on with only few rests or snacks were left in the past as he tries to escape the demon. the demon walking leisurely towards him, with his leather dress shoes that pad against the ground. 

_clack. clack. clack._

_“little boy, little boy why do you run away from me?”_

leo can’t even scream. his voice is gone — his voice was always gone when joseph spoke directly at him, asking him a question that didn’t need an answer but one he demanded from leo. one he would retch from leo until the boy would open his mouth and the words would fall from his mouth. his vocal chords are ripped from his throat, his mind losing the ability to think clearly or even formulate thoughts because all he knows is that he needs to get away. get away, get away from the beast trailing his feet. his voice already inside of leo’s head. the clacking of his dress shoes behind him still effortlessly chasing him. leo could never get away from him.

he can feel the hands. he can feel the hands that place themselves firmly on his shoulders and the mouth that whispers into his ear. the hands that encase his smaller one not in a hold of affection but a hold of possessiveness, the chuckling behind him becoming increasingly louder as the ghostly fingernails trail over his bare arms. the hands that place themselves on his chest, and his knees — and they grow corporeal, shifting against his skin and becoming as large as they were when joseph had first held him. and he starts crying.

cockroaches. the hands are cockroaches, laughing maniacally, watching leo squirm under their tiny pointed legs and leo feels the vomit start to reach his throat, the feeling of absolute disgust and shame making the person he tried to work up to crumble at his fingertips. 

there’s a pull. a pull on his own hand that is forcing him back, but he’s desperately ignoring it, only knowing that forward is his only option. suddenly the pull drags him back with such a force leo is nearly knocked all the way back due to his high acceleration. he’s struggling against the force, the weight of his words an anchor to leo’s soul that drags him deeper and deeper into the river, and he’s crying harder now. leo howls in protest as arms encase him, the arms of someone he didn’t know dragging him back and towards the man he despises, the man he had feared since he had escaped his walls.

he’s closer.

and closer.

and closer.

_“little boy,” the man starts, taking leo’s chin in his hand. the man has eyes the coldest and startling blue, almost silver against his pale perfect face. his hair is wild, pupils dilated as he stares at leo like a deer to devour. “little boy, you said you wouldn’t run away again.”_

“no!” leo wails as the arms maintain an iron grip on him, tears and saliva dripping down his face, but he doesn’t care, doesn’t care as his head throbs agonizingly as he knocks it back into an unseen force or that his feet kick nothing but air frantically as if he’s a comical dog. he needs his arms and legs to be free. he needs to be free before the monster enters the room. 

“let go of me!” leo spat, fat ugly tears rolling down his cheeks as he spit pure flames into the air. the arms around his torso only grow tighter but not tight enough for the air to be cut off from his windpipe — but that is already what was happening, sobs wracking leo’s throat as he howls for the chains to cease. he can smell him, fresh cologne like autumn winds mixed with harsh sweat. he is back in leo’s life, back from the dead and coming closer. yet the arms never ceased their grip, something akin to a head pressing against his back as he fought against the makeshift cage. leo was punching and kicking with abandon, spitting fire from his lungs as the sweat poured down his face, the scorching feeling a deadly contrast to the sickly ice around him. “let me fucking go!” he screeched, trying to pull away from whoever was trying to lead him to an early death. “i need to go!”

no matter how hard leo tried, no matter how many kicks to the person’s legs or how many times he twisted his body to such a contortion it could have been impossible, the chains would not let go. they held him in their palms, and leo hated the hands, the hands that have started crawling up from his ankles, closer and closer to where he had been breached all those years ago. he hiccups and screams some more, but the energy in his veins is beginning to deteriorate, the man now clasping his hands across his neck until leo is choking, the acid in his stomach burning as bright as inflamed gasoline, lips against his ear in a greedy turning of corners.

“ _little boy, why are you afraid of me?_ ” _the hand on his chin descends across his skin, and leo’s stifling tears as he desperately holds himself in place, not wanting to disobey unless he would suffer the wrath of the man who had kept him locked in the house for days on end. “little boy, you have nothing to be afraid of. i’m here. i’ll take care of you.”_

“no!” leo screamed, his vocal chords ripping by how loud he bellowed at the spirit, the ghost under his skin, shaking his skull with abandon in a losing effort to rid himself of the dreadful tune of joseph’s brass voice. he’s breathing fire, columns he couldn’t see erupting from his mouth like lava. the worm digs deeper and deeper into his psyche until he feels his mind start coming undone. “no, no! i’m sorry! i’m sorry!”

_“don’t be sorry, my child. you are doing so good.”_

leo couldn’t help it. it was too much — the moment he had heard those words, the vomit piled up in his throat, and he retched onto the ground, the poison spilling and dribbling from his lips as he sobbed. all the energy he had in him now reduced to burnt out coal. a magnum headache had started to form, and exhaustion piled up on him, causing him to hang limp and shivering in the arms of someone he did not recognize. the smoke in his lungs poured out from between his dry and chapped lips, anguished wails becoming only whimpers as the voice subsided just enough for him to register something on his arm. it wasn’t a cockroach, or a worm, or any other animal or insect he could think of. no, it was a hand, but it wasn’t the one he had been desperately trying to run away from.

tapping. there was tapping on his arm.

leo noticed that its from the arms tightening around himself, tapping patterns on leo’s last organic arm, soft beats that sound so familiar. soon the realization of what those steady, too thought-out and designed beats meant came to full effect. he went completely silent, not in horror but shock, taken abruptly to a time when he and his mother communicated on two sides of the same door, tapping against the hardwood and asking each other if the other was doing well. he had been using those patterns since then, tapping them mindlessly against the cuffs of his distressed jeans.

morse code.

the hand tapped either quick or prolonged in a succession before pausing for a moment, beginning another unique code until they completed the word they were trying to communicate. leo fumbled for his memories, translating the rhythm into letters in his mind, becoming more focused on the tapping than the dark walls around him, nearly forgetting he was in danger by the working of his tortured mind to decode the message

_not real_ , the tapping was saying. _not real._ leo had stopped kicking by then, hands hanging uselessly against his sides and legs limp as a corpse dangling from his torso as he let the scarred and calloused fingers tap the secret language on his skin. a touch that was unlike anything from the monster of a man, a touch that brought him out of his stupor and into the dawn.

nico. it was nico. leo unconsciously reached upward to hold nico’s strong arms around him. they were not as thin as leo’s but frail nonetheless, skeletons of warmth in the freezing air. nico was seldom warm, his skin usually so cold they were basically snow resting within his palms, melting by just the touch of leo’s fingers. here, nico’s heat was soothing, the pulse beneath leo’s chest that had been so agonizingly reducing to a low hum as leo straightened his back. 

_you’re safe_ , nico communicated. nico must have learned morse code from the days he spent growing up during world war ii, a fact that leo’s mother had lectured him upon himself. _it can’t hurt you_. a hand dragged over the vomit and spit dangling from leo’s chin, wiping it away so leo wouldn’t feel like a disgusting, slobbering dog. leo gripped nico’s arms so tight they formed indents by the prick of his nails, but nico didn’t seem to care, opting to softly caress leo’s torso and hold him tighter. leo could hear his breathing. harsh and relieved.

meanwhile leo’s breathing had decreased to a steady inhale and exhale, tears still sticking to his face like adhesive, his body an extra weight in nico’s arms. joseph was gone, but leo didn’t feel relieved about him leaving, empty and trapped within his own skin and inside the mansion of night. he came back to his senses and felt nothing but uncontrollable shame. how was it like this? he had only handled the first few seconds in nyx’s palace — after that, he had already been driven up the wall. it hurt. it hurt to think that leo could so easily regress to someone else entirely. regress back into that scared ten-year-old kid, hiding in the corner of his bedroom and hoping that his foster father would not turn the door handle. that scared ten-year-old, staring at his bruised body in the mirror after his second run-away attempt, trying to look strong but failing. that scared kid, who had no idea what he was doing in the world anymore.

nico’s touch was warm. _we need to keep going_ , he tapped. leo can’t. he’s too weak — he can’t forget the screams he let out as he struggled in nico’s grasp, hitting someone who wanted to protect him, but who he thought was the monster himself. then leo hears a shift in the ground in front of him, a sign that the danger has passed and has now shrank back into the shadows of the mansion, the air holding another breath and readying itself to ram into their psyches once more, determined to break their drive. nyx had told him that he was the force, the very thing that kept them on their feet. he can’t keep going, but he knows they need to keep going. _leo_ needs to keep going.

leo taps back on nico’s hand, _ok_ . nico releases his hold on him but keeps their hands intertwined, the hands with the cuts on their palms and the very thing tying their fates together as one. he knows that nico counts on him to keep him alive, and leo knows that he counts on himself to keep them alive. tartarus had already done enough. it had already broken his already fractured spirit, forced him to witness things beyond his control, but now he is filled with a drive he rarely has, and he tightens his grip on nico’s hand because _they are getting out of here_. he was leo fucking valdez, son of hephaestus and esperanza, one of the seven destined to defeat the earth mother, and he refuses — adamantly rejects the idea of being a fragile plate under tartarus’ bony hand. he was going to survive, and he was bringing nico along with him.

so they start running again.

this time leo runs not from fear but from determination, gripping nico’s wrist tightly as he leads them on, towards the exit he could not see but sense, power flowing like rivers of ichor in his veins not just because of the weight of the oath against his shoulders, not because if he fails to protect them he will be subject to a fate worse than death, but because he cares about nico. nico di angelo had risked his life for him, sacrificed his safety countless times for leo. tartarus would have to rip leo limb from limb just to get to nico. his feet pounded against the ground, his life as a runaway becoming an advantage as he traversed the mansion of night. leo used to run away. now he runs towards, runs towards that bright light in the distance, he needs to get there. he deserves to get there.

the whispers are coming back again, but leo ignores them. he pulls nico along as he runs, and it almost feels like he’s flying.

then suddenly, nico jolts him back, near knocking leo off his balance and into nico’s chest. leo frowns, beads of sweat dripping down his face. he turns towards nico, though his vision is pure darkness, not able to see nico’s expression, but he can feel it. nico’s hand on his wrist is hard steel, gripping so tight his hand could have gone numb from it. there was only silence in the air, however, he could not hear a whisper, or a yell, or even the echo of his own voice. nyx told him that the moment he hears nothing, he must stray onward. when he tries to tug nico forward, nico is a statue of obsidian that he struggled to lug. his feet are planted hard in the ground to the point where they became roots. the temperature around leo drops dangerously low, making leo’s teeth chatter. nico’s hand is cold.

“nico—” leo started, useless as nico was deaf to any of his words, but it seemed as if the boy had found a catalyst for his sudden reaction. nico began tugging them backwards, encasing leo’s wrist in a tight hold as he tried to pull leo the way they came. nyx warned them to never go back the way the came. if they did, the mansion would consume them. if nico was dragging them back… 

leo tugged right back, a game of tug-of-war that became frantic and desperate on nico’s side. he held onto leo’s arm with such intensity that his nails raked across his incredibly bruised skin, opening maenad scars that were not deep but stung with blood. nico shook like a house in a storm, writhing as he tried to force them backwards. leo could hear nico’s desperate cries that came out as voiceless exhales, incoherent as he stomped on the ground, pounding in order to knock leo off his balance. but leo was stubborn, knowing the feeling that nico was experiencing that very second. leo was not able to see what he was trying to run away from, but leo didn’t care. he knows it won’t hurt him.

leo attempts to step forward when nico starts attacking him with weak punches and kicks, hitting leo with desperate and useless hands and feet as a new goal forms in the son of hades’ mind — get out of leo’s grasp as fast as possible. nico would have been screaming if it weren’t for the curse, ghost sewn lines over his lips from escaping his already destroyed esophagus. he’s shoving, slapping, ramming his head into leo’s backside as if he is trying to force something out of his skull. nico would get exhausted for a period of time, a wetness forming as he laid his head on leo’s shoulder before he has another burst of energy, fighting back with more power than before. leo has his hands wrapped around nico’s wrists, and he forces them in front of him in order to keep nico from turning around and away from their goal, gripping them with as much strength as he could muster. he couldn’t lose nico. he couldn’t.

nico continued to struggle, grinding his teeth as he tries to pull back, but leo tries the same tactic nico had used for him when leo had been under the mansion’s power, steadying nico’s wrists until they were still, attempting to form coherent taps on nico’s skin. _stop. not real. it’s not real._

at first, nico doesn’t listen, delivering a painful kick to the back of leo’s knee that nearly sent him crumpling to the ground. the darkness around leo swirled with the sound of snakes hissing and sizzling corpses, the shadows reacting to nico’s raw emotion as his fear rose to the brink of the bottle. leo doesn’t fight back. he knows that if he did, nico’s emotions would heighten and form spears with the mansion’s shadows, piercing leo through and through. he knows that hurting nico would be the last thing he wanted, so he becomes persistent, continuing to tap morse code onto nico’s tingling skin until he relaxed.

_you’re okay_ , leo said. _they’re not real. you’re safe. safe. i’m leo. leo._

nico’s frustration had culminated to its peak when leo had tapped the final word. he slammed his head roughly into the juncture between leo’s shoulder blades, body shaking violently, and leo knew he was sobbing. leo rubbed mindless shapes into nico’s knuckles. it was a mirror of the same gesture he did when nico had been taken hold of his own misery after drowning akhlys, choking her insides out with her mother’s night. leo’s grip loosened, though they were ready for when nico would have another fit. the fit never came. instead, nico gripped the front of leo’s shirt like a lifeline, tears cascading down the nape of leo’s neck as nico stomped on the ground, perturbed by the mansion’s psychological torture.

leo wondered what it was like. envisioning the horrors that one have desired to forget or ignore their whole life, staring into the face of someone — or something — that turned a person’s blood cold and their brain pudding. leo gently took up one of nico’s hands and placed it on his cheek, heating up his face with as much warmth as he could muster. nico didn’t attempt to scratch his eyes out, instead dragging his knuckles over leo’s skin, fragile fingers grazing his cheekbone as if scared that leo would disappear right in front of him.

_you’re alive._ leo tapped. _you’re alive._

nico had stopped shaking, soft cries dying down. he was barely moving, face buried in leo’s back while leo kept his body heated to provide nico some semblance of warmth nico’s hands hung limp, each held by leo’s own. his cut hand laid on leo’s face while the other stayed intertwined with leo’s right. nico’s breathing was hoarse and hurt, but noticeably less violent than before. for once in the house of horrors, leo wants to be able to see, to look at nico’s face and hold it within his palms to give himself a semblance of reality, to make sure that nico was going to be okay. suddenly, he feels nico tapping his hand.

_i’m sorry._

leo would have smiled if he had the energy to, already pushed to his limits. he taps back. _you’re okay._

_okay._

_keep going?_

_wait._

leo waits patiently. nico continues to hold onto leo’s shirt, though his grip on them has loosened. he slowly resurfaces to his normal height from the slouch he had when the breakdown had hit, his head a mere centimeter from leo’s own. before, leo would get nothing but annoyed by the fact that nico was taller than him. now the idea didn’t seem unpleasant — endearing. he thumbs the molten bruises on nico’s knuckles, desiring to not let go as he struggled to think happy thoughts before the worst to come. leo taps mindlessly against nico’s skin, a message that had become such a habit that he forgot it meant actual words. nico stiffened when he translated the taps leo was unconsciously administering before his body relaxed, continuing to hang onto the boy before pulling away hesitantly. soon the only thing that held them together were their hands, numb from gripping the other’s so tight they had lost bone structure.

_ready?_ leo taps.

_yes._

leo takes that at his cue to begin to pick up his feet, left-right, left-right. he goes a steady pace, a consolation for nico as he was still suffering the effects of the vision he was subject to. soon, nico started to pull ahead of him, and leo knew that they were ready to go on as fast as they could to get to the other side. leo picked up his pace until their feet barely touched the ground, the ‘wind’ causing leo’s hair to fly up around him and his shirt to sway, work boots becoming more distressed the longer they ran. the voices that had been absent before began to come back in full force, clogging leo’s ears no matter how hard he drowned them out.

he hears his family. tía rosa, primo rafael, the innumerable aunts and uncles and relatives he could barely remember the names of until he heard their voices bounce off the dark walls, hitting his ears with spitting tongues and clicking teeth. he can already form the images in his mind. his tía carmen begging for leo to be brought into her custody, dark raven hair pulled up into a messy bun and her eyes filled with tears, crying for the boy to not be swept up by the jaws of foster care. his tío berto, glaring at him with such an intensity that it felt as if he were boring holes into leo’s skull, melting his brain to ash with just the daggers of his piercing brown eyes. his primos and primas straying to the side, either looking on at their cousin with pity or avoiding him like a leech, believing him to be a monster within the confines of their living space. his cousin rafael staring at him, expression unreadable, and leo wants nothing more than to punch him in his perfect face. the boy had everything in the palm of his hand while leo was left with nothing.

his tía rosa sneered at the pleads of the few relatives who took leo’s side, those who said that he was just a kid, a little boy who had no idea what he had done. she would not listen to their cries, nor would the other relatives that believed leo was trouble from the minute he was born. _that is the diablo!_ tia rosa screamed when she became increasingly ired by the yelling around her. _it is a spawn of the devil, the antichrist that will burn us all. why should we show pity to the child of satan himself? it can rot on the street for all i care!_

leo remembered that he couldn’t handle it, running out the living room that had become a courtroom where a family that didn’t care about him discussed his fate. only minutes later did someone dare to bring him out. his tía carmen, eyes swollen and her voice cracking as she told leo the news. _you’re being sent to social workers. i am so sorry, mijo._

the memories were vivid, the voices of his mortal lineage screeching at him like owls. _diablo!_ they cried out, getting louder as his chest panged violently from running for what seemed like hours. _you will never be a part of us!_ leo is running so fast that his body feels like it lags behind his own feet. this time, he doesn’t protest when nico brings them to a stop, ceasing his march with a screeching halt, blocking out the yelling of his primo rafael, asking him if this is what he wanted. asking him why he would kill his mother in the first place if leo didn’t want to live a life like this, but leo tells him to shut up. rafael never knew when to keep his mouth shut.

he hears the crack in the floor cease itself up, and nico taps on his arm for them to begin their race again, instantaneous. at time nico’s grasp would tighten, his vision plagued by nightmares that leo lacked the vision to witness. leo would always squeeze his hand back, a silent plea for him to stay strong. he knows that nico was strong enough, that if he could handle the curses of a thousand _arai,_ he could keep going on. nico was powerful, and soon nico’s grip would loosen to a comfortable hold. soon it became a pattern — nico ceasing them when a true danger was present, leo keeping them on the soles of their feet. since they fell into tartarus, leo thought that nico was the drive of their dynamic, leading both of them on while leo was a burden to his weight. now he was the motivation, the gear at the center of the train, pushing their vehicle forward no matter how many hardships faced their way.

the mansion was getting increasingly frustrated with every obstacle they managed to pull through. it started to dig deeper and deeper into leo’s mind. in a final decision, it decided to surface up one more voice.

asudden his stomach is empty. it writhes as his pulse stiffens to silver, his hands going slack at his sides as his feet cease to work at that exact moment. the air is so cold it was burning him, hypothermia settling onto his sensitive skin. no… she wasn’t here. she wasn’t real, she wasn’t real. the voice is so vivid it’s like he’s back in that damn house, her voice like the snake that tempted eve herself.

“ _ah, mi niña, what am i to do with you?_ ”

leo can’t move. he’s frozen, body a statue of ice. nico had done the same, his body becoming stone right under his touch — it was as if nico had stared right into the eyes of medusa herself. leo blinded eyes are wide open, and all he can see is the darkness, but he could almost see her in his vision. the shawl she always wore, the rosary around her neck, her hands so wrinkly she could have been mistaken for a cadaver. his knees were beginning to shake violently, his throat opening and closing so fast he begins to hyperventilate, tears already forming in his tear ducts as nothing but absolute panic erupted from within his system. why was she here? he had left her, he had finally gotten away from her, and now she was back. why was she here? did he do something wrong? why can he still hear her voice, the woman not even a woman anymore but a demon under his own skin. why was she here? 

he’s trying not to whimper. before he had fallen into the mansion of night, he had wished upon a thousand stars that he would not have to face _her_ . her, with her eyes blacker than satan’s own pupils, her mouth pulled into a smile that radiated everything but kindness. he thought that joseph was bad. he thought that his family was bad. but as the woman’s soft laughs, low and stifled, rang through the air, he realizes they were nothing against _her_.

“you can’t hurt me…” leo whispered, already envisioning it. the way her wrinkled smile would suddenly escalate into a deadly smirk, so out of place for a self-proclaimed holy woman. she would have belonged at a convent, a literal temple to any god that she deemed fit to her standards, her life as a marriageless and childless woman making her the perfect nun. she was a prophet of the lord, the spreader of the good news, willing to give hope to those who had lost their faith in the good god above.

“ _you were always a special child,_ ” she croaked, her voice barely human. it was the sound of plastic bobbing in the ocean, the choking of animals as they were strangled, the death of plantations. “ _what changed, mi niña? was it the devil? was he tempting you?_ ”

“you’re not real,” leo responded, voice shaking hard that he’s trembling with it. he can’t even breath, the bare oxygen he had been given now lost to the air and leaving him suffocating in his own stance. she told him she would be able to restore his faith in god, told him that every child who had strayed too far from the lord should be driven back to him. leo had believed her, the stupid child he is, and he remembers the cold water filling his lungs as she dunked him headfirst in her bathtub. _you must get the devil out_ , she snarled, repeatedly forcing him to hold his head beneath the water until he was drowning, smoke curling from his body as he becomes more agitated. _you must resist the devil!_ leo tried to resist her, but he was weak, fragile, and he could not fight as she knocked his head into the tiles of the wall, knocking him out cold.

“ _you remember our little games?_ ” she asked him. leo shook his head violently, gritting his teeth as the mansion caused the memories to resurface from their depths. “ _you remember how beautiful you looked? what a shame satan himself had taken hold of you. made you a sinner. are you still a sinner?_ ”

“no!” leo screamed. she told him she would make him see the light. she told him that god would welcome him back with open arms if he tried. she strapped him to her bed, arms stretching as they were bound by her own belts to the four corners of the mattress. the priest was next to him, screaming in latin as he stared into leo’s eyes as if he were a scoundrel, as if everything was his fault. he fought against the bonds, even accidentally set the bed on fire, only to be doused in holy water and hit by a leather bible. he was left there for hours, days, weeks — the only food given to him were leftovers the woman deemed fit for a diet she had set upon himself, forcing his stomach to accept less and less because the devil was a glutton. leo was exorcised several times under her custody. he would vomit, cry, sob as the priest hit him so hard bruises came up and stared into his irises with burning intensity, pushing down on leo’s chest until his rib cage collapsed. 

leo could feel it all. the burn of the belts on his wrist and ankles, the rosary forced around his neck, and the bruises of the bible against his skin. he felt all of it to the point where he became numb.

he’s gripping hard on nico’s hand, tapping. _go. go. go._

at that moment the voices of the mansion came together as one, a universal voice bellowing at him all around him and from inside of him, the volume so deafening it could have ripped him apart. nico was staring ahead, unmoving as leo tried to pull them forward. leo’s begging him, begging him because everything is too much, he can’t handle it. he knows that if this is happening, then they were close, so close to the end, and that they needed to survive, they needed to leave. he is frustrated, so angry at their tormentors, the echoes embedded into his skin like chains of hot fire, slapping against his skin like whips. they were so close. he presses his and nico’s foreheads together, forcing the boy to look away from all the fear and keep his eyes on him. _let’s go_ , he taps. he needs nico to get out of here. he needs nico to know he’s real.

that snaps nico out of his trance. his body startles beneath leos fingertips, aware of everything happening. and suddenly they’re off, the monsters trailing behind them in armies — the high heel clacking of tía rosa, the dress shoes clapping from joseph, the long dress and shawl streaming across the floor from mother teresa herself. leo uses the fear as a weapon, propelling them until he can’t. the only thought in his fucked mind is _keep running and don’t look back_. he hears the exhausted huffs of their own breaths, the falling of their feet like drums hit by calloused hands, and the walls singing tales of the dead who have lost their souls back in the mansion of night. leo doesn’t care. he’s going to make it out, the world depends on it. he ignores the aching pain in his body. he can almost see the light— 

a new voice streams out from the darkness.

“—leo!”

leo’s eyes that had been shut when he had been running shoot open, and the first thing he sees is a river, streams of white currents floating in front of his vision that he would have fallen into if nico had not caught him in time. leo cringes at the sudden light in his vision, his mouth forming incoherent noises that even he can’t comprehend, the tears flowing down his face, and he’s barely standing up anymore. the river is whispering to him, faces of tortured souls forming in the foam in expressions of pure torment. its painful to look at, hearing their broken pleas and anguished yelling, a torture so horrifying it causes leo physical pain. the two of them backed up, staring at the river, wanting to get away from it as far as possible. leo hears his mom. he hears his mom, a person leo had loved that died by his hands. she was asking him to join her in the river, to save her from this terrible life and leo wants to more than anything. he wants to jump in the river and relieve her of her misery, taking away all her pain and adding it onto his. but he moves back anyway.

nico is next to him, body shaking tremendously under leo’s grip as the death mist curls from his body. the boy’s skin was icy cold and his eyes were bloodshot, tears still cascading across his freckled facade, nose runny and mouth hiccuping, trying to speak but unable to. it only takes a second of them meeting each other’s gaze before they’re intertwined, hugging each other so tight they can’t even breathe. leo’s eyes are shut tight painfully, his ears throbbing as he cries, still hearing the echoes of the mansion of night behind them. he’s gripping nico’s back until his nails rake down his skin like claws and possibly leaving temporary scars. nico doesn’t care, burying his face into leo’s neck as he lets out a scream into leo’s shoulder, all the sounds that he couldn’t form in the mansion’s walls as he had been subject to fear beyond comprehension now coming out into the world. his howls are muffled as he grips leo like a lifeline.

leo’s hiding within nico’s curls, raven black and smelling like winter, and he welcomes the soothing chill without a second thought, letting his nose rest on the crook of nico’s neck. he inhales, taking in the scent of his locks, and leo is so happy nico’s alive, so happy that nico was here and he was not alone and he was holding him in his arms. leo belongs here, trapped within a prison not of hate but of care, and he heats up his body in order to provide both of them a comforting warmth. nico’s agonizing cries start dying down, the boy choking on his own spit, settling for barely audible whimpers as they rocked back and forth. leo holds him, thanking the gods that nico was safe, thanking the gods he wasn’t alone here.

their foreheads press together once more, but leo can’t speak, voice refusing to develop no matter how hard he struggled to form words. nico shakes his head softly at him, silently telling him its okay, and they just stand there with arms around each other, listening to each other’s breathing as the cries of the river became silenced.

leo’s mind is damaged. even more so than when he had first fallen into the pit. he doesn’t feel like the same person he was before.

but nico was here. and he felt safe in his arms.

suddenly, a whoosh sound was heard next to them. nico and leo immediately swiveled towards the noise, but to their relief, it was but a beautiful goddess of the night, now the size of a regular mortal, her hair enormous as the twilight itself and twisting around her like clouds, twinkling stars decorating her dark skin and large ebony wings. silver meteoric tears gathered in her eyes as she looked upon them, her expression one of pure melancholy.

“oh, my children,” she sobbed, and she opened her arms in suggestion. “may i…?”

the two of them nodded, and she wrapped the two of them in a tender hug, so cool and serene leo wanted to fall asleep in her embrace, another wave of water rushing from his tear ducts. her scent was just like his mother, and he lets his head rest atop her chest, allowing her careful hands to coax through his dark ringlets as nimble as they have weaved the constellations themselves. “i am so sorry,” she whispered, honey voice filled with true sorrow. “i am so proud of you.”

there’s a swelling inside leo’s chest. he can’t help but sob a bit.

he doesn’t know how long they stayed like that, nyx’s aura holding back the wails of the river from the two demigods she had grown fond over, her gentle arms caressing their fragile states until they had stopped crying. she looked upon them with nothing but eyes of kindness, motherly as if nico and leo were her own spawn. leo felt thankful that he met her, along with a sense of understanding — a lonely woman who felt distant from her own children, watching them fight wars she could not understand the use for and become divided. leo wondered, when they escape tartarus, that if they would be able to contact her.

she let them go, a gentle smile on her dark face. “demigods always seem to amaze me. you two are powerful, stronger than even the most formidable immortals. i knew i made the right choice to help you. here.” she closed her hands, the stardust dousing her arms glowing brightly like the moon itself until she released her hands. she held out the gift towards them. two moonstones, tiny and tear-drop shaped, placed atop a silk purple cloth depicting golden stars. one sat alone, the other attached to a small black cord. leo and nico stared at it, not knowing how to register the present, but she urged them to take them. leo took up the moonstone, which glowed and automatically floated to his camp half-blood necklace, latching itself between the beads. the cord of nico’s wrapped itself around his neck, tying into place at his nape, the moonstone hanging at his collarbones. nyx handed leo the cloth as well, and he stuffs it into his tool belt, lightweight unlike any of his other supplies.

“moonstones are my symbol of power, a reflection of a person’s true self. it helps one find their place within the universe — and it seems as if you both have found yours already.” she brings up the two’s scarred hands, clasping them within her hold. “in a few hours, there will be a full moon in the mortal world. it will provide you with the strength to fight and close the doors of death. i am unable to follow, so this will be my last gift to you.”

nico and leo did not want to leave the primordial’s side, and it is clear by her eyes that she does not want to leave them either. they hug her once more, another soul they would have to leave in the depths of hell. she seemed to like it here though, which didn’t make leo feel too horrible about it.

she whistled a chiming tune, and suddenly two horses manifested next to them, their ebony coats shifting like writhing shadows. they were strapped by the reins to a stygian black chariot, gleaming as bright as nyx’s constellations. “my steeds will bring you over the acheron and to the entrance of the bridge of tartarus. then you can proceed to the doors of death. there your journey will reach its climax, young demigods. i will attempt to hold back my brother from interfering.”

“thank you,” leo whispered to her, finally able to speak without his throat closing up. nyx only gave them a melancholy smile.

“go, my children,” she said. “bring tartarus to its knees.”

the two of them climbed atop the onyx chariot, nico and leo holding onto the reins and waving a final goodbye to the mother of night, whose face was more gorgeous than all the heavens combined and whose heart was more human than any god leo had ever witnessed. the horses neighed before taking off, flying across the water at speeds above possible velocity, nyx becoming smaller and smaller until she was but a speck in the distance. nico and leo are attached to the hip, thumbing their moonstones and grasping onto the reins of the chariot, the horses splashing through the burning waters of the river of torment. leo doesn’t hear the voices, which could have been because of nyx’s magic — but he feels as if it is something else entirely. 

he lets his head rest on nico’s shoulder, eyes dry and weak. nico’s face is covered top to chin in nyx’s galaxies, raven eyes tortured beyond comprehension, gazing at leo gently as he begins to nod off. he’s tired. so tired.

nico rests his head atop his scalp, one hand gripping leo’s waist to prevent him from falling back.

leo isn’t going anywhere.


	8. viii. dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the long wait! yet trust me: this chapter will make up for it. the ending is soon.
> 
> notes:  
> \- a lot of aspects of this chapter, and even the fic in general, was greatly influences/inspired by stranger things. you can easily find the similarities in the past chapters. however, this one is where a ton of factors from the show are used.  
> \- it's my personal headcanon that nico met ethan down in the labyrinth after ttc and befriended him. because i love ethan.  
> \- i had to fix the final battle because the one in hoh was... lame. nico and leo's final trial in tartarus should be as epic as possible. also, some of nico's dialogue is taken directly from both himself and percy in canon!  
> \- as long as at least one of the doors is chained down, tartarus is able to manipulate them due to their ownership being granted to him completely by gaea.  
> \- soft nicoleo hours.
> 
> beta-read by poisontown on tumblr!

the horses took them as far as they could.

****

the waters of the acheron rippled and shifted beneath the chariot as the goddess of night’s steeds took them across the river of torment, the souls eerily quiet as they passed. tortured white faces manifested in the foam, and pale transparent hands attempted to grasp onto the pitch black chariot, begging for the release from their eternal punishment. once the chariot had reached the shore of the other side, the horses continued on, passing winding lava streams that branched from the phlegethon far from them, reforming monsters hiding within cases of amber that glared at them with frozen rage, and nigrine veins above beating louder and louder — tartarus’ blood, coursing through the cavern’s ceiling. the farther they traveled, the larger the veins became, and the heartbeat of the god of the pit strengthened.

****

nico forced himself to stare ahead, his vision suddenly amplified due to his eyes being subject to the horrors within the mansion of night. he could see every little detail around him. he noticed the ways white constellations swirled on the horses’ ebony coats, noticed the gleaming of weapons of half-mortals and monsters scattered around the undefinable distance of the barren land they tread through. he could sketch out every individual aspect of a mountain or spiral within sight, trace the rocks that jutted out from canyon walls and cast shadows upon crevices and caves. the few monsters that saw them either paid them no attention or avoided their way. it was like they were afraid of them, as if mother night was holding the reins of the chariot towards the world above, draping night over the mortal plane and allowing the sweet solace of sleep.

****

most of all, nico could notice leo. the boy had finished sipping the milk-like contents of the leather pouch damasen had gifted him, each individual indent in its circular form visible to nico’s eyes. leo’s eyes were sunken as they stared down at one of the reins in his hand, gripping the rope weakly with grimy nails. the eye bags beneath his deep brown irises were darker, prominent than night’s own domain. his umber skin was smothered in dirt and blood, tiny freckles dotting his cheeks and beauty marks appearing here and there — over his left eye, in the space between his ear and cheekbone, above the left of his top lip. his chapped mouth was pulled into a thin line, occasionally twitching into a frown. nico knew he was still processing what had happened back in that dreadful mansion. he gripped onto leo’s waist tighter, hand already so roughed up from clutching leo’s body in the halls and refusing to release him. he could see that leo was still scared.

****

nico was scared too. he absolutely despised the feeling of fear drenching his skin, the memories of what happened back at the palace of nyx still vivid in front of his eyes. every now and then he would see a shadow, anywhere across the barren plains that stretched far and wide around him. sometimes they would be bulky and built, other times so narrow they were scarecrows in the center of a famine. nico would blink furiously, desperately blocking the ghosts from his mind to no avail, as they would only appear more and more frequently. the world was spiraling, everything picking apart under them were fragments floating in space. the only thing preventing him from going insane was one of leo’s hands that had slithered towards his own, quietly tapping against his knuckles as if he senses nico’s distress.

****

morse code. that had been nico’s sudden revelation while leo was voicelessly screaming and crying, his body frantic as he struggled away from nico’s grasp. the realization had occurred to him out of nowhere, most likely from the mansion being a house of memory. he had finally realized that was the hidden language leo had been using the entire time — bianca had taught it to nico back at the boarding school, and through the remembrance, he knew what he could do. he gripped onto leo’s body tight while the boy vomited, his puke a dreadful albicant hue. he began tapping onto leo’s arms, bringing him down from the nightmare plaguing his soul until he hung like a ragdoll. he felt the throb of leo’s heartbeat in the palm of his hands. nico wondered what he had been hearing in those harrowing stygian walls, but leo seemed so traumatized by it that a mere whistle from far away caused him to tense up.

****

nico had his fair share of demons. although his sense of hearing had been stolen in order to protect him from the mansion’s horrific voice, being subjected to the visions was undoubtedly as excruciating. the first vision had been so mortifying everything had broken like a dam within him, his heart trembling beneath the shield of his skin as he stared upon a monster of a man. he had been looking at something he could not describe, all the spoken words he could form to tell one about it were only fragments of the true horror. the sight of the thing at the other end of the hallway, whose body was not made of bone or blood but walls, winding murky corridors that shifted as he stared at them in horror, the being’s face formed not by skin but by souls, winding and shifting blood vessels in turmoil upon its frame. it had the faces of a trillion beings, each more vivid than the last — now and then, they formed a face with a crooked nose and the crown of stygian iron, with a wrinkled face akin to rivers of mucus.

****

it was the labyrinth, with its endless walls that nearly broke his sanity and forced him to witness horrors that came with being born as a half-blood. he did not just see the maze. he saw the monsters within it, staring at him with an unsatiated bloodlust, saliva dripping from their lips that could have been mistaken for nico’s own insides, demigods scattered across the ground. most were dead, ripped limb from limb and sliced in half by claws and wings, their pale faces frozen in agony and shock. few were kicking, grasping at the walls for any semblance of reality or releasing horrifying screams that he could still hear as they were eaten alive by _empousai_ and cannibals. that, however, wasn’t the thing that shattered him — the thing that had broken him was the sight of himself, clothed in shadows and darkness, a husk of who he was, the labyrinth in his chest and suffering innocents in his hands.

****

it had destroyed every single drive nico held within his body, every single motivation in him killed by looking at the shifting creature that stood at the end of the hallway, coming closer and closer.

****

after that, he had been subject to even worse images. he could see himself, eleven years old with tears streaming down his face as he cut down monsters left and right with his stygian iron sword, returning them back to tartarus with parries and flicks. then he saw a demigod, running towards him and determined to spill his blood upon the ground. nico did what he had desired, slitting the demigod’s throat in half with a single slice. the first halfblood, the first human he had not been forced to kill on behalf of camp half-blood’s army. nico could see his adolescent face, curling in horror at what he had done before he was whisked away, his body returning to mist in front of nico’s eyes. he could barely keep going with the visions plaguing his mind, digging into his skull until it rattled violently. the shadows on the black, heartless walls attempted to grasp him, tried to speak into his shielded ears and bring him down with them. it was inevitable for him, to become one with the darkness, to fade from light and become the terror he truly was on the inside. the worst one was the final memory, a demigod he never thought he’d see in the mansion, and one he had been determined to quit feeling guilt over.

****

he stood at the end of the hallway, freezing nico dead in his tracks and forcing him to become but a block of stone, looking upon him with an emotionless expression. his hair fell over his eyebrows, dangling over his one eye — the other was hidden by a black leather eyepatch. he was wearing dented bronze armor, caved in on itself as if it was crushed by a hard fall, the fragment of a sword lodged through his stomach. he stared at nico, dark iris holding so much anger and bitterness that nico began to cry again. he couldn’t even force out a mirror of a sob as his body was transfixed in the stance he held. there was nothing but pure fear, not of the boy standing in front of himself, but of that looming weight over his shoulders, a death he could have prevented. ethan nakamura was his first real friend. more of a friend than percy, or annabeth, or thalia — he was the first person who didn’t think he was annoying, looking upon him with kindness in his deep ebony eye. the best friend nico never treasured enough in life. percy told him of ethan’s death after the battle with kronos. nico had not been mad at kronos, or percy, or any of the gods or demigods around him. he was mad at himself. he let ethan die. he let ethan be influenced by kronos.

****

that was the scariest thing that he had seen in the mansion. the reminder that he had let an innocent demigod, an innocent friend die. despite gaining everything after the war, ethan’s death had weighed heavy on nico’s shoulders. he couldn’t even bear to travel down to the underworld to speak with him down in the elysian fields, too terrified to face him and watch himself break down under the pressure of his gaze. it did not help that camp slowly forgot about him, like they did about ethan, some even still whispering about his friend being a traitor to the gods. nico believed he would have joined the titan side if it weren’t for the unnecessary deaths of demigods that came along with it.

****

the mansion became infested not only with ethan’s soul but countless others. the demigods who had went insane in the labyrinth, the demigods he had killed during the war, the demigods who had died right by his side — those he could not prevent the death of. as a son of hades, death ran rampant on the battlefields he crossed. he did not simply see the dead souls of charles beckendorf or lee fletcher — he could see percy, his father, both hazel and bianca, all the friends who he wanted nothing more but to save. all of them stared at him as if he were a wolf in sheep’s clothing, finally revealed for the horror he truly was. they sneered, spat on his face, but what they held within their eyes was the worst of all of their scarred bodies. looking at them, nico could envision all of their deaths. all of them at his hand. all of them were a collective being, glaring. seething. he wanted to crumple onto the ground and let the mansion drag him down. _his fault._

****

then he had felt leo, grabbing his face and pulling him close until all nico saw was him, his glazed silver irises begging him to run, begging him to keep going, believing that nico was strong enough to keep on towards the end in the distance. nico had nearly been demolished from the center of his mind, but leo’s touch had been so warm, like hestia’s comfortable hearth in the fields of camp. nico had come to a realization that all the drive, all his motivation and the rock he had set up for the two of them since the fall was because of _leo_. leo was the person keeping him running, keeping him steady, and keeping him alive. nico didn’t want leo to suffer any longer here in this hell. he wanted to see him safe by the comfort of the campfire, wrapped up in blankets by nico’s side as he roasts marshmallows over the kaleidoscope flames and laughs at his own jokes. nico wanted to hear leo laugh again, wanted to see him smile so much. he wanted to see leo be happy as they perched themselves upon the mast of the argo ii, talking about nothing and everything. 

****

he hoped leo could laugh after all he had witnessed, because watching leo’s face overcome with nothing but terror as the sword of fear was plunged into his chest had been too much. it was too much for nico.

****

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he did not notice when the chariot ceased its movement, the horses neighing as they screeched to a slow halt. nico released the reins, albeit hesitantly, forcing his knees to be steady once they had descended from the elevated platform. he held leo’s hand carefully, assisting the shaking boy down to the ground. they had been riding the chariot for so long that they were unaccustomed to walking, and their legs were weak after running endlessly through the palace of night. 

****

“you okay?” nico asked once leo was safe to the ground. leo didn’t smile, but it seemed as if he did as he offered nico a grateful expression.

****

“yeah, i’m good,” he answered. his voice was hoarse.

****

they walked to the front of the chariot, afraid to leave the confines of their newfound safe space. nico had expected mother night to be a pure deity of terror and destruction, capable of turning their legs to ash and their brains to embers. he had not expected to see the face of his mother, maria di angelo, with her soft cheekbones and kind eyes and flowing galactic hair that caressed her shoulders decorated in stars. she had not been a monster but a benevolent goddess, a mother that nico had been stolen from back in the cold days of world war ii. maria had been struck down by lightning and sent to the underworld in just the span of a single night. nico held the same grudge against zeus that nyx had festered within herself, her gaze all-knowing and melancholy as she held his sobbing figure in her lulling arms. he wanted nothing more than to be cared for, to be shown genuine love from a maternal figure he had lacked his entire life. all the same, he knew he had to let her go, knew he had to leave her loving arms. he was done using people for his advantage or wants. he was done accidentally hurting those he wanted to trust in him. he was better than that.

****

nico pat the horses’ noses, the steeds neighing in pleasure from his delicate caresses. as a parting gift for their hard work, leo fished out the last remaining crackers from his tool belt, unwrapping them from the plastic and offering the slices to the horses, who ate them vigorously after their long journey. the creatures, despite being as black as nightmares and as cold as glaciers, nuzzled their snouts over their faces before taking off. their feet stamped against the scarlet-indigo grounds like thunder, the chariot rumbling behind them as they took a sharp turn into the unknown, disappearing from their vision. nico allowed himself a single exhale. he’d find a way to contact nyx once they had reached the surface. 

****

he looked on towards the location they were in and felt himself ogling at the sight. it would be almost a mortifying idea that nico had found the scenery to be beautiful. in front of them, beyond the sheer cliff face they were standing upon, was a massive bridge carved of pitch black iron and rock, arches supporting the weight of hordes of daemons, monsters, and immortals traveling atop its vast flat-top. there was no gate or enclosure preventing one from teetering off the edge. the only thing present at the bottom was a dark mist, red and deathly and smelling like a thousand burning furnaces. khaos. instead of his usual batwing color, he had resorted to fiery volcanic whirlpools of lava. above them, nico could see clouds — lightning as red as blood flashing and thunderous howls forming after each clap, the black smoke creating a jolting contrast to the luster of crimson. nico noticed every detail, staring in awe at the cracks in the bridge’s framework that risked breaking but somehow stood strong, pinpointing the exact minute lightning flashed. 

****

beyond the bridge was an island, rocks rising from the ground like colossuses, the sides jutting like skeletons in the earth. veins larger than olympus itself flowed across the sheer cliff sides, arteries of scarlet and violet visibly throbbing. the heart of tartarus. armies and armies of beasts gathered upon the land, grasping weapons and clenching fists with ravenous gazes, impatiently waiting. they mirrored the businessmen nico would observe while strolling down the street, with their unkempt suits and ties as they tapped their feet vigorously on the floor of the metro, cutting traffic and pedestrians in their rush to the workplace. the monsters were gathering at _them_ . nico felt his entire body tingle, his stygian iron blade hidden within his ring — _soulbane_ , as nyx had called it — trembling between his fingers with the amount of power sizzling in the air. nico was invigorated by the mere knowledge that they were close, so close to the prize they had been struggling through forestry and haunted walls to come to.

****

nico painfully let out a breath. “this is it.”

****

“yeah.” leo shuddered as a monster passed right through him, the death mist reducing him into nothing but a phantom as a _scythian dracaena_ speeds through him on her juniper serpent legs. he glared at the snake woman, daggers falling short due to the mist shielding him from the eyes not of mortals but monsters. they were invisible, despite the glare on leo’s facade, harsher than ever. knowing that it was useless, leo looked up at nico. “you ready?” he asked.

****

nico nodded, taking up leo’s hand within his own, slender fingers wrapping around nimble ones. it felt almost natural — they had been holding hands for the entirety of their journey, their painstaking ride through the prison of the damned coming full circle. once again, after hundreds and hundreds of instances, they had intertwined their fingers together. the cut on nico’s palm surged with energy, the oath having reached its final stages. all they needed to do was close the doors.

****

“yeah,” nico answered, meeting leo’s gaze. “let’s go home.”

****

leo gave a nod, strong and determined and full of a new spark in his eyes. the fire spiraling around them from the wretched sky and the deadly abyss below illuminated his bronze skin in hues of amber and marigold, his midnight curls traced by lines of light that basked him in a volcanic halo. his eyes which had stared into the face of hell itself held so much compassion and genuity, locking with nico’s in a steady hold. leo was scared, but he didn’t seem to care as he rubbed small circles onto nico’s hand and offered him a steady flow of warmth. leo valdez was braver than anyone nico had ever encountered in his lifetime, one of the strongest and most powerful demigods to ever walk the earth. he could breathe life into the emptiest of vessels. he was intelligent, he was thoughtful, and he did not stare at nico like he was a mistake, like he was something to fear, a monster in human skin. leo valdez looked at nico as if he was just another person, gentle eyes gazing into his own and causing something to swell up in nico’s chest. a good swelling.

****

“let's go home,” leo repeated. they started marching on.

****

the bridge was packed, monsters occupying every space in sight, collecting mostly in the center. they blocked most of their vision forward, the island temporarily disappearing from sight. despite the intense shivers and uncomfortable feelings he suffered whenever he passed through an unsuspecting beast, nico silently thanked the death mist for its hold on him. it allowed them to traverse the bridge safely, be undamaged from the monsters that pushed each other off the highway of hell, allowed them to keep on their feet and away from that dreadful edge. nico was becoming sweaty, the musk of the beasts around them clogging his broken nose and the sulfurous air poisoning him slowly. the heat was almost unbearable, the opposite of nyx’s domain, hot and scorching against his steaming skin like he was under too many layers of skin. leo didn’t seem to mind, absorbing some of the heat through nico’s skin in order to save him even more discomfort.

****

the demons gathered around them were hideous. there were families of cyclopes, tall muscular men with pot bellies and harrowing heights, singe-eyes staring straight ahead over the heads of the beasts fighting their ways around them. there were squads of _empousai_ , checking their samsungs and iphones and squealing at pics of shirtless men and near nude women. nico and leo had passed by an entire fleet of rabid laistrygonian giants, with skin so rugged with scars it looked as if they’ve been a part of every single war in history. their eyes were cold, deadly, as if they were a bomb ready to set off for when they would catch sight of the demigods in their midst. they seemed so human, yet never less monstrous than the creatures surrounding them. it was like the gods had sent mortals careening into tartarus, the souls becoming the very predators that used to prey upon them.

****

it didn’t sit right with nico. glancing at the all the beasts surrounding them, the only emotions within them being a lust for blood. if he had fallen into tartarus alone and received no guidance from peaceful titans and benevolent goddesses, nico would have turned out like them. a husk of who he used to be. 

****

the bridge was chaotic, screeches shouting from left and right, bellowing out the maws of harpies and hound dogs. next to him, leo would wince whenever one such noise was made — his hearing was most likely amplified in mirror to nico’s sight. his ear drums must have been extremely sensitive, forcing him to hear every little crunch of their steps on the asphalt ground and every single howl from the monsters crossing the bridge. nico could only imagine how the noises around them could be deafening for the son of hephaestus. the whiz of an arrow. the cackle of werewolves. the storm booming overhead. he squeezed leo’s hand, trying for comfort despite his nerves being on edge as much as his were.

****

at one point, a daemon ran through the crowd on a motorcycle, screaming bloody murder as the roaring of the engine pierced their ear drums. he cackled as he knocked monsters off balance, sending them shrieking in pure terror as their bodies were absorbed into khaos’ body, souls torn into shreds that could no longer be put back together. the sudden noise and appearance of the daemon caused leo to grimace and bump into nico, not enough to knock him off balance but startling him nonetheless. he wrapped his arm around leo’s shoulders, who in turn wrapped his around nico’s back, continuing their walk through the hordes. the musk of the beasts around them, stuffy and odored with expired food and discarded garbage, was setting off their demigod senses strongly. they blared in nico’s mind, his entire instincts telling him to run away or fight them all off. a little voice in the back of his head planted seeds of doubt within him, intruding his thoughts that at one point one of the monsters would spot past the thin veil concealing them. if that happened, they were doomed.

****

“i hate this place,” leo grumbled. they were halfway through the bridge now, and across all sides nico could see the absolute vastness of tartarus. it stretched so far and wide nico wondered if he was viewing the entire world laid flat on a platter, an inverse of the blue skies and gorgeous clouds above the manhole. there were spires acting as skyscrapers, jutting from the ground and housing stymphalian birds within their cracks, cawing and snapping in their nests. there were entire mountains carved with faces of grief and woe, boulders tipping over their peeks, threatening to fall and crush those below. everything nico knew about tartarus was proved invalid in this mere glance at the true stretch of its wasteland. if he stared too long, if he remembered how small he was compared to everything around him, his mind would have caved in.

****

“we’re almost there,” nico said. “we can make it.”

****

“i know that.” leo brushed a stray curl from his face, his visage continuing to flicker between deceased and alive. it looked as if his eyes were calculating millions of equations, glaring at the ground in deep thought. nico pressed a little closer to him, blood rushing to his cheeks when leo does the same thing, face in close proximity to his own. “we… we never talked about closing the doors.”

****

they haven’t. nico had been avoiding the idea altogether, as if the mere thought was a fatal disease he needed to quarantine away at all costs. too deadly, too dangerous. he felt his dry throat parch even more than it currently was. he did not want to think about _how_ they would close the doors — it must be shut by two parties on both sides, which meant while one was set off for the mortal world, the other must be left here in the depths of tartarus. nico had promised, sworn an oath, he would get them out of tartarus. swore he would get _him_ out of tartarus. he wanted to hope there was a loophole in the oath or the rules of the doors because the thought of leaving leo to die in this insufferable abyss was worse than death itself on his doorstep. the images of leo scared and alone back at the cliff near the forest at the mercy of the curses were as clear as day and as frightful as a living nightmare. 

****

maybe nico could close the doors on tartarus’ side, allowing leo to go up the elevator and out of hell. maybe if he did that—

****

“nico?” leo suddenly called. nico snapped out of his train of thought to leo’s face, eyes boring into his skull but lacking the same intensity as a monster’s sadistic glare. “you’re not thinking…”

****

“leo…” nico felt like the world was going to end. “i—”

****

“don’t think like that, nico,” leo said. “besides… if anyone’s going to be left down here, it’s going to be me. you need to get back to the seven, man.”

****

nico stared at him in shock before he narrowed his eyes at leo. “no. you said you wanted to go back home. i’m not leaving you to die.”

****

“it’s better than having you die here,” leo whispered. “c’mon, don’t you want to see the sky again?”

****

“i do,” nico answered honestly. “but you’ve been wishing to go back home the entire time. i can’t leave you here. i just can’t.”

****

“nico…”

****

“we’ll both find a way to get out of here, alright?” nico decided, stony eyes facing leo and challenging any sort of retaliation leo would come up with. instead, leo nestled his cheek on nico’s shoulder, the small furrow in his eyebrows fading away as he snaked his free hand up to nico’s arm, encasing his shoulders, thumbing the maroon bruises on his knuckles. nico felt his glare soften up as he stared at leo, who sighs in contemplation. there’s a spark in his eyes, dimmer than before, but still glowing nonetheless, and nico’s chest tightened more. 

****

“alright,” leo muttered. “you know, i never really asked you about your mythomagic shit. i played a card game like that when i was a kid.”

****

“really? what was it called?”

****

“man, let me tell you.”

****

it felt nice, walking across a bridge of pain holding leo close, starting up a conversation that was not about their inevitable deaths or the fate of the universe. just two teenagers stripped of their youth reclaiming what they lost. nico didn’t feel the need to interrupt as the boy rambled about his past experiences with card games and superheroes, head light as a feather against his shoulder and his body warm as the sun. the conversation was useless, unimportant and out of place, and it was one of the most treasured moments in nico’s life, watching leo make comments at his own expense, occasionally glancing at nico to make sure he was listening. nico did so intently, ignoring the spawns of hellfire around him, only focused on leo’s heartbeat in his fingertips and the serenity in chaos.

****

time had passed, and they had finally made their way to the end of the bridge, leo stopping his ranting short to gape at everything that surrounded them. in front of them were hundreds… thousands… millions of beasts of the underworld — hellhounds that painfully reminded him of mrs. o’leary; headless men and pearl skeletons holding spears and javelins, donning military coats and roman armor; dozens and dozens of cannibal ogres and giant pythons and hissing drakons. there was a minotaur, a nemean lion, even a hydra. they plagued every single crevice of nico’s vision, their green scales and baring teeth so striking it took him minutes to adjust. they were scattered all around the area, but the majority had gathered in a line that had began at the end of the bridge, flocks of black birds and rabid wolves at restless stands in the line of monsters leading up to a wall — the first true organic wall nico had found in tartarus. it was gigantic, storm clouds gathering at the top and blaring blazed lightning that caused nico’s ears to ring painfully. on that volcanic rock of a wall was an intense and dreadful sight. it was a pair of black art deco doors, high and wide and looming above the monsters awaiting to pass through them, midnight coat darker than erebus himself and gleaming in the fires of the underworld. it was held down by sets of chains at the top corners, two on each side and formed from the earth itself. it released such a powerful aura it had nearly sent nico crumpling into the ground by staring at it. carved into the doors were the visages of every known monster imaginable, faces shifting and beckoning for him to become a part of its pile of souls. 

****

“the doors of death,” nico exhaled, his entire body near convulsion with the power the doors were exuding. beneath his feet, the ground was thumping. the pound of tartarus’ own heartbeat. “we made it.”

****

“holy shit,” leo muttered. “okay, i guess we just go through to the front of the line? no one’ll notice.”

****

nico nodded. “yeah.” 

****

it took them a while to keep moving. victory, already so close to reach, never felt so false. it was a fever dream as he ogled the doors merely miles up ahead, only a few steps in his own eyes. they had been through so much. they had fallen for nine days into the pit of the damned. they had battled demonic cheerleaders and suffered thousands of curses of past adversaries. they had gone through the death mist and faced off against the protogenoi of misery. they had escaped the mansion of night alive. nico didn’t know if he was stronger or more damaged after everything he had been through, shadows showing up everywhere he went and threatening to pull him under, his body fading away into nothing as he reached the brink of death. for a second, nico thought it would have been better if he stayed here. his eyes had become so accustomed to the bloodshed, to the mounds of lava that spewed from the ground and the discarded corpses around his feet. he thought that a life after the horror he had spent wading through would be too much for him. a life beyond would kill him.

****

he unwraps his arm around leo’s shoulders, and leo does the same, but their hands intertwine. this was it. the biggest moment of their quest, the epitome of their journey and the very thing that defined whether or not they’d make it out alive. he tried to steady his pulsating heart, vociferous against his ears, and wills his hands to cease quivering. the final test, and they would be able to see their friends again — jason, piper, hazel, frank, reyna, coach hedge. _di immortales_ , nico barely remembers their faces anymore. he doesn’t know how he’ll react when he finally sees them again. he wondered if he’s even ready to face the world above anymore, and he wondered if these thoughts weren’t just tartarus whispering them into his consciousness.

****

the two of them began to tread forward. they shifted through the monsters, bodies becoming vapor as they cut the line without the beasts knowing, shuddering at the alien feeling of being painlessly torn apart. nico had to breath in the cologne of death and the scent of horse cadavers, his stomach in turmoil by the horrid stench of the behemoths in the hellscape. he walked forward anyway, keeping leo’s hand intertwined with his own. after minutes of wading through the large crowd, they found themselves halfway through the horde, their pulses racing as the doors became taller, coming closer and closer into view with every step they took. they were finally going to go home. they were…

****

suddenly, nico bumped into someone.

****

“sorry,” he apologized out of habit just before a wave of horror hit him. he didn’t bump into leo. he bumped into a seven foot-tall cyclops, eye meeting his own pair with widening intensity. he was looking straight at him.

****

nico’s eyes flickered to his feet. the death mist that had been protruding from his ankles, white as ghostly claws, was gone. his skin, though ragged and dirty and scented like corpses, was no longer steaming trails of ivory, his frail olive-tone arms visible to all the monsters in the vicinity. nico’s head swiveled to leo, frozen next to him, his body no longer flickering between facades of life and death, permanently set on his dark brown skin and his horrified pupils. the mist had stopped flowing from his body as well, his hand gripping nico’s with as much strength nico was doing to his, their half-blood instinct screaming in their minds akin to ambulances. the death mist had worn off. they were left exposed in the center of a horde of monsters.

****

suddenly, everyone whirled towards them, hundreds upon hundreds of eyes gawking at them with shock. the entire army collectively fell from a chorus of howls and screams into an eerie silence, everyone holding their breaths as they ogled the demigods in their midst. then, a hellhound sniffed the air. the scent of a halfblood. the other monsters sniffed the area around them as well, whiffing the air filled with the delicious scent of a banquet that was nothing but filth to nico’s broken nose. the monsters’ constricted pupils swelled with rage and hunger, witches cackling to their right and zombies growling to their left. they stared upon the demigods with intense bloodlust, ravenous crimson irises tracing their figures to decide which limb to eat first. nico was unable to count how many monsters were swarming them, only registering the fear of being caged in from all sides, holding onto leo with as much clout as he could muster despite his limbs becoming putty. exposed.

****

“demigods!” a flock of harpies squealed, snapping jaws at them and flapping their ruby wings sharpened to the point of knives. “demigods!”

****

“how did they manage to fall here?” a gorgon spat, the drool that dribbled from her lips too akin to the gorgon’s blood that had corroded nico’s throat, permanently damaging his vocal chords. 

****

“who cares?” a jumping daemon exclaimed, mouth pulled into a toothy grin as he stared at nico and leo in a predatory hunger. “fresh meat!”

****

“settle down, settle down!”

****

from the midst of the murderous crowd appeared a twenty-foot titan, his visage unlike kind bob with his gentle silver eyes and his childlike smile. no, this titan was the same titan that had been forming right by their feet when they had left the confines of the hermes shrine. a golden colossus of mass proportion with locks of blinding blonde hidden beneath a helmet of amber and donning armor that shined dazzling as the sun above, nearly blinding nico’s sensitive eyes. dark spots clouded his vision as he adapted to the titan’s great mass, expression filled with sadistic curiosity and lips pulled into a proud grin. the titan’s eyes were swirling in flames, an intense fire burning from right within his soul. the temperature hiked up agonizingly, breathing becoming a labor due to the sulfur increasing in the atmosphere. leo’s arms wrapped around nico, trying to absorb the heat to save him from the torching feeling. the son of hephaestus cursed in rows and rows as he stared up towards the hellion.

****

“what do we have here?” the titan bellowed. the monsters scurried out the way for him, his sheer mass placing them on edge. they were too terrified to even take a bite of the half-bloods in their sights without angering the lord of light. “grandmother had been right. i didn’t think you demigods had the guts to fall into tartarus!” he laughed with a hoarse rasp, chortle echoing across the walls.

****

“nico…” leo whispered to him, his voice as timid as a mouse, his body shaking fervently. “is that…?”

****

“hyperion,” nico finished. he was barely breathing. not only were they flanked on every corner by vicious beasts, but they were in the sights of the lord of light, the titan of the east who was only defeated by percy jackson. he darted his eyes back to the door and noticed one other titan that reached hyperion’s own height, gloomy figure donning stygian iron battle armor decorated by constellations, desolation and despair enshrouding his entire being. he glared at nico between the open spaces of his ram helmet, raven eyes piercing his very soul in a silent exchange. “and that’s krios.”

****

“krios… he’s the guy that jason fought back in the titan war.” leo’s hand snaked up toward _hellbringer_ dangling from his neck, the golden cross glimmering with the rays of hyperion’s fire that reduced the little oxygen they managed to breathe. “shit.”

****

“i have to say, i’m very impressed demigods!” hyperion boomed, spires of heat kindling higher with his voice. “such luck to have made it this far! you thought that you could defeat tartarus, reach the doors and escape to the surface world — but you are too late! your shield has faded, your friends can’t reach you, and you are at the mercy of the pit itself! when we kill you, we will reach the surface and finish off the rest of your little crew. the prophecy of seven will never be complete, and once again the titans will rule with mother earth on our side, and hyperion will be the one calling the shots!”

****

the hordes shrieked cheers and hoorahs, sharpening their talons and brandishing their weapons with their own teeth. even the human-like laistrygonian giants unsheathed their knives and hit their clubs against their chest. the behemoths’ faces were grimy and cursed, their mouths curled into smirks and ravenously panting, crawling towards them slowly, taking their time, relishing in every squirm they made when one moved even an inch faster. hyperion cleaned his golden sword with the sleeve of his dazzling armor, glittering scales shining cardinal whenever thunder would clap.

****

“i mean, wouldn’t it be better to just let us win?” the titan asked. “no mortal goes through tartarus without even a little bit of them breaking. tell me — wouldn’t it just be better if you died? you’ll be able to live a life up in the elysian isles, free from harm and suffering. you’ll have the finest foods and a hearth to sit by. sometimes it is better to just give up. trade a life of misery for a life of luxury!”

****

krios, still at his post by the doors of death, nodded along with his brother’s offer. hyperion crouched down toward them, his solarity blocking all of nico’s vision, awaiting their answer with a smirk. there was a small voice again in his head, telling him he should surrender. he would have. he would have dropped his weapon, allowed death to take hold of him because he was exhausted from living a life of isolation and ostracization. he was tired of the fearful stares, and the painful memories, and every single monster, god, or ghost struggling to bring him down from his pedestal. he was tired of the hatred within his soul that would never cease, the rancor within him continuously tugging at his chest, still trying to force his soul out of his vessel. he was tired of being the son of hades, held in the crossfire without a second’s hesitation.

****

but he remembers. he remembers his friends back above, fighting for their lives to rescue him from the depths of the damned, breaking bones in a promise that could never be broken. he remembers the souls down in the underworld, ethan nakamura among them with his single wise eye, looking upon him with gratitude as he wished them happiness in elysium. he remembers cerberus guarding the gates of hades and persephone by his side, watching him come towards them with kindly smiles and flowers blooming beyond his vision. he remembers his father, eyes gentle as he looks at nico with recognition he took in with a swelling pride. he remembers nyx, her motherly voice and her gentle eyes that allowed him a chance to survive the mansion of night, her cool touch against him that tore all his worries away. he remembers leo, who was next to him, and who was ready to fight for their lives. and now the titan’s promise falls flat. they had a goal, and no one would try to steer them from it. no matter how many times nico’s mind was shattered, no matter how many broken bones and stolen teeth he would suffer from, no matter how many deaths he had to endure to do what they had been risking their lives for, they were closing the doors. they were fulfilling the prophecy, they were escaping to the surface, _and they were going to survive_. they were going to see the sun again, and if nico was going to go through titans in order to do just that, so be it.

****

he unsheathed _soulbane_ from its ring form, the black falcata sword the vision of pure terror for the monsters around him, causing everyone to step back from the sheer power he exuded from his soul. leo ripped off his necklace, twisting the jewelry until it had developed into a massive bronze war hammer, _hellbringer_ glowing even brighter than the titan of the east, causing the surrounding area to be a mix between scorching hot and deadly cold. a mix that swirled nervousness within the crowd. nico let every single fear he had, every single ounce of trepidation in his skin flow out in waves of fear. the beasts reared back, staring at them in confusion and agitation. terrified.

****

“sorry, golden boy,” leo responded finally, gripping his hammer tight with a fire in his eyes that rivaled hyperion’s own. “we’ll pass.”

****

“very well,” hyperion sighed, though he did not seem to hold a morsel of remorse. he seemed exuberant that he had a chance to destroy them and send them to hades’ court, raising his weapon high in a position to strike. the monsters around them came back to their senses, closing in on the demigods, but nico and leo were ready, clutching their weapons with vigor with their backs pressed against one another. it was like the forest once again, but now the fear was in the palms of their hands. “if you say, then face the wrath of the great and holy lord of—!”

****

out of nowhere, a broom impaled hyperion in the head.

****

the hisses and growls went silent. nico blinked, wondering if he had finally snapped and the entire scenario was a dream. he watched the titan make a noise of confusion, pulling out the broom and staring at it with confuddlement and annoyance. then, nico heard it. a new sound, a roar of a drakon but unlike the others in the crowd, echoed from the bridge beyond. he shot his head back towards the walkway and felt his eyes widen as he witnessed a drakon the size of a cruise ship crush monster upon monster under its slithering body, coming closer with acid dripping from its bared maw as it slithered towards nico and leo with its shimmering white scales and its fanged teeth. nico felt a smile forming — not from the drakon’s asudden appearance, but of the riders atop its hide. one was a scarlet skinned giant taller than hyperion and krios combined, his sunset dreads flowing over his shoulders as he smiled, full of pride unlike the despair that had cursed him for centuries. beside him was a titan, silver hair and beard the same shade as his joyful eyes, the pocket of his custodian uniform hosting a miniscule cat made of bone. the drakon, in the span of a single second, rushed at hyperion and knocked him into a nearby mound, the broom flying up and landing in the hands of a titan that nico felt so happy to see his chest swelled.

****

bob beamed with pure white teeth, waving at them as if they were long-lost friends. “hi, nico! hi, leo!”

****

“hello, my friends!” damasen yelled from above the drakon’s scaled hide. “care for us to join the battle?”

****

it was not the only blessing to form in their favor. the teardrop moonstone on the cord hanging from nico’s neck, replacing a camp half-blood necklace he had discarded once camp had begun to treat him with scorn, began to glow. the full moon had reached the mortal world above, and its shine exuded from the necklace, immediately invigorating him with the power to destroy gods. it made him feel as if the universe was on his side, under his own command; and now friends, who he had thought lost, had returned in order to pursue their own destiny, ready to fight by their side through thick and thin.

****

nico couldn’t help it. he laughed. “that’s more like it.” he twirled his sword around his fingers flooding with the energy of his oath, grinning as he readied his gaze toward the behemoths around. “let’s turn this tide!”

* * *

nico had never been on such a high before.

adrenaline was coursing through his metal veins as he diced monsters left and right with the bane of souls, the stygian iron blade cutting through limbs and throats and scattering bile monster blood across the ground, a beautiful massacre of corpses in his rage. he let the underworld fluctuate with his emotions, allowed the ground to open up beneath the beasts’ feet and force them to fall through into the khaos pit below, cutting off their screams with a single flick of his wrist. the rocks at his feet rumbled with his power as he bashed skulls in with the hilt of his sword, stabbing out thousands of irises on multi-eyed beings and looming cyclopes, ripped out throats and hearts until his body was steaming. instead of feeling weak, he felt strong. the spirits of tartarus bended to his will as he slashed through armies without even blinking, sending them back to their golden reformation bubbles with only the sight of the son of hades’ remorseless eyes in their last dying moments.

nico had even took control of a squad of _spartoi_ , their bodies writhing by his influence as he pointed his blade towards their skulls. the strength of the full moon was pulsating through him, throbbing like tartarus’ own heart, and he knew he could command the undead like so many others in the past before. these warriors were fighting only for gaea, but nico filled them with more than blinding servitude — he allowed them to glance at a life beyond. a life worth more than serving those who brought them into creation. a life where they got to choose who they were going to be remembered as. suddenly, the _spartoi_ stopped writhing, and they took his side during the fight, hacking their past allies with swords and bows, and nico couldn’t help but grin from the euphoria. he was not even in pain, but rather smothered in thrill.

damasen, though a kind and thoughtful giant, who had nursed nico and leo back to health and offered them a chance of surviving the abyss, had significant prowess in the battle. he wove through ranks of enemies wielding a lance of ghostly drakon bone, piercing gorgons and harpies with a never-ending war cry, throwing enemies that managed to sneak by his side to the walls of the cavern and reducing them to black puddles. his eyes, which had been full of hopelessness before, were now holding a spark, damasen taking control of a fate that had been chaining him down all his life. for once, he did not look like a child of gaea or a defeated rebel but a victorious fighter, riding the back of a former adversary through the oceans of bloodthirst.

bob the titan was hollering, “sweep, sweep, sweep!” with a cheery tune, whistling heartwarming melodies as he swept enemies off their feet with his broom. he flattened hellhounds with the head and speared daemons with the hilt. silver eyes filled with pride and gray einstein hair cascading freely across his shoulders. small bob had leapt from his signature pocket, and the tiny _spartus_ that was once so adorable evolved into a massive sabertooth tiger — his white bones were thicker, his fangs bared and sharper than steel, and his hollowed out eyes empty yet full of savageness as he mauled unsuspecting snake sisters, tearing them apart from the chest cavity with but their carnivorous teeth. bob and small bob worked as a team, bob knocking monsters aside while small bob made sure they reduced to puddles of bile, gnashing skulls and ripping limbs. it seemed almost surreal, seeing bob so happy as he unleashed havoc.

despite her being not present, nyx sent them help from above in the mortal plane. every once or then, nico would catch sight of a tendril of night snaking out the ground and pulling monsters into its deadly grasp, diminishing the monsters into terrified children, eyes frantic as they searched for the cause of the sudden disappearances of comrades. she sent down miniscule meteorites to forge holes in their hides, and she cut bodies in half with nothing but ebony wings that faded as quickly as they manifested. stars impaled their bodies, and constellations scorched their skin like tattoos. mother night was releasing a wave of paranoia across the crowd, the mere presence of her aid causing mass panic that left an opening for nico’s blade.

but the one who really controlled the battlefield and caused chaos like no other was leo valdez. he had decided to utilize the rageous fire within him and the battle prowess he had been unaware of for years, finally letting out the beast and incinerating all who stood in his way. the moonstone jewel nyx had gifted them gleamed around his neck as he bludgeoned monsters with _hellbringer_ with no sense of hesitation. his body was aflame, spires of heat higher than the lord of light himself. he kicked torrents of fire against _spartoi_ and blinded enemies with the smoke steaming from his skin. he fought beautifully, swifter than a river’s current, already at the other end of the battle in the blink of an eye. it looked as if he was becoming one with his flames and he _was_ , body but the hearth of a home, destroying everything in his radius. fire could never be contained — it hated being trapped and it hated being held down by those who saw themselves superior to its power, and it showed in the way that leo’s eyes were embers, reducing cities to ashes.

he had even ripped off the tusk of a wooly mammoth _spartus_ , fashioning it to his drakon arm and going wild, dashing through ranks and slicing open stomachs, pitch intestines spilling to the ground. he smashed ogres into puddles, kicked right where the sun didn’t shine that ended up splitting a lycanthrope in half, threw sparks that detonated as they came in contact with scales and skin and sent monsters yards back with the explosion. he grabbed a tree beast by the jaw and blowtorched him with his own mouth, reducing its bark to a pile of cinders. at one point, he swung _hellbringer_ in a complete circle, charring nearby enemies as he became a tornado of destruction; then he slammed the head onto the ground to propel himself upward, spinning around the handle and breathing fire to incinerate incoming harpies. finally, he somersaulted, using his momentum to bring the head of the hammer upwards and down on a leather winged daemon, crumpling it to the ground.

leo repeatedly smashed the daemon’s head in, her body reducing to black oil slick as _hellbringer_ crushed narrow bones and pudgy teeth, leo’s swings becoming harsher and quicker. the monsters around him swerved away from the boy’s pure animosity. “stay— in— hell— you— son-of-a— _bitch_ —!” he cursed with every smash until the daemon’s cries had gone silent, her melted form returning to the earth and leaving no trace of herself behind. nico had ceased fighting to stare at leo, who was breathing heavily with his hammer still planted within the ground, eyes hidden beneath frizzy black curls smoking in the crisp sulfur air. he smelled like fireworks.

all of a sudden, leo threw back his head, laughing— but it was not the sadistic cackle of behemoths or the desolate chuckles of lost souls. no, it was wind chimes singing in the air, the sound of thrilling joy and a newfound strength that had nico frozen in place. leo was smothered head to toe in charcoal dirt and wine red blood, yet his eyes shut tight were crinkling as he let out the most wonderful laugh. it caused blossoms to sprout in nico’s chest, his stomach curling with butterflies. leo’s smile was unmatched, a star in the bloodfest happening around them.

_pretty_ , nico thought unconsciously. he barely dodged the whiz of an arrow that nearly sliced his ear in half.

hyperion had regained his senses and attempted to reinstate his position of power with the armies, but it only served to make himself a primary target to the giant, the titan, the saber-toothed _spartus_ , and the two demigods at his feet. the lord of light roared in fury as he held up his sword, ready to crush them beneath the flat of his blade, but leo was faster, pulling nico out of the way and causing the entire world to spiral. nico’s body morphed into nothing but smoke as leo brought them to the left flank of the titan. leo then became a trail of fire, traveling up hyperion’s arm, shifting back to human and raising his hammer, knocking the titan’s helmet off his head with a single puck.

“bah!” hyperion bellowed and attempted to swat leo away when the boy quickly jumped off, leaving him to the mercy of bob the titan. bob raised his spear-broom to his former brethren, the weapon clashing with hyperion’s golden sword with a booming clang.

“what is the meaning of this, brother?” hyperion growled, grunting as he used all his strength to prevent the titan of the west from reaching his bare head, golden locks hanging over his enraged irises. “you are a traitor to the titans? you’d rather help weak demigods instead of your own family? seeing you makes me sick!”

bob’s face darkened, placing harsher pressure until hyperion was trapped against a nearby mound of jagged rock, gritting his teeth as bob continued to press down against him. they were identical, hosting the same facial structure and build, but bob had the upper hand with his sweet steel eyes and softened expression that was writhing in anger. “you are not my family. you are bad. nothing like you. nico, leo, and damasen are my family.”

“i will crush you, bleed you out on the stones in front of our grandmother!” hyperion roared. “you are but a weakling compared to us! you cannot stop me.”

“maybe,” bob responded with a shrug of the shoulders. “but nico can.”

the giant’s golden eyes blinked. “who—?”

nico had been in the back, staring at the black bile and murky shadows around his feet, the stench of death in the air as the souls of the monsters returned to the cracks in the ground when an idea had struck him. he had tried it, again and again, and though it had nearly killed him before, he knew this time it would not be so. he was stronger, the full moon causing the moonstone hanging on his neck to shimmer a gorgeous iridescent blue, the oath ichor in his bloodstream bubbling with power and he knows he can do this. he willed both the shadows on the wall and the blood around his feet to come together, the dead and the darkness forming a single being that he had created with his own hands. he bellowed out a call of hyperion’s name, and bob quickly backed away before nico threw out his hand. a massive needle of pitch black night — formed by both the silhouettes and the bodies of hundreds of monsters — pierced hyperion straight through his chest. he made a gurgling sound as his ichor spurt out of the open cavity within himself. nico felt no remorse this time, knowing full well what he had done to bob, knowing full well how many innocent lives he had crushed under his golden hand, and he showed no mercy as he causes tendrils of shadows to grasp the titan’s armor, dragging him down into the ground until only his head was visible. the darkness dug into him, taunting at him as he sunk through the asphalt and obsidian.

“you— you—” he tried to spat, but nico silenced him with a single glare, the incapacitated titan’s face going slack with horror. this time nico didn’t care. he walked straight up to the titan’s face, the hands of thousands of souls causing him to sink faster and faster through the ground.

“bob deserved better,” was all he said. in a final silent command, the titan screamed as he was pulled downward, never to be seen again. nico had no idea if he was transported to khaos to be shred apart into nothing, or if he was being sent somewhere else to reform, but he closed up the ground and allowed the darkness to return to its rightful place. the bile of the monsters lumped on the ground and quickly cascaded through the cracks.

all the monsters stared at him, terror in their eyes as they ogled him with horrific awe. even krios, still standing by the door and refusing to leave his post for even a moment, gaped at him between the slits of his raven helmet, gloomy outlook nearly masking a nervousness that was cleverly hidden to everyone but nico. nico could sense everyone’s fear, their pure mortification at the sight of a powerful son of the big three who could bring even the titans to their knees. however, he doesn’t feel the same tug at his stomach, the same despair he felt when campers stared at him that way. all he could hear was bob whooping in the background, raising his broom in tribute. he could see damasen’s proud smile at him, eyes soft like he was a child he never had. he could feel leo’s fingers that had wrapped themselves around his arm, and despite being a prosthetic of drakon bone, they never felt so warm and human. all of them still saw him for who he truly was, and nico was not scared of himself.

nico looked down at his hands. they were not smoking like they usually do. instead, they were tingling with energy, the underworld in the palm of his hand. 

“what are you fucking waiting for?” nico asked in a hoarse whisper towards the hordes, raising an eyebrow in taunt before striking at the nearest column of fire-breathing horses.

the battle was vicious. ferocious and a bloodshed wherever they went. nico and leo fought in unison, unspoken words between each other as they dashed through the enemies, the undead by their side, and allowing them open gaps between armor plates and ivory tusks. leo spewed fire from his lips while nico called the shadows to form weapons, spears created by his fingers and piercing hides. they had befallen numbers until there were only hundreds left, terrified as two teenagers blessed by the gods tore them in half without breaking a sweat. it felt almost routine, to be fighting in sync with leo, leaping over backs and finding achilles’ heels. they were unstoppable.

there were only a few dozens left, and nico was exhausted after fighting for so long, his body a burden of burning on his weight, but he continued to keep _soulbane_ active, decapitating and cutting and parrying. krios had finally left his post, and attempted to raise his sword, but damasen and bob knocked him back in perfect unison. the lord of south stumbled back onto the doors, creating a loud bang as his armor connected with the stygian iron art deco. nico manipulated the shadows to hold krios in place as leo became an entire being of flame and rushed at the titan in blinding speed, traveling across his skin and burning the silent titan of stars with his own touch, forcing out cries from his unused mouth. he became totally enveloped in leo’s fire, consuming him until he was but firewood in a fireplace. he fell to a kneel on the ground, and leo held him down by the weight of _hellbringer_ , keeping his neck crushed by the burning hammer. he nodded at nico, who forced the shadows to pull the titan into the ground, never to be seen again. leo quickly jumped off and escaped from the darkness that attempted to force him down under too — although nico wouldn’t have let that happen if it did. krios was gone.

with two of the titans and their strongest allies finished off, the remainders of the monsters retreated. beasts left unscathed turned on their heels and headed straight for the bridge while a few others stayed as a final stand — they were quickly finished off. the only ones left standing on the heart of tartarus were damasen, bob, small bob, leo, and nico, exhausted with limbs burning from pushing themselves to their very limits. nico planted the edge of _soulbane_ into the ashy ground, catching his breath while leo leaned on his hammer, panting as smoke trailed from his overworked body. small bob crawled on over, still in sabertooth tiger form, and nuzzled nico’s shin gently. nico smiled, petting the skeletal feline’s coat of ivory. “good kitty,” he muttered, voice spent.

suddenly, there was a rumble of intense magnitude that could have knocked nico off his balance if it weren’t for his blade imbedded heavily into the ground. he looked towards the doors from where he stood, dark and gloomy and forged by black steel, glowing a horrid indigo and pulsing like a beating heart. it shook in its chains, the links rattling nervously by the influence. above the group, the black clouds’ lightning was more crimson than ever, flashing with the intensity of gods stomping the earth flat. nico’s skeleton rattled, his uncontrollable soul bouncing up and down within its bony cage. then, as quick as it had started, the doors lost the shining glow and the quaking had passed. the doors flew open simultaneously, metal hitting the sides of the wall it was embedded in with a loud clang.

the outside of the doors of death were vicious, but it was nothing like the inside. the interior of it was like a vintage caged elevator, rusting ebony iron rails intricately connecting to create frightening images of monsters flooding into the upper world. corpses scattered across lands as thanatos flew above them with wings as dark as night, reaping their souls and bringing them to the underworld. behind the cage was nothing but storm clouds, ashes swirling in a void and writhing with light. they beckoned for nico to come closer, whispering into his ear. freedom.

damasen looked upon the doors with dread, victory in his eyes settling down once more into a grim stare. “the doors of death are open. the ticket from the depths of tartarus.”

“we did it,” leo breathed out, pupils fixated on the open lift, awaiting patiently for its next passenger. “we… we fucking did it. we can go home.”

“home,” nico repeats. it sounded so foreign on his tongue. the memory of safety and freedom already so far from his mindscape that the terms were meaningless to him now. they had won, survived countless battles, and endured trials that had broken them down to their naked selves. now they could go home. back to the argo ii, back to camp, back to the earth above where the sun rose from the hilltops and golden clouds billowed across the sky. home, where he never even considered it before but the term was an ancient language from ages past. they were going home…

without warning, a new quaking erupted from the ground, this time not from the doors but from the center of tartarus’ heart itself. this shaking caused nico to fall onto one knee, vulnerable due to the rips of his black jeans scraping against the asphalt ground. this shaking, it was unlike any earthquake from up above — it felt like the plates shifting under their feet were not sliding against each other but pulverizing on the spot, causing even more cracks to develop within the ground and eat up the skeleton army nico had created, all of them sinking below into black. behind them, nico watched in horror as the center of the bridge of tartarus caved in, the obsidian black rocks crumbling into the abyss billow. he can almost hear tartarus’ laughing.

on cue, the ground shook with even more magnitude, the veins by nico’s feet suddenly writhing agonizingly, hosting unknown creatures within tartarus’ bloodstream. out of the corner of his eye, nico watched as a vein exploded in a brilliant geyser of black, spraying the air and nearly coming into contact with nico’s skin. water from the river styx. it billowed out the gaping hole, a fountain of pure pain showering the empty battlefield. the edge of tartarus’ heart started to cave in, rocks breaking off with the shaking. nico sensed within the ground, and he felt his blood run cold, his own arteries narrowing by the sudden attack. tartarus was destroying the heart. with them inside.

“quick!” damasen commanded. “to the doors!”

he did not have to tell them twice. above them, the storm clouds were but a hurricane, causing the ash to swirl around their forms, crimson and charcoal floating lifelessly in the air. nico sheathed _soulbane_ into its ring form, the memento mori skull glowing brightly with the doors now flung open. the group immediately started running towards the doors, feet picking up faster than they could possibly handle after being exhausted from the life-threatening fight they had endured. nico and leo were the fastest, holding onto each other and mirroring themselves like the house of night. behind them were bob and damasen, small bob trailing behind and damasen’s drakon slithering towards the doors as fast as it could. the rest happened in a flash — a gigantic stalactite fell out of nowhere, from a ceiling hidden under storm clouds, and pierced the drakon’s head.

damasen cried out brokenly, shaken by the sight of his former adversary being impaled in the skull by the sharp rock, its body slowly deteriorating until its white scales turned green as the acid gurgled out of its slack jaw. the monster was now long gone from the world. bob quickly pulled damasen from sobbing over the carcass of his new friend, dragging him with him as they continued to run through the destruction around their feet. more veins began exploding, waters from all the known rivers of the underworld forming geysers that nearly sent them tumbling into misery. an artery of phlegethon water hit nico’s bare arm, but leo quickly took care of it, the sizzling skin quickly dying out by his hold on nico’s hand. in turn, nico shielded him when a narrow current of cocytus stream exploded next to them, experiencing a pain he was already so accustomed to. 

soon, they had began nearing the doors, only a mile ahead. nico’s limbs burned yet he kept his run on, dodging gaping cracks within the glassy soil and avoiding nearby stalactites that were falling out of the abyss above, nearly crushing him beneath their needle points dripping with tartarus’ saliva. they came within range as a fissure opened within the ground, and nico and leo leapt over it with ease. bob and damasen followed suite along with small bob, jumping over the gigantic canyon that became larger and larger until it was a mile wide. the door came within reach, so close, as the ground behind them split open. the half that was still connected to the bridge, caving in and tumbling into the khaos pit below, hungering for more souls to be harvested within its cosmos. before long, the doors were only a few feet away from them.

“quick, cut the chains!” damasen ordered.

nico complied, along with bob, unsheathing his falcata blade to slash through the chains on the left while bob took care of the ones on the right. as his sword slashed through the chain links, the lines disappeared. the doors were left open, still awaiting a passenger as they echoed with a hollow sound, whispering favors and threats in the air that bounced off nico’s skin. around them, the world was seemingly facing its doom, stalactites impaling the dirt halfway through and causing the destruction of the land they stood upon to happen quicker, the cracks opening up and the veins popping in magnificent explosions of black and indigo, showering the air in ghostly waters. nico and leo quickly entered the doors, exhausted as they leaned against them. tartarus’ heart was thumping rapidly, the ground shaking in the palpitations. the air suddenly increased in sulfur and the stench of burning cities, stronger to nico’s broken sense of smell. it only took a single measure of the ground to realize something with horror — tartarus was going to detonate the heart. it would send them careening into the abyss, never to travel upwards towards elysium. a true death. 

why weren’t bob and damasen going through the doors?

“c’mon, guys!” leo yelled, eyeing the demolishment of the island, canyon rocks creating avalanches against the walls and the air swirling with the ashes and remains of monsters before. glass shards ricocheted everywhere and caused stings that burned more than papercuts to embed themselves into skin. “what are you waiting for? we need to go!”

out of nowhere, bob and damasen shared a look. nico could see a thousand words pass between their pained expressions, and nico did not understand how he knew what they were mentally discussing. it was most likely from the years he spent watching others, associating emotions with significant expressions that were always readable to him, knowing one’s true feelings by the way their eyes sparkled or their frowns deepened. all at once, he suddenly knew what they were discussing internally, and nico’s heart stopped beating. he couldn’t feel his fingers connected to his arms, couldn’t feel the blood vessels beneath his skin flowing through his capillaries, couldn’t even think clearly because he knew what they were implying just by their faces. suddenly, he could not even breathe.

“no,” he whispered. “no, no, you can’t—”

“nico—” bob started, but nico didn’t hear him. nico made a beeline out of the elevator, but bob was faster and larger, easily blocking him from exiting the lift that had now become a trap, his throat clogging up as a fear worse than anything he’s ever experienced before came to function. he shook his head, beating against bob’s hand with as much strength as he could muster, blinking away tears as he adamantly refused to let them go.

to close the doors of death, it must be shut by two parties on both sides, which meant while one was set off for the mortal world, the other must be left in the depths of tartarus. the realization set in his soul, and he didn’t even begin to think of it sooner. why else would bob and damasen refuse to enter the elevator with them? how could he have not seen this coming? he had always assumed he would be the one to stay within tartarus, allowing leo to go up to the surface and see the light again — this was not what nico was prepared for. it was so easy, but simultaneously it was the hardest decision to make.

“you can’t!” nico shrieked, his sword back onto his middle finger as he punches and kicks bob’s shielding hand, beating against his skin repeatedly and ignoring the burning of his limbs. “you can’t, you hear me? you can’t!”

“d— damasen?” next to him leo was frozen, tears beginning to stream down his face. unlike nico, he’s pressed against bob’s hand as if trying to push them away in a desperate plea, his arms weak against bob’s own strength. damasen was there, looking at leo with melancholy eyes as he cries out his name, shaking his head fervently as he looks up at the giant in betrayal. he was not hitting bob’s hand, but the way his eyes were slowly losing hope spoke a thousand words. “no, we can find a way. maybe i can rig the elevator or something, please—”

“bob and damasen talked on the way here,” bob spoke to them with sad, yet hopeful eyes. “doors of death don’t work like that. we must close the doors for nico and leo. we must send you back up there.”

“ _no!_ ” nico screamed with as much strain on his vocal chords as he could, yet no matter how much power he laced with his words, they fell flat. bob and damasen could not change their minds. he hit bob’s arm with a final punch before collapsing, letting the tears fall dejectedly as he brokenly sobs, hating bob and damasen with as much fiber in his being because he was supposed to save them. he was supposed to save everyone. he remembered all the ways they had assisted nico and leo, remembered the joy that had erupted within bob’s kind silver eyes whenever nico visited him in hades’ palace, remembered how damasen spoke to him in whispers and nursed him back to health with the medicines he kept on hand. he remembered all they have done for them, but in the end nico could not save them. he did not just hate them, hate them for being so selfless to a selfish demigod such as himself — he cared about them too much to let them go.

“please… don’t leave us…” nico whispered, poison drenched voice like vomit bubbling from his throat. his eyes were shut tight, his body shaking as it is crumpled over bob’s hand. he couldn’t fight anymore — he was too weak, too powerless against tartarus. bob shushed him. next to him, leo was crying as well, but he had already given up, shaking his head as a chorus of disbelieving and incoherent murmurs tumbled out of his mouth. 

“we will never leave you,” damasen soothed, his voice unlike the god of war and more akin to a peaceful deity, looking upon them with proud eyes. “you have already been through so much. you have taught us to take control of our own destinies. you made us believe in a better future.”

“bob and damasen are proud of you,” bob said, and nico felt his chest tighten with the aching soul writhing in his body. he choked out a small sob, knowing he could not change events as it is, could not change set decisions and let it pass. he let it slide over him, as he could not fight back. as much as the decision hurt, as much as everything hurt within him to the point his arteries grew thinner and his skull vibrated agonizingly, he knew it was the only way. he thought that with gritted teeth. _the only way._

behind them, storm clouds billowed until the smoke has descended across tartarus’ heart, covering the entire land in pillowy black vapor. the ground was shaking so much that the elevator shook with it, the detonation of tartarus’ own heart in the nearing future and ready to send their giant and titan friends to the khaos pit below, destroying them completely and preventing them from ever reforming again. they would become stardust. another pile of souls in the abyss beyond. the world was ending, and nico stood up fully. he was still crying, but his sobbing had stopped, looking up at the titan and the giant who had helped them this entire way. they had become looming guardians, sacrificing their lives for the sake of nico and leo’s survival, allowing them to return to a life they had lost long ago and preventing them from becoming another pile of souls in tartarus’ clutches. bob had noticed that the two had finally calmed down from their outbursts, dragging back his hand and placing it on one edge of the doors while damasen placed his on the other. small bob was resting on his shoulder, refusing to move when bob tried to pull him away, and nico knew that the two were inseparable by now. if bob was going to die, small bob was going to too, no matter how painful the idea really was. 

“we must close the doors,” damasen ordered, but it was not with the voice of a commander. it was the voice of a friend. kind, sunset-colored eyes stared at them with a warm expression. “now.”

“wait!” nico cried out, holding onto bob’s edge of the doors. “what do you want?”

the two blinked, glancing at each other. “what… we want?” bob inquired, eyebrows tilting up in confusion. nico nodded, desperate to enjoy the last few seconds they had with each other before tartarus’ heart would explode, the last they would ever see each other again. 

“yeah, what do you want! i could raise a statue, or ask for a constellation of you, w… what do you want?”

damasen looked on at bob, trusting him to speak for the two of them. bob, however, looked on at nico with a cheerful smile. it was the solace of the sun in the center of tartarus, his eyes accepting his inevitable fate while he looked down at nico. nico, although had lied to him about his true self, cared about him more than the gods above. bob was smiling, and nico felt his heart wrench in two at how calm it seemed.

“say hello to the sun and stars for me.”

a simple request. so easy to fulfill, yet it still pained him. nico managed a smile, another flood of tears cascading down his cheeks. he looked over at leo, whose face was caressed within the large hand of damasen, his smile so damaged yet full of warmth as he stared up at the giant. he then held onto his edge of the doors, and he shared a look with nico. this was it. both of them were going back home.

“goodbye, my children,” damasen whispered. behind them, the world was erupting in a magnificent explosion, all the veins hosting the rivers of the underworld exploding with shimmering geysers and the ground crumbling beneath their feet. nico looked up at small bob, perched on bob’s shoulder with no sense of betrayal to his master. at damasen, his dreads cascading around his serene face. and at bob, with his childlike demeanor yet wise words. nico held onto his promise, ingraining it into his consciousness as they all count to three. 

with a final pull, the four of them closed the doors of death.

the heart of tartarus exploded just as the doors shut, the faces of their friends overtaken by a brilliance of crimson light before all nico was facing was the face of a thousand monsters etched into the freezing metal of pitch ebony. within the elevator, everything was silent, the wind refusing to howl, and the world was now in a state of quiet, everything beyond the confines of the lift destroyed and left to the devices of the pit itself. there was nothing but silence. the elevator shuddered, the deafening lightning booming once more before the lift began to ascend towards the surface.

nico released a scream, a scream full of wretched agony and despair, anger at the gods and primordials and monsters alike that shook the cage with the darkness that shivered with his rage. the lift trembled as he broke down into loud sobs. he pressed his forehead against the cool stygian doors covered in a thin layer of frost. he felt leo’s hand on his, tight and gripping with the cuts on their palms still humming as their hands interlocked at the narrow slit in the doors. leo was quiet, face contorted into genuine misery, and nico wanted to hold him, but he felt so weak — this was not victory. this did not feel as if they had conquered the kingdom of hell and won. no, this was defeat — in the end, they could not save the lives of those who mattered most to them. damasen, bob, and small bob were gone. they were never coming back.

“i'll kill gaea,” nico spat out, poison on the tip of every syllable he whispered. he swore silently on the river styx, a new oath formed from the wretched black waters. this one he was determined to keep, his entire body shivering in his fury. “i’ll tear her soul apart with my bare hands.”

leo squeezed his fingers tighter. in his irises were a mixture of despair and calculation, embers pooling into the oak and promising mother earth that she will be incinerated to nothing but ashes. the elevator trembled as it continued on its way up toward the heavens, entering the mass of storm clouds as dark as the void in the elevator, empty space in the shape of three beings huddled together. lightning struck the beams of the caged lift, the black turning ruby red by the sudden volts and stinging nico’s fingertips. somehow the thunder striking the elevator did not cremate him on the spot. the two of them were barely speaking, and nico kept his forehead planted on the metal. he was tired.

everything was silent.

and then the elevator stopped.

nico froze when he felt the lift jolted to a halt, creaking as the pulleys ceased to function and left the elevator hanging over the pit. nothing but a midnight and crimson storm surrounded them, ashes and particles drifting in the air. leo stiffened as well. the two of them started backing away from the doors, yet kept their fingertips on the cool metal, panic rising through their systems at the sudden event. nico was confused, puzzled, absolutely horrified out of his mind. no, this wasn’t supposed to happen. the elevator was not supposed to stop. nothing should have been able to reach them from here. nico couldn’t even suck in an inhale, the fear grasping his lungs and the sulfurous air out of his reach. he couldn’t move. this was not supposed to happen. it was impossible.

“nico?” leo forced out, voice timid. the elevator continued to still. “what’s going on?”

“... i don’t know,” nico answered. the voice that exited his mouth was not his, shaky and hoarse and full of trepidation. his determined and stoic bellow had been reduced to nothing but an aghast whisper, all his strength and will slowly draining out of him until he was but z ten-year-old in the center of camp half-blood’s forest. alone, alone, alone. “i don’t know,” he repeated, quieter. the air was holding in a breath, stifling laughter at the sight of a powerful hero being diminished to a scrawny, terrified little boy. this was not supposed to happen, and he’s so lost in the forest of questions, the shadows threatening to pull him down under. his body was too small for his soul.

a voice cut through the heavy silence, a butter knife slicing through thin strips of silk. nico lost the ability to breathe. the world began to cave in when the words reach his ears, turning his body cold to the center of his core. the voice was a horrid fusion, the voice of thousands upon thousands of murderers, demons, and behemoths — the sound of pure, undeniable torture. the blood pooling against the ground from slashed up cadavers, cascading rivers of crimson over fields of dry wheat, the whispers in a darkness none could ever penetrate through and threatening to tear one’s body apart until nothing was left but shreds of who they were.

“ _no one will ever know._ ”

the voice was too much, abhorrent to his head, but nico turned around — and what he saw shattered his sanity in a way that was beyond mending.

outside within the blanket of ebony storm clouds, blaring scarlet lightning as vivid as bloodstreams, was a hand, skin writhing as if it were formed from massive swarms of insects — it was. hundreds over hundreds of monsters snatched from within the abyss of hell were forming fingers from the talon of a fingernail to the rocky knuckles, creating a single hand that kept hold on the caged lift, claws preventing nico and leo from reaching the surface above. through the bars of the cage lift, protecting them from the hurricane beyond, was a being, a being so horrific and indescribable that nico could hear glass breaking within his ears, the fibers of his beings loosening simply by staring at the thing… the beast… beyond the lift. all nico could ever remember was its eye, the eye hosting every known horror imaginable, staring at nico with nothing but sadistic glee. it did not care for remorse, or forgiveness, or any of the sort. the thing hidden behind the curtains of darkness only knew torture. the voice dribbled out like hissing snakes from the storm, a voice from nowhere and everywhere, hiding within nico’s head until his only thought was _it_.

“ _no one remembers, do they?_ ” the thing asked, snakes hissing. nico cracked more by the sight of the lightning flashing, illuminating the physical form of a deity nearing the power of mother earth herself, all of him vivid in nico’s sensitive vision. the image alone could have been enough to send zeus careening off the edge. “ _no one remembers one such as me. no one remembers the true experience of being torn apart, limb from limb, bone from bone. no one will ever remember._ ”

in an instant, nico’s body was slammed to the side of the cage. he shrieked in agony as a crushing weight bears down on him, the bars meshing with his skin until they were impaling every bit of his body, becoming one with the steel. his mind unraveled beneath his skull, the ancient essence of the primordial god of the abyss tearing his soul in two. tartarus’ mind was doing this, forcing nico to be torn apart by his own will, his own mind becoming puddles of ichor. everything hurt; all nico could register was the insufferable anguish of his vessel coming undone.

“ _no one will ever remember your name_.”

tartarus hurled him into the other side of the lift, the metal tearing into his back until all nico could think about was pain.

“ _no one will ever hear your cries._ ”

tartarus threw him into the ceiling, face first and throttling his skull. 

“ _is that what you want?”_ tartarus asked. “ _is this the fate you choose? to fight for gods who have left you in the dirt? who have allowed you to endure true torment while they live in their castles above?_ ”

tartarus slammed nico against the ground. he laid there, weak and useless against the raw ancient power of the ineffable deity of the pit. he was sobbing but nothing exits from his bleeding lips, his voice torn away from him and the gorgon’s blood bubbling within the confines of his throat. his eyes were burning yet he shuts them tight, too afraid to stare at whatever was beyond the darkness and watch the world around him crumble like his mind. he could hear the screams, the screams of anyone he’s ever known — ethan, percy, hazel, mama, bianca — before they were reduced to nothing but ashes in the barren wasteland. the visions were burned into his mind as the metal beneath him sunk deeper into his skin, his closed eyes forced to endure the images of everyone he’s ever loved meet an end by an unseen force. nico wanted to vomit, to regurgitate all the false memories in his mind, but he couldn’t even force an exhale. tartarus was too strong, too powerful — he could destroy the world in but a second.

“ _you will never be seen_ ,” tartarus whispered in his ear. “ _you will never be remembered. you will never find happiness. join me, my child. allow me to offer you a true death._ ”

the lift tilted to a jarring angle, the wall opposite of the doors of death facing the pit of khaos below, masked by the dark swirling clouds thundering with light. the opposing wall falls, only the bottom edge remaining attached to the lift as the elevator was now fully vulnerable to tartarus. nico barely ceased his body from falling down through the gaping opening, his stomach sliding and grating against the steel metal beneath him until his feet no longer reached ground. he hung from the floor of the elevator by one hand, although his grip was weak and the force of tartarus was slowly unraveling his hands hanging from the bars. a true death. a life of peace where he could swim for eternity. he would never have to be called upon again to be thrown into a heartrending quest, never again receive the stares of pity or disgust from the mortals and immortals around, never again feel pain. he would be… 

“ _come, my child. you can finally be free._ ”

nico loses all his strength. his hands slip from the edge.

his body is untethered as it begins to fall like so many times before, descending from the heavens and falling into the abyss below, dejected and defeated and so utterly powerless. he feels numb as he careens into open air. he’s spiraling in a world of darkness with his eyes shut tight, too afraid to look and see the universe crumble around him. he’s falling, all alone…

then a hand reaches out and grabs his wrist.

nico’s eyes shoot open. he looks skyward to find a boy, a boy with a face of grime and blood pulled into an expression of pain yet perseverance, holding onto nico’s hand with as much strength as he could muster. his left arm was devoid of the drakon bone he had placed upon the amputated nub, desperately keeping them from falling by just his legs hooked onto the rungs of the former cage wall. the ashes spiralled around his body, a teardrop moonstone hanging from a leather cord around his neck and causing his face to shine in the cool hue. leo. leo, who had risked his life countless times to keep nico from hurting himself, who had had suffered a thousand agonies to save nico from himself. leo, whose eyes were filled with a fire that could never be snuffed out no matter how much the world blew on the candle. leo, who nico had promised himself to protect with every ounce of his being, who deserved nothing but a happy ending. he did not look at nico with pity or disgust, but something unreadable.

“c’mon, di angelo,” he whispered, voice cracking beneath the weight of demons on his shoulders. before, that nickname had served only to annoy him, but now it filled him with a new drive. a motivation to keep on, no matter how much the world crumbled beneath his feet. “we need you.” he was frozen before leo starts to pull him upward with struggle, and nico found a pint of strength within himself to climb back upward, steeling himself by leo’s grip and the black bars of the wall. soon he was the one holding them up and against the only tether they had, clutching leo like a lifeline and afraid to let go.

“ _such weakness_ ,” tartarus whispered once again, gnats buzzing in their ears as they grasped onto the flailing wall, tightening their holds on each other. “ _after all you have been through, you still hold onto hope. what a waste. what an absolute waste._ ”

then came the worst experience nico had ever endured. tartarus suddenly impaled his mind with arrows, digging his claws into his skull and tearing him apart with his own hands. he screamed as his brain was pushed to its absolute limit, his entire life up to that moment flashing through both his ears and eyes, battering against his soul as his body began shattering on its own, his soul reducing to dust by the primordial god of torture. every fear, every grudge, every pain, every single feeling that nico had ever felt had bobbed out of the waters he had struggled for years to contain, flooding through his body like acid and causing his body to combust. he was rivening, splintering by tartarus’ power. 

then suddenly the intense heat around him heightened beyond control, temperature so emblazing that it should have destroyed him on the spot.

“ **get out!** ” leo screamed next to him, his remaining hand stretched out towards the physical form of tartarus, and shooting a column of fire gargantuan as olympus itself, the orange flames replaced with ones of pure white. the heat was so unbearably scorching that tartarus let out a piercing cry of a thousand horrors that shook the elevator in its place, his form writhing as the alabaster snakes met that dreadful eye. the fire was nothing like anything nico had ever seen before. children of hephaestus were powerful, their fire wielding abilities unlike anything even the gods could comprehend, but leo’s heat was so intense, his raw and fierce emotions flooding from his soul and through his singular arm, porcelain blaze so primal and ancient that it could have destroyed the olympians on its own accord. leo’s body was ignited by the flames, but they did not burn nico, only flicking against his skin painlessly by leo’s own will. his eyes were sparkling.

tartarus sputtered at the sudden light and smoke that was aiming to destroy his very essence. “ _what? what is this… pain?_ ”

leo did not answer, only causing the brilliance of light to burn brighter that rivaled apollo’s own domain, a pure frost that could incinerate everything on the spot. leo was gritting his teeth as he allowed the flames to envelop the physical form of the protogenos. the moonstone against his neck was illuminated to its highest shine, showcasing the veins of pure lava that coursed through leo’s skin, all the fire from the depths of himself traveling across his face like streams of the phlegethon all the way to his outstretched palm.

nico looked on, and a revelation dawned on him as he was frozen solid. all of this darkness, all of these storms and even the primordial god of the pit himself was of the underworld. despite making up such a dangerous, godless wasteland, everything was still connected to the underworld above — undoubtedly connected to the realm of hades himself. he thought. he remembered hades, king of the dead and ruler of the plains of mortal souls, everything within his domain easily manipulated by his steady hand. hades could control the very earth around them, everything from the punishments administered in the fields of torture to the graces received by those in the elysian isles. here, nico was between two worlds — hades above and the prison below. a world that nico knew like it was written on the back of his hand, another that he had survived with every broken bone and shattered limb. he had turned _spartoi_ to his side with the flick of a wrist, sunk titans into the ground with the shadows beneath his own self, arrived to the doors of death after traversing a mansion of fear, and endured the experience of hundreds of miseries. now, nico realized, he was stronger than he’s ever been before. everything here was his domain.

nico stared as leo continued to berate the primordial with flames, his blaze growing hotter and hotter each second until the lightning flashes to show the physical form of tartarus engulfed entirely by all his emotions. nico thought of all the good times. he thought of when he had first met leo, staring deeply into his honey brown irises that held so much ignition behind them, watching his hands weave together to create machines from nothing and breathe life into useless vessels. he thought of leo bandaging up his arm, eyes melancholy as he wrapped the cloth around blackened skin and muttering a barely inaudible apology. he thought of leo careening off the edge of the cliffside and nico’s body moving on its own, grabbing hold of the boy because _he was not going to let him die, he was not going to let him go alone_. he thought of all they had been through, fighting for their lives and saving each other’s time and time again, working together to bring down enemies larger than the two of them combined and trusting each other with their fates etched into skin. he thought of all the good times with leo, how his smile was so radiant in the dark and how his laugh was like a song amongst the shrieks. it reminded nico of a life when the world was not in risk of ending, when he felt the solace of a hearth by his side and the stars gleaming above as he stood upon the mast of the argo ii. it reminded nico of how leo was the very thing that kept him alive and running all this time. through the influx of memories, nico knew they needed to survive. 

nico was not going to allow gaea to destroy the earth when the people he loved dearest were within reach, trusting him with their lives. he wasn’t going to allow himself to fall flat just yet, the moonstone of nyx’s blessing glowing as bright as his emotions. he was nico di angelo, son of hades and one of the heroes of olympus, destined to bring down mother earth with his bare hands. and he was tired. he was tired of the world destroying everything he loves, tired of the world stealing every single thing away from him. he was not going down yet. he refused to.

he allowed all the torture, the agony, and the misery to settle like the shroud of the death mist, keeping his hold tight on leo. he did not care that his muscles were straining beyond repair, that his veins were popping with the effort of simply reaching out towards the primordial deity in front of him. he was but an ant in front of the elephant. he loves them. he loves his father, back in the underworld and caring for his safety. he loves his friends, who had promised everything on their soul to wait for him on the other side. he loves bob and damasen, two souls who had been wretched away from his grasp, who had sacrificed their own lives for him. he loves leo, and nico was done letting tartarus control them any further. 

the deity lets out a shrill scream, his agony heightened when nico combined his strength with the scorching of leo’s power. “ _what is this?_ ” nico did not allow him an answer. he used all the emotions, all the hatred and ire and rancor in his soul to flow out and into his hand, and thought of tartarus’ physical form being shattered in front of his eyes. he imagined the darkness of tartarus’ own realm entering him, splitting him apart like how he had done with them, electrocuting him until he was nothing but embers in the sky. he willed the underworld to attack, forcing tartarus’ own body to destroy him from the inside out. nico felt himself begin to levitate, leo still attached to him and increasing his fire with every single inch they gained as they floated beyond the elevator wall, the darkness circling around them and bending to nico’s influence. through the crimson lightning, tartarus’ body was being ravaged. the souls that formed his very skin started to leech off, dying pests in the poisonous gas around his body. the air was in turmoil, a mix of deadly cold forcing shivers out of every entity present and a heat that could smolder everything within touch — a perfect balance and a pure punishment for the god. he shrieked in anguish as nico continued to levitate until they were but face-to-face, body sizzling and darkness crawling over his body, his form not solid but definite shadow. tartarus was being choked out by his own abyss, struck down by his lightning, becoming undone.

“you cannot hurt us any longer,” nico whispered to him. though his gravel voice was quieter than the lowest drums, he knew the god could hear it. “you cannot lay a finger on us. we have survived everything you put forth. we have won against every obstacle. you do not scare us.”

“ _this cannot be—!”_ tartarus started choking, barely forming words. his eyes were unwinding, splitting apart like glass. “ _you cannot control me—_ ”

“we are much more powerful than you. we have survived more battles than the immortals themselves. we have survived. you have lost, tartarus.”

“ **_no!_ **” tartarus bellowed, but it was already too late — nico and leo’s forms were nothing but pure darkness and light, death and resurrection, swirling around each other as they brought tartarus, protogenos of the abyss, to his knees. the storm around them was chaotic, a clashing of thunder and lightning against tartarus’ chest, leo’s fire traveling across his skin and entering his vessel, burning him from the inside out. they only glanced at each other once, and a million words were passed between them. then they both let out a simultaneous cry; all the chaos, the strife, the pain they had been through were finally released, and with their combined ability used all their remaining strength to destroy the god once and for all. all nico saw was tartarus’ physical form, his entire being vivid in front of his eyes, splitting into nothing but dust.

the explosion that had occurred was of intense magnitude, the elevator forced back to its regular angle. their bodies were knocked backwards and slammed against the doors of death with a loud thud. nico fell limp, finally blacking out from all the strain.

he did not know how long he was out for. he was swimming, he thought. swimming in an ocean of black, the night caressing his bare skin and constellations forming across the rippling surface. nico had been afraid of water for a long time, and he felt that after falling he would never touch it again, but this ocean was nothing like the oceans that he used to fear. it was soothing, lulling, reminding him of the days his mother would swing him in her arms and whisper italian lullabies into his ears. he could feel himself float away, his body being enveloped by the shadows of the depths, and he felt at peace with himself. dying. then, there was a hand on his face, he realized. it was warm, comforting, and he liked the way it grazed his cheekbones delicately and smelled like an open hearth. home.

he surfaced from the waters he swam in, his hearing suddenly picking up a voice, sobbing quietly as he returned back into consciousness. the fingers brushed against the dark locks of his hair, slowly bringing him from the coma he had fallen into, eyes fluttering open slowly to the swimming vision of someone in front of him. “c’mon… don’t… i n… neeks…” the voice was incoherent to his ringing ears, a piercing shrill echoing them, but he could hear fragments of a voice, and it alone was the very thing that pulled him completely out from the oceans. his eyes opened fully.

“oh fuck—” the person cursed, throat choking up as they buried their face in nico’s neck, a single arm wrapped around his body that was propped up sideways against a pair of black stygian doors. “thank fucking jesus…” nico blinked, everything suddenly comes to focus before the situation hit, and he found his voice albeit how fragile it was. 

“l… eo…”

“i’m here,” leo promised, his words muffled as he hugs nico so tight, and it only took a second before nico wrapped his own arms around the boy, as tight as he could. everything was so unfathomable to his own head, bruised and damaged beyond recognition. he couldn’t feel himself, only knowing that leo smelled like embers floating in the atmosphere by the campfire and how his body fit next to his, shaking as his tears pooled on nico’s raven shirt. “i’m here,” leo repeated. nico couldn’t believe this, he needed to make sure this was not a dream, that leo was here and present and not just another trick of tartarus. 

he gently grabbed leo’s face from his shoulder and looked straight into his eyes, hands caressing his face that, though ridden with dirt and blood, was glowing, soft and plush with a smile that filled nico with a warmth unlike anything else that had been provided to him in the past. his umber skin was shining, sweet bronze decorated with the ash fragments around them. the now dim moonstone hung from his neck. beneath it was _hellbringer_ , the golden cross still warm and shining. nico brushed his hands through leo’s ebony hair, delicate and cascading around his face in ringlets, the dark curls outlined by rays of amber. leo’s body was scarred, his jeans were ripped to where his bare knees rested on the cold ground, his shirt was tattered but still hanging onto his skinny form. his single hand was placed on nico’s face, mellow and tender against his cheek. it made his heart ache, but he was focused on the way leo’s eyes were crinkling as he smiled, a heaven in the depths of hell. he was beautiful. he was alive, he survived, he was breathing and smiling and that was the only thing nico cared about. leo was safe.

“are you…? are we…?” he tried to ask, and leo pressed their foreheads together.

“we’re okay,” he whispered, fondling a hand through one of nico’s curls. “we’re okay.”

nico did not know what had come over him in that moment. maybe it was the joy of being alive and destroying tartarus himself. maybe it was the joy that they were heading towards home, finally escaping from the wretched pit of death. nico thought… nico knew it was something else, the emotions bubbling up within him as he watched leo inhale and exhale, safe and within reach and not terrified of who he was. the emotions that surfaced from every single memory of leo — every laugh, every sob, every time he generated warmth to flow through nico’s body and made him believe that everything was going to be alright. the emotions that came forth with the knowledge that leo valdez was alive. that, nico thought, was the reason.

nico caressed leo’s face between his hands and softly pressed their lips together.

nico felt leo stiffen under him before he melted in his hands, fingers combing through nico’s locks and filling him with something so alien. something that made him feel that the world was no longer ending and he was safe and secure in the arms of someone he loves. it was an ineffable feeling. he could only reminisce in the way that the past turmoil and terror had fallen to a dull hum in his mind, how the tender blossoms in his chest were blooming, how everything disappeared until the only thing that he registered in his mind was _he’s alive, he’s here and we’re going to be okay_. he thought back to the mansion of night, leo tapping against his knuckles, and the warmth that was planted in his chest as he unraveled every little beat into letters.

_.. / .-.. --- …- . / -.-- --- ..-_

eternity flew past until they separated, leo’s soft lips leaving his. they stared at each other, rendered speechless, but nico could not keep the fondness from his eyes. how long had he been yearning to do that? he did not have an answer, only noticing the way that leo’s eyes were shining brighter than the stars themselves. his cheeks were tinted subtly, and his forehead was still pressed against nico’s own. he doesn’t look scared, or disgusted, or disdained — he gazed at nico with an expression that fills him with love. nico felt as if he holds the entire world in his palms. _pretty._

they rested their backs against the steel doors, the elevator back on its trip upwards to the surface. he did not know how long it would take, only that they were heading back up, back to the comfort of the realm beyond. they stared at the opposite wall, back in place as if it had never unlatched in the first place. the storm clouds were gone and replaced by merlot and raisin rock, endless and endless through the iron bars. a single portion of leo’s former prosthetic arm was latched onto his tool belt, the ivory dirty but still intact. nico’s shirt was ripped through and through, his jeans were distressed, and his black converse sneakers were near deterioration. everything stung, from the scar diagonal across his face to his nose throbbing with the weight of a statue, to the gorgon’s blood cursing his throat and his ribcage barely containing his essence inside of his body. his hair had grown out to his collarbones and the veins on his wrists were black, the darkness he had manipulated now in his very blood. 

his mind was broken. he was battered, bruised, traumatized beyond comprehension, but he was a survivor. nico and leo were the first demigods to ever survive tartarus.

their hands were intertwined once more, like puzzle pieces, the scars of their promise connecting them together. their shoulders had lost the weight they have been suffering from since they formed the vow. they had kept their oath, held their blood pact with raised fists and bloody mouths, and they had survived. after everything they have been through, they had survived.

they rested their heads against each other's. leo tapped a question against his fingers. 

.- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / --- -.- .- -.-- 

he tapped back.

.. .----. -- / --- -.- .- -.--

then nico exhaled and closed his eyes, and once again there was only darkness.


	9. ix. surviving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say... thank you. to everyone who's ever left kudos and comments on this fic. i came up with this idea literally in the center of another country, and when i published the first chapter i thought nothing of it. just an idea i wanted to jot down. the amount of love that hellbent has received was... astounding. god, i've cried over this fic because of you all. i have never been filled with so much happiness and joy over a finished project, and one that had so many fans. you all have made me so happy, and i'll write more fics in the future once i take a break. i love you all. thank you for being with me on this hellbent ride.
> 
> notes:  
> \- because of the treacherous waters, it takes about a month or two for percy and annabeth to make it to the ship. if you want to know more about the timeline, just ask me. i will answer to the best of my ability.  
> \- there's a reason why nyx gave them the star cloth.  
> \- nico can climb.  
> \- it will take a while for them to heal. but they have friends and each other. they'll be alright.
> 
> beta-read by poisontown. i love you so much.

it took three days for nico to wake up.

before the son of hades had even opened his eyes, leo had been lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, the cold december breeze filtering through the inched open window from across the room. midnight had set upon the world outside, the stars barely visible and the moon already at its peak, out of his vision by yards. the white linen of the drapes flowed with the currents of wind, obscuring a pure view outside the hulking warship. it was surreal. for it to be winter when his last memories of the surface was the heat that caused beads of sweat to roll down temples and ice cold beverages to be placed atop foreheads. long before, the cold of winter would have been but a thought in the back of leo’s head — in the present, he shivered almost violently beneath the bedsheets, bunched around his body as he curled up on himself, fragile and narrow arms wrapping around his own torso to find any semblance of warmth.

insomnia. the attacks would hit frequently, either out of purpose when he stayed up into the meek hours of night to finish projects with no deadline or of sudden circumstances, waiting for sleep to claim him in this restless state. it would always feel horrible, to beg for peace when hypnos would not bat an eye. yet now, as he stares at the floorboards over his head and memorizes each cabinet by name — bandages, ambrosia, nectar, herbs — the insomnia was much, much worse. his limbs were heavy weights, sinking him deeper into the abyss of the bed, confined with a parched throat and throbbing body. he was sick, ill with an ailment none could name but one that hurt like hell, an ache he could not place but one he knew he would never escape from. even a single gesture or movement would cause a cataract of agony, sore down to the brittle bones nested beneath fragile muscles. he wanted nothing more than to run away, to break free from the shackles holding him in place in the earth and causing nothing but a seething pain. yet he couldn’t. all he could do was stare at the ceiling, motionless, wondering when this would finally be over. he almost yearned to let the earth reclaim him, to fall asleep and never awake to the dread. yet he didn’t.

hours before he had been struck with this sleepless tragedy, his friends had visited him to wish him goodnight. it could become a custom, leo thinks, as they visit him for another night before heading back up to their cabins. they had been by his side the entire endeavor since he had awoken from his coma, offering him solace while his body trembled from the avalanche of change that had set upon him, regarding him of their adventures while he listened intently, focusing on them and not on the ache. coach hedge had been convinced to take a break for the night, exhausted from nursing nico and leo back to health since they came back from the doors. 

first to leave was reyna, parting the overgrown curls hanging around his face and pecking his forehead softly, smiling a melancholy upturn of lips. reyna allowed smiles rarely, a stoic disposition she held with an iron fist and a will of gold. her smile was so foreign to his eyes, her face barely recognizable in his fractured memory, yet they held such a familiar aura that he would have cried if the voidness of his tear ducts was not present. next was frank, shifting from the form of a bulldog that leo had been petting and giving him a final hug. in spite of the way he held himself, not anymore the awkward and shy boy before but a natural leader with scars of crimson, the hug revealed everything, fluffy arms gentle with his unsteady physique. “don’t run off anywhere,” frank had joked off-handedly. he left to his room, a cloth of stars hanging from his belt and holding nothing but his own fate in its wooden structure. then there was jason. his lip scar, previously so tiny, had grown into lightning streaks across his cheek, something so _him_ yet not. he had given leo a lasting hug as well, one of many they shared with each other, but this one the sweetest. leo was unable to reciprocate and jason did not care, allowing him a small smile before leaving to rest for the night. second to last was piper, his best friend since the wilderness school, a sister he could trust. she nuzzled her nose into his cheek, whispering her goodnights. all of them had been so hesitant to leave, but piper was the one who near outright refused to leave. her fingers remained in touch with leo’s, dragging out the contact until she was at the exit, her remaining eye offering him but a honey gaze. the other one, her right, was covered with a strapless patch, pale frost gathering at the edges.

the last to leave had been hazel. she was sitting in a chair by leo’s bedside and holding leo’s surviving hand within her own. her fingertips were scarred to the knuckle, aurelian blood flowing in the veins of her wrists. her ringlets fell to her waist, grown to its longest streak, and her eyelids drooped dangerously. she gave a little yawn, like a baby animal that leo would have laughed at if he felt any strength to do so. “do you think you can manage yourself tonight?” she asked. “i don’t think any of us can stay awake. it’s been a long day.”

leo nodded. “i’ll be okay.” jesus, was that his voice? it was like a broken record, hoarse and scratchy akin to nails on a chalkboard. he had been unable to speak the day before or in the hours of morning, going completely nonverbal from the lack of vocal cord use and the weakness in himself, talking such a weight he could not bear. he had become too used to the spires that towered overhead like the looming promise of death, the hellfire that sputtered out of geysers and the rivers echoing with wailing souls as they drifted through their banks. he hated this. he hated being reduced to such a weak and sickly creature, a malnutritioned orphan in the pipelines of a sewer beneath a city above. his voice had been stolen, taken down in those wretched depths that knew no concept of mercy. he hated this.

hazel placed a tiny kiss on his cheek, gentle and familial and helping him forget just how frail he felt. she was the youngest of the seven, so young when she had been chosen to bear the weight of gods to defeat the mother of earth — now she had grown into someone more powerful, one with the mist at her fingertips and her scythe raised high as she challenged immortals in spite of fear. 

“tell me when nico wakes up?” she asked. a simple question.

a rock formed in leo’s throat. “i will.”

she left. leo attempted to fall asleep once the echo of her footsteps had faded away, to no avail. his hearing was sensitive to the tiniest of sounds — from the creaking of steps above deck to the roaring waters of the ocean surrounding the argo, even a miniscule drop of a pin deafening to his amplified ears. he could hear the insects crawling beneath the floorboards, the wind whispering as they slipped through the crack of the window, the voice of tartarus whose words were as vivid as if he were inside of him — _no one will ever remember you_. he had branded the phrase into leo’s psyche, a cacophony of everything morbid, so grotesque and wrong, cockroaches scattering in pipes and vents. he could see the ghosts across the room with talons sharpened and red glares furious, feel the claws dragging tantalizingly down his chest as if slowly finding a route to tear him open. this was the price he had to pay for opening that cookie, the retribution for even feeling a morsel of pride.

then he looks to his left, another bed across from him and separated by a small mahogany table that holds _hellbringer_ as a necklace, the cross glinting beside his camp beads, a tiny teardrop of the moon in the center. there is an empty glass that used to hold nectar, leo’s only easy source of nutrition. tartarus had fucked up his digestion system. leo had repeatedly thrown up after barely eating solid food, including ambrosia. even the honey nectar was bittersweet. yet leo could not care for the contents on the table — all that matters in that moment is the still body on that forsaken bed, scarred chest rising and falling the only evidence that he had not yet lost his harness. his eyes are closed and his mouth is pressed into thin lines, and the blankets have strewn around his feet. nico, asleep. the sight hurts. it’s damasen’s hut once more, nico lying unconscious by his side and bearing the burden of more than he ever deserved. leo chokes every time his gaze drifts back to his comatose body. _wake up_ , he wanted to speaking despite the imagined words meaning nothing to his deaf ears. _please, just wake up. i need you._

leo sighs, his body battling a force that came not from the outside from within himself, the scars decorating his body in artworks of agony and misery tearing him apart gradually until there would be nothing left. no matter the separation of his molecules or the throbbing of a headache or the void in himself from a limb long lost, leo thought the loneliness was the thing that was determined to kill him. a relentless, piercing force that came from nowhere yet ricocheted in leo’s mind, the fear that he would be left alone once more. leo hated being alone. he hated how this isolation caused everything to ache, a sickness worse than his fucked immune system or his respiration issues. the loneliness was the thing that was going to be at victory in the end, a battle leo had fought and lost time and time again.

then he hears something. a voice, raspy and hoarse, unused for decades and having the essence of charred flesh. yet suddenly leo’s eyes fling open at the familiarity, the mere recollection of who was next to him, of who he cared about more than everything else in the world— 

“ _leo?_ ”

leo’s head spins toward his left. his eyes meet his. a dark, sincere obsidian driving themselves into leo’s own with knives of corduroy and a glare of peaceful ocean, set apart by a ragged scar that cut his facade into a perfect half. leo’s breath that had been caught in his throat releases, his body going slack once he recognizes the boy that was now awake, a fresh t-shirt that was no longer covered in smog and his skin washed from the grime and blood that had plagued him since the fall. he’s looking at leo, something in those irises that mellows leo out, the fear and anxiety and crippling loneliness fading to a dull hum in a background he was not aware of. nothing else — not the ache, not the loss — mattered. nico was awake.

“hey, death breath,” leo whispered, desperately forcing the shakiness from his tone. he would not break down like this. “nice nap?”

“leo.” it’s not a question but a small exhale, leo’s name on nico’s lips that he had been missing for eternity. leo feels his body warm with a heat not from himself but from another, forgetting the chill creeping across the nape of his neck. nico’s awake. leo had been scared, so utterly terrified of the idea that nico would never wake, that he’d be lost to a world he would never get a chance to see. leo had to listen to nico’s heartbreak in the mansion of night, watch him strangle a miserable goddess as his mind snapped to an unbelievable degree, beg for nico to come back after tartarus. a wraith in his arms, barely permeable and made of wispy shadow, as if he were to fade away into the darkness and never return. now nico spoke his name, reminding leo he was not alone, reminding leo that _he was here and they were going to be okay_. the thought comforts him, because gods, nico was safe. nico was alive, and leo could never be happier.

“yeah, it’s me,” leo says, a smile slowly finding its way onto his face. his first smile. “i’m here. we’re home, nico.”

“... home?” nico questions. “... where?”

“the argo ii. our friends rescued us.” it was a shifting memory, faint unlike the others that remained ingrained in his head. the cage ceasing to move and beginning to drain them as they pressed against the doors, a blur as they screamed for someone to release them of the trap they were chained in. the doors sliding open, and leo falling into unconsciousness just as a pair of arms caught him. the world spiraled into darkness, and all leo could hear was the sound of his own heart. dying.

“how long?” nico asks. “how long were we down there?”

leo dreads the question. “four months. we were down there for four months.”

nico’s eyes widen slightly for a moment, before the shock sets in and his eyes return to their hood over his dark retinas. time had not existed in the depths of tartarus, as it was a world where up was down and pleasure was pain. nothing there made sense, nothing there should have existed yet they persisted to hardwire the strongest minds, throwing those into a loop of nothing but endless suffering in a prison only meant for the demons meant to survive its rising walls and endless paths. few things had kept leo alive down there, few things had kept him striding towards the doors through the four months he had endured. tartarus was a timeless, godless realm. it had shattered leo’s psyche, it had torn him apart limb by limb. tartarus was not kind. and it never will be. to be there for four months would not be a stretch.

“what is it now?” nico asks him.

“december,” leo answers. “we got rescued back in november. you’ve been in a coma for more than a week.” a pause. “how are you feeling?”

nico is silent for a second, gaze drifting to the open window outside, a grimace forming on his facade. “bad.”

leo can’t help but release a little laugh, less coherent and more of a huff of breath. yet it caused nico’s gaze to drift back to him, as if startled by the sudden noise that formed in leo’s mouth. “me too, man,” leo says, now on his side and facing him, thumbing over his scarred nub. “i was scared, y’know? i thought… i thought you weren’t going to wake up. everyone’s been waiting for you. i missed you.”

nico’s knit eyebrows, a habit, laxed until the lines formed between faded away. he was looking at leo with an expression as if he knew something he didn’t, kind retinas meeting his with a gaze blanketed by solace. “did you?”

“yeah, i did.” leo gives him a small smile. nico smiles back, his first one since awakening, barely there yet still causing a warmth to spread in leo’s chest, his heartbeat picking up a beat as they just laid there in silence, gratefulness in their eyes. leo could hear nico’s breathing from across, serene and soft and lively.

leo thought the world to be one concise machine, a massive hulk of horsepower and chains and rigs that ran on the energy of a being — he did not know who had built it, or if it would ever end, but all he knew that it was to be a collective mechanism that rivaled any other. the machine was not broken nor would it ever be, and though the chains would break or the gears would cease, it could have been for a reason. it could be that the machine learns, learns from itself, and suddenly it can function in spite of the damage. the world learns to move on, learns to get by with every chip and mark. maybe that was why leo had not yet given up on the world, still holding on to the unsteady reality he resided in. it was the mere impression, the idea that the machine still works despite itself.

nico was a part of the machine, it was clear to him. he was one of the gears with a drive unlike anyone else, no matter how many pieces of him were dented or how much rust gathered at his teeth. leo had been scared of him. not of him, but what he could mean to leo. he had been so terrified of learning more of him yet never seemed to tire of his deadpan remarks or the faint hint of smiles on his face. leo hopes that this was not tartarus’ doing, that seeing nico di angelo and feeling that rush in his soul was of him and him alone. he thinks he can be with nico. that he can look to him and know that he’s not the only gear in the machine with chipped teeth and rusty framework. that there is still hope for them to continue working the mechanism. it makes him feel safe, makes him feel _loved_. he loves this feeling, reaches for it, laments for it. it makes him want to leave this prison and find another that was not a dreadful cell but a skyscraper. he loves nico. so much.

he does just that, slowly slipping from the covers bunched around his scrawny body and making his way to nico di angelo on the other bed, ignoring how each step was like walking on the glass shards on an ashen beach. nico makes room for him, and leo sits next to him before laying down once again, nico’s bedsheets gathered at his ankles. he can’t help but press his head against nico’s chest, the faint yet steady pulse of nico’s heartbeat listened to with ears shed to the true horrors of the world, a comfort in those horrid voices. nico’s hands find their way to his waist, stroking across his sides with careful prose. his wrists hold veins of tar black, darkness seeping through his skin. it did not scare leo. it felt almost natural, for their legs to be tangled together as leo felt the rise and fall of nico’s lungs beneath bruised skin. he clutched nico’s shoulder, the fabric wrinkling under a burnt feeble hand. he’s not cold anymore.

“i’m sorry,” nico apologizes. “for not waking up sooner.”

“don’t,” leo begs, because nico didn’t owe anything to him, because all he cares about is that nico is awake now. “we’re okay now. you don’t need to apologize.”

“okay.” nico is quiet, staring down at leo who is resting atop his pulse, tracing shapes over his skin as his chilled breath caused shivers, though not too unpleasant, to tingle down leo’s spine. “have you slept yet?”

“no. too… too many sounds.”

“i know.” nico presses their foreheads together, their noses bumping against each other as nico caresses his face within his hands. leo can’t help but fall helpless to just how nice it was to feel them on his face, brushing against his lashes while nico stared at him intently. the mere feeling that he was safe, his petrichor scent sweet and hopeful. “just… try, okay? i’m here.”

leo will try. “okay.”

leo closes his eyes once more, allowing the drowsiness to encapsulate him now that he was residing in what felt like home, in nico’s arms. he wakes up hours later, eyelids fluttering open to the window, open to the limbo between night and morning. through the open glass of the window, light streamed through the light of the heavens, pooling over nico’s olive skin that was set ablaze in a benign flush of rose gold. the particles, twinkling asters, caressed nico’s scarred visage gently, his cheeks flaring to life and glinting in the dawn. his freckles, scattered over his facade preciously, were like star clusters that hung beneath his raven eyelashes. nico’s hair, curled like smoke and encasing his visage, was illuminated to reveal the black, brown, and gray within the twisting locks. nico was ethereal, the he was enclosed in the rose of morning straight out of a painting — an angel on earth. beautiful.

he looked on at leo with tender eyes that softened as leo slowly came back into consciousness, thumbing his cheek in silent awe. leo felt himself melt at the affection, and couldn’t help but reach up and tuck a small strand of nico’s curls back behind his ear. they didn’t say anything, only basking in the peach glow of the morning and looking at each other as if they’d known each other all their lives. there was so much leo knew about nico di angelo, yet so much he didn’t, and maybe that was okay. leo just wants them to stay like this until eternity had passed.

nico taps on his cheek.

.... ..

leo laughs, smiling at the person he loves more than anything else in the world. love. it felt great. it felt great to love someone again.

.... . -.-- / -. . . -.- ...

* * *

it took them days before they could begin walking again.

nico had been pushed into a full liquid diet, which was not a problem. he did not want to have to swallow down solid chunks of food only to vomit them up, and he was so used to drinking only refreshments that he could barely even swallow anything else than the nectar offered to him. the drink of the gods would temporarily fill him with warmth and comfort, though it would quickly subside to make way for the aching of his limbs, a never-ending torture that was not agonizing but was not pleasant either. when he had begun to train himself to walk, each step was over a bed of nails, pointed and digging into the soles of his feet that were covered in long fuzzy socks. he was no longer wearing the clothes of grime and ash, fresher and new and from his own closet that he was unallowed to visit due to his confinement within the infirmary.

luckily, leo was there to catch him when he fell. although nico had woken up in a more stable condition than him due to his longer coma, leo still had the upper hand when it came to walking. he’d hold nico by the arm as they trolled through the hallway of the argo ii, keeping each other upright, leo’s body pressed up against the wall to keep himself up as well. soon, they could walk without the guidance of their friends or each other, although they would frequently lose balance at times. and they would not stop holding each other, as if afraid the other would slip away from their grasp if they were apart for too long. whenever nico did not see leo, there was a voice in the back of his mind, asking him where he is. if he is safe. leo seemed to have the same issue.

finally, after several days, things would have been considered normal. nico made up for lost time with his friends, gazed at the mainland the argo ii was docked on, and sat on the glass floor of the stables to watch the mythological sea creatures pass by under his own feet. he looked up at the athena parthenos, an ivory statue of gilded metal, and could not help but feel bitter of how everything had spiraled downwards because of that damn statue. he hoped percy and annabeth would hurry up with their arrival, since he did not want to see such a monstrosity on board of the ship.

his prayers were answered four weeks since their rescue, four weeks since they had been saved from the doors of death and left the pits of tartarus behind them. a honk had been heard from the distance, and out of nowhere came a fishing boat half the size of the argo ii and a perfect size for the athena parthenos, and on board were two young adult demigods wearing bright orange t-shirts, _camp half-blood_ scribbled in ancient greek on their chests, bead necklaces hanging over their collarbones and their skin scarred almost as much as nico and leo. one had golden princess curls, the other had kinky dark hair — both had gray streaks within them. nico did not know whether to be overjoyed for the appearance of familiar faces, or nervous of the looming conversation they may have. he wondered if they knew of tartarus.

it had taken the whole afternoon to get the athena parthenos out of the stables and to the fishing boat. the argo ii had been switched to flight mode, with jason and frank helping with bringing the statue to the ground. it took even more time to rig it with the ropes they had on hand. the plus side, however, was that percy and annabeth had brought more supplies — bandages, herbs, machine parts, greek fire — everything that was needed to replenish their resources.

nico was taking inventory, unable to shadow travel still — though it was more of fear from the consequences than the weakness of his body, which was still healing from its wounds in the abyss. leo was helping him, though he frequently left to assist his friends with the ropes and plans, his nimble fingers working through knots and instructing the steady placement of wires. nico watched him when he was finished with one of the supply crates, feeling something sprout in himself whenever leo would meet his eyes, softening from the weariness they held almost all the time. sometimes there would be a small upturn of lips on his face. it made nico happy.

annabeth had spoken to him while he was taking stock of a crate of knives (nico did not know why they needed any, but he’s sure they’ll come in at some point), her steel gray eyes locking with his, a respect in her silver orbs. “no mortal has ever come out of tartarus, no mortal had ever accomplished what you and leo had.” she knew about tartarus, most likely having been iris-messaged by the crew while they were gone. she smiled at nico, not in a brutal or forced way but one of genuity. “i’ll make sure to erect a monument on olympus for you.” nico had no idea if annabeth had been joking — when she made a promise, she usually intended to keep it — but the statement reminded him just why he liked annabeth so much. he thought he’d be jealous of her, hate her since she was an intelligent demigod who had challenged gods mightier than herself. instead, he loved how she did not view him as a freak of nature but rather as a powerful asset, a friend. she did not offer a hug but her eyes told an entire story, one that would have made nico feel proud of himself.

then percy came along.

over his camp t-shirt he wore a blue jacket with a red hoodie, dark skin covered with new wounds and bruises from his months long voyage to greece with annabeth, having ran through waters that were worse than the sea of monsters. his sea green eyes were an ocean that looked at nico with a softness, a brotherly gaze totally contrasting of the glare nico had received from his doppelganger in the mansion of night, an expression of hate rather than the one he gave him at that moment. “hey man,” percy had greeted. he was so much older than nico remembered, still towering over him yet now he was in college, and he was in the middle of sixteen and whatever would come after. nico realizes he had not seen percy face-to-face in years.

“me and annabeth learned about tartarus, even before you guys sent the note.” that note had made it, though nico had been skeptical of sending it, thinking that travis and connor would have done something stupid with it like placing a lighter beneath the edges of the napkin. percy looked at him with a sympathy less like pity and more like understanding, one that showed he knew as much as he could process about tartarus. “i’m… really sorry you had to go through that. you and leo survived all by yourselves and… jesus, that had to take a lot of guts. you’re amazing, man.”

“uh, thanks,” was all nico responded with. he did not really know what to say, had been silently hoping that percy would just speak with the other members of the seven — although that had already occurred, and nico may have been the only person left for percy to talk to. was nico always the last thought when it came to percy’s mind? or was he saving the most important conversation for last? it was a battle between self-loathing and selfishness, and nico did not want to have to think such stuff. he loves percy, he really does, but he did not feel ready for a conversation of how percy cares about him. it was too soon, too soon since he had came out to leo, too soon since he had seen his face in the depths of cocytus and felt his piercing daggers in the palace of nyx. although his feelings for percy had diminished, he still felt the wound knowing that percy had broken his promise, that even if he didn’t, it still hurt him deeply when percy did not realize nico had been forsaken.

“you two are doing okay?” percy asks him, and nico almost wants to tell him of how percy had been treating him, of how percy had did stuff that may have been minor but had felt major to nico. yet he can’t. even if it’ll make their talk easier, it would be hard to forge the words in the blacksmith house of his own mouth.

“yeah, we’re fine,” nico answers. he does not know whether or not he’s telling the truth. “we’re getting better.” nico really wants them to get better. and suddenly, a memory comes up — one of percy dousing iapetus the titan in a river of white, the lethe flowing over him and erasing every single memory iapetus had in his titanic brain. then percy had used it to his advantage, forging a new personality in a vessel that knew no history, no background to who he came to be. he feels a tug in his stomach in the reminder of how he had let this happen, how he had visited the titan yet never told him of his true heritage. he does not know why he speaks up about it, yet he does. “do you remember bob the titan?”

“oh yeah, bob!” a grin forms on percy’s facade, a troublemaker smile outlined even more by the raise of his eyebrow. “why? did you see him down there?”

nico shudders, a full body shiver as the wave of resent and guilt wash over him. no, bob would not want him to feel like this. he had forgiven him. nico had made a promise to him. yet he cannot help but feel this way, reminisce in how he had done the same things percy jackson had done — even for a good cause, he had done something that could be unforgivable. and percy notices this, notices how nico’s behavior had changed drastically, and his smile falls into a concerned frown. “hey, you sure you’re fine?” he asked, caring about nico despite all that has happened before. “if it’s about tartarus, i could help you—”

“i know, percy,” nico spits out, though it is not with the usual venom he holds in his charred throat. “it’s… it’s nothing.”

percy’s frown deepens, worry lines increasing between his furrowed brows. “are you—?”

before he can finish, leo enters the scene, and a breath nico had been holding exits from his trapped lungs, having been slowly drowning in gasoline. “hey, neeks,” leo greets, completely unacknowledging percy at first. he was wearing his new prosthetic arm, one of celestial bronze, though nico had seen him thumb it in contemplation, reminiscing in the memory of another limb that used to be stark white and of hollow bone. 

“yo, leo,” percy greets with a smile, though all he is met with is a single “hey,” from leo, a deadpan expression over him that had erupted out of nowhere, and his eyes drift between nico and leo with something unreadable in them.

“you mind helping me with the ropes? there are a bunch of knots in them.”

“sure,” nico responds, quicker than he likes to. then he realizes something — leo was _glaring_ at percy, both his hands curled into fists within his pockets, eyes with a hidden fire in them that would have made anyone combust on the spot. percy recognized this as well, the observant one he is, and is less ired and more confused, wondering why the son of hephaestus was holding such animosity within his eyes. nico gives percy what he hopes is a gentle, apologetic face. “i’ll tell you later.”

percy gives a defeated sigh. “okay.”

soon the athena parthenos was ready to be set off. the seven did not want percy and annabeth to leave, to return to the dreadful waters that had shipwrecked them time and time again, delaying their arrival to the seven for months. nico didn’t really know how to feel, though he suspects that he hardly feels anything for these types of goodbyes now. he loves them, he really does, but he can’t function around percy when he knows just well what he had been put through, can’t function without percy knowing the truth of how he felt or feels about him. nico is guilty, torn between wanting them to leave right now or sorting his head out in that moment. but percy offers him a fistbump. “see you, man,” he told him, as if they were friends. that’s a start.

percy and annabeth left along with coach hedge. another person to leave them to the ancient lands, a world of nothing but gods and monsters. “you cupcakes are tough,” coach had said, furiously wiping tears that dripped from his eyes, despondent and melancholy as he hugged each of them. “kick some ass for me, will ya?” he did not even shy away from nico’s arms that wrapped around him, silently begging for the satyr to not leave him like the rest. but coach hedge had a lover and a son back home. he hadn’t seen them in _years_. he deserved to go back home — he deserved to return to a life that nico never got to receive in the first place. so by the afternoon, the small fishing boat set off towards the unknown, the three in its hold and a gigantic athena parthenos at its deck. waving goodbyes at them. nico waves back. his heart is wrenching, his eyes are stinging. he wants to go with them too. but he doesn’t, and instead he heads back up to the ship with leo at his side.

later, nico found leo at the bow of the ship speaking with the figurehead of festus, a glinting archimedes sphere in his arms, one of prosthetic bronze and one with flooding amber veins. reyna was currently steering the ship, refusing to allow leo to man the wheel when he was still struggling to stay in hold with himself. he tapped on the archimedes sphere, and festus tapped back, a conversation nico could translate but he had refused to, believing that this talk was a private matter for the two alone. leo was wearing a thrasher hoodie that rustled with the breeze as the ship had now left dock. he had an almost lost look as he watched the roaring waves be split apart by the massive hull of the warship. heartsickness, nico thinks. for what, he does not know.

jason is offering reyna company by the wheel; piper, hazel, and frank are speaking near the railing of the deck; and there was leo, so in place yet the first thing he sees. nico almost does not want to bother him, already content with watching the boy speak with his mechanical dragon with eyes of crimson ruby and scales of plated gold as he fiddled with the wires of his new prosthetic. then leo turns around and catches his eye, gesturing him with a nod to come over. it’s almost natural when nico is by his side, slowly creeping an arm up his back and resting it upon a small crevice, a depression in his skin with rugged edges of dangerous blades. his arm is covered of the numerous wounds they possess, the vines of poison that had entangled his wrist hidden by black sleeves. the bruises on his knuckles and the oath in his palms are the only visible markings to nico’s vision. molten.

_“can i show you something?” nico asks after a period of silence between them, and leo turns to him in question._

_“sure,” he responds. “what is it?”_

_“you trust me?”_

_“course.”_

_“okay. come on.”_

they sat on top of the mast, the breeze whishing through their hair as they overlooked the sea beyond, a stretch of aurelian ocean sparkling in the approach of sundown. the waters had turned into a synthesis of hues, the blue making way for the plum and peach, a gorgeous flush of cool color across the foam. the atmosphere was pricking with the saltiness of the waves, sea spray flying with each thrust of the automatic oars that pushed the ship to their next destination. to where, neither knew, only registering the beauty of the sky above and the person by their sides.

a blanket was draped over their shoulders, brought along by nico as he climbed his way up to the highest point of the ship, the salty wind causing tears to prick at the sides of his eyes. he was not afraid of heights, or at least the fall that could await him if he managed to slip off the beam supporting his lithe body, not in any circumstance close enough to the horrorful plummet into the hell below the surface of the mortal realm. leo’s hand was intertwined with his, tapping small patterns on his knuckles subconsciously, spelling no words yet holding more than other could have imagined. they stared out towards the horizon as the sun was descending to another town, shedding light on those who stirred from their blankets and left their cubicles. there was barely a sound in the air — not a whisper, or scream, or a sob. silence penetrated by slight conversation on the deck below and the kind breeze beating against nico’s black sweater.

nico tugged his corner of the blanket to his shoulder, basking in the falling sunlight and awaiting nyx’s chariot to pull through the universe entirely, enshrouding the world in darkness but allowing stars to graze their fingers against the clouds. this was not tartarus. this was not that dreadful pit, so devoid of hope or love or light. this was not tartarus, where nico was alone for all eternity, his voice broken as he called for those who could hear him no more. this was not tartarus, whose only goal was to shatter nico’s mind, rivening him until he was a husk of who he was before. this world, each detail visible to nico’s eye, was not tartarus. and it had been under his nose the entire time.

slowly, he drifted his gaze away from the lilac and rosette world to leo, his hearth thawing nico out as he continued to stare at the boy. in the dusk, the streams of aurelian rivers cascaded over leo’s face, the orchid aether draping over his skin like silk. his eyes were soft as they stared towards the horizon, eyebrows relaxed as he inhaled the fresh air gifted from the gods themselves. he was so, so pretty. nico could view every detail of him — from the faint saturn rings and crescent moons over his ink eyelashes to the way those eyelashes met his cheekbones when he would blink, creating adoring shadows over his facade. the moles scattered across his face formed constellations that nico indulged in naming, tracing invisible meteoric lines between each dot. _orion_ , _lyra, ursa minor_ , _ursa major_ . _leo_. his dark curls were nightly wisps that framed his face perfectly, irises resilient embers in the setting sun. the sight of leo in the twilight was breathtaking, a blossom in the center of an endless sea. beautiful.

nico felt like he was falling. he quickly turned away, blood flushing over his face as he tried to still his pulse. it beat like one of a deer as it galloped in towering forests. falling.

asudden nico feels a head fall onto his shoulder. he looks down at leo, eyelids drooping until it cast slight silhouettes over his features from his long lashes. before, nico would not have thought that affection like this, deprived from him at such a young age, could cause his body to mellow, melting as he listened intently to leo’s breathing, serene despite the hell he has been through. alive, each inhale and exhale filling nico with relief — leo was alive, he was by his side, and that was all that mattered to him in that moment. leo was his anchor, the tether that kept his soul from sinking down into the earth and lose who he was, the boulder he had leaned on through the toughest times. warmth blooms in nico’s chest whenever leo laughs until he can’t breath, whenever leo was smiling at him with yearning eyes, whenever leo enveloped him in a hug and let himself be vulnerable for him. nico loved leo. so, so much.

he still reminisces in the elevator, recalling the softness of leo’s lips against his. a gentle kiss. the way their foreheads pressed against each other, psyches torn apart after the battle. leo smelled like fireworks.

despite how much nico wanted their lips together once more, how much nico wanted to hold him in his arms and never let go, he did not feel ready for whatever would happen after, and neither was leo. it was a silent agreement between two parties, losing everything they had ever loved and just now learning to reclaim that lost love once more. nico loved leo, so much. but he can’t put in effort when he can barely hold himself together, the damage of the abyss causing him to envision shadows where shadows should not be. nico was not ready with the end of the world approaching, the primordial of the earth itself rising from her sleep to bring upon the destruction on her old descendants. there was pain, there was fear. nico was now beginning to admit that he was scared, terrified of that looming future. they were not ready. maybe that was okay. 

nico knew that this would be a patient trial, one he could push through despite the voices in the back of his mind and the ache that occurred whenever everything else stood still. nico had a family now. he had those who genuinely want to see him alive, to see him safe and happy. he had those who would hold the pieces of himself and aid him in placing his parts back together. this trauma, this grief, this _ache_ — he was not alone. he had his family. he had leo.

“look,” leo spoke out, his voice a mere whisper like the fading light that had now given way to the chariot of night, a veil of pitch above their heads. “stars.”

nico did look. he awed at the gorgeous constellations dotting each and every other surface of the sky, white orbs containing the secrets of the universe as vivid as the grains of sand nico could hold in his palm. for once, the curse of the mansion of night was a gift, allowing him to stare at the meteors trailing through the lights and the full moon that had begun to ascend, a porcelain masterpiece. the moon was now full, a gleaming mass of ivory in the sky that caused the teardrops around nico’s neck to shine faintly. then, nico could look closer and see a cluster of stars begin to close in together — forming two new constellations right in front of nico’s eyes. a small sob formed in nico’s charred throat, recalling the promise he had made to his friends down below, their faces of pride for nico and leo’s resilience as they shut the doors of death. it takes hours for nico to even speak the words, but leo squeezes his hand, the hand that held their oath fulfilled — a promise that would never cease no matter how old nico would become. 

“bob says hello.”

nico rests his head atop of leo’s. after all they had been through, he would never get tired of this. watching the dusk filled with asters as their scarred hands held one another’s, caring about each other so much it hurt. it felt good to be loved, thought nico. leo scoots a little closer, the blanket over them nearly touching corners. besides him, leo stares up at the stars, the twinkling reflected in his honey brown irises. yeah, it felt good to be alive.

nico closes his eyes and leans into his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 10/10/19: edited the blood pact in chapter five and changed the pronouns used in chapter seven for leo. (if you go back, please do so at your own risk if you are uncomfortable with misgendering.)


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